U shud all ph34r me! I have turned to humour! (laughs evilly) Also, I'm too incredibly lazy to go through and correct every single little error this will undoubtedly throw in my face, so please just ignore them when possible, okay?


Warnings! Out of charactor-ness, Severe Cursing and other FOUL Language, Limy/Lemony YAOI Goodness, Mentions of Slight to Severe Charactor Torture, and Other Insanities coming from the Mind Of PHANTOM FOX! Also some slight spoilers for future DNAngel fanfictions, provided I ever get around to finishing them.

Oh yeah! One more thing! The insult that Soie de Argent usesis not supposed to offend ANYONE,although if you are, please accept my sincerest apologies! We love the guy to pieces, but Soie really doesn't like it when he does stuff like that, even though I find it hiliarious when he does.

On to the fic!

A dimly glowing window clicked into existence, barely lighting the dark room. A brief movement, almost silent, echoed through the darkness. Soon, glowing silver eyes appeared, glancing over the small lines of text before coming to rest on a few paragraphs near the end of the passage.

"Remember this, little Niwa; the only reason you aren't dead yet is because I want to see Dark's face as I kill you." His voice was husky, breath warm against the Niwa's ear. "I want to hear him scream as your blood drips to the ground."

Ruby orbs opened slightly at the hissed name, barely focusing on molten gold. "Dark?" The innocent gaze was still distant, his voice breathy.

The angel growled, eyes flickering to the mirror still propped in the corner. As he watched, the reflection flinched, awakening slightly at the soft whisper. The reflection, the true soul of this purple haired body, wouldn't stay unaware much longer; Krad's time to play was coming to an end.

A curse echoed through the dark room as a shadowed figure spun away from the accusing window.

There was a soft, angry click as another window popped open, this one revealing a scene that was very similar to the first. Glancing over at the window, the figure read some of the content out loud, a dark tail swishing softly in growing anger.

"... 'Poor, poor little thief," the angel purred. He carefully stepped over the glowing lines of the enchantment before beginning to circle his captive, slowly spiraling in, his arms crossed behind his back. "Caught like the mouse you are…'… "

A growl this time, followed by the familiar click of an opening window.

"You know you shouldn't take things that aren't yours, Dark," the blonde's voice was very soft as he spoke, and his golden eyes were still needle pointed.

Swallowing nervously, he flinched back from the hand, his eyes closing, and his mind racing back to how he had dealt with this the last time.

The blonde dipped his head, nuzzling at his neck. "I forgot how good you taste... And how pretty you are when you're screaming my name." A soft chuckle that sent shivers down his spine. "My god, you're going to be beautiful tonight. I'm going to make you scream loud enough to wake the neighbors. All of them."

Finally, the figure snarled a curse fit to burn the ears off of an innocent (if there were any innocents left around the figure's Lair of Wickedness, the figure would be very surprised) before spinning away sharply, quivering in rage.

"Two. Fucking. Weeks." The figure began pacing, the dim glow from the windows landing on long dark hair topped by silver tufted fox ears. "For two weeks, he's done nothing except eat and sleep." A fanged smirk appeared briefly. "And I can't forget, he's been doing him as well. Damn them both, hot bastards they are, waking me up at night."

Spin on clawed foot, face new direction, resume pacing. Clawed hands twitched as the figure, now revealed to be a woman with fox ears, tail and claws growled and snarled about the acts of two males of unknown…known-ness. She was still pacing.

Finally, she stopped and shouted…okay fine, shrieked, "Krad!"

The sounds of someone moaning (loudly) didn't stop, although a voice did, surprisingly, answer the enraged yell. "WHAT?"

The woman blinked. "How the hell can he do that?" Then, recovering her senses, she yelled back, "Get your blonde ass down here now!"


"Why the Hell not?"

The moans had slowly escalated into someone close to screaming in pleasure. "Damn…" The woman was very surprised.

"Busy!" She could hear the satisfied smirk in his voice and decided to flip on a camera to see what (read: who) he was doing to make him so happy. And also to gain some blackmail material.

"Doing what! Or should I say who?" Quickly, the picture came into focus.

The camera revealed, unsurprisingly, a man (naked) with long blonde hair that the fox-woman knew had been up in a ponytail earlier, who was currently torturing another (naked) male underneath him with what looked (and sounded) like a very talented tongue and hands.

The man that was being (pleasurably) tortured had purple hair that was sticking to his face and shoulders with a sheen of sweat; he was currently tied up and writhing under the attention. He was also on the dining room table, which she was very glad wasn't used very often.

But even the sight of two Hawt Bishies Getting' It On didn't deter her anger. Instead, the sight of said Bishies made it even worse.

"KRAD! What have I TOLD you about the dining room table?"

The blonde paused in his torture and looked up at the camera serenely. "Don't eat with your elbows on the table?"

Very, very calmly, the woman turned around from where she had been staring at the floor and looked at the blonde through the camera. Glimmers of red appeared in her silver eyes. "Krad. I. Am. Going. To. Kill. You. Painfully."

The blonde just laughed in reply and went back to his purple haired victim.

A snarl escaped her. Cocky bastard of a muse…


Much later, after the dining room table had been scoured clean by some nameless servants (with a weak acid, just to be safe), the fox-woman was glaring at the two now known males of known-ness…who were also known as Muses.

One of the muses, the purple haired one that had been tied up, was looking very dazed, even after several hours. The other was looking at the authoress calmly, absently playing with a dagger. A dagger that he had stolen from the fox-woman and one that she had been unable to get back.

The glare was partially for the lost dagger, but mostly for the muses themselves. Finally, the authoress spoke in a tone that said something along the lines of, 'interrupt me and die horribly'.

"Dark. Krad."

The purple haired muse, now revealed (to those of you who didn't know, shame on you!) to be Dark looked up at her with glazed amethyst eyes. On the other hand, the blonde muse named Krad simply pocketed the dagger by thrusting it though a belt loop, wrapped his arms around Dark and began nuzzling at the other muse.

This very simple action made the Thief Muse moan and lean back against the blonde, amethyst eyes sliding closed in pleasure.

A very small anime-vein pop appeared on the fox-woman's head. Still, she tried again, calmly and slightly louder this time "Krad."

She was ignored, and the Angel Muse went on to sucking at Dark's neck.

Screw patience, I'm going to make him listen to me even if I have to send him back to her! "Krad, you bloody nympho of a muse, listen to me, or else!"

The blonde paused in his ministrations on the Thief Muse, who had at this time been reduced to little more than a pile of melted Bishie on the floor, and looked at her with mocking golden eyes. "Or else what, mistress Phantom Fox?"

The authoress Phantom Fox just smirked, showing her canines. "Or else…I'll send you back to Soie de Argent."

There was a sudden, faint thump followed immediately by a soft yelp. "Krad!"

Dark-muse's yelp was ignored in favour of staring incredulously at the now laughing authoress. Golden eyes wide in fear, the blonde spoke softly. "You wouldn't." At the continued laughter, laughter that was growing slightly maniacal, he gasped and stumbled backwards, moaning. "Oh, god, you would…"

The authoress just laughed harder.


Krad was currently huddled in a corner, rocking slightly. Next to him and dead to the world, Dark shifted, mumbling in his sleep.

Standing in front of the two muses was the authoress, idly tossing and catching the dagger that she had finally gotten back from Krad. A sadistic grin on her lips, she asked, "Now, Krad-muse, we're going to cooperate, aren't we?"

The blonde nodded.

"We don't want to go back to Soie, do we?

He shook his head frantically, his eyes clenched shut.

Turning away from the terrified muse, the authoress (now to be called Umbra, because the authoress has no idea what to call herself otherwise) wondered what her friend Silver Silk (Soie de Argent in French) had done to the muse before she had gotten her hands on him.

Sneaking another glance at the two muses, she also wondered what had happened to put Dark-muse in such a …uke-ish temperament. The last time she had seen them, they had been at each other's throats (in the 'I want to kill you dead' way, not the 'I'm going to give you a hickey' way), and now they were acting like a proper dominant/submissive couple.

"I have got to know what she does to train them," Umbra muttered to herself as she left the muses' room.


Ring! Ring! Ring!

"Damn it, Silver, pick up the goddess-damned phone!" The authoress suddenly shouted, tired of the endless ringing.


"Finally! Goddess, Silver, you seriously ne--"

"Road Kill Café, you kill it, we cook it! Specials today are sides of skunk, hanks of hare, and roasts of raccoon! What would you like to order?"

Umbra stayed silent for a minute. She knew that voice, but she couldn't believe the person would stoop so low as to do something like this...Actually, yes, now that she thought about it, she could easily believe her friend/fellow authoress would do that. She was crazy enough to do it, too.

"How 'bout some sliced Silver Silk with some severely messed up muses as a side dish?" She asked.

"Oh, sorry, but we out of Silver Silk, she ran before we could get her." The voice paused, as if trying to stifle laughter. "But we got plenty messed up muses. Would you like deranged Karasu, victimized Satoshi, or maybe bloodthirsty Sephiroth?"

Swallowing a laugh, Umbra replied, "No thanks, Silver, I've had deranged Karasu before, and he's not the same without a victimized Kurama."

The woman on the other end of the line laughed out loud at that, and removed whatever had been blocking the screen.

Taking a good look at Silver Silk, Umbra choked. The authoress's long black hair was done up in pigtails, with white lace bows holding them up, making her look like a catholic school girl. A catholic school girl with a serious bend towards the gothic; she was wearing a black corset with skulls tied to the ends of the laces and a long ragged black skirt that didn't quite hide the knife strapped to her leg.

"Umm, Silver, did any of your friends happen to stop by?" Umbra asked, now looking determinedlyat her fellow authoress' face.

The gothic authoress looked at her oddly before answering. "Maaaaybe. Why?"

"You might want to look in a mirror; you have pigtails," Umbra managed before her laughter got the better of her.

"Really? Hang on." The authoress disappeared from the window, and Umbra finally got a good at the room the video-phone was in. It wasn't very well lit, and a fire from some unidentified source cast flickering shadows over the walls and the people chained to them.

Black drapes covered the walls where there weren't chained prisoners, and whips peeked through, some still uncoiled from earlier tortures.

"Damn it, Alex, you stoner fag, what the fuck did you do to my head?" came a sudden scream from off-screen. "I'm going to rip your damn head off!" There was more screaming, of the masculine variety this time, and Umbra lost control of her laughter.

"Don't hurt him too much," she choked out, still laughing. "That little stoner dude rocks!"

Alex shrieked once more, then fell silent. The authoress stepped back on-screen, looking very satisfied, and with blood shining wetly on her corset, sans pig tails. Umbra didn't ask what had happened to Alex; she had a very good idea.

"So, why'd you call the Road Kill Café?" Came the unexpected question.

Puzzled,and still recovering from her bout of laughter, Umbra asked, "Wha?" Then, "Oh yeah, that! I wanted to see what you'd done to Dark; he's not acting very in-character at the moment."

The authoress grinned evilly. "Let's just say it involves candle wax, and chocolate, along with some very slutty goth chicks,"replied Silver. She paused. "I'm not sure, but they may have been sadomasochists as well."

Umbra just nodded. She knew how… insane… her fellow authoress could be at times. "And what'd you do to Krad? The same thing you did to Karasu?"

What she meant was very simple; deprivation of his obsession, sex, and anything else he liked for a few weeks. Although she might have gotten him tied to her bed a few times as well.

"Oh, no," the gothic authoress said flippantly. "Think more Loki; you know, snake venom dripping on his face. I always liked that myth…"

Umbra was stunned. "Even you wouldn't sink that low! Would you?" Silver didn't respond, and she groaned. "No wonder he's scared of you! What did he do to piss you off so bad?"

"He wouldn't let me tie him to the bed, and then he tried to kill me." Dead panning from her was very scary. Especially when she had fresh blood on her corset.

"…And how many times did Karasu do that?"

Silver began examining her nails. "About twenty or thirty times, I think; I can't really remember the exact number."

"…Uh huh. Ooo-kay. So why did you go mythological on Krad?"

"Because I felt like it, and because I've always loved it," was the prompt reply.

Umbra stared at her friend/fellow authoress for a minute. Then…


A pleased grin. A very blood thirsty, pleased grin. "You know it."



The Bishie Muse was missing. Again. Just like he had been ever since she had called Silver...last week? The day before?

Cursing under her breath, Umbra paced the halls of her Lair of Authoring, looking for the missing muse. "Damn it, where is he?"

Upon seeing a familiar head of purple hair duck around the corner just ahead of her, the authoress quickened her pace; if she couldn't find Krad, then maybe Dark could!

Reaching the corner, she skidded around it, barely catching the Thief Muse slip into a door that she was sure had been locked a day ago. Shrugging, she snuck to the now unlocked door, and peeked inside…

Only to see a sight that any Krad/Dark fan girl (or boy) would be happy to see; Krad wasn't killing Dark, and Dark wasn't trying to kill Krad! Although she knew she was supposed to be used to seeing them like that, considering the fact that the two had been hanging around her Evil Lair of Doom-ness since Christmas, she couldn't help but smile giddily.

Krad was sitting on a window seat, with pale silver moonlight from the arched window falling on him gently. The pale light made his golden eyes and hair seem to glow slightly, and one leg was hanging over the edge of the window seat. Dark was leaning against that leg, amethyst eyes closed slightly, his dark colored clothing making him harder to see.

But as she watched, Dark's eyes opened and he sent a Look at her. Although, it was more of a Glare-of-Painful-Torture-Followed-By-Very-Painful-Death, instead of just a Look. That's what it looked like to Umbra, at any rate. Which is why she promptly turned around, absently turning off the cameras that she had switched on as soon as she had looked into the room.


Seeing that the authoress was gone now, the Thief Muse looked up at the blonde questioningly before sighing quietly and leaning back against his former enemy. Gently, a hand began running through his hair and he smiled slightly, relaxing and closing his eyes completely.

Dark must have been drowsing for a little, because the next thing he knew, Krad had pulled him from the floor into his lap, and was stroking him lightly with a long fingered hand. Squirming a bit, Dark managed to turn himself around so that he was straddling the blonde before he leaned down and kissed the other muse softly.

Pulling away, the Thief Muse rested his forehead against the blonde's, looking into the golden eyes worriedly before speaking.

"Umbra talked to Her," he stated softly, noticing the way the Angel Muse tensed under him. Hurriedly, Dark continued, "Umbra's not going to send you back, koi; she doesn't like the way She treated you."

Krad shook his head, breaking eye contact. "How do you know?" His voice was a broken whisper as he looked back out the window, desperate for something to distract him. That distraction came when Dark captured him in another kiss, forcing his tongue past the angel's lips and exploring his mouth impatiently.

As soon as his senses realized it was a kiss, Krad's hand came up to cup the thief's face, already battling to get control of the hungry, desperate kiss. The other muse's hands wrapped around his shoulders, convulsing as Krad's tongue pushed its way into his mouth, almost in his throat as the slick muscle dove in, eager to taste him.

Feeling a slender hand slide under his shirt, Dark broke away, gasping for breath, his amethyst eyes glazing with lust. Glancing at the blonde under him, he began struggling with the ties holding Krad's shirt closed, suddenly wanting to touch more of the Angel Muse than his lips.

Letting out a small sound of dismay as his hands were grabbed, Dark looked away from the irritating shirt ties to see golden orbs staring at him. The thief stopped moving completely as he took in the way Krad's eyes looked at him; the golden eyes were dilated with a mix of fear and hurt, reminding the purple haired muse of a wild animal, cornered and wounded.

"How do you know she won't send me back," the angel whispered again.

Freeing a hand, Dark cupped the angel's cheek, trying to look into the wild-wounded-animal eyes without flinching.

"I know, because I threatened her; if she sent you back, then I'd drive away all of the other muses," the Thief Muse said softly, willing his lover to calm down with his eyes and touch. "I told her I would make sure she would never get any other muses to replace them. Not even a plot bunny would come to her once I was through with her."

Dark's eyes widened as he saw that the Angel Muse had finally come to his senses. To his surprise, Krad was smiling and Dark grinned back at his lover—just before he was pressed back into the window seat, the blonde now straddling him.

Leaning down, Krad captured the thief's other hand, and held them above the muse's head, his smile becoming a smirk. "You actually said that to Umbra?"

"Yup. I think that's why she was trying to find you earlier; to tell you that you weren't going back to Her, under pain of an Author's Death." Dark smirked, and arched into the other muse, struggling to reach his lips. "Can I kiss you now?"

The blonde's answer was another kiss, one that he dominated as Dark moaned into his mouth, happy that his lover wasn't on the verge of a breakdown. The fact that they were going to have sex within the next ten minutes was a perk, too.


"Okay, now that those two are a little bit more stable, I think I can get to work on a few of these other fics…" Umbra muttered as she flicked off the speaker hidden in the window seat. "Wish I could have caught that on film, though…"

Spinning around in her chair, she crooked a finger at two handsome men who were currently standing in the shadows. The men stepped into the dim glow of the computer reluctantly, revealing her latest muses.

The shorter of the two had vibrant red-gold hair that begged to be touched, and golden cat like eyes looked at her warily; the edge of a long, recently healed scar showed above the low waistline of the pants he was wearing, and his fingers ended in long claws. All the evidence pointed towards him being a were cat.

The pale man standing next to him had long black hair and sharp grey eyes that watched the authoress suspiciously, and he also had on nothing but a pair of low riding pants. A matched set of sharp fangs peeked slightly from his lips, showing him to be a vampire.

"Hello, Mikhail, and nameless Vampire Dude!" Umbra said brightly, still spinning in her chair.

The red-headed muse said nothing, opting to watch the fox tailed woman spin around. His counter part on the other hand, the nameless Vampire Dude, growled at her, and lunged.

Seeing the vampire pounce at her, Umbra squeaked in surprise and rolled out of the chair, abandoning it in favour of seeking shelter elsewhere. The vampire, however, didn't seem to notice the startled jump; but he did look very surprised to get, not a mouthful of authoress, but a mouthful of spinney chair.

"I know your name now!" Cackled the authoress, now standing safely behind Mikhail and pointing at the vampire. Ignoring the startled were cat, she continued, "Your name is Dani!"

The newly named vampire stood calmly, acting as if he hadn't just tried to murder a (mostly) innocent authoress, and nodded at her, before grabbing Mikhail and hugging him to his chest protectively.

Umbra looked at the two new muses and sighed, her good spirits fading a little. Okay, maybe I won't be able to get to work on the other fics…

DISCAIMERS! And Claimers...
The charactors (Dark, Krad, and Satoshi) mentioned in the above fic are not mine; they belong to the wonderful Yukiru Sugisaki-sama! Bow to her and thank her for giving us such lovely charas to love!

The charactors (Karasu and Kurama) belong to the exalted person who created them. (I can't remember his name! Forgive me!)

The charactor (Sephiroth) definately doesn't belong to me, although I do have awall scrollof him hanging over my bed.

The charactor/muses (Mikhail and Dani) belongto ME! Anyone who tries to steal them will be hunted down and given to Soie de Argent for a painful, lingering death!

The charactors mentioned in the above fic are not mine; they belong to the wonderful Yukiru Sugisaki-sama! Bow to her and thank her for giving us such lovely charas to love! The charactors mentioned in the above fic are not mine; they belong to the wonderful Yukiru Sugisaki-sama! Bow to her and thank her for giving us such lovely charas to love! (Ack, I give up. The computer wants it to repeat, so repeat it will!)

The person Alex does not, in any way, shape, or form belong to me, although Soie de Argent says that she owns his soul. That's good enough for me. (smirks)

Last Disclaimer, I swear it!

No Muses/Charactors were harmed in the making of this fic!