by: veggie_5

disclaimer: first things first. I have never claimed to own roswell or any of
the characters or anything. I'm just a person with a lot of time on
my hands and a little too much roswell stuck in my head that was
screaming to get out. oh yah... that little blurb is not mine.
it's from a song by Distinct Nature (I think)

summary: read it and find out (Tess POV)

category: other

rating: PG (maybe not even that...)

distribution: if you think it's good enough to use, then by all means. just
make sure all this stuff and my name is included in it.

feedback: sure! btw, this is my first COMPLETED fanfic. so, I don't mind
CONSTRUCTIVE (and I do mean constructive) criticism. if you don't
have anything nice to say, keep it to yourself and let me live in my
fantasy that my writing is at least half decent. meaning NO FLAMES!
but if you have anything that can help me improve my writing I'd
welcome it. :)

author's note: I don't know if anyone thought of this idea and put it into a
fanfic before me... if so... apologies. oh yah.. and this was
written SOOOO long time ago that it really doesn't seem to
make sense w/ all that's happening in the show now... this is
basically after End of the World and doesn't include all the
other stuff that's happened. oh, and this is dedicated to
Philip who told me to stop hogging the computer to read fanfic
and just write my own. I wouldn't have had the guts to start
if it weren't for you. thanx :)

ooh.. and as always please review... :) i love helpful advice!!!

I'm only human.. born to make mistakes
I'm only human.. born to make mistakes..

Today was the day I realized I had been wrong. Today, I realized that I wasn't as
alien as I thought I was. Today, I realized.... I WAS HUMAN.

You may be wondering why I came up with this conclusion or even how I stumbled upon
this new revelation. I know I have always been (don't mind the pun) ...alienated
from everyone else. Ever since I showed up I felt like an outsider... like they only
tolerated my existence because I was "one of them".

This wasn't how things were supposed to be. Nasedo told me things. Things about my
past and about my future. How I would finally meet my family and everything would work
out. It was my DESTINY, he said. Yeah, right. So when I finally did make it to
Roswell, what did I end up with? A supposed HUSBAND who was madly in love with another
woman and a family that didn't want anything to do with me. That's what! All those
years of listening to Nasedo tell me of the things to come and all I got was one
disappointment after another.

I remember one day just suddenly crying. I couldn't stop the tears. They were literally
pouring out of my eyes and I was sobbing so hard I started to get hiccups. I'm sure I
looked like a blubbering idiot with my eyes all puffy and red. So what did Nasedo do?
He looked at me with his cold eyes and said that I was being a weakling. Emotions were
useless. Just like humans. He pointed out the window and continued. "Those PEOPLE...
they mean nothing! They're a waste of space. Floating around this earth breathing in
precious air, wasting their brain's maximum potential. This thing they call LOVE... it's
just as useless as their whole entire race!"

And that's how I was raised all my life, if you could call it a life. Day after day I was
reminded of how pathetic humans were and why I shouldn't bother befriending THEIR kind.
That's how I lived my life. Hopping from city to city, never making a friend in any of
them. Looking at humans as if they were weak and useless. I guess that's why I took Max's
non-feelings toward me so hard. He was in love with a HUMAN... the one thing Nasedo had
forbade me to do. I wasn't allowed to make friends with humans... why was he allowed to
LOVE one??? I hated Liz. I hated her because she represented something that I was never
allowed to have. Friendship. Love. I hated her because she was standing in my way to
have those feelings. I hated her with all my heart or whatever it was that I had. She was
ruining the perfect life that I was supposed to have. Can you blame me for being so
heartless? HA! I probably didn't have one to begin with! And even if I did, whatever
heart I did have was destroyed by Nasedo's brainwashing.

Well, a little while later, after we had received the message from Max and Isabel's mother
about our DESTINIES... (There's that horrible word again!)... Nasedo realized that Max,
Michael and Isabel weren't going to give in without some outside help. At the time, his
plan seemed perfect. And I was so willing to help. "What was the plan?", you may be asking
yourself. It was practically fool-proof. Remember the night of the Gomez concert. Yah,
that's right. I'm not proud of what I did. But at the time, I was still so blinded by the
whole destiny thing. Nasedo was to shapeshift into an older version of Max. Okay, so I
admit it. That wasn't really Max from the future or anything. That was all a stupid lie!
A freakin' lie! How did he know about the whole serenade and the white flowers? sigh
Yours truly. All I had to do was make Liz see Max sing to her outside her balcony and make
him change the flowers. I mean, Max may be in love with her, but he would never in his life
sing like that... in public!!! I mean, REALLY! Way too cheesy! Oh and the whole flashing of
the sky thing, yup. That was me too.

Nasedo knew Liz was so noble and would go along with it. She loved Max way too much to let
him walk away from something as important as... oh.. wait for it... DESTINY. She fell for it.
Hook, line and sinker. When she approached me to tell me she was going to help me get Max I
knew that our plan had worked.

What I wasn't ready for was what happened next. Her orchestrating that whole set-up with Kyle.
I didn't think she would go as far as to make Max think she slept with Kyle. That was just
unimaginable. And for the first time, I didn't hate Liz anymore. I admired her for her courage.
She gave up... well... she gave up the love of her life, for what? For his so-called DESTINY.
I'm telling you. That word tastes like vomit in my mouth. And you know what? It's not only the
fact that Max is now so unbelievable hurt by Liz's betrayal that bothers me. For some reason,
the thought of Kyle and Liz being together creates this weird lump in my throat. It makes me sick
in the head and I feel like I want to collapse. Why is that? Why would that one thing of Liz
being with Kyle bother me? I know why. I'm human. And I'm starting to fall for Kyle. How is
that even possible? That this one narrow minded alien is falling for ... well... a plain ol' human?
No. That's not true. He's not plain, ordinary, boring or anything like that. He's the most
caring person I've ever met. He was so trusting.
Trying to make me feel accepted. I guess since we both felt like outsiders among the group.
The fact that he would willingly jump to help Liz and give up his last shred of dignity is
amazing. I've never had someone do that for me. And I suddenly find myself wishing that he
would willingly jump to my rescue if I ever needed it.

I can't take it any longer. The guilt is eating me from the inside. I stare at the door infront
of me. Slowly I knock on the door. A shocked face opens it. "Tess???" She sputters out.
"What... what do you want from me?! You won! Max doesn't love me anymore. Can't you just leave
me alone???" Tears well up in her eyes. I choke down my own tears.

"It was a lie." Is all I can manage to say. She stares at me dumbfounded. Trying to understand
what I'm saying.

"What?" She says in disbelief.

I repeat my words again. "It was a lie. All of it. Future Max, destiny... everything. Nasedo
and I..."

She interrupts me. "NO!" She yells. "Nasedo died! Max said he died right before his eyes!
You're lying!!!"

I shake my head. The dam has been broken. The tears spill out from my eyes. "It's not true.
It was part of the plan. To make Max follow his destiny..." She grabs me by my shoulders and
starts shaking me violently yelling at me, screaming at me, telling me I am a liar. "You're a
liar!!! I hate you Tess!!!"

"Tess... Tess...?"

I feel myself being nudged firmly but gently. I snap my eyes open and try to figure out where
I am. I suddenly realize that I'm not standing anywhere near Liz's bedroom door. I turn and
see Kyle looking at me strangely for a second and then turn back to stare into space.

And so here I am. Sitting beside Kyle on the couch in front of the television. Its eerie glow
penetrating the dark room. He doesn't say anything. He just sits there and stares blankly
at the screen. And me? I do the same. Except for the quick glances I throw towards him.
His face is sad and somehow it makes me feel worse because I know that in the whole scheme of
things... I caused that frown. I want to scream that it was all a terrible mistake. That I
was wrong to deceive Liz and hurt so many people all at the same time. I want to run and tell
Max that it was all a lie. That Liz didn't betray him. That she loves him so much that she
would sacrifice anything and everything just for him. I want to tell Kyle that I love him.
I want to grab that stupid book about destiny and just rip it up 'til it's dust. I want to
burn it. Whatever... I just want that thing destroyed. I just want to scream 'til my lungs
explode "WHO CARES ABOUT DESTINY???". But I don't. I continue to sit here silently, wallowing
in my own filth that I've created.

I had been wrong. Nasedo had been wrong. Humans weren't insignificant and useless because I
fell in love with one. And after all that's been said and done...
I now know that I too, am human.

Okey... this was revised for Margarita who gave me a little bit of useful advice.. thanx :)