Disclaimer: I don't own Devil May Cry 3 or any of it….so please don't hurt me. Dmc 3 belongs to Cap Com.
The "Owner's Guide and Manual" format/series of stories does not belong to me. I know that there are many of these out there already but I couldn't help myself…I just had to do it. This Manual thing was created by Theresa Green and other authors….I give her credit….I give her and the other authors lots of credit….so don't sue me or anything. And I give credit to everyone who made the Manual Guide format series….even if there are some Devil May Cry ones made before mine….I am sorry….I created this….I give credits…so don't sue me. The only thing I don't give is 'debit' snort
Congratulations! You just received your very own DANTE unit, the incredibly sexy, hunky, and whorish devil hunter from the DMC series. In order to get the most out of your money and out of your unit, we recommend that you read this manual before doing anything with your DANTE! It is important that you comply to this manual…so READ IT!
Product Information and Caution:
Name: Dante: Devil Hunter, Dante Son of Sparda, Excretion of Sparda, 'Little Brother', Devil Boy, Sugar, 'Demon'….
Feel free to call him: Man whore, $$, $hit, Nipple Armor guy, Mankini dude, Stud, Honey, Sweet face, Trickster, Boo-boo, Jackpot, Babe, Sluch whatever you like…
Date of Manufacture: March 25
Place of Manufacture: Devil May Cry Twin Corp. or the Eva Company
Weight: 175 lbs
Length: can make you shudder
Your DANTE should come with the following accessories:
One deep red leather trench coat (DMC3 style)
One pair of brown baggy wrinkle free leather pant
A brown holster strap thingy that attaches to the coat (also covers the nipples)
A pair of black fingerless badass looking gloves
A pair of extra big black boots complete w/ two straps and buckles
One very big Ivory™
One very big Ebony™
One Rebellion Sword™
One red amulet w/ silver chain™
"Dmc1 Outfit", "Dmc2 Outfit", "Dmc4 Outfit"(currently making at the moment), "Bunny Suit Set", "G-String and Thong Set", more outfits, devil arms, whips, and other accessories for your DANTE unit are available online, hotline, or at your local Devil May Cry Shop. Also please consult the DMC dealers for further information.
Removing your DANTE unit:
Note: Contents may have settled to the bottom of the box during shipping.
When you receive your Dante unit after the shipping, you will notice that he is inside a very tall rectangular box. But before you begin, you must find the manual that's taped onto this box. If you're already reading this then you are one step ahead. The tape on the box is designed especially for concealing half-devils such as your DANTE, VERGIL, TRISH, and LUCIA units. SPARDA units need pure-devil tape for securing their boxes.
Don't worry about wondering if your DANTE unit will be nude when he pops out of the box, for it is a requirement that all DANTE units must be purchased fully dressed or they will get no pizza.
Directions to take Dante out:
Approach the box quietly with a telephone (no cell phones, the DANTE unit do not respond to ringtones) and place it close to the box….
Or you can order a box of pepperoni and mushroom pizza and place it next to the box
Or you can holler: IS YOUR NAME DANTE, SON OF SPARDA!
Or you can tell him that he is incredibly sexy and lap dance around the box for a good two minutes saying naughty words (recommended for crazy for girls and gays and make sure no one's watching. Must also be eighteen years or older to try this method.)
Or you can scream that demons are attacking you and civilians are dying
Whatever method you used listed from the above, you must run at least run two football fields away. This is because at the moment whether the phone rings, or the scent of pizza lingers in the air, or because of your effective phrases; your DANTE unit will respond to it by firing the box from the inside with Ivory and Ebony. He will attempt to make a cool entrance and say a cheesy line such as "This party's getting crazy! Or "Whoo-hoo!" and so forth. Have a tranquilizer gun in handy and subdue him. Knock your DANTE unit out with fifty needles or more until he stops twitching. Aim for the left buttock. Then proceed to program him and give him the mode that you desire.
Your DANTE unit has been programmed with several useful habits and occupation. He is recommended to be an effective worker in any of the following fields:
Devil Hunter: Duh! Everyone knows that the DANTE unit kickass in this occupation because he is of course a devil hunter. This is the DANTE unit's best profession. With his swords, devil arms, and guns blazing, who can stop this psycho from pumping them brainless demons with lead.
Chick Magnet: Yep the DANTE unit is created to attract women and fangirls of all ages. And what kind of female would be stupid enough to not like him? The LADY unit maybe. The DANTE unit often thinks of himself as a sexy beast and he always tries to hit on girls. But 25 has been proven that he is also known to have rotten luck on women.
Gigolo: uh…this is really up to you and your DANTE unit to decide
Sex Slave: no comment
Bodyguard: Sure why not let him protect you. The DANTE unit is perfect for this. His quick devil reflexes can decapitate a MUNDUS plushie twenty feet away. He is can fend of the bad guys and make you feel all safe and cozy.
Model: Yes the DANTE unit was born with a godlike figure that can make woman and (men) drool at the sight. Rare hair color and gorgeous blue eyes, tall and well built; the Dante unit can do the catwalk and dominate all the other male models.
Boyfriend: The DANTE unit was born to date and settle down with a girl one day. This is for all you lonely babes out there who want the red hot devil…be glad that you purchased the Dante unit because he is going to change your life…forever!
Devil Trigger (locked until he gets stab with Rebellion. The VERGIL unit is required for this)
Super Crazy (locked)
Relationships with other units:
VERGIL: Yes this is the 'older' twin brother of the DANTE unit. To put it simply, they hate each other and very rarely will they get along. It is highly recommended that your DANTE unit must never cross the path with the VERGIL unit. Unless you want your DANTE to obtain Devil Trigger (DT).
SPARDA: The Legendary Dark Knight and father of the DANTE and VERGIL unit. Also the spouse of the EVA. Frankly DANTE wants nothing to do with his father because he seems to dislike SPARDA. Yep that's pretty much it.
EVA: The beautiful spouse of the SPARDA and mother of the two twins. It is optional that you purchase an EVA unit before you get your DANTE unit. This is because she can keep the DANTE unit tidy and loved. Like they always say: the best love is a mother's love! Caution: Not to be confused with the TRISH unit.
TRISH: Suppose you could say she is the 'love' interest of the DANTE unit. She also resembles his mother. Other than that the DANTE and TRISH get along very well. Unless you want your DANTE unit to yourself and only yourself, then don't get a TRISH. DMC is not responsible for the babies that your DANTE and TRISH conceive.
LUCIA: A friend/companion of the DANTE unit. She's not very important…especially in DMC 3 anyway…no offense.
LADY: Also known as the MARY unit and will sometimes get along with a DANTE. She will even attempt to injure your DANTE unit, preferably in the head. But don't worry, your DANTE has a soft spot for her and he can't leave her alone.
ARKHAM: The bastard father of the LADY/MARY unit. His JESTER trigger pisses DANTE off to no end. So avoid them being together or DANTE will pierce his 'big nose'.
MUNDUS: DANTE hates him big time.
ENZO: Some tubby Italian that only exists in the many comics/mangas of the DMC series. He's DANTE's liaison.
Important Directions that will benefit you and your unit:
Your DANTE unit tends to be very messy. He is the master of messiness and laziness. He causes havoc everywhere with his weapons. Give him items that are only necessary to him to limit the mess. Your DANTE loves to take showers and already knows how to use the toilet! So you need not to worry about training DUH! Most DANTE units like to have their backs washed or scrubbed. They also enjoy bubble baths and attention.
Yes a DANTE unit has to eat too. A balance meal of pizza and tomato juice will be fed to your DANTE three times a day. They can be picky. Beer is necessary, but that will upset your DANTE's stomach only if he consumes more than 50 gallons.
Your DANTE needs a lot of space. Get him his own office complete with a working phone, desk, chair, percussions, guitars, speakers, pool table, and jukebox (available at the local DMC store) But be careful because he tends to break stuff and leave things behind.
The DANTE unit needs at least 8 or more hours of sleep. He would sometimes like a bedtime story. Don't ever let him sleep for less than twenty minutes. DANTE will get piss and start talking real big. If he refuses to sleep, you can always try shooting him with sedatives or tranquilizers. Remember to aim for the left buttock.
And TBC…..until next time I'll start SIDE 2. I know this will oppose people/authors/readers/politics/administrators too….but I'm prepared for it…Flames are welcome…