Firefly belongs to Joss. Who is Boss. This isn't mine. Don't sue me, gorrammit!
Summary: Sick day for the crew of Serenity.

Sick Day

Malcolm Reynolds was not a happy man.

Well…he never really was, but this, in particular, was making him very cranky, indeed.

His entire crew, all eight of them, were sick. Stuffy noses, head-aches, hacking coughs, vomit, stomach aches, and anything else in the 'Verse a person could get ornery over was making its way around Serenity.

For the first time in who knew how long, the dining room table was silent.

Wash had tissues stuck up his nose, and he was much pastier than usual, only wearing a pair of striped pajama bottoms. Next to him was Zoe. Her hair was pulled back, and she was wearing her everyday clothing, but she, too, looked pale, and she was constantly coughing into her napkin. Jayne was wearing a random t-shirt and a pair of boxer shorts, and had a small, trusty trash bin sat next to his chair, just in case. Kaylee was sniffling like there was no tomorrow, and next to her, River had her head resting on the table, looking miserable. Simon was only slightly better off, leaning back with his arms around his stomach and his eyes closed. Shepherd Book had a hot water bottle on his head, and, like Wash, had tissues stuffed up his nose.

Inara had refused to come out of her shuttle all-together.

Mal, for his part, was the picture of health. How he'd managed not to become ill like his crew, he had no idea, but he was thankful. After all, someone had to look after them.

"Aw, hell," Jayne moaned breaking the silence. He picked up his trusty bin, and rushed out of the room in quite the hurry.

"That's disgusting," Simon muttered, wincing at the sound of his own voice.

Kaylee sniffled more. "Used to be be wouldn' leabe da table adall," she said.

"I feel chunky," River said quietly.

Simon sighed and slowly got up. "Come on, Mei-Mei. It sounds like you need to throw up again."

"Jayne's fault," she replied. "All Jayne's fault. He throws up, and then I throw up because he-" She stopped, and put a hand to her mouth.

Simon got her to her feet and began to rush her out. "Come on."

Wash sighed as they left. "I'm not hungry…but I wanna eat." He tried to sniffle, but couldn't, due to the tissues sticking up his nose. "Ow," he complained. "My nose hurts. I think it's bleeding."

Zoe sighed, and then coughed.

As if on cue, Book followed her lead.

Mal shook his head.

"How comb Cap'n only oned ain't sig?" Kaylee asked miserably. "Ain't bair…"

Zoe's horse voice finally spoke up. "When we was in The Valley," she said quietly. "Captain was one of the only ones didn't get sick. Picture o' health the entire time."

Mal shrugged.

"You ebber been sig, Cap'n?" Kaylee asked, before sneezing again.

"When I was a critter," he replied. "Used to get sick somp'n fierce. One day, didn't happen no more."

"Lucky," Wash said grouchily. "I've got tissue up my nose, and I feel like go-se."

"This will all pass, people," Mal said.

"Easy bor you do say," Kaylee sniffed.

Jayne stumbled back into the room, and fell into his chair, still holding his trusty bin. "Ugh…Da-shiong bao-jah-shr duh la doo-tze…I hate bein' sick."

Mal threw down his chopsticks and shook his head. "That's it. Everyone out."

"What?" Book asked as he blew his nose into his napkin.

"I want everybody in their bunk."

"Sir-" Zoe protested.

Mal shook his head. "I am tired of hearin' you all complain about bein' under the whether, and I am especially tired of lookin' at Jayne's throw-up bucket."

"It's my trusty bin!" Jayne protested.

Mal blinked. "Go."

Slowly, each of them got to their feet and left the room.

Mal sat back and shook his head.