Ok, so before I start any further on this story I just want to inform everyone that I have no problem with the fan fiction community. I do, however, think self-parody can be a very healthy thing as I am guilty of many of Control Freak's vices. So please don't get upset at some of the jokes I'll make along the way. By the way, if you don't know what Pocky is, go to wikipedia dot com and look it up.

And just to be on the safe side, I in no way own any of the many, many franchises I am going to parody the hell out of it.


It looked like a normal apartment, albeit with a slightly nerd-like decor. The kitchen was small, with empty packets of ramen and Pocky littering the counter tops. Hung up in the living room were authentic posters from such classics as 'STAR WARS', 'NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD', 'DRAGONBALL Z' and more.

The computer in the living room was a piece of work too. A 35" LCD high definition monitor which boasted a blazing fast speed and wireless keyboard and mouse. An empty 2-liter of Faygo soda served as the perfect decoration above the custom, glowing computer tower. Sitting in front of this computer, furiously hammering on his keyboard keys, was Control Freak.

Control Freak found himself in this particular day engrossed in a favorite past time of his...reading Fan Fiction. Most of the time he would would alternate between Transformers or Star Wars, finding those two categories to be of the highest quality. On this occasion, he was more in the mood for some Transformers fiction, eager to dive into the brutal world of Autobots versus Decipitcons in a heated battle for galactic supremacy.

The nerdy super villain eagerly logged on to his favorite fan fiction website, but this time was shocked to discover a new category right above the usual Transformers spot he was so used to seeing. It was a new section, one that seeming sprung up over night and yet it filled Control Freak with rage.

TEEN TITANS

"Since when are they worthy of having stories written about them?" he scoffed, as he stuffed a handful of UNCLE MIKE'S BBQ PORK RINDS into his mouth. "It's ridiculous!" And to see just how ridiculous it in fact was, he clicked the category anyway to see what stories there were to read. The description of the very first story filled him with an indignant rage.

"BATTLE OF AGES – The Titans do battle with their greatest foe ever – SLADE!"

"SLADE!" the nerdy super villain sneered in disgust. "Like anyone expects that one eyed freak to be a credible threat! PUH-LEEZE!" he added, his vocal outrage causing chunks of half-eaten pork rinds to fly all over his computer. "Let's see what other lame excuses for a story this place has to offer..."

"FORBIDDEN PASSION – What happens when Raven confesses her love to Starfire? Rated M for graphic love scene!"

"Hmm...might have to save that one for later..."

This continued on for several minutes with Control Freak's inner rage building and building as he found that not only did the Teen Titans have their own section, but they had over 13,000 stories written about them! Worst of all, none of them were about him.

"This is an outrage!" he bellowed, slamming his fist down his desk which caused a shower of BBQ pork rind dust to fly in the air. "I'm a twelfth-level space samurai! I deserve respect! It's completely ludicrous to think that those meddling twerps get stories about them but I, the greatest villain of them all, get nothing!"

Needless to say, this was not sitting well with him. Control Freak flew up from his chair and paced madly around his living room, being careful not to step on his Japanese import Gamecast games and issues of Weekly Shonen Jump which scattered the lime green carpet.

"I have to destroy the Titans once for all, to prove to the world I am the greatest of all time! But how?" he thought, scratching his unkempt beard stubble as he contemplated his next plan.

"I could reconfigurate my remote control and use mind control waves on them! Enslave them to do my bidding!" he said, cackling with gusto at his diabolical plan. "And perhaps I could finally convince the darling Starfire that she doesn't deserve that obsessive compulsive jerk Robin and to get a real man, namely me!"

"But..." he said, thinking this plan of attack over "...once my batteries wore out, she'd fall right back in love with that stupid no-eyed jerk!"

Control Freak sat down in the floor in disgust, unable to formulate a convincing plan to demonstrate his worth as a super villain, sighing bitterly to himself. "If only I could emulate the true masters of evil...Freeza, Vicious, Voldemort...these are the names that deserve to be remembered! Not Slade, The Brain or Puppet King!" he scoffed.

The overweight super nerd glanced around his apartment in a desperate attempt to find something to amuse him, as he figured he could think better if he were entertained. He scrambled through a cluttered pile of miscellaneous knick knacks, till he found his beloved bootlegged anime collection. And then, suddenly finding his inspiration, he grinned devilishly as he formulated his diabolical plan.


"Duuddde..." Beast Boy groaned. "Did anyone get the license plate number of that bus?" he said, collapsing in a heap on the sofa in OPs.

"I got it's number...it said CINDERBLOCK." Cyborg replied.

The Titans had responded to an emergency call that Cinderblock was involved in a robbery of Jump City National Bank and of course, the Titans were there to put a stop to it. It was an epic battle, with Cinderblock seemingly untouchable in his concrete fueled fury. The group gave it their all, and the battle was long and hard, but the Titans emerged victorious. In the end, Cyborg and Robin kept Cinderblock distracted while Raven had managed to wrap several light posts around him using her powers.

But with that behind them, the gang returned to the Tower, bruised and exhausted. "This has been a most tiring day." Starfire said lazily, floating into OPs with her shoulders slumped. Robin came in behind her, a slight limp in his step.

Cyborg then followed, his normally gleaming metal body now scuffed and scratched, who was followed by Raven who was just as exhausted as everyone else.

"Dude, why can't super bad-guys be made of Jello or pudding or something? Why concrete?" Beast Boy lamented, kicking his boots off. Raven floated her way to him, gently resting herself to sit next to her green beau, breathing a sigh of relief that the battle was over.

"The point is we won." Robin added firmly. "Cinderblock threw everything he had at us and we still came out on top. I'm sure with a little more training we could beat him twice as fast!"

"Dude...you need a vacation." said Beast Boy. Robin frowned slightly as he knew the jade skinned prankster was right. "You're probably right..." he replied softly.

Cyborg fiddled with his left elbow a bit, noticing the joint was coming loose and needed attention. "Well I don't about you guys, but I think I'm gonna go take a breather and patch up." he said, as he made his way back to his room for some well needed repairs. "I believe he has the right idea. Robin, perhaps you would care for the Icy and Hot massage?" Starfire asked of her boyfriend. Robin, of course, eagerly accepted as he'd have to be a fool to reject such an offer. Without a moment's hesitation, the crimson haired beauty and Boy Wonder were off for some well earned R&R.

That just left Beast Boy and Raven alone in OPs. Beast Boy briefly considered to reach over and turn on the GameStation 720, but found he was too tired to even do that. "I'm whooped..." he yawned, scratching his head. Raven just nodded in agreement, just as sore as he was, though thinking complaining about it wouldn't help ease the pain any.

While Beast Boy sat there, admiring his pale Azarathian beauty, his focus entirely on her, when he suddenly felt their psychic link flare up. He could sense how sore she was, how every muscle on her petite frame ached and was in desperate need of relief. So, like any good boyfriend would do, he decided to offer his help.

"Hey Rae...would..uhh...you like...a back massage?" he asked timidly, the question seemingly harder to ask then it should have been.

"Since when do you know how to massage?" she asked.

Beast Boy blushed slightly and began to stammer, his mouth starting to go dry as if it were full of cotton. "Well..uhh...that is..." he said. Raven merely smirked at his uneasiness, finding his stammering cute in a bashful sort of way.

"Fine Gar." she said, as she turned her back towards him and scooted closer to the green changeling, her back a short gap from his chest. Beast Boy took a deep breath in to himself, not at all expecting her to go through with this.

"Need to have more confidence in yourself..." he thought, making a mental note.

The Azarathian sorceresses unhooked her cloak and flung it over the edge of the couch, letting Beast Boy have full access just to her leotard clad shoulders and back. With a gloved hand that shook slightly like a leaf in a gentle breeze, he reached forward and began to kneed the delicate flesh of her shoulders.

Raven closed her eyes and exhaled deeply, finding that surprisingly he had a gentle touch and was taking his time and not rushing to get the job done. He started off slow and careful, using his thumb to kneed gentle, small circles around her shoulders in an attempt to loosen up her stiff and sore muscles. His hands begin to work their way down her shoulder blades to roughly around her mid-back area, his fingers working a bit harder as the muscles were really tense in this area.

Raven gasped loudly as he found a particularly bad sore spot, causing a nearby GameStation controller to explode in dark energy. Beast Boy froze with his hands still on his back. "Is...everything ok?" he asked apprehensively. The pale girl blushed a light shade of crimson. "Yeah..." she said "That was just a bad spot. Keep going, Gar. You're doing a good job."

Beast Boy grinned his standard toothy grin and resumed his massage. His hands glided over her slender back and after bit more massaging, her gasps of sharp pain were replaced with purrs of appreciation. She arched her back a little, her eyes tightly closed and let out a quiet sound, a sound which Beast Boy swore was a moan, in recognition of his work.

A few more moments like this passed between the two before a satisfied Raven slid against Beast Boy, resting on his chest like a pillow. Beast Boy ran his fingers through her silk like violet hair, before planting a gentle kiss on the crown of her head.

The two Titans laid there drifting off to sleep in each other's company. Beast Boy yawned loudly and closed his eyes, ready to pass out for a few hours, when his slumber was interrupted by a booming voice that sounded like it was amplified from a loud speaker.

"TITANS! PREPARE TO MEET THY DOOM!"