Oo, wow, this took a while to update. Oh well, welcome to the penultimate chapter of Bijou's Babysitter Blues! This chapter, if I do say so myself, will be absolutely hilarious, so read and review for sure!
Chapter 8: The Nega-Universe: Part One
"Heh, uh, Maxwell, quit it with the jokes okay?" Stan gulped out into the darkness.
Maxwell spoke gravely. "I'm not joking Stan. I really don't think this is Earth anymore…"
Everyone gulped, leading to a long silence, until finally, Sandy spoke.
"Okay, this is really bad!" she said with panic. "I can't be not on earth anymore! I like, have a gymnastics tournament next week!"
"Sandy, calm down." Maxwell said. "If we can get Pretzel to use his Blueberry Pie Portal again, we might be able to make it back. But we probably will need to wait until his power is recharged."
Maxwell pointed to the figure of Pretzel, who had collapsed, and was sleeping on the ground.
"Well, if we need to get back," said Pashmina with her optimist tone. "I say we get to know our surroundings a bit."
"But where are we now?" Bijou asked.
"Potty! Potty!" Cinnamon cooed, still holding her sleeping brother's hand.
"Yes Cinnamon, we'll go potty once we figure out where we are." Bijou smiled at her gently.
"No, Bij." Sandy observed. "I think she's telling us where we are!"
Indeed, once Cinnamon moved away, she revealed a plastic toilet.
"Hey!" Stan called. "I found a door!"
He pushed the handle and everyone spilled out onto hot pavement, Bijou holding Pretzel in her arms.
"Oh…my…gosh…" Pashmina looked disgusted. "I was just in a port-a-potty with two guys!"
"Well, three if you could Pretzel, but like, yeah, pretty much." Sandy said.
"Never mind where we were." Maxwell noted. "Look at where we are now!"
His gaze turned towards a large sign decorated in bright red and yellow letters.
"Amazing!" Maxwell touched the writing on the sign. "The civilization of this time has developed a highly advanced form of hieroglyphs! It could take years to figure this out!"
"Uh, dude." Stan said blankly. "It says 'Restaurant Le Fancy.' Dude, go to first grade."
"I was just being scientific Stan." Maxwell shot back.
"Whatever." Stan replied. "I'm hungry!"
"Yes." Pashmina agreed. "Food sounds good at a time like this. Look, the sign says they take dollars, and they have a drive-thru."
"I think we can just walk through it." Bijou said. "But what kind of food will be here, I wonder?"
"Look at this!" Maxwell held up a newspaper he picked up from the trash. "It's the same year, and the same day but…"
He pointed to the place where it usually read 'America.' But this time, it said Nega-Merica.'
"What?" Stan asked. "Like, what's Nega-Merica?"
"Look!" Sandy pointed to an article labeled, "World Peace." There were more articles titled, "Food for Hungry," "No More Homeless," and "Fried Foods Declared Healthy."
"I think…" Maxwell looked amazed. "That we've stumbled across a world where everything is the opposite as ours!"
"Sounds logical." Bijou noted. "But if everything is opposite, than 'Restaurant Le Fancy' would be…"
"Welcome to McDonalds!" a voice screamed from a small speaker. "What would you like?"
"Ugh!" everyone groaned, except for Stan, who seemed to be happy.
"I'll have a cheeseburger and fries!" he said, ready with his order.
"Uh, and did you want cheese on that?" said the voice.
"Of course not!" he replied sarcastically. "Why would I want cheese on my cheeseburger?"
"And did you want fries with that?" the voice responded.
"No." he said, still sarcastic. "Of course I don't want fries with my cheeseburger and fries."
"Okay, so that's a cheeseburger and fries, with no cheese and no fries." The voice said. "And what did you want to drink?"
"Give me a shake with sprinkles and gummy worms." Stan said, looking bright.
"Okay, your total is eight forty eight. Is that for here or to go?"
Stan put his hand over his face. "Dude, I'm in the freakin' drive through line! What do you think?"
"Okay!" the voice said choppily. "Come inside and we'll seat you right away."
Stand rolled his eyes.
"Man, is this guy an idiot or what?" he said to his friends as they followed him into the restaurant.
"Oh, there you are! Here's your order!" a person handed Stan his bag. Stan gaped.
"M-Maxwell?" he said.
"Yes?" Maxwell responded blankly.
"No, I mean, that guy!" Stan pointed at the guy who handed him his food. Maxwell gaped too, for the guy looked exactly like Maxwell!
"Okay, let's lay down the clues." Sandy stated. "One, this is a dimension where everything is the opposite of how it is in our world."
"Two." Bijou said. "There's a person who looks like Maxwell."
"Three." Pashmina said. "The guy who looks like Maxwell is a total idiot!"
"And four." Maxwell agreed. "This place is called Nega-Merica."
"I've got it!" Bijou said. "It means there's a twin for each and every one of us here, and they're the exact opposites of us!"
"Exactly!" Maxwell said. "We just need to find them."
"Um, excuse me, Maxwell." Pashmina asked the other Maxwell.
"Whoa, how do you know my name?" the other Maxwell asked.
"That's not important." Pashmina stated. "I need to know, do you know people named Sandy, Bijou, Stan, Pashmina, Pretzel and Cinnamon?"
"Oh yeah!" Nega-Maxwell stated. "Of course. Those guys are like, my best friends, or something! Follow me!"
And so they followed him into the back room, where a large assortment of people was gathered.
Sandy took notice instantly of a very large person with flaming red hair, sitting on the couch.
"Please be Stan! Please be Stan!" Sandy whimpered, closing in on the enormous figure of the person. She slowly turned and looked at the back of her head. "Darn it!" she swore after taking sight of a small ponytail at the back of the woman's head.
"Hey!" the woman turned to Sandy, speaking thickly. "Watch where yur lookin'!" The woman tried to sit up straight, but started panting hard and slumped back down, putting an overly large hand on her chest.
"Whoo," she panted. "Sitting sure takes a lot outta ya!" The woman placed her chunky fingers in a bowl on the table next to her, pulling out a fistful of potato chips and stuffing them clumsily into her mouth.
"Eww." Bijou said, wincing at the unappetizing sight. "Is that the opposite of you, Sandy?"
"I'm like, afraid so!" Sandy said, closing her eyes and placing her hands on her face.
Pashmina walked around to the other side of the couch and gasped. "Oh my! This side of the couch is covered in food crumbs!"
"So what are you, the Pink Princess of the enchanted castle?" said a voice.
"Eeep!" Pashmina screamed as a dark figure emerged from the corner of the room, who had blended in so well with the darkness that it hadn't been seen.
The figure stopped right in front of Pashmina, revealing that it was a girl. She put one had lazily on her hip, and another was draped over her side. Her weight was placed on one foot, giving her a slouch that told everyone she didn't want to be where she was. Her hair was raven black, as was her attire, complete with a black scarf and a dark veil that clouded her face.
"W-who are you?" Pashmina pretended to smile, but winced in fear while doing so.
"Do you really want to know?" said the girl, her face unchanging.
Pashmina went up to the girl and lifted her veil. She screamed. The girl's face had a nasty scowl on it, making her completely unrecognizable, if it wasn't for her ocean blue eyes.
"You…you're…!" Pashmina began.
"Your worst nightmare…" said the girl. And she removed her veil and her shadowy cloak, revealing her sharp figure dressed in black leather.
The girl made eye contact with everyone in the room, leaving faces scarred with her fearful image.
"I am Pashmina, Goddess of Darkness!" she flung her arms up, and cackled insanely.
"Aw, cut it out, Pash!" said another voice, this one sounding like the speaker was holding his nose.
A boy with bright red hair came around the corner and into the lounge. He pressed his glasses to his nose, and straightened his sweater vest.
"She always does this to scare newcomers." Said the boy. "I'm Stan, by the way. And you-" he walked up to the normal Stan, "must be my opposite!"
"How do you know about that?" Maxwell, the regular one, interrupted.
"I know everything!" the other Stan exclaimed, putting his arms on his waist proudly.
"Then explain," regular Stan cried. "How I have such a dorky opposite!"
"Sticks and stones, sticks and stones." Nega-Stan muttered. "I expect you've already met my sister Sandy, and Maxwell, and Ms. Gothic Princess over there."
Nega-Pashmina replaced her veil, and returned to the corner, mumbling something about poison in somebody's food. At that moment, the normal Stan decided to drop his bag of food in the trash.
"Excuse me," Bijou stated. "But if everyone has an opposite, what about me?"
"What's your name?" Nega-Stan asked.
"Bijou." She replied anxiously.
For some reason, all the Negas snickered a bit (even Nega-Pashmina managed a chuckle.)
The Other Stan went into a small room on the side, and came out carrying a leafy green potted plant.
"This," he said. "Is Bijou."
"No, no, my friend." Bijou stated. "That, that you have there, that's a tree."
"Yes…" Nega-Stan agreed. "A tree named Bijou."
"So…" she said. "You're saying that it's my opposite?"
"Exactly." He replied.
A blank expression touched Bijou's face. "I'm not going to say anything."
"How come it's her opposite?" Sandy asked. "Like, I don't get it!"
"Well, Bijou's a tree…" Nega-Stan said.
"Yes but that doesn't-"
Everyone was silent for a bit, and then suddenly, Bijou cried:
"NO! NOT CANADA!!!"
Everyone laughed, and as they were laughing, they barely noticed two small children standing in the doorway.
"Excuse us ever so much," said the boy, who looked around eight, with cream-colored hair and matching ears.
"But we just wanted to know what was going on." Said the girl, with red-brown ears poking from her equally dark hair, smeared with white. She looked a few years younger than the boy.
Bijou, the non-leafy one, kneeled down beside them and said, "My, aren't you two adorable! Would you mind telling me your names?"
"Certainly, miss." The boy said.
"Of course." The girl replied.
And they said at the same time:
"Pretzel and Cinnamon."
-Yeah, short-ish chapter, but I really wanted to put this up, so this chapter will be divided up into two parts! So see you all next time! Merry Chrismahannakwanzaka!