A/N: I know I should be working on other things. I know it. But I couldn't resist this. I really couldn't. I had to try a Marauder era fic. It may be updated sporadically until my other obligations are taken care of, but I had to put this out here and see if people thought it merited continuation.
Excerpt From the Scientific Notes of Sirius Black Regarding the Interactions of His Best Friend and His Best Friend's "Soul Mate" …
Experiment: See how long it will take Lily to chuck her goblet of pumpkin juice at James, who is currently sitting on the bench right next to her and going, "Evans, go out with me" over and over again. Merlin he's lacking in originality.
Hypothesis: Lily will crack in under two minutes.
Reason For Prediction: That eye twitch she's got is pretty much a dead give away.
Results of Experiment: Lily did indeed throw her goblet of pumpkin juice at James, and it only took her precisely 56 seconds. Luckily for James he was ready with his wand and deflected the goblet. Unluckily for James, it ricocheted back and hit Evans in the face. She proceeded to scold and threaten him within an inch of his life, insult him for two minutes straight, and then storm out of the Great Hall, with her friends in a gaggle around her for "moral support."
Merlin this is hilarious.
Padfoot, you don't know it took her "precisely 56 seconds."
Do so Moony, I counted.
You counted? And how did you count, may I ask?
The way everybody counts! One Grindylow, Two Grindylows, Three Grindylows…
You're deranged and utterly hopeless Padfoot.
Why thank you!
Excerpt From James Potter's Notes Regarding Success and/or Failure of Attempts to Trick, Charm, Persuade, or Force Evans into Going out With Him
Well, I had a bit of a mishap yesterday in the Great Hall involving Evans and a goblet full of pumpkin juice. Suffice it to say, I think I'm on her bad side for the moment.
Aw, don't delude yourself Prongsy…You're always on her bad side!
Shuddup and go away Padfoot.
As I was saying, before I was so rudely interrupted --
You know, that would make a really good philosophical question. Can you really be interrupted on paper? One of those "If a tree falls in a forest and nobody hears it" things.
Yes you can be interrupted on paper Padfoot. It seems to be yet another skill you've mastered.
Impressive aren't I?
Exactly what went wrong with my attempt to ask Evans out I'm not sure, but I can safely say that it did not end well. I will have to review the situation (and perhaps get better at my Deflection Charm) before I decide on a renewed and differed course of action for tomorrow morning.
I'll tell you what went wrong Prongs --
Can a person shut up on paper? I mean, really, I'm not making any noise…
Shut up and go away!
You were lacking in originality Prongs, that was your problem. Same tired old schtick, no alterations… You've got to try something new…
You know, that eye twitch of yours is quite a bit like Lily's…
Go…away…Now! Or I will personally ensure that you will not be able to get the ink out of your hair for days. Days Padfoot…
Alright, alright. Jeez, take it easy…
Excerpt From the Scientific Notes of Sirius Black…
Situation: James Potter is eying Lily Evans from his position at the Gryffindor House Table. He seems to be very tense.
Hypothesis: He is about to either burst out with a confession of his undying love for her (which wouldn't be a first) or internally combust. I can't decide with. Same old, same old…
Reason For Prediction: James never changes his routine with Lily. Honestly.
It seems James took my advice to heart. He certainly departed from his usual routine. This is hilarious. Hilarious! I'm going to die laughing…Merlin!
Alright. Alright. This is supposed to be "scientific." So I'll just record what happened for posterity shall I?
I was sitting here at the table watching James watching Lily. Suddenly, an owl swooped down towards Lily. I believe it was a barn owl, though I don't particularly care.
It dropped a small package at the table in front of Lily. She opened it, clearly not suspecting anything. And then why should she, poor girl. Sigh…Another innocent, the victim of the hilarity of the marauders.
When she opened it, a garish, bright yellow flower dropped it. It wasn't any kind of flower I recognize (and I recognize an enormous range: dandelions to dandelions. Flower…ology is just so fascinating). She inspected it with a look of slight disgust on her face, trying, I suppose, to find out who it came from.
That was when it started singing.
It sang in a penetratingly loud (and terrible) voice. It sounded rather like Wormtail, in rat form, with a chorus of all his little rat friends, all of them being tickled to death, and trying to sing.
It sang about how beautiful Lily was, and how exceedingly amazing. I believe it rhymed the words Lily and filly. I was actually doubled over laughing at the time.
You should have seen Lily's face. It was a strange combination of mortification, fury, and the wish to die a swift and painless death so as not to have to actually deal with the consequences of having a neon yellow flower sing to you at breakfast in front of the entire population of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.
I can't stop laughing!
Padfoot your best friend just did something to completely humiliate his crush and thereby himself, in the process showing that he had no social skills whatsoever. And you're laughing?
Why yes I am Moony. And actually, what's really wrong with James is that he has a pathological need for attention when it comes to Evans, and thinks that if he's so popular with everyone else in the school because he's ridiculous and hilariously over the top, he thinks it'll make him popular with her too.
Did you just say something rational and intelligent?
I thought not.
Alright, so it was rather funny.
Excerpt From James Potter's Notes…
Hmm… I think perhaps I made a slight miscalculation. Last time I follow Padfoot's advice.
That's what you said when I told you that you could get off using your Herbology essay in Astronomy if you made a few changes here and there. And yet, here we are.
Look, the thing about Lily is that you're going about it all wrong.
I took your advice on the subject once and I'm certainly not going to take it again. Go away. I have to make my notes.
As I was saying, I think I made a slight miscalculation.
I charmed a flower into singing for her and it seems to have rather embarrassed her. It worked on my last girlfriend.
Of course, Lily's rather different. Actually, she's different from just about every girl I've ever dated. She has the most amazing eyes…
Are you getting all mushy again?
No! Go away!
Prongs, Prongs, Prongs…
Aw, shut up.
And don't say anything about trees falling in forests and not squishing squirrels or whatever it was.
Hello Moony! I believe Prongs means trees not making sounds, but he's a bit distraught.
Ah, I see. Poor Prongs.
I don't need you making things worse.
I'm not making things worse. I'm just…contributing to the discussion.
I give up.
Finally! Let's go dunk some Slytherins in the lake okay?
Come on Moony you know it's hilarious…
Yeah, it is. Let's go Padfoot.
Merlin I give up too.
You're a stick in the mud Moony. Come on Prongs.
"Prongs, Padfoot, wait for me alright!"
A/N: Any good? Please let me know. Tell me what you thought of it. :)