Trouble With a Capital T
Chapter 1: You Have Just Entered the Twilight Zone
Disclaimer: Don't own Naruto, boy I wish I did, but I don't.
Tsunade rubbed the vitally sensitive area between both temples on her head, and tried to will away the boulder-sized headache. When she woke up this morning, she valiantly exclaimed it would be better than the last. It never really was, her days almost always sunk into the black hole of tomes of paperwork and dealing with angry complaints, but it was a ritual she picked up from Naruto secondhand.
Sitting in her chair, paperwork finally done and what was supposed to be a beautiful day ahead of her, Tsunade knew Naruto wasn't anywhere around, yet, but the urge to strangle him was tantamount, screaming to be the first thing she accomplished when he walked through those double doors of hers.
Because sitting across from her where four people that were making her day rotten as hell.
One was the still feared and now respected Kazekage of the Sand. Suubaku no Gaara sat in his normal dark brown attire, sans his ever famous sand jug, his features still maintaining the blank look everyone knew him for. With the seriousness of the situation he looked as if she were trying to get him to join a gardening club.
To his left was his sister Temari. The blonde-haired jounin sat in an elaborate combat dress Tsunade had never seen before, hai-tate tied around her head, the dark purple clothing pressed to perfection despite her recent travels. The angry scowl on her face did nothing to stop the imperceptible, almost dangerous beauty she held.
To their right sat an older man, not by much, but he was farther into adulthood than young Gaara. The Mizukage wore the elaborate robes that came with his calling. The ceremonial hat sat perched upon his head, shielding his eyes from view. He seemed surprisingly quiet, not surprising with the subject matter being discussed.
And to his right sat what could only be described as the epitome of womanhood, a young woman that went by the name of Haku. Black hair cascaded down her back in waves, brown eyes, and light pale skin. She wore an elaborate kimono, one that looked worth more than anything Tsunade could afford in her entire lifetime, and that was saying a lot. If not for the sword she'd seen the young woman heft without any effort, Tsunade would have taken her for some dainty woman that was unable to defend herself.
These four people were gathered into her office to talk about a subject Tsunade wouldn't have guessed would come up in a million years.
"Okay, so the preliminaries are out the way, why now? Why bring this to my attention now?"
Gaara seemed inclined to talk only when he felt like it, so the Mizukage, a far easier man to deal with, spoke up. "Kiri has fallen on dire times I'm afraid. The bloodline civil war left a disabling wound on the village my father ruled that has not healed. In order to help with the reconstruction, I established a governing council and their first unilateral decision was to establish allies, or establish one that could help stabilize the country, naturally the Leaf was selected."
Tsunade shook her head, accepting his reason, but not the person. "But why him of all people?"
The man released a breath, glancing at the young woman seated next to him.
"My daughter has expressed an interest in the young man. From a past battle during one of her missions he made quite the impression on her, she has constantly alluded to him in several talks since then. When the council came up with the idea of unifying the treaty through this means, she approached and readily volunteered herself. Her only stipulation was that he be chosen."
Tsunade didn't miss the deceptive glance shot at the female mist-nin from the other young woman in attendance, nor did Jiraiya, who was sitting on one of the window sills behind her from the looks of things. How the pervert caught wind of this meeting she didn't know, she only asked him to return Naruto a little earlier than he originally planned, but no matter how serious he looked at the moment, she'd known him too long not to know the lecherous thoughts cycling through his head.
Nodding to the Mizukage, Tsunade turned toward Gaara. "It seems the Hidden Sand has similar circumstances but for different reasons, am I correct?"
"Yes," Gaara replied in monotone, his voice somehow easily carrying across the room, never losing its impact. "Following the attack during the Chuunin Exam, the treaty between our two villages was renegotiated. The terms were that we send one or more shinobi over to the Hidden Leaf to set up politically arranged marriages."
"Temari and two other males were chosen. However, I did not want my sister entering into something she would hate, no matter the situation, so a compromise was met. Her intended would be left alone until he reached the appropriate age and then the complete terms of the agreement would be fulfilled."
Haku listened to the sand-controlling Kazekage and wondered if anyone had heard him speak so many sentences at one time without dying. True, she didn't know him personally, but from sight and second hand stories that reached even the shores of the Wave Country, she knew enough to stay away from him unless the situation called for her to be anywhere in his vicinity.
"How does Temari feel about this?" Tsunade asked.
Temari stood, before Tsunade waved her back down into her seat. "I will do whatever is best for Suna. My opinion matters not in this case."
'Oh you got an opinion alright. I'll get it out of you sooner or later,' Tsunade mentally promised.
"I pose the same question to you. Why him? Out of everyone in the entire village, why request him?"
Gaara's spoke before Temari could answer the question herself. "I will trust no one else with my sister. He is the only male I respect enough to do the right thing."
Temari failed to stifle the exhale of disbelief; looking at her younger brother, who continued to keep his gaze on the Godaime. It was so unlike Gaara to admit anything emotional. Even hearing the words made her do a double take to make sure he was the same slightly demented little brother she grew up with.
True, their relationship was on far better terms now than ever, but this, this was beyond anything she would have imagined.
Tsunade recognized the touching moment between brother and sister, but reluctantly continued on. "Now this is an unprecedented occurrence. I don't think I've ever seen a situation like this. I'm at a loss to how we sort this out without one side being locked out and being the loser."
"I don't see why he can't marry both of them." Jiraiya helpfully pointed out.
"Jiraiya, if you want to keep all your teeth intact I suggest you stay in your corner and be quiet," Tsunade growled out, the pencil in her hand snapping under the extreme pressure. "Only someone affiliated with you could have something like this happen to him."
Jiraiya looked appalled. "Are you saying I had something to do with this?"
"Yes Jiraiya, yes I am. Where is he anyway? I told you to tell him…"
"I did," Jiraiya cut her off. "The brat does what he wants, you know that."
Haku raised her hand to her mouth to stifle a small round of giggles, and Temari just shook her head, remembering what he was like years ago during the Chuunin exam.
"Is the young man a suitable choice?" the Mizukage asked.
Tsunade had to really think about that, and unluckily or luckily depending on your opinion, she didn't have a moment of time to do that, because she heard the voice of Uzumaki Naruto let itself be known as he came toward her doors.
"Hey, hey. I gotta meeting with the old lady, let me in."
A small knot on Tsunades eyebrow popped up and she immediately decided that today would be a two-tick day. What that meant was Naruto had exactly two chances to piss her off before she went nuclear and hurt him, very badly.
The door slid open and Naruto waltzed in all smiles, as if he had not a care in the world. "Tsunade-bachan, Ero-Sennin said you wanted to meet me."
Tsunade simply lowered her head to the table, hoping it would swallow her up and help her disappear. Jiraiya continued sitting, shooting Naruto his most soul destroying glare. It didn't work like he wanted it to because Naruto was no longer paying attention to the two of them, his attention diverted to the guests sitting in the room.
"Gaara, I haven't seen you in a while. What's this rumor going around about making you Kage before me," Naruto said with a small pout.
"It would appear that you have not changed much."
Naruto's grin changed into something more confident, a light touch of arrogance shinning in his eyes. "I can promise you I've changed a lot. Wanna go spar after this?"
Gaara didn't smile, there wasn't a time in his entire life he could recall ever feeling an emotion worthy enough to smile. But there was miniscule upturn of his lips and that was good enough for Naruto to understand. "I look forward to it, but some other time. There is business that needs to be taken care of."
Naruto stopped smiling and looked to the left of Gaara. His eyes locked with Temari's, happy to see her but surprised all the same. "Temari, Shikamaru said you were here. How ya been?"
"Can't complain," she said with a shrug. "By the end of the day my attitude might change."
Thinking nothing of her comment he moved his attention to the other side of the room.
Big, funny looking hat.
Long, girly looking robes.
A crap load of hidden chakra.
Bowing at an embarrassingly impossible angle, Naruto tried keeping his voice as neutral as possible. "Mizukage-sama, I apologize for interrupting your meeting. Please accept my sincerest apologies."
Tsunade blinked at the spectacle, almost chocking on her own breath. "W-W-What?"
"Jiraiya-sensei didn't tell me there were going to be people here."
Jiraiya slowly pulled his jaw up from the floor. "S-S-S-Sensei?"
"I take their expressions to mean this display of formality is a rare occurrence?" the Mizukage asked with a small chuckle.
Sheepishly rubbing the back of his head, Naruto said, "Sorta. They're my family so I don't bother with the sama and all that stuff."
Both sannin's livid expressions changed to varying degrees of affection. Tsunade, who would always consider Naruto the son she never had, let a small smile play across her lips. And Jiraiya seemed extremely proud, chest popping out in a display a machismo.
Temari quirked an eyebrow in a silent question to her brother. As expected, he didn't answer, but she could tell he knew more than she knew about what was going on.
"You are comrades with the Kazekage and consider two of Konoha's prized sannin your family. That is some impressive company you keep," the Mizukage remarked.
"Of course. I'm going to be the Hokage someday. Got to have good friends and family to back you up."
The Mizukage's eyes narrowed a bit. "Really now."
Naruto didn't notice, giving off his now automatic response. "Of course. I'm going to be the greatest Hokage that ever lived."
"That is a formidable task you are seeking."
"Psssh. I'm ready for it. I'm going to protect all my precious people, and let baa-can retire so she can sleep all day."
Something flashed in the older mans eyes. "I will hopefully look forward to your future coronation."
Naruto smiled, making the familiar gesture of rubbing the back of his head when he couldn't think of anything else to say.
"You have grown Naruto-kun."
Naruto stopped, looking around the room for the voice that brought him out of his blissful daydream of rampaging across the country in his own set of kage robes.
Squinting in the direction of the raven-haired female in the nice looking kimono, Naruto said, "Hmm… I've seen you somewhere before."
She gave him a soft smile, eyes sparkling in delight. "Yes you have. It has been some time now."
Crossing his arms at mid-chest, Naruto wracked his brain for a moment. "I've been so many places it's hard to pick out one face."
"I'll help you out. Remember three years ago, the Wave Country, battle on the bridge."
Something clicked in his head and he let everyone know it as loud as he could.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" Naruto screamed, flipping upside down grasping the ceiling like a frightened house cat. "Baa-chan, there a ghost next to the Mizukage, save him."
Everybody, except Gaara and the two seated Mist-nin, looked at Naruto as if he'd lost his mind.
"NARUTO IF YOU DON"T GET DOWN I WILL HURT YOU!" Tsuande roared.
"B-B-But, she's a ghost."
When it looked like Tsunade would follow through on her threat, Haku held up her hand to stall the horrific beat-down.
"If I may Hoakge-sama?"
Tsunade didn't let up the promising gleam of pain in her eyes, but she nodded, permitting Haku to speak.
"Three years ago there was a battle on what is now called the Great Naruto Bridge. There a supposed rogue-nin named Haku met her end when the Konoha jounin Hatake Kakahi pierced her heart with his signature move, the chidori."
"You seem pretty healthy to be dead," Tsunade quipped.
"Yes. And there is a very elaborate story involved. One I will tell you in due time Naruto-kun."
"So you're not a ghost come back to haunt Kakashi-sensei for killing you?" Naruto asked from his position on the ceiling.
"No Naruto-kun, I'm not a ghost."
"Wow," Naruto said, landing softly on his feet. "You're a lot better than I could have ever thought. You even fooled Kakashi-sensei."
Haku blushed under the high praise. "Thank you Naruto-kun."
Tsunade brought the conversation back to task, again marveling at how Naruto could throw everything into total chaos the moment he stepped foot in a place. "Because Naruto obviously knows you two, we won't have to bother making introductions, and that makes this a lot easier."
Naruto blank expression looked back at her and Tsunade felt a momentary pain of anguish before it was swept away in a tide of giddy victory. 'Embarrass me will you. I'm going to love the look on your face.' "Naruto, I have some interesting news for you."
His face perked up and Jiraiya knew Tsunade was only setting him up for the downfall. 'Evil woman indeed.'
"Because of mitigating circumstances, both the Sand and Mist would like to enter into a peace treaty with the Leaf. While that is a good thing, there are some stipulations."
"And what's that?" he asked, slightly wary. He didn't like the look in the old lady's eyes.
"That you marry the representative from their village. Haku has been chosen from the Mist and Temari has been chosen from the Sand."
For what seemed like minutes he didn't say anything, Naruto simply stared back at the Hokage in silent communication. Then out the blue, he said, "But I can't get married Tsunade-baa-chan."
Tsunade frowned, asking, "Why not?"
"Because Tenten just told me I was going to be her boyfriend."
AN: Thanks got to JohhnyG, who seems to like Naruto getting multi-girl love as much as I do. Talk about finding the perfect beta.
Where did this come from? From watching too much damn SHUFFLE! and from browsing the Naruto fanfiction section, which looks like its turning into a fanatic fangirl's heaven. Not complaining, just making an observation. This place hasn't been the same for a long time.
Now story wise, got Naruto being chased by multiple women? CHECK. Got a bunch of beautiful young women with Naruto placed in an uncomfortable situation? CHECK. Do the beautiful women know how to kick ass? CHECK. Will Naruto be walking on eggshells for fear of his utter doom? CHECKAROONIE. You know Haku's a dude, but you turned him into a chick? CHECKAPOWSKIE. This story is totally ridiculous, what about honor, what about integrity? ...Okay, good point, but they're ninjas so that's a good enough reason for me to bend the rules. Plus, you should have see this thing before I toned it down. So CHECK.
Next chapter introduces the rest of the female cast.
Ah, multi-girl fics. You gottta love them.
Last thing. Just got my cable back on and turned to Cartoon Network to see One Piece. I think the doctor I went to see after the show went off said I'll never regain my eyesight, horrible doesn't even begin to describe the sight. I'm now scared shitless to see what the American Naruto is like.