I wasn't aware that a new story would pop into my head so fast. But with a certain word out of a casting -side for the new episodes it happened. This story is not based on spoilers though. It is placed somewhere in or after season 6, until now we saw 6.16 just when afterwards somebody is wondering why there is stuff missing.

Im sure you wont exactly enjoy this story, cause it' a sad one, but maybe you'll like it.

Reviews would be nice!

Keep in mind that English is not my first language

If someone would volunteer to be my beta, that would be so great! But remember that you need time for that!

Chapter 1

It was nearly dark in the room, just like outside. It was raining. It was silent in the room. Her room.

There were two pictures in frames standing on her bedside table. Both frames were light pink. The only color in the room so it seemed.

One of Rory and one of Luke. The table was white and grey and had wheels, like the other thousands in this building.

The bed was white and grey and had wheels, like the other thousands in this building.

The walls were white. Only white.

But her skin was grey. More black around her eyes, but grey in general. Sometimes more white, but today it was grey.

She hadn´t seen them in months, hadn´t spoken to them in months. But it was better this way. Better for them. Not for her. But it wasn´t the only thing that was killing her, so she told herself it didn´t really matter.

The last time she had seen them should have been the happiest day of her life. Of their life. Their life together.

"Mom, are you ready? Everyone is here! They are all waiting for you!" Rory was shouting.

"Yes, I am! Come in!" she shouted back, screaming louder than the voice in her head that kept telling her "You can´t do this!".

When Rory entered the room she looked stunned at her mother. She had seen the perfect dress many times before, but never on her mother. The cream white skirt and the flowers on the camisole. She had decided against the veil and wore a tiara instead.

And it really was perfect. Not only the dress. Everything. It was a beautiful day in September, it was warm but not hot. The whole town was outside in the garden of the Dragonfly waiting for the bride. Emily sat next to Mia in the front row while Richard was waiting in front of the door to walk his only daughter down the isle. He was chatting with April who was, like Rory, one of the bridesmaids about books and science. Luke was waiting under the chuppah, Jess trying to calm him in the function of the best man. Everything was perfect, maybe too perfect.

"Wow, you´re so beautiful!" Rory said and hugged her mother.

"Thank you!" Lorelai forced a smile and ignored the voice in her head once more.

"You´re ready?" Rory asked again, her mothers hands still in her own. "You can´t do this to him" the voice in Lorelai´s head said again. She hesitated a moment. Then she reassured herself: She couldn´t tell her daughter either.

"Yeah, let´s go!"she said then and they walked out of the room she had used to get ready. Leaving her normal clothes, her purse and shoes behind. Her old life.

She felt blinded by the sunlight outside and blinked before she could make out her father and April.

"Lorelai" Richard smiled warmly and took her arm. He squeezed it, but didn´t get any reaction from her. Maybe she was just too nervous.

The music started and together they walked down the isle, towards the man she loved, but she couldn´t look at him. She focused on the way, careful not to trip. She heard gasps and whispers, even some sniffles, but couldn´t concentrate on them. The voice in her head was getting louder and louder.

Then she stood next to him. Her father kissed her cheek and gave her hand to her fiancé, who laced his fingers through hers. The priest started his speech, but she wasn´t paying attention.

This should be the happiest day of her life and she had been waiting forever for it to arrive.

First because Rory had been crazy and dropped out of Yale, then because of the whole April thing. Nearly it would have been their end, when they had stopped to talk to each other. But they had re-learned it and now here they were.

She wanted nothing more then to marry him, to be his wife until the end of time.

"You cant do that to him" the voice said again.

Since she had got the call yesterday, right before her bachlorette-party, this voice was in her head, telling her the same thing over and over.

It had been a scare, nothing more, but now it was reality and after the call she had thrown up, because of the shock. She had wanted to run to him and tell him. Make him reassure her that everything would be fine. But when he had walked through the door, kissing her and wishing her a nice evening she just couldn´t. She couldn´t tell him, she couldn´t do this to him. It would kill him, just like it would kill her and she wouldn´t be able to forgive herself.

"I do" she heard him say and suddenly realized that it was her turn now. She saw that the priest opened and closed his mouth,without hearing him, then looked at her expectantly. She looked at him, then turned and looked at Luke for the first time.

He wore his black tux. He was shaven. He wore a white dress-shirt. No cap. He had a new hair-cut. Very short. He looked so amazing. Perfect. And he was smiling. At her, just for her. Her eyes teared up and she crasped his hand so tight it must hurt him. But his smile got wider and he whispered "I love you". That´s when she knew for sure. She couldn´t do that to him.

"No!" she whispered back, his smile froze. A tear left her eye and she said it again, louder this time.

"No! No! No!" her voice cracked and she shook her head along with the words she wasn´t able to say anymore and the tears which were streaming down her face.

She saw Luke´s eyes open wide in shock, the smile leaving his face, like the color. That´s when she pulled her hand away, took one last look at him and then she ran. She ran through the garden and the hotel, out the door and to her car. When she pulled out of the driveway she heard Rory calling her, but she couldn´t look back, because she knew then she wouldn´t do it. But she had to. It was for their own good.

She drove to the airport and was glad that she had some clean clothes left in the car. She hadn´t planed this and she had no idea where to go she just knew that she had to get away as far as possible, so they wouldn´t find her. That´s how she ended up in San Fransisco, on the other side of the continent half a year ago.

She couldn´t get the look on his face out of her head when she had said "No". And Rory´s voice calling her. She felt the desperate need to seen them and talk to them again, but she knew she couldn´t give in. She focused on Luke´s smiling face in the frame.

Maybe he was able to smile again like that. Maybe now, maybe some time in the future. But he would smile again and then he would find a new woman.

"You kept this in your wallet? You kept this in your wallet!"

"Eight years!"

"Eight years!"

And she knew he wouldn´t. But she needed the fantasy that he would and so she kept talking herself into believing it. At least during the day. At night when she would cry her eyes out once more and call his name over and over, she knew it wasn´t true.