Title: And I Lost Him

Author: Maggie Cohen

Rating: PG - PG13

Summary: Angry and hurt, Roger confronts Mark. This could be considered a Roger/Mark slash or a friendship piece - its entirely up to you. Please read and review.

Disclaimer: I do not own RENT - RENT and all its characters, settings, and plot-points belong to Jonathan Larson and so forth.


And I Lost Him

I did a really stupid thing.

Mark didn't turn around. Not when he heard Roger barging violently through the loft door.

"Mark."

He flinched. Pain. Fury. Betrayal. He had never heard his roommate say his name with such seething hatred. Still, he did not turn to face Roger.

"Mark, look at me dammit."

The filmmaker did nothing, which only infuriated the other man. The tears he had been fighting against spilled as he felt Roger roughly grab him by his shoulders. Against his will, Mark was forced to look into his best friend's livid face. Mark turned his head away as soon as he caught a glimpse of Roger's eyes. There was so much emotion in those green orbs - too much. Roger shook him violently, his fingers digging painfully into the smaller man's arms.

"Why?"

Mark couldn't answer. He didn't know the answer himself. He wanted to apologize, he wanted to leave, he wanted to beg Roger for forgiveness, he wanted to pass out, he wanted to go back, to go back and never have done what he did. Instead, Mark simply shook his head, trying to contain the sobs threatening to wrack his body.

"Goddammit, Mark. Why the hell did you do it?" This time Roger grabbed his roommate's chin, pulling up his face to look at him. Upon seeing Roger's eyes, he realized for the first time the intensity of just how much his actions had hurt the man standing before him.

And I lost him.

"I don't know," he whispered, and Roger loosened his grip on him, stepping away.

"You don't know," Roger repeated, his voice still dangerously low, his eyes still unforgiving.

"Roger, I -"

"Shut up. Just shut up," Roger spat as he turned to face away from the smaller man. "Mark, I want to hit you so badly right now. I intended to do it as soon as I came through that door. You just - you…"

"Roger…"

"Mark," he stated firmly, turning to look at him. "I want you to leave."

Tears filled his eyes once more as Roger said this and he put a hand up to his mouth to suppress a choke. Roger's face stayed blank. He had made his decision.

He was the most stubborn person I'd ever met.

"No…," Mark choked out. He was trembling intensely, unable to hold back his sobs as he urged his feet to move towards Roger.

"Get out," There was no hesitance in his voice. No emotion other than hatred now.

"Please, Roger…please," Mark's words came out choked and soft, he was near hysterics.

Don't leave me alone.

"Get the fuck out," he snarled. "I never want to see you again, Cohen."

Mark began walking towards the door.

And I lost him.

He had his hand on the doorknob when he dared to look at his friend for the last time. If Roger had shown the least amount of remorse at his leaving, Mark would have stayed. Stayed and fought and explained and begged….But Mark was met with a cold and indifferent stare.

Mark opened the door.

"Roger…" he felt a horrible pang of guilt and sorrow before he could finish. He couldn't get it out.

I didn't know how.

"Goodbye…" he whispered, closing the door behind him.

Roger…I love you.


Author's Note: I really should have updated And I'm Alone this week, but I ended up writing this little ficlet instead (not that it's very good - but I'm working on it :P ) Anyhow, I'm tempted to keep this fic open for more future chapters, but I might just leave it as a one-shot. As for what exactly Mark did to merit such treatment from Roger is entirely up to you - what do you think would make Roger go ballistic? Of course, if I decide to continue this fic, a definite reason will have to be addressed in later chapters and such. This was supposed to be longer, but it just came out like that - sorry. I have a habit of going back and editing/extended old fics, so some time in the future, this fic probably will be more detailed and longer (and hopefully better written O.o ). Aighty then, I'm off to finish chapter two of And I'm Alone. Chao, amigos.