A/N: Thanks to everyone who has read and/or reviewed! I think saying thanks every chapter might be getting repetitive to you guys, but I want to make sure I show my appreciation to everyone who is enjoying this. : ) And thank you for the criticism, Darkyami. It's much appreciated.
Oh! I found out that Mokuba calls Seto "Nii-sama", not "Onii-sama." Well, I was close.
Disclaimer: I don't own Yuugiou and I don't own the characters. Takahashi Kazuki does. I think we're all a little jealous of that.
Chapter Five: "Follow Your Heart."
I knew both Yami and I could tell that following his question would be an awkward silence. And so it happened that way. The tap, tap, tap of fingertips on Kaiba-kun's keyboard silenced, his body as still as untouched water and rigid as a plank, his eyes staring at the door in front of him instead of them meeting Yami's. It was hard to tell, though, what exactly his body language was conveying to us. I couldn't tell if he was nervous at my darker side's question or if he was at a loss for words.
It wasn't often that arrogant Kaiba-kun got nervous (at least as far as I knew), but then again, there was a first time for everything. I glanced at Yami's face for a moment, looking for a little insight into what he thought about all of this, but I only saw glaring eyes focusing on his blue-eyed lover.
"That," Kaiba-kun finally said, looking Yami in the eyes now, "is why you brought Yugi with you?"
Each word Kaiba-kun spoke was more painful to listen to. One by one, as they were uttered out slowly in his deep, eerie voice, I wanted to flinch, as though I was hearing nails on a chalkboard, because I didn't want this to end badly or anyone to get into a fight. Now that mou hitori no boku and I had just ended our fight, to get into another one so quickly would make me feel as though I was trapped in a never-ending nightmare.
"What are you saying, Seto?" Yami spat. "Is this matter not of significance to you?"
Kaiba-kun sighed and closed his laptop. He got up from his chair abruptly and walked over to Yami quietly. Inside of my mind, each step sounded like one a giant would take. Thump, thump.
Kaiba-kun's face got very close to mou hitori no boku's like when he had cornered me in the bathroom. Their faces almost touched. I was surprised that Yami was still. Their expressions were very similar at that time. It almost looked like one of them was mocking the other.
Mou hitori no boku sighed and looked over at me, motioning for me to come over.
"Go ahead, Yugi," he said with a nod. "Tell me again what Seto said to you at lunch."
I nodded. "He said…that whatever you told me was a lie."
Yami almost immediately jerked his head back at Kaiba-kun, with a what-do-you-say-to-that? kind of expression on his face.
"Yeah, I said it," my classmate replied quietly but in an annoyed way.
My darker side nodded. "Here's my second question: why?"
I silently watched them, only talking when being spoken to.
Kaiba-kun shot a glance at me and then whispered something in Yami's ear. I wondered what he was saying to him. Why didn't he just say it out loud? Was it that bad? Then again, maybe I didn't want to know.
After the dark-haired duelist finished whispering who knew what to Yami, Yami just nodded. But then he said quietly, "But why did you have to tell Yugi? He has nothing to do with this."
Kaiba-kun stopped talking and looked at me. "There was really no point in bringing him, you know," he said.
Was that a tone of embarrassment I heard?…
Yami groaned. "Yugi needs to be here. I told you before."
Kaiba-kun groaned louder.
I could've sworn the other me almost smiled at this. I was half glad that I didn't have to experience that 'not-my-Yami' smile, but half sad that he didn't smile at all. I frowned and then my taller reflection-like half grabbed my hand firmly yet gently, opened Kaiba-kun's door, and pointed at the hallway.
"Wait out here for a moment, Yugi. This won't take long."
"Well…alright…" But I didn't want to leave! I wanted to know what was going to happen! I wanted to know why Kaiba-kun lied to me and what was going on! Was I the only one who was completely clueless? Reluctantly but obediently I walked out of the elder Kaiba's room and stepped into the hallway.
I stood leaning against the wall. I was angry at Kaiba-kun. Why did he have to go and lie to me? He had deceived me, making me believe that Yami had been the liar, causing us to get into a fight. Whatever it was that he was concerned about, I was sure it could have been solved, not spread to others. He had Yami to confide in. That's what friends (in this case, boyfriends) were for, right?
Then again, I didn't know the whole story. Still, though…
"Hmmwhaa?" I blurted out, startled, jumping a little. I looked to my left from where the source of the voice had come from and found cute, black-haired Mokuba-kun smiling at me innocently.
"Oh, it's just you, Mokuba-kun," I said, the feeling of being surprised going down a few notches.
"Sorry for scaring you," the boy apologized, blinking a couple of times.
"Oh, I wasn't scared! Eheheh…" I scratched the back of my head.
"Riiight," Mokuba-kun said, but quickly changed the subject to something more of his interest. "Anyway, I'm a little bored. Want to come and play a game with me?"
"Well…" I glanced at Kaiba-kun's door.
Before I could answer, Mokuba seized my hand. "Good!" he said happily, dragging me off down the hallway.
"Uh!…" Yami would wonder where I had went off to. "Demo-"
"This will be fun!"
We ran quickly all through the Kaiba mansion. I thought it was amazing that Mokuba-kun knew his way around so well, even if he did live there. The place was huge! A good game of hide-and-seek could have been played well in the mansion.
"Almost there!" Mokuba-kun exclaimed with a laugh.
We ran through an extravagant, beautifully carved archway that led to what I think was the living room. It was just…so big! An expensive leather couch, a nice coffee table that matched the archway, and one of those large rugs beneath it. The lighting was dim, which made for a soothing atmosphere and there was a gigantic flat screen TV! It was great.
"Wow," was all I could say.
Finally, Kaiba-kun's little brother let go of my hand and headed right for the TV. He plopped down in front of it and began looking around for something.
"Do you need help?" I asked, walking over to the TV and taking a seat next to Mokuba-kun.
"That's okay, I think I can- found it!" Mokuba-kun held up a shiny CD. "This is one of Nii-sama's new games! It's just a prototype, but I think it's pretty good! Anyway, I'm not supposed to tell anyone about it yet, but I think I can trust you." He held a finger to his lips as to say, "Sshhh."
"A-are you sure?" I asked, a little concerned.
"Yeah, don't worry about a thing!" Mokuba insisted, and he inserted the CD into a sort of gaming system that I didn't recognize and took out two controllers that I was unfamiliar with, too, handing one to me.
"Alright…" The controller was oddly shaped with strange buttons. I wasn't exactly sure how to work it, but I figured it couldn't be too hard.
The opening credits for the game appeared on the screen. The graphics were amazing! I couldn't believe my eyes. Such detail.
"You know," Mokuba-kun said as he selected the "New Game" option, "things have been a lot different ever since my brother started dating the other you." The boy selected the two players option.
"Really?" I watched as the characters came to life.
"Yeah. I thought that Nii-sama didn't have time for me before, but now…" He sighed and stopped talking as his character spoke in the game. After it stopped, he continued, "…Now it's even worse. I'm lucky if I get to be with him once a week."
I frowned and patted Mokuba-kun's shoulder sympathetically. "Gomen, Mokuba-kun." I frowned sadly. I knew that if the ones who I was close with didn't have time for me anymore, I'd be devastated.
"It's alright… I know that he's important to Nii-sama, so," he paused and pressed a couple buttons, "you know…"
"But-" I pressed a button as well. Nothing happened and I pressed another. It seemed to work. "But, that isn't fair to you. You're important to your brother, too. You have to remember that. You guys have been through everything together."
Mokuba pressed the pause button and turned, facing me. I did the same.
"Maybe you're right… It isn't fair, is it?" Mokuba-kun inquired.
"Exactly," I said.
"Demo…" The young boy's voice faded.
I urged him to continue. "Demo?…"
"Demo…I don't want him to get mad at me…"
"I know," Mokuba-kun said. "I need to stand up for myself and tell him how it is. But…you know, even though he gets mad at me easily and he seems angry a lot, Nii-sama isn't as bad of a person as people make him out to be. They just don't know him like I do." The younger Kaiba looked down sadly. "Nii-sama is protective, loyal, and smart. He's the greatest brother in the whole world. He really isn't coldhearted and mean… I mean, he can be, but deep down, he's just like you and me. Deep down, he's a loving, caring person. Our lives have just been so tough, he's changed. He's changed so much. I wish I could change him back, but I just have to live with this Nii-sama. I mean, I still love him… He's just different. And I've gotten used to it. Besides…I know that there's still some of that old Nii-sama in there…but…I'm getting off subject…"
My eyes widened. 'Like Yami… I wonder…if it always ends up like this? After someone changes, they don't come back?' My hands began to shake uncontrollably.
"Are you alright, Yugi?" Mokuba-kun asked caringly.
"I-I'm…I'm fine…" 'Or…can I change him back? Was there a way?…'
"Yugi, you don't look too good," Mokuba said, shaking his head. "You're turning pale… Are you sure you're okay? Should I go get Nii-sama and the other you?"
"Iya. I-I'm fine, really." I tried to reassure the young boy, but he didn't seem to believe me.
"Yugi," he said, "I'll go and get you some tea, okay?"
"You don't have to," I said, my voice shaking.
"I do have to! You look awful!" Mokuba-kun insisted. "Now…just stay here and play the game. I'll be back in a jiffy."
With that, Mokuba-kun ran off for the kitchen, leaving me alone.
"He's changed so much. I wish I could change him back, but I just have to live with this Nii-sama."
Mokuba-kun's words echoed through my mind like the way someone felt after a rock concert. Though it had ended, you could still feel it inside of you for a long time. Though the song wasn't playing anymore, you could still feel the vibrations of the bass inside of your chest. I swallowed and held my hands up to my face.
'My Yami… Can I ever bring you back? If I were to- no!' I blushed to myself. 'I do miss him more than anything I can think of… Though, like Mokuba-kun said, I still love him, he's just not exactly the same… But how does Mokuba-kun live with it? How does he get through the day knowing that Kaiba-kun will probably never be how he used to?'
An elementary school kid (or was he in middle school?) having more emotional control than a high schooler? That was a little embarrassing.
Mokuba-kun came rushing into the room with a steaming cup of tea.
"Don't spill it!" I warned.
"I do this all the time!" Mokuba-kun said with a laugh. He jumped over a pillow and landed right in front of me. I blinked. There the tea was, perfectly unspilled and…not on the floor. Mokuba-kun just smiled. "Careful, it's still hot."
"Arigatou," I said to him, and gratefully took the cup. I sipped a little of it. The second it entered my mouth I felt soothed and relaxed. My eyes drooped a little lazily and I took another sip. "Mmm…"
"It seems to be working," Mokuba-kun said. "That's good!"
I nodded and took yet another sip, the warmth pouring over my tongue and down my throat.
"So why are you so jittery?" the black-haired boy asked as he sat down with me on the floor.
"O-oh," I said, "It's nothing really…"
The younger's eyes widened. "Is it some kind of secret? I promise I won't tell!"
"No," I said, setting my cup on a coaster on top of the coffee table, "it's not really a secret… It's just that when you mentioned about Kaiba-kun being different, it just…" I stopped.
"It just what?" Mokuba-kun moved a little closer to me as though I were telling him a suspenseful story.
"I don't know if I should be telling you this," I said. "I don't want to throw my problems on you."
"But maybe I can help!"
"That's true…" Mokuba-kun maybe could help. After all, he had gone through the same thing that I was going through right now. Even if he was a kid, he could still help, especially since he had the experience with my problem.
"Tell meee," Mokuba-kun pleaded. "I'll keep it to myself! Really!"
After considering the factors of Mokuba-kun's advice being helpful, I said, "Well, alright…"
"…When you said about Kaiba-kun changing…well…that happened to Yami recently…and I just…I'm having a hard time dealing with it. And when you mentioned it, it just triggered some bad thoughts…"
"Gomen!" Mokuba-kun said, biting one of his nails. "I didn't mean to… How did it happen?"
"It's not your fault," I said. "As for how it happened…well…it's kind of personal. I'd rather not say."
"Okay." Mokuba-kun smiled.
I was surprised. I had expected the little Kaiba to try and get some answers out of me as he had did about being "jittery", but alas, he had not done so. Surprised at myself now, I smiled back. I guess that Mokuba-kun understood about it. Not wanting to talk about something that has hurt you so deeply. It made perfect sense. I was just glad that Mokuba-kun understood.
"Well, for me," Mokuba continued after a minute or so, "I don't think I'll be able to ever change Nii-sama back to the way he was when we were littler. It's just too hard, now. Things are so complicated. But…Yugi, I think you might be able to change Yami back to the way he was."
"How?" I said, listening intently.
"You're going to have to figure it out for yourself," was his reply.
'What?' "What do you mean?" I asked.
"The solution is probably different for each person. Nii-sama isn't Yami, and vise versa. There can't be a definite solution to the problem since everyone is different."
Then Mokuba-kun said something I had heard before, but was wise beyond his years.
"Just follow your heart, Yugi." He pointed to his own. "Follow your heart. That's the only place the real answer can be. Inside of you."
"And," Mokuba-kun continued, "right now, in a time like this, your heart is the only thing you can trust."
'Where did he hear such words of wisdom? It doesn't make sense. Mokuba-kun is a kid… How does he know this?'
"Yugi, where'd you go?"
Yami's voice! I put my tea on the coffee table again, forgetting to set it on the coaster.
Before running over to Yami, I turned to Mokuba-kun and said, "Remember what I said about standing up for yourself!" I winked, and then turned to see what was up with Yami and Kaiba-kun, running off to his room. Amazingly, I found the hallway that Mokuba-kun had dragged me out of. I was kind of proud of myself.
"Here I am," I said arriving at Kaiba-kun's door, which was open. Yami walked in front of me.
And then… I was scared.
He looked horribly angry. He wasn't crying, but it looked like his veins were going to pop at any minute, like he wanted to punch the guts out of someone, like he wanted to yell at the top of his lungs.
But he didn't. He just stood there, staring at me. His eyes looked scary and menacing, almost like they weren't his own. His fists were clenched tightly, his posture was irregularly straight, and his breathing was rushed and heavy.
'Oh no… Things didn't go over so well…' I raised my eyebrows, frightened.
"Fine, get out!" I heard my dark-haired classmate yell, and he slammed the door.
Yami was still staring at me. "Let's go, Yugi," he said darkly, and grabbed my arm tightly. I almost yelled out in pain, but I wondered if Yami would get even more angry if I did so, so I managed to stifle a yelp and bit my lip tightly instead.
We headed for the door. Yami turned the knob and kicked it open furiously, still dragging me along. I wanted to know what happened, but I was afraid that if I asked, something bad would happen.
We walked outside. It was dark out now and hard to see. Yami squinted around and finally headed north back to the game shop.
"I can't believe this," my darker side muttered as we walked. "I can't believe this."
I didn't dare ask. I was too scared.
"Just because I didn't want to have damn sex with him doesn't mean he has the right to act this way, Yugi!" Now he raised his voice, something I hadn't heard in a while. "It's absolutely ridiculous!"
'Did they break up?' My eyes grew wide.
When we got home, Yami shoved open the door and finally let go of me. It was dark. Jii-chan had probably closed the shop hours ago, but I wasn't sure what time it was. I pulled up my sleeve to check my watch. Ten. Yeah. The shop closed at nine.
I rubbed my arm in the place where Yami had seized it. It was really red.
"Ow," I whispered to myself. 'Oh well. It'll probably be gone by tomorrow.'
My other self and I walked into the home part of the game shop. I rubbed my eyes. I needed to get some sleep for school the next day. But how could I go to sleep at a time like this? I needed to help Yami feel better. At least on Saturdays there was only a half-day of school. I didn't need too many brains tomorrow.
Yami plopped down on the couch and sighed. I gingerly walked over to him, biting my lip again.
"Y-Yami?…" I whispered in the most soothing voice I could possibly whisper in.
"What do you want, Yugi?" he said in a tired, dry, and still angry voice, which was a bit muffled. I sat down on the couch with him and saw that he was on his stomach, face buried in a pillow.
"A-are y-you okay?" I stuttered, still scared of what my darker half might do next. I daringly put my hand on his head. 'Follow my heart.'
'Follow my heart. Trust in my heart. Because that's the only thing I can trust for the answers right now. It's the only thing. And…the heart…never lies…'
Gradually, a person would learn to trust their heart. Believe in it.
'I don't think I'm there yet.'
. Wow. : ) As usual, the next chapter will be up next week.
Iya- Informal "no."
"At least on Saturdays there was only a half day of school." In Japan, there's school on Saturdays. It's usually only a half-day.