Note as of 12/12: Hello! Just wanted to leave a little warning for those of you about to read this fic for the first time: I wrote this between the ages of 13 and 16 (the vast majority of it was written when I was about 14/15, in eighth/ninth grade), so it's pretty old now, and I will be the first to admit it's not all that good. XD I'm actually a little embarrased by this story, and my writing has improved a lot since. XD I've thought about taking this down, but it seems to mean a lot to a few other people, so I left it up for them. And this story does mean something to me too, I really poured my heart into it at the time. But it's also something I did when I was very young, and it's no longer an accurate reflection of my writing abilities. So please do keep that in mind if you decide to read this story and before you make any judgements. XD Thanks! Love you guys! :) -Elle
Breathe (2 AM)
What did I do to deserve this? Why am I, of all the villains in this world, the one he decided to take pity on? The one he decided to be nice to? To flirt with? To try and convince that things could be better?
And why is it that of all the heroes in this world he's the one who decided to be nice to me? The one who decided to tell me that I'm better than this? To treat me like a person, not just an enemy? To really care?
Of all the people in this world, why me?
I'm sitting in an empty ally. I don't what to do. I can't go anywhere. There's no one who can help me. Maybe I should go back to the HIVE Five At least than I'll have friends.
"Why do you hang out with these losers? They're only holding you back."
He was right. They were just holding me back. They're not worth fighting for. They may have been my team, but it's not like they listened to anything I ever had to say.
They may have been my team, but they were never my friends.
It's cold out. I should have brought a jacket. I only went back to the base once, and it was to get my things. I didn't bring much, just some clothes and my toothbrush and stuff like that.
"I never took you for the unicorn type."
Oh, and my favorite plush unicorn.
I guess I should have thought about the weather before hand. I'm freezing! Oh well, whatever. It couldn't possibly get any worse.
There's a large crack of thunder, and I can feel water dripping down my head. It's starting to rain.
I stand corrected. It always gets worse.
I really am bad luck.
The water quickly seeps though my clothes and onto my skin, causing me to shiver. I reach into the suitcase in search of something warm and dry, but instead I find the rose he gave me. Usually flowers just shrivel up and die if they get to close to me. But for some reason, this one hasn't. It's still very much alive and…
And it's just as pretty as it was the day he gave it to me.
No! I can't think this way! I can't turn back! I can't be good! I'm bad luck! It's too late for me!
"It's never too late."
No. No! NO!
I can feel my eyes burning and watering, but I blink back the tears. I feel like I'm choking.
I won't cry. I'm a villain. Bad luck. Evil. Villains don't cry. "I know you're too smart for all of this."
He was wrong. I'm not smart at all. I'm just a stupid, good for nothing, bad luck, villain.
There's a sudden beeping sound. My HIVE Five communicator is giving me the single for a message. Slowly, I draw it from my bag and click it on.
"Jinx, you don't want to get mixed up with them."
I open my mouth to speak, but no sound comes out. Drawing a deep breath, I manage to whisper, "What?"
Madame Rouge doesn't look happy to be talking to me. "We are beginning our final assault on the Teen Titans. We would like to know if you will be helping us?"
This is it. This is my chance to prove myself to the Brotherhood of Evil. This is my chance to be like Madame Rouge. This is what I've always wanted!
I could go with them and destroy the Teen Titans. It would show that I really am like Madame Rouge. We're both part of teams, but we don't really get along with them. We're both determined. We're both evil.
"Why do you want to be like her?"
Do I want to be like her?
Maybe he is right. Maybe I am… Different. Maybe it doesn't have to be like this.
"Are you coming?" Madame Rouge asks, snapping me out of my thoughts.
I bite my lip. "I… I'll tell you when I decide."
Madame Rouge glares at me. "You will come. That is not a request. It is an order." Her face fades away as she ends the transmission.
Than, I guess I really don't have a choice. I guess I have to go.
This is what I want, isn't it?
"You're making a big mistake."
Why do I keep remembering the things he said? Why won't he just leave me alone? Why can't I just forget about him?
Still, is this a mistake? Is this what I want? I could just not go. If I really wanted too, I could even help the Teen Titans. I could stand up to the Brotherhood of Evil. It would be the hardest, stupidest, and bravest thing I would ever do. But I could do it.
No, I have to go. I have to!
If I go, I'm a villain.
If I don't go, I'm a hero.
If I go, I'm evil.
If I don't go, I'm a traitor.
If I go, I have power.
If I don't go, I have courage.
If I go, I can prove myself.
If I don't go, maybe things could be…
"There's something about you that's different. I think you can do better."
If I don't go, things could be better.
Gently, I run my fingers over the rose. Why isn't it wilting? Not even a single petal has fallen off. It's just like him. No matter what I did to him, he wouldn't give up or back down. He just kept trying.
I lift the rose to my face. It smells sweet.
I really shouldn't be here. I really shouldn't be thinking like this. I really shouldn't have any doubt about this. Any minute now, I should just get up and go help the Brotherhood of Evil. Any minute now I should just be a villain again.
But somehow, being here… It's kind of nice.
I shut my eyes for a moment, and realize how tired I am. I'm sick of being lonely and confused. I really just want somewhere to go where I can be safe. I really don't want to have to have to think about any of this. I really just…
Beeping. Snapping my eyes open, I realize my communicator is ringing again. I fell asleep and it's dark out now. I can barely see my hand as it searches for the device.
When I find it, I quickly stand up and hit the receive button.
"What do you want?"
I hear Madame Rouge's voice, irritated and angry. "Jinx, where are you? Why have you not arrived? You are to come now."
I have no choice. I have to listen to Madame Rouge. I have to be evil.
"You don't have to hurt people to feel good about yourself,"
I don't want to hurt people.
I can't do this! I'm evil! I am! I'll tell her I'm on my way. I will! I'll…
I open my mouth and speak, but I don't believe what I say.
Did I just say that? Did I just contradict Madame Rouge? I look down at my communicator, but I don't understand what the look in Madame Rouge's eyes means.
There's a long pause, until Madame Rouge breaks it by saying, "If you will not help us, we will treat you as an enemy." The light from the communicator disappears and leaves me standing in the dark.
I feel my whole body go cold. My hand falls open and I hear my communicator shatter as it drops to the ground.
What have I done?
I just put myself into so much danger. They could come after me now. They'll find me, and I won't stand a chance against them.
And to make it worse, I just put him into danger too. They'll know that he's the reason I disobeyed them. They won't go after me; they'll go after him. He's the hero! He's the threat to them! They'll hurt him!
I'm blinking back tears again. Why? Why? I'm so stupid! I can't believe I did this to him! I can't believe I…
I whirl around. "Wh-who's there?"
I can only see a faint shadow of whoever it is. It must be someone from the Brotherhood. Someone is here to attack me. I didn't know they were so fast. What if they already got to him?
"I-I-I… I'm not afraid to fight!"
"Jinx, relax. I'm not going to hurt you." The voice is calm and eerily familiar. It can't be! I step a little closer until I'm able to make out the face.
Of all the people in this world, the one who showed up now had to be the one who got me into this mess. The one who I just put into serious danger. The one who I've been trying to forget.
And, as much as I don't want to admit it, he's the one I needed to show up.
The one I wanted to show up.
The one I didn't ever want to forget.
Of all the people in this world, it's him.
The one I fell in love with.
There's a light at each end of this tunnel
You shout 'cause you're just as far in as you'll ever be out
And these mistakes you've made, you'll just make them again
If you only try turning around.
Does this seem a little rushed to anyone else? I can not really decide why, but I feel like the whole thing happened too fast. Anyway, I really like this story. It was quite enjoyable to write, and I have already begun the next chapter! It takes place somewhere shortly after Lightspeed and before Titans Together. Right around Calling All Titans, I suppose. The title comes from the song "Breaking Free" from High School Musical.. The lyrics at the end are from the Anna Nalick song "Breathe (2 AM)".
Disclaimer: I do not own Teen Titans, the songs I use, or anything I may make references to. Everything belongs to its respective owner