Title: Of All The Things I've Lost
Author: DC, Dave
Warnings: Fluff overdose, Hints of yaoi, sexual innuendos, adult language and situations
Disclaimer: I don't own them. Nope. All what's her face. Yup.
A/N: I was trying out a bit of pure dialogue in this fic because I was bored with description and detail when I wrote it. I thought it turned out well. shrugs At least, I hope it did.
This is Shuichi! I'm here too and he's making me do this. What do you mean making you do this... You heard me brat. YUKKIIII!
"What? I thought it was amusing?" Yuki said quietly as he erased the message they had just recorded into his new answering machine.
"You're supposed to say something nice and encouraging so that they'll leave you a message. It was your idea to record a message with both of us in it," Shuichi replied with a stubborn lift to his jaw.
"My idea? You're the one that begged me to make a stupid message for this thing. You're the one that wanted to be all cute and annoying about it," Yuki shot back as he glared over his shoulder.
"I didn't beg! I just thought it'd be nice if we did this together since I live here with you now and all. It'll be fun, Yuki!" Shuichi said with the beginnings of one of those wibble things that Yuki despised. Bastard: 0 Brat: 1
"Fine. Shut up and let's just do this so I can get back to work," Yuki growled as they attempted to record a message for the machine.
We're not home right now. Tell it to the answering machine and see if it cares.
"Yuki! You can do better than that!"
"Come on! You can at least pretend to sound nice for this!"
Yeah. It's your turn now. Speak.
"That was nicer, brat."
"You didn't even say anything about leaving a message or waiting for the beep. You can do better than that!"
Yes, I am probably home. I'm avoiding someone I hate like relatives, fans, editors and creepy clown puppets from outer space. Leave me a message, and if I don't call back, it's you.
"That was not any better! You're not even trying!"
"Fine. You're so brilliant. You do it."
Hello, this is Shuichi Shindou! I'm living here with Eiri Yuki! Yes the Eiri Yuki! And he's all mine! Keep your paws off of him! Oh and leave a message after the beep and we'll get back to you! Unless you're an ex of his then I'll delete your number.
"I like that one! Don't you, Yuki?"
"Just redo it, punk."
"Okay! (But I still like that one lots.)"
Hello. I'm Yuki's answering machine. What are you?
"That was cute and witty! Don't tell me you didn't like that one too?"
"Why don't you spell out what you want me to say since you're the brilliant writer and all?"
"That's the best idea you've had all day. Here, try this one."
Yuki and I can't come to the phone right now but if you'll leave your name and number, we'll get back to you as soon as we're finished. Sayonara!
"That one works, brat."
"That wasn't so bad. Hey wait a minute---"
"Finished what! You don't mean! We can't talk about THAT on our answering machine, Yuki!"
"Oh stop being such a prude. Everyone knows we're shagging like bunny rabbits just by the sounds or the doped up expression on your face."
"I'm not a bunny rabbit!"
"I rest my case, Sherlock."
"It's your turn to try since you haven't liked any of mine!"
Yeah. I'm here. I don't like you. I'm not answering because I'm sleeping, writing or fucking. Wow. If we're related, hold your breathe and wait until it freezes over. I might call you back then. If you're my editor, I'm working on it. No, you cannot borrow money or my brat, Tatsuha. No, I will not do it, whatever it is, Mika. No, I do not need ramen and loving, Seguchi. Anyone else, go to hell. ... Oh, and have a nice day.
"What? I said have a nice day."
"That's not the point! You said all that mean stuff about hating people plus you insulted your brother and sister like that. She doesn't always want you to do something for her and your brother doesn't always want money either. He only molested me that one time and he's been fine ever since! And you're doing it again! You're talking about that on our answering machine! It's not right and WHAT DO YOU MEAN LOVING FROM TOHMA!"
"I can make ramen for you and give you loving! You don't need--"
"No! I want to know right now--"
"Shut. Up. It was one of my better attempts at humor. Get your dick out of a knot and we'll try again."
"Ouch. You wouldn't really tie my dick in a knot would you?"
"Do you really want me to answer that?"
"Yeeeeeeeeeeessss! Don't you like my dick? I even offered to let you name it!"
"I already told you what to call that part of your anatomy if you insist on calling it by something other than penis or schlong."
"BAKA IS NOT SOMETHING TO NAME MY DICK!"
"Brat? Moron? Sparkly?"
"I'm recording now. Shut up and go play with little sparkly."
We're currently playing with a sparkly. Please leave your---
"That's not fair! You're not supposed to leave an answering machine message for my dick."
"But it sparkles."
"It does not!"
"Want to bet?"
"No! You cheat!"
"Shut up and let's get this done so I can show you just how much it sparkles when I touch it right."
Yuki and Shuichi's answering machine is broken. This is their refrigerator. Please speak very slowly, and I'll stick your message to myself with one of these magnets.
"Admit it. That one is a keeper."
"It's funny and everything but what if people really think our answering machine is broken. We'd never get any messages and you'd be all cranky. More than you usually are. Do another one!"
"I'm about to toss this thing into the garbage disposal, brat."
"But...you'll give it indigestion!"
"Why do I put up with you again?"
"Because you love me?"
"Because you like my sparkly?"
"Close enough. Now shut it."
Moshi, Moshi. You are talking to a machine. I am capable of receiving messages. My owners do not need siding, windows, or a hot tub, and their carpets are clean. They give to charity through their office and do not need their pictures taken. If you're still with me, leave your name and number and they will get back to you.
"Now. About your little sparkly."
"It's funny but I'm not in it!"
"What the hell?"
"You said we would both record our voices together in it. You promised! So we have to redo it."
"This is the last time or you AND the answering machine are out the door."
"I'm sure it makes a good pillow."
"Alright but you tell me what to say and don't make it about my you know."
This is Yuki and Shuichi. We can't pick up the phone right now, because we're doing something we really enjoy. I really like doing it up and down! I like doing it left to right, real slowly. So leave a message, and when we're done brushing our teeth, we'll get back to you.
"I like that one! It about made me spit pop out of my nose from laughing!" Shuichi said as Yuki fiddled around and played with the answering machine until it was set up how he liked. The blonde rose, shaking his head and drifted towards his office.
"I so needed to know that," he muttered under his breath as Shuichi bounced happily along behind him.
"I love to share," Shuichi said, humming softly and lightly tugging on Yuki's shirt sleeve. The writer lifted a brow and turned to look at the shorter man with a question in his eyes.
"Next time, don't," Yuki replied shortly, pausing between returning to his laptop and seeing what the singer had in mind for him now.
"Ne, Yuki?" Shuichi asked as he tugged the writer towards the bedroom with an oddly lustful expression on his smooth features. Deep lavender eyes looked up to meet golden for a long, slow moment. The answering machine was forgotten as was everything else as the writer let himself be tugged towards the bedroom by his young lover.
"What, brat?" he asked, sliding his hands over Shuichi's body and touching everywhere he pleased. It was enough to bring a series of moans and giggles out of the singer.
"Show me how to shag like bunny rabbits?" Shuichi implored, laughing softly as he offered a seductive smile up to Yuki.
"You definitely have the tail for it," Yuki replied shortly as he cut off further speech with a deep, slow kiss. If this was the result of buying new gadgets, he would have to make it a point of upgrading every last electronic item in his apartment sometime soon.
And invest in a pair of pink ears and a cute fuzzy, white tail.