A/N: I've had this idea in my head for a long time. But, as I write this, I am literally sick and tired. Basically, like the summary said, I wanted to see how many cliches I could fit into one fic, excluding any cliches that I've already written. ;)
Disclaimer: I don't own any of this.
The IZ gang are now in hi skool...Wait a minute. Are there any characters in this show who could really be called a "gang"? Besides the Resisty, maybe. But I'm not talking about them at all. I'm talking about Zim, Dib and Gaz, so I should have just said that in the first place.
Anyhow, Zim has donned Earth clothes. Actually, he dresses totally punk. He even has a nose ring, although I have no idea how he manages this without a nose. He also painted his Pak black. And he's really tall, even taller than Dib because Dib just can't win at life, now can he. Actually, Zim is taller than the almighty Tallest!...But then why isn't he ruling the Irken Empire? Um...Because he's banished from Irken society and um...The Control Brains won't let a defective Irken rule! Yeah, that'll work.
As for Dib, he's pretty tall (but not as tall as Zim), and he has smaller glasses so that, in theory, he doesn't look as geeky, but the smaller glasses actually make his head look even bigger, so he switches back to his old glasses...Gee, that was pointless.
So one day Zim, Dib and Gaz are walking to hi skool together because they're all friends now, because that's just how I want it to work out. So as they walk up to the skool building, Gaz looks up from her Gameslave X and looks at her reflection in the glass doors, because she's gotten pretty vain. She is, of course, totally gothed out, with heavy makeup around her golden amber orbs, and she's quite a foxy little lady, with curves in all the right locations...Ha! I said locations instead of places! 'Cause that makes it different, you know? Anyhow, Gaz is also nicer and more mature now. The only problem is I'm bored with this fic already. Where's the action? Where's the juice?
Hm...I got it. So Zim and Gaz have some class together, like health or something, and they're forced by their teacher to take care of a baby doll together. Except neither of them really cares, so the baby doll spends a week in Gaz's closet with tape covering all its orifices...That didn't work out so good, did it?
So then...Then the hi skool does a mandatory play, and Zim and Gaz are cast as the male and female leads, and Dib is cast as the village idiot because he can't win at life. But it turns out to be a bad idea to cast Gaz as the lead female, because she cares much more about unlocking levels on her new GSX game than memorizing lines, so they give her part to Gretchen instead because I like Gretchen.
After that, Zim, Dib and Gaz go to summer camp and do campy things, but Zim wakes up one morning (because for some reason he sleeps as much as a human in this story) and decides to finally conquer Earth even though he's Dib's fiend now...I mean, friend. Zim just likes conquering, so that's what he does. He makes himself Lord of all Humans and makes all the Earth creatures his slaves. Naturally, Dib is really mad at Zim for conquering his planet and all, so he says, "I'm not gonna be your friend anymore, Zim!"
And Zim's all, "Aw, don't take it so hard, Dib-worm. How about we ride bunnies and drink space juice?"
No wait...I don't want to be so cliche that I actually rewrite something Jhonen's done.
I actually say actually way too much, actually.
So anywho, Zim tries to make it up to Dib by letting him be his right hand guy, but Dib won't stand for it. They fight. Guns are involved. And knives. And maybe lightsabers. But finally, Dib actually knocks Zim unconscious. And he says, "I'm gonna cut you up!" even though Zim can't hear him. So Dib grabs a scalpel and starts to cut the center of Zim's chest.
But just then Zim starts to wake up. A Single Tear rolls down his green cheek. And he says, "Dib, no matter what you do, you'll always be my best friend."
And then Dib feels guilty and he can't cut him anymore because no one can resist the charm of A Single Tear. So he's all, "I'm sorry buddy!"
And Zim's like, "I'm sorry too!" And then Dib puts a Bandaid on Zim's boo-boo.
I must be more tired than I thought, because I'm cracking up right now.
And Gaz goes around dooming everyone, because she's only nicer to Dib and Zim.
Then the Resisty show up and whisk Dib away, and off they go to help the Meekrob. Zim is sad, but Gaz keeps him company. She finally confesses her true feelings for Zim, and Zim says he loves her too, and they kiss, but not too passionately because that would cause Zim physical pain.
Then...Dang it, I'm running out of things to write. So then I pop in the story to do an interview with the characters. So I go, "Hey Lard Nar, what's up?"
And he's like, "The ceiling."
And I go, "I love your accent."
And he's like, "Why did you bring me into this stupid fanfic?"
I decide that won't work out, either, so now what do I do?
So, uh, then Zim decides to host a "reality" show where people have to eat bugs and dance with sharks and junk. It gets huge ratings because watching the show is mandatory, and if you don't watch it Zim locks you in a closet with a deranged mutant cat, because he's still Lord of all Humans. Anywho, Gir wins the "reality" game because he eats all the other contestants, and my pinky is getting cramped so I'll stop now.