Tears in heaven
By Miss P.
Summary: Catherine is watching over her daughter…
Disclaimer: I don't own the character in this story, and I'm not getting paid for writing it.
When I see the way she has turned out, I can't help but wanting to scream out loud. Of course no one can hear me. No one can see me. I'm dead, I know that. But that doesn't stop my spirit from being with her, to protect her and at least try to help her decide what to do with her life.
Even though she tries to be strong, I know she's still my little girl. Sometimes I think I'm the only one who knows how she truly feels.
I just wish I was able to help her, to open up her eyes and make her see how much she do love him. I know she does. And I know he share the feeling. I remember our long talks we used to have as she was a child. She told me everything, including how she felt for Jarod.
The saddest thing is that after all these years, and after all the things that they have been through, they still share that strong feeling. But she's refusing to face it.
I can't help but wonder if things had been different if I had been alive. Honestly, I think so. Maybe this whole thing is my fault. If I hadn't taken her with me to the Centre, she would never have turned out the way she did. The only good thing that I can think of is that because of the Centre, she met Jarod. I knew from the start that they were perfect for each other. They still are. I just wish she could give in and let him help her…
Maybe if I hadn't been trying to rescue those other kids, and just left for Europe with her, I would still be alive, and she would be able to live her life like any other woman. She would have been free.
Instead I'm gone and she's left alone, with nothing but unanswered questions. I don't like the fact that she's so determined to find the truth. It would only hurt her. But I also know that eventually she will find out and I just pray that she will understand the reasons for my actions, and not hate me.
It's funny, she's a grown up woman now, but I still see her as a little girl. My little girl, who I used to read to for hours. A smile creeps to my face as I remember the night she had Debbie staying at her house. It wasn't until then I realized how much like me she really is, behind those walls she has built around her heart, she is just as loving and sensitive as I am. Maybe Debbie brought out her true self, if only for one night. I know my baby would make a wonderful mother herself; she has so much love to give.
And as I se those tears of loneliness, as I hear her cry herself to sleep at nights, I can't help but think the world is so unfair. All she ever wanted was to be loved. But because of what she has been through in her life, she is too afraid to open up her heart to anyone again.
It's the Centre's fault. But at least she has Sydney to lean on. I hate to admit it, but he has turned out to be much more a father to her than her real father could ever be. Mr Parker once was a kind and gentle man, but I think the Centre took that away from him, and destroyed the whole family...
But most of all, she has me; I know she can hear my voice; she has the inner sense just as I do. Someday she'll slow down enough to have time to listen, to let me help her. Until then, all I can do is pray that she'll take care of herself and hold on. I wish I could just tell her that someday it will be okay again, that she'll find a reason to live. If she could hear me for just one second, I'd say, listen to your heart, because it would make all the difference in the world.