Harry Potter sat in Dumbledore's office. It was his first year at Hogwarts and he had just been sorted into Gryffindor.

"You little brat you tricked me!" the Hat yelled at him.

Harry snickered, "I couldn't let you put me in Slytherin." Harry reasoned with it, but the Hat only glared. Harry smirked at the Hat than waited for Dumbledore to come. As soon as the old wizard came into the room Harry replaced his smirk with an innocent smile.

"Harry my boy I am happy you are safe in Gryffindor. You are one at heart."


Harry sat in the Great Hall in his second year and laughed as the hat spoke with a frustrated voice. That stupid Sorting Hat had been trying to resort him for now 2 years and it still didn't work.

"Harry Potter you're an ass." The hat yelled before going into song.

The Hall stared at Harry who succeeded in looking innocently confused.


Harry walked down the corridor and entered his common room. There was a yellow hat sitting on the red chair with a 'put me on' sign on it. Harry laughed.

"Give up. Stupid hat its been 3 years." Harry snickered much like a Slytherin as the Hat cursed him on his way to bed.


Harry sat at the astronomy tower pondering. It had been 2 years, it was now his six year and the Hat had done nothing. Sirius had been pulled out of the veil and Harry had finally defeated Voldemort.

Instead of a gruesome war that everyone dreaded it was actually rather hilarious. Harry had forgotten his uncle Vernon's gun in his trunk -don't ask why it was in there in the first place- so on his way to dispose of it he had been attacked. He just shot old Voldie in the head and it was over. The Death Eaters had stared in shock and Harry had said, 'come on you want some of this!' Harry had laughed so hard.

He moved from the tower and made his way to lunch.

He sat down at his place with the sixth years when an owl flew in with a package. Everyone watched as it landed before Harry.

"Harry what is it?" Hermione asked.

"It's from Sirius." Harry opened the package and saw a red Hat.

Dear Harry,

All the Marauders have a red Hat this is yours.

From Sirius

"That's odd Sirius never signs with his name. Oh well." Harry placed the hat on and felt it move. Everyone in the Hall gasped and Harry tried to remove the Hat.


"You bloody stupid Hat! I told you no the first time. You can't do this to me. I'll cut you up than burn you and feed you to Hagrid's dog. No I'll make a potion out of you! Laugh while you fucking boil." Harry was sneering now.

"Mr. Potter if you would please make your way to your new house table." Dumbledore said. Harry threw the hat and moved to the Slytherin table.

"HA! I told you boy, I never make a wrong sort." The Hat cackled as Hedwig picked him up and flew off.

"Bloody traitorous owl. Never feeding it again." Harry mumbled.