Spoilers- Space Race and Threads mainly, but other stuff around those episodes may be mentioned. There are spoilers for Threads purely because there is no Pete in the picture.
Disclaimer- Characters don't belong to me; I was bored and felt like playing with them.
Note1- This has been banging around my head for a while, unfortunately this is the first chance I've had to get it out. Names not taken from the show are of Celtic origin.
Note2- There are three spellings going around for Seberus, I just picked one.
Note3- It was brought to my attention that perhaps I should add a warning. There is drinking in this story, all of those involved are of age and making a right ass of themselves. This does not mean that the writer (i.e. me) endorses such behaviour.
General Jack O'Neil sighed and wished, not for the first time, that he were still a Colonel. At least then he got to go through the gate.
He nodded curtly at the airmen who opened the door to the gateroom for him and swaggered in, hands in his pockets and mysterious little smirk on his face. Seeing SG-1 standing before the activated stargate he pulled his hands out of his pockets and clapped them together.
"Ah, has it been a year already?"
Sam grinned at him. "Hard to believe, sir."
Jack shrugged. "We've been keeping busy. Now, Carter, are we clear on our missions objectives?"
Daniel shook his head. "She should be, you only told her ten –hundred- times."
Teal'c raised an eyebrow, indicating he agreed with Daniel. "Indeed."
"We're clear, sir."
Jack cleared his throat. He gave her a 'well then, let's hear it' motion.
Sam discreetly rolled her eyes. "Don't get killed."
"Kick their shiny alien butts, sir." Sam couldn't help but grin as she said that.
Jack nodded slowly. "Yep. That's it. You got all those doohickeys you've been working on since last year?"
"Yes, sir." Sam gestured towards the gate. "Sir, we should really-"
"Go." Jack shooed them up the ramp. "Have fun. And don't forget to say hi to Warrick for me."
Daniel waved as he went to step through the gate. "Will do, Jack."
The wormhole disengaged. For a few minutes Jack stood and watched the empty gate. The left hand door to the gate room slid open.
Jack sighed. "Yes, Walter?"
To his credit Walter barely faltered. "Sir, you have a conference call with the Russian embassy in ten minutes and the President wants to speak with you before hand. The commissary staff called again. Someone's been switching the vanilla frosting with passionfruit icing. SG-5 wants to talk with you about the locker room situation. Colonel Reynolds needs to finalize plans for the recruitment testing and Dr. Felger broke his microscope."
"The really expensive one? The one I expressly forbade him to break?"
Jack huffed irritably. "Ah, Felger!"
Sam stepped through the Hebridan Stargate and waved at Warrick and Eamon. "Hey guys."
Eamon gave her a little bow of the head. "Colonel Carter-"
"Eamon, how many times do I have to tell you to call me Sam?"
Eamon smiled, "Very well, Sam. As I was saying, I am glad you could once again return for the race. The modifications you've sent through make a sure bet to win."
Warrick grinned. "Yes, and this year the vessels are all being protected. Tech Con isn't willing to have our ships sabotaged again." He turned to Daniel. "Daniel, some of the officials you spoke to on your last visit wanted me to pass along their request that you visit them."
Daniel raised an eyebrow. "How convenient, Jack wanted me to check up on the renegotiations." He sighed. "I'll be back for the race, Sam."
Sam grinned. "Have fun, Daniel."
Daniel smiled. "I'd say the same but I have the feeling you will anyway. Teal'c, has Sam requested you remain behind again?"
The Jaffa blinked slowly. "Indeed, she requested my assistance with installing the modifications. I would hate-"
"-to disappoint Sam. Yeah. Coward."
Teal'c merely smiled smugly at him. "Enjoy your meetings, Daniel Jackson."
Daniel sighed. "Yeah, right. Good luck, Sam."
Warrick looked up from one of the crates. "This year we will not need luck. This year we will… what was it you called it?"
Sam grinned. "Kick butt, Warrick. This year we are going to kick butt."
"Hi, this Ardal Hadraig, back with Coyle Boron. Well, once again the Loop of Kon Garat is finished. This year's race certainly was exciting! Isn't that right, Coyle?"
"That's right. In a surprise move Warrick and the Earth woman, Samantha Carter, have won the race. Although, after last year's race I have to say I did expect a good performance from them this year."
"That's right, Coyle. Last year they came from behind to just miss out to La'el Montrose, but this year she was eating their space dust!"
Coyle laughed. "Yes."
"It looks like life is on the improve for Warrick. And, if you need to improve your life, and leave others eating your dust, try the new Virtual Trainer. When you need motivation, use Virtual Trainer. Any time, anywhere. Virtual Trainer gets you moving. A product from Tech Con Group."
Daniel cursed under his breath as he watched images of the race being shown on a big screen that hovered in the city's main square.
He had missed the race. Sam was going to kill him.
Hopefully, the fact that they had sailed through the race without a problem would mean that Sam was far too happy to even think of committing homicide. Maybe he'd ask Teal'c to take her gun off her before she found out.
Daniel pushed through the crowds that filled the streets. Their happy shouts echoed down the streets. It seemed that race time also meant party time; it was almost like it was spring break in Florida. Fragrant alcohol spilled from cups as drunken revelers waved them around. A group of men linked their arms and started a chant, something that sounded suspiciously similar to 'here we go, here we go, here we go.'
One very happy and very drunk man threw his arms around Daniel and kissed him smack on the lips. He then moved his arm to around Daniel's shoulders and squeezed them, smiling through the tears that stream down his face. "They won! I won! Praise Warrick! Praise the Seberus!"
Daniel adjusted his glasses, a faint blush in his cheeks. "Ah…"
"$5000. Hey, here we go, here we go, here we go." The man let go of Daniel, attaching himself to another drunken man, who was more than happy to join in with his chant.
Daniel shook his head. He looked around at the streets filled with partying people, human and Serrakin features mingling in the crowds as they drank, sang and danced. Never let it be said that his life was boring.
"Daniel Jackson?" Daniel's radio crackled to life.
"Yeah, Teal'c. I read you."
"Are you finished your renegotiations?"
Daniel frowned. The man sounded panicked, not at all like the big, stoic, former first prime they had all come to know and love.
"Yeah, I was just looking for you and Sam. The hanger was empty. Where are you guys?"
"Warrick and Eamon were determined to celebrate the victory. We have been taken to a building called The Der Greine1. I require your assistance."
Daniel looked at his radio for a second. "Teal'c, are you okay?"
For a few minutes the radio was silent. "I am unharmed; however, I do not believe this shall remain the case if I continue here unassisted."
"The Der Greine? The one next to the flight school?" Daniel asked, already setting off in a quick trot, dodging and ducking around all the people. "I'm on my way. Where's Sam?"
The answer chilled him.
"Colonel Carter is incapacitated."
Daniel froze, his hand dropping away from the radio. 'Ohgodohgodohgodohgodogod,' ran as a silent mantra through his mind.
Regaining feeling in his hands he hit the send button on his radio. "I'll be right there."
Daniel pushed his way through the crowded bar. His breathing regulated as he was forced to slow down. He really had to thank Jack when they got back. All that training had done him some good; he could have sworn that he just set a record for running through crowded streets.
Daniel jumped at the squeal. He turned, bumping into several people who simply shrugged and continued to quaff their drinks.
Daniel stared wide eyed at the woman before him. Sam grinned at him, a large glass filled with a green-y blue liquid (obviously alcoholic) clamped in her hands. Her short blonde hair stuck out in all directions and her regulation jacket was no where to be seen, her black shirt, the ones they all wore, was tied up, revealing her stomach. This was a Sam Carter that was rarely seen.
Daniel yelped as she threw herself at him.
"Daniel, we won. Did you see? We- hic- we kicked their butts! No cheaters, cheaters, pumpkin eaters stopped us this year. Did you see?"
Daniel patted her awkwardly on the back. "I did. Very impressive."
Sam sighed and rested her head on his shoulder, not letting him go. "Aren't you proud of me?"
"Ah, very." Daniel looked down at her; she was rubbing her cheek against the fabric of his jacket. "Um, Sam?'
"Are you going to let me go?"
"Oh!" Sam laughed and pulled back. "I forgot."
For some reason this struck her as hilarious and she doubled over in laughter, loosing her drink in the process. Sam stopped laughing and stared morosely at the spreading puddle. "Oh, grievan."
Daniel rested a hand on her back. "Okay, now we just have to find Teal'c and get you out of here."
"No!" Sam straightened suddenly. "I don't want to go. I want to stay and have a drink with my new friends."
She jumped up on a table, stumbling and almost falling off. She held out her arms and addressed the crowd. "You don't want me to go, do you!"
The crowded roared and whistled. Sam giggled as she was helped off the table by two very large men who then escorted her over to the bar and brought her another drink.
A hand clapped down on Daniel's shoulder. "Daniel Jackson."
"Teal'c! What happened here? Why is Sam so…"
"Colonel Carter was required to celebrate the victory, as custom demands. Unfortunately, she was unable to halt the celebrations and now no longer wishes to." Teal'c gingerly fingered his rapidly bruising eye.
Daniel winced in sympathy. "Ouch. Who did that?"
"Colonel Carter. She resisted my attempts to bodily remove her from the premises."
Daniel rubbed his temple; he could just feel one of those headaches coming on. "Where are Warick and Eamon?"
"Eamon was propositioned by a female and left several hours ago. Warrick is currently holding a conversation with the fern in the corner."
Daniel sighed. "We're going to need help."
Teal'c raised an eyebrow. "Whom did you have in mind?"
"Well, this is what I get for letting you kids go out without a curfew." Jack smirked at Daniel and Teal'c as he stepped through the Stargate. He waggled a finger at them. "Now what have I told you about drinking and gating?"
"Perhaps it would be best if you informed Colonel Carter and her friends on your policy."
Daniel smirked. "Yeah, Jack. I'm sure they'd love that."
Jack removed his cap and ran a hand over his head. "How bad is she?"
Jack winced. "Oh hell."
"Yep," Daniel agreed, "that about covers it. You should see what she did to Teal'c."
Teal'c cleared his throat in a not so silent rebuke.
Jack looked at Teal'c properly for the first time since stepping through the Stargate. "Ouch, Carter did that?"
"Indeed, she most displeased with my attempt to remove her from The Der Greine."
Jack sighed. "I should have brought some Airmen with me. Alright, Teal'c, lead the way."
Teal'c pushed his way through the crowd. Many of those who were several sheets to the wind had stopped to stare at the Stargate in wonder as it activated and they hadn't stopped since.
"Whoa, that was so cool."
Jack snorted as he shouldered past them. "Daniel, do me one thing?" Jack asked conversationally.
"Tell me she kept her pants on this time."
Sam bopped her head to the beat of the music. This was fun. She didn't get to have this kind of fun often. Sure, there were the reactors and the bikes and the shooting people and blowing up things, they were all tons of fun, but it wasn't often that she got to go out to a bar and have too much to drink and flirt with guys that she wouldn't have even glanced at had she been sober.
"Samantha! Come; tell these bozos about last year's race." Jarlath threw an arm around her shoulder, his bushy facial hair brushing against her cheek. He turned her to face three men dressed similarly to Jarlath; faded black leather and scowls.
"Tell them I would have won if not for the sabotage."
Sam laughed and poked him in the chest. "You would not; Warrick and I would have totally kicked your butt, just like we did this year."
The three men roared with laughter. Jarlath joined them.
"Samantha, how I wish you would throw Warrick over and join me. I could give you money, furs, precious jewels, guns." Jarlath leered at her.
Sam picked up Jarlath's hand from her shoulder and stepped away. She leaned in close to him. "Jarlath, I wouldn't join me if you if you promised me research grants for the rest of my life and free reign over my own company of scientists. I wouldn't join you if you showed every new piece of technology ever invented. I wouldn't join you if you had the fastest ship ever. I wouldn't join you if you had magic fingers and gave me back rubs every day. I wouldn't join you if you were the best lover in the universe. Frankly, I find you repulsive."
"Then why are you drinking with me?" Jarlath pouted.
Sam shrugged. "Because I'm a good winner."
Jarlath's friends laughed again. One of them slapped Jarlath on the shoulder.
"She is feisty, my friend. Perhaps it is better that you remain without her."
Jarlath smiled, clearly several sheets to the wind. "I would not care if I had her in my bed, Dinogad, and neither would you."
Dinogad smirked. "I cannot deny it."
Sam laughed. "Trust me; I'm more trouble than I'm worth."
"Ain't that the truth."
Sam turned at the familiar voice, a bright grin lighting up her face. "Jack! I mean, General. General Jack! You made it! I didn't think you were coming." She bounced on her toes and then threw herself at Jack just as she had done to Daniel.
Jack oophed as he caught her. Unlike Daniel, Jack was able to quickly untangle himself from Sam. He stepped back and studied her for a minute.
"Looks like someone's been having fun."
Sam nodded happily. "Yep." She looked around her, checking to see if anyone was listening, and beckoned him closer.
Jack leaned in.
"We won, you know."
"So I heard." Jack smirked. This was kind of amusing. Pity he didn't have a camera; it would make for great blackmail material. "I just didn't know that there was victory party held afterward."
Sam shrugged. "You never seem to get your memos."
"I think I woulda got this one, Carter."
Sam shrugged again. "Walter must be getting slack in his duties, Jack." The innocent expression on Sam's face was replaced in an instant with a grin. She grabbed his arm. "You have to come meet these people!"
Sam pulled him the few feet back to Jarlath and his friends. "General, this is Jarlath and his friends. Jarlath was in the race last year."
Jack nodded. "The one Warrick wanted to space but you wouldn't let him."
Sam gestured at the three other men. "And I can't remember his friend's names, but they have good taste in drinks."
The men raised their glasses to her and chugged.
Jarlath slapped Jack on the shoulder. "Tell me, how do you keep such a woman?"
Jack shrugged. "Feed her three times a day, make sure she doesn't try to sleep in her lab with her experiments, send her out for regular exercise. It's not that hard really."
Jarlath laughed. "You amuse me, grey haired one, you must drink with us."
Sam turned to Jack. "Yeah, you have to try this drink they have. It's kind of blue, but at the same time it's kind of green. It's the best!"
Jack waved a hand dismissively. "Sorry, I'm on duty."
"Jack, please? Just the one? I did fulfill the mission objectives after all. I think I deserve a reward. Why are you here if not to help me celebrate?"
"We have to go." Jack sighed. She was giving him those eyes, damn those big blue eyes. "What about Warrick and Eamon?"
Sam paused, her brow wrinkling as she thought. She looked around her, as if surprised that she had lost two of her friends. "Hey, where'd they go?"
"Eamon left and Warrick's chatting up a pot plant. Daniel and Teal'c volunteered to look after him"
Sam giggled. "Well there you go. Come on, General, there has to be time for one little drink. Just one. A little one, really little, practically microscopic." Sam held her fingers a few centimeters apart.
Jack sighed. "Fine, but just the one. And stop doin' that, would ya?" Jack grabbed Sam's hand, forcing her to drop her fingers. "It makes a guy feel insecure."
"We'll be right back," Sam told Jarlath.
Jack strode purposefully towards the large crowd at the back of the room, figuring it must be the bar. Sam floated happily behind him, humming to herself. A bright flash off to the left distracted her. Light was being reflected off the wall. Sam oohed quietly and slipped off towards it.
Jack pushed his way through the crowd of people that were lining up at the bar. "You so owe me one, Carter."
There was no reply.
Jack felt his stomach drop. He turned and cursed. Sam had disappeared into the crowd.
"Yes?" Jack answered distractedly searching for any sign that Daniel and Teal'c were still in the building. He was determined to get outta here, there was no way Sam was getting that extra drink now, especially after the disappearing trick she pulled.
"There's something I've wanted to ask you for a while. Ever since you were promoted actually. I can I ask it?" Sam leaned against Jack, looking up at him through her eyelashes.
Jack stopped and looked down at Sam. His mouth went dry. "Yea-" He cleared his throat. "Yeah, of course."
Sam rose up on her tiptoes to whisper in his ear, making Jack's hand brush against the bare skin of her stomach. "Does Walter ever remind you of Radar from M.A.S.H.?"
Jack opened and closed his mouth. There was only one thing her could say. "What?"
Sam grinned up at him. "You know M.A.S.H.? Do do do do do do do, do do do do do do do." She hummed the rest of the theme song.
"Walter? Remind me of Radar? That little guy with the glasses that's always got a clipboard in his hands with papers to sign and preempting everybody?" Jack paused. "I see your point."
Sam giggled. "Maybe we should buy Walter a hat, just like the one Radar always wore."
"Look, why don't we discuss this in the morning?" Jack suggested, desperately needing to get her out of there now, before all the drunken men that were leering at Sam progressed to grabbing at her. The last thing he needed was Sam to start a bar fight.
Sam smiled seductively and threw her arms around his neck, pressing herself close to him. "And what did you have in mind for the rest of the night?"
Jack swallowed hard. "I was thinking of taking you back to Earth and putting you to bed before you get into anymore trouble."
Sam played with the collar of Jack's shirt and looked up at him. "Really? Because I was thinking Stargate, Earth, your desk."
Jack groaned. "God, Carter, we have to get you home."
"Even better. I have this big comfy bed and no one to share it with."
Jack let his head drop. "Carter… Sam, please stop."
She blinked innocently. "What? I haven't done anything."
He glared darkly. "You've done enough." He grabbed hold of her arm, not risking accidentally losing her in the crowd again. "Now let's get you back to the base." He started to tug her towards the door.
Sam pouted and dug her heels in. "No, I don't want to."
Jack stopped. "C'mon, Carter. I told Daniel and Teal'c that we'd meet them at the Gate if they could get Warrick outta here and home before I found you."
"I don't wanna go back to the base," Sam whined. "It's no fun!"
"Well, you can't stay here."
"I'll go home."
"If you come too."
Jack tensed. "Carter, I don't think that's such a good idea."
Sam rubbed her cheek against Jack's. "Relax, Jack. I won't jump you. Not unless you want me to."
"Not fair." Jack glared down at the grinning blonde. "You are an evil woman, Samantha Cater."
Sam giggled. "I'm not evil, I'm just slightly wicked." The bright grin on her face faded. She raised a hand to her head. "Jack, I think I'm going to be sick."
Suddenly, Sam bent over Jack's restraining arm and retched. Jack held his other arm up and got the attention of the bartender, he pointed down at Sam. The bartender rolled his eyes and sighed, reaching behind the bar to pick up a mop and bucket.
Jack rested a hand on Sam's back. "Feel better now?"
"No," came the strangled groan. Sam slowly eased herself upright, leaning back against Jack limply. "I don't feel so good."
"I'm not surprised. You just threw up everything you've eaten, ever."
Sam groaned again, tiny shudders racking her body.
C'mon, let's get you home."
Sam groaned and woke up, or she woke up and groaned, the exact order was a little fuzzy. Just like the rest of her, especially her head. Her head felt like it was wrapped in layers of cotton wool, then wrapped in pillows and repeatedly bashed against a very hard and sharp rock.
"Ow." She lifted her hands up to her head, her sheets catching on her pinky finger and dragging up to drape over her face.
There was masculine laughter.
Sam pouted. "No' funny."
"You hafta admit, Carter, it's a little funny."
Sam groaned and tried to sink into her bed. This wasn't really how she wanted to his first time in her bedroom. Wait a second… her bedroom?
" 'ow I get 'ere?" She pushed the sheet back from her face and forced one eye to slowly open, wincing when the dull sunlight hit it.
Jack was leaning against her doorframe, a coffee mug in each hand. He pushed off the frame and walked over to her, setting her mug on the bedside table.
"Well, after you passed out on me-"
Sam groaned again.
"-we carried you back to the Stargate and brought you home. After the way you were acting last night I figured you've have a DEFCON 1 hangover."
Her nose twitched as the coffee fumes started to waft over her. Her stomach clenched. "Oh no."
Jack suddenly looked alarmed. "Oh no, what?"
Moving faster than she thought possible, considering the amount she had to drink the night before, Sam threw back the covers and ran for the bathroom, knocking Jack out of the way.
"I'm gonna be sick!"
Jack looked contemplatingly into his coffee cup. "Perhaps I should have gone with the water."
1 Tear of the sun