Written by: Gothic Spook
Date: July 15, 2004
Air Date: February 14, 2005 (HAPPY VALENTINES DAY!)
Series: FRVS - Episode #143
Spoilers: Past episodes of FRVS may be spoiled.
Feedback: Love it. Live for it. There is a form at the bottom of this story that you can use to send us feedback. Thank you.
Archiving: "Fox & Rat" Virtual Series ONLY!
Disclaimer: We do not own John Doggett, Dana Scully, Brad Follmer, Fox Mulder, Alex Krycek, Marita Covarrubias, Walter Skinner, Alvin Kersh. They belong to Chris Carter, Ten-Thirteen Productions, and 20th Century FOX Broadcasting.
Author's Note: I want to say a HUGE thank you to Kristi and Cassie for letting me write my own episode! I hope everyone enjoys this! Be sure to review and let me know what you think!
Summary: An undercover assignment in a strip club has Krycek not caring about the employee's dark secret.
INT. KITTY KITTEN STRIP CLUB – NIGHT
FEBRUARY 13, SUNDAY
Silence fills the air as a bloody hand falls to the wooden floor. We follow down the man's arm to find his face, with a terrified expression. Two bare feet step in front of him and the man looks up in horror.
You're not going anywhere.
The man looks up at her with anger, and determination to live lies in his eyes. With all his strength, he beats his fear and rises to his feet and hauls ass to the door of the strip club. He fumbles over another dead body and falls to the ground. He looks back at the bead body in horror, just as the eyes open and look him straight in the eyes.
You can't leave.
The "dead" man tries to grab at the other man, trying to hold him at the eternal Hell. Luckily for the man, he finds his footing and runs out of the club.
SLIGHT TIME CUT TO:
EXT. PENNSYLVANIA AVENUE – NIGHT
The terrified man from the club runs aimlessly down the street, hoping to find a miracle to help him. He stops at a street corner and spots his only hope, The J. Edgar Hoover Building.
The X-Files. Fox Mulder.
With no hesitation the man runs across the street, not watching for other cars, and luckily for him it's so late that no one is out.
INT. J. EDGAR HOOVER BUILDING – CON'T
The man runs into the building, slipping on the clean floor and falling to the ground, and right at the feet of Assistant Director Walter Skinner.
Sir, are you okay?
Skinner looks down at the man. The man looks up at him with pleading eyes.
I'm Toby Walkens, I'm a former Super
Buddy member, and I need to see Fox
Mulder and the X-Files agents.
(beat) Please, Skinner!
Off of Skinner's concerned look for this man...
FEBRUARY 14TH, VALENTINE'S DAY
INT. A.D. BRAD FOLLMER'S OUTER OFFICE - 9 A.M.
Kim Cook is already at the office and is decorating the window with hearts cut out from red and pink construction paper. Brad walks in and gives her a friendly nod as he heads into his office.
He enters his office, carrying in one hand his briefcase and in the other holding a hot cup of coffee. He places his coffee on his desk and his briefcase on the floor as he sits down.
So I hear that John and Dana
have a special night planned for
Valentine's Day. (beat) Are you
going up to New York to be with Monica, Sir?
Brad's thoughts are elsewhere right now as he notices a note on his desk.
The handwritten note, with Skinner's name signed at the end. Brad can't make out a single word of it.
(muttering to self)
Damn doctor, chicken
Brad picks up the note and starts to read the writing. An exasperated expression washes over his face. He can barely manage to read the note, but can make out enough of it read that it has something to do with the case file underneath it. He puts down the note and presses the button on the intercom.
Can you please ask Agents Doggett
and Krycek to come to my office please?
(filtered through intercom)
Right away, sir.
INT. BASEMENT OFFICE
We see Doggett reading over a report, we can see that he is frustrated as he looks over to the other desk to glare at his reason: Alex Krycek.
This is so boring!
Maybe you should write up a case report.
I can't be bothered now.
I'll write it later.
Doggett shakes his head. He knows very well that Krycek won't write up the report which needs to be in soon. The phone on Doggett's desk rings. Krycek manages to pick it up before him.
Alex's palace of love.
How may I pleasure you?
Give me that!
Doggett quickly snatches the phone away from Krycek. He gives him a dirty look before he places the phone to his ear.
X Files office.
(filtered from phone)
A.D. Follmer wishes to see you and
Agent Krycek in his office immediately.
Before Doggett has a chance to reply we hear the line go dead. After he places the phone back down he gives Krycek the I-hate-you look.
What did I do?
Just being you is enough.
We've been called up to
A.D. Follmer's office.
INT. A.D. BRAD FOLLMER'S OFFICE
Doggett and Krycek sit in front of A.D. Follmer's desk. Doggett is waiting for Follmer to begin telling them the reason he called them to his office. Krycek is in a world of his own, thinking about how hot A.D. Follmer's secretary looked as he and Doggett walked in.
Thank you for coming. A.D. Skinner
found a case for the two of you.
(beat) This assignment requires you
both to go undercover.
Brad hands a file to Doggett who opens it. His face visibly pales.
You have gotta be kidding me!
I'm not. This is a serious case.
What? Let me see the file!
Before John has time to even process his words, Krycek snatches the file from his hands.
This is my kinda case!
When do we start!
Doggett places his head in his hands. This is going to be one long case.
You both begin tonight. (beat)
I've asked Agent Mulder to help,
he will be undercover as a customer.
Oh man! I want that job! Can we swap!
Also Agent Scully will be in charge
of forensic evidence and will be
performing the autopsies on
John visibly tenses at the mention of Agent Scully, he scratches the back of his neck nervously. No one knew about their relationship and their plans for Valentines Day. Brad noticed, but didn't say anything about it.
Are you both clear on the case?
(not waiting for an answer)
You both need to go and see
Agent Scully for the autopsy
report of the first victim.
She's expecting you. (beat)
Okay Agents get to work.
Krycek stands up and is about to leave but Brad's voice stops him.
(in his no-nonsense tone)
I expect you both to take this case
seriously and not to be distracted
by what goes on in the club.
(looking at him in disbelief)
You expect us to go undercover in
the most popular strip joint
in D.C. and NOT be distracted?
Krycek begins laughing uncontrollably as he leaves.
We can still hear Krycek's laughter as the office door closes. John looks at Brad.
This is a serious case?
Yes and I received a note from the
Director this morning confirming
me it was an X File and to assign you
and Agent Krycek to it.
(filtered through door)
So hot stuff, wanna go to my
office and I'll show you my love gun?
(looking at John with sympathy)
Best of luck to you John.
Taking in a deep breath, John opens the door just in time to see Kim slap Krycek hard across the cheek.
Come on pervert,
we have work to do.
John grabs Krycek by the arms and literally pulls him out of the office and away from the hot and annoyed looking secretary.
(shaking off Doggett's arm)
Hey, watch the suit buddy!
(ignoring Krycek's attitude)
We have to go to Agent Scully
for the autopsy report.
INT. AUTOPSY ROOM NO.2
We can see Scully pacing around the body as she reads through the report nervously. For the tenth time in the last five minutes she looks at the clock on the wall. Agent Doggett and Krycek are due to arrive any second.
(mumbling to self)
Just calm down.
Everything will be fine.
Scully visibly jumps back and lets out a little scream of surprise. She looks over at the door and sees Krycek and Doggett enter.
Sorry Dana. Didn't mean to
make you jump. (looks at
her suspiciously) You okay?
(a little too quickly)
Now let's get down to business.
The three of them walk over to the autopsy table. Dana pulls back the sheet lying over the body.
The body has a stitched up Y-incision and looks very pale. Krycek's eyes bug as his stomach starts to feel uneasy. He quickly looks away, hoping Scully or Doggett do not notice him.
Scully gives a quick glance over to Krycek and sees that his mind is already starting to wander.
The first thing I noticed on
the body were two small punctures
to this man's neck. Right here.
She indicates to the man's neck.
As far as I can tell, this is
the only cause for death I
What caused it? And ice pick?
Well, yes, and ice pick could do
this kind of damage. But with my
years on the X Files, I've seen
similar causes of death like this.
And what were those caused by?
Scully looks at him hesitantly, knowing what he's going to think about this.
Vampires? You believe that?
I'm just stating what the evidence
and my years points to, Agent Doggett.
As Dana explains everything she found from this victim, Krycek only half listened as he was thinking about how he will convince Mulder to swap jobs with him.
Scully hands Krycek the file.
Here is the autopsy report in detail,
and my support for my theory.
Krycek looks at the file for a second and then hands it to Doggett. Doggett takes it, knowing Krycek wasn't going to read it at any time.
Come on Agent Krycek.
We need to go prepare for tonight.
Yes we do, Agent Doggett.
Krycek holds his head high in the air and walks out of the autopsy room. Doggett rolls his eyes, knowing Krycek hasn't the slightest clue what Dana was talking about. He turns to Scully.
Looks like dinner and a
movie will have to be held
off for some other time, huh?
Off of Scully's knowing look...
EXT. KITTY KITTEN
It's dark outside. We see a truck pull up in front of a building. Out of the car emerges Krycek and John. Both are wearing casual clothes. They stop in front of the building and look up. We can now see they're standing in front of their undercover assignment. Kitty Kitten. The most popular strip joint in all of D.C.
(noticing Krycek's sickly smile)
Remember Agent Krycek this
is a SERIOUS case.
(not paying attention)
Sure, fine, whatever.
John rolls his eyes as they enter the building. They walk through a long corridor, hearing music being filtered through speakers which are located on the ceiling. They enter a door at the end of the corridor and enter the club area.
Oh my God!
Oh my sexy God!
A women wearing black leather hot pants and a black leather bra walks up to them.
You two must be John and Alex.
(holding out her hand to shake theirs)
I'm Leslie, I own this club. It's a pleasure
to meet you two face to face.
Nice to meet you.
(checking her out)
The pleasure is ALL mine.
(taking her hand away)
Yes, I'm sure the pleasure is all yours.
If you two go over to Chuck,
he'll sort you guys out with
uniform and instruct you guys further.
John and Krycek follow her directions over to the man she indicated was Chuck.
Follow me and I'll show
you to your lockers.
Neither John nor Krycek say a word. This guy is big. Huge! He definatley spends a lot of the time at the gym building his muscles up. It's very intimidating.
Chuck leads them into the locker room. Much to Krycek's pleasure, it's also shared with the women who work in the club. In front of him are women half naked dressing up for the night ahead.
(indicating to two lockers)
These are your two lockers.
You'll find a uniform for each of you.
Be back out in ten minutes and
I'll sort you fellers out.
Chuck leaves them to change. John opens his locker and is relieved to find a pair of plain black trousers and a black T-shirt saying "Security" on the front. He isn't suprised to see it's covered in hearts, reminding him that it's Valentines day. A women wearing ONLY a thong opens the locker next to his.
You must be the new guy.
(pulls him in for a big hug)
Nice to meet you.
Once John is free from the hug he scratches the back of his neck nervously.
Nice to meet you.
(holding out his hand)
(shaking his hand)
Rachel. (continues changing)
But everyone calls me "Thong Thing"
because... well I always wear thongs.
She finishes changing.
(leaving the locker room)
See you guys out there!
John sits down as he controls himself. He knows he shouldn't feel slightly turned on, he's dating Dana and so has to control himself better. Krycek is standing there grinning at him.
I LOVE MY JOB!
(looking down at John)
I think she likes you!
For once in your perverted life,
get your mind out of the gutter!
Yeah, like that's ever gonna
happen while in this place!
John starts walking out of the room, Krycek quickly finishes changing and follows him out. Once they find Chuck he tells them the rules. Most of them are fine, they're the rules anyone hears when starting any new job, until he tells them the last one that is.
And most importantly, DO NOT
be distracted by any of the girls.
What! (beat)You expect us to be
surrounded by half naked women
and not be distracted? Are you bleeping nuts!
(looking Krycek up and down)
You'll be on entrance duty tonight.
(to Doggett, ignoring Krycek)
You'll be inside by the main stage area.
This is completely unfair!
(angry and demanding)
Get outside now!
Ralph will show you
everything you need to do.
Krycek angrily does as he is told, mumbling some very hateful words in Russian as he walks outside. Chuck turns back to John.
Follow me. You'll be by the main
stage tonight. The rules
are, if you see anyone get
up on stage who isn't invited,
you kick their ass out.
John keeps quiet, waiting for more instruction.
And then he walks away leaving John with a confused look on his face. John takes on the tough stance, standing with a tough look on his face, the kind he has seen in the movies. Music starts playing and out from the curtain on the main stage, the one he was standing next to, the women he had met in the locker room comes out in a very sexy and skimpy outfit. John controls himself, not looking, only hearing the cheers and music.
INT. A CORNER OF THE CLUB
Some of the security guards are whispering to each other. One of them indicates towards Mulder who is oblivious to his watchers.
I say we spike his drink.
I agree. He's only drinking
orange juice! What a wimp!
Let's teach him a lesson!
They whisper to each other instructions and then go to their tasks.
Mulder is taking a sip of his orange juice. As he's undercover he's not allowed to consume any alcohol.
(stepping into his line of vision)
Hey there buddy. How's it going?
Mulder sets his drink behind him on the bar.
Every things great. What's it
like working in this place?
Must be a blast!
It is definatley a blast.
The girls are great and it's
fun partying nearly every night.
I can imagine.
(giving him an evil smile)
(looking normal again)
Well I better get back to work.
I just wanted to make sure
everything was to your satisfaction.
The guard walks away from Mulder and back to rejoin his fellow security guards. Mulder turns in his stool back to his drink and takes a sip.
Unbeknownst to Mulder, while his back had been turned, Guard 1 & 2 had poured Vodka into his drink. Mulder never even tastes the vodka as he continues to drink his "orange juice."
EXT. FRONT OF CLUB - ONE HOUR LATER
Krycek is standing at the entrance, next to another man who is watching people as they go in.
This job sucks!
I wanna go inside!
Well you can't. This
is the job you will be
doing from now on.
Krycek looks at him angrily as he takes a deep breath. It's like a light bulb as been turned on above his head, he gets an idea, a brilliant idea ... in his mind.
(turning to Ralph)
I just have to go inside and
use the little boys room.
Krycek goes inside, making sure to keep out of John's eye sight. He spots Mulder sitting at the bar taking a sip from a bottle of beer. Krycek goes and sits next to him.
(sounding a bit drunk)
Hey man! Isn't this a fun place!
They have everything! (thoughtful)
Except a disco ball.
Have you been drinking?
No, I've been a good little
undercover agent and only
drank orange juice.
Whatever. Listen, I need your
help. I need you to distract
John for a few minutes.
(not realising Krycek hasn't said why)
Sure! Anything I can do to
help you out bestest bud!
He sees Mulder making his way over to him with a huge smile on his face.
(muttering to self)
How's it going?
It's going good.
Shouldn't you be getting
back to do your job?
I just wanted to come
and say hello!
Well you said hello,
so now you can...
He's cut short by a blow to the back of the head, someone in the shadows behind him pulls him into the back room. Mulder follows. A light switch is turned on to reveal Alex Krycek! And that he has pulled an unconscious John into a storage room.
Thanks Mulder. I owe you one!
They both step out of the storage and Krycek locks the door behind him.
Now. (takes off his work
shirt) Let's go have some fun!
INT. A.D. BRAD FOLLMER'S OFFICE
We see Brad sitting at his desk, he's concentrating hard on a report when the phone rings. He picks it up on the third ring.
(filtered through phone)
I think it was a big mistake putting
me and Krycek on this case sir!
(filtered through phone)
Because I think the son of a bitch
knocked me out and locked
me in a storage room!
Oh for the love of God!
Well go find him and get him out
of that club right now!
(filtered through phone)
What if he won't listen?
I give you permission to kick
his ass if necessary.
(filtered through phone)
We hear filtered through the phone that John has hung up, Brad places his phone back down and rubs his head with his hands. He has a terrible headache. He knew Krycek would do something like this.
INT. OUTSIDE THE STORAGE ROOM
We hear heavy bangs on the door, like someone trying to force it open when it's locked. The door breaks off it's hinges and reveals John rubbing his shoulder from slamming it into the door repeatedly. He then gets a look in his eyes which tells us he is mad!
INT. MAIN CLUB AREA
Krycek is watching a women dancing in front of him.
Woo! Go baby!
She sits on his lap and starts grinding herself against him. His hands feel all over her and he places a twenty dollar note in the front of her underwear. All of a sudden she is pulled off of his lap and Krycek looks up to see a very angry John Doggett.
Uh hey man.
What's the problem?
In one word: You!
It was all Mulder's idea!
He roped me into knocking you out!
We have to go right now!
I'm afraid we can't let you do that boys.
John and Krycek slowly turn around and see her and everyone else who works in the club staring at them. Their eyes glowing green and their fang teeth showing.
We all just love you two so much.
We want to see what you taste like!
Every man for himself!
John and Krycek both try to make a run for it but are quickly overpowered and held down on one of the tables by the other security guards. Leslie walks over to John, she gets up on the table and straddles him.
Don't worry John.
You'll like working here
for all of eternity.
(looking at Leslie)
Wait a second! All of
eternity working here?
(beat) BITE ME! PLEASE!
BITE ME! I WANT IT NOW!
First John and then I'll bite you.
She leans down to Johns neck, her fangs ready to sink into his neck and just as John feels her breath on her neck the front door to the club opens
(oblivious as to what was going to happen)
Mulder holds up a disco ball.
Look what I have!
He walks in between all of the people who are just standing there looking at him in disbelief that he isn't scared out of his mind. He jumps up on the centre table and hangs the disco ball from the ceiling.
What are you doing!
Well this place has everything
except for a disco ball.
So I thought I'd go and get one for you.
He pulls out a flashlight and turns it on and shines it on the disco ball, the light reflecting everywhere as it spins.
See how cool it is?
Around the three of them all of the vampire employees shriek in pain as the light hits them. They all explode in a million pieces. Covering the Agents in all kinds of things.
What just happened?
The entire club was vampires!
Light kills vampires.
Mulder looks down at his torch and quickly switches it off and throws it over his shoulder. He looks at all the body pieces around him and his two friends. He looks up at John and Krycek with a hand-caught-in-the-cookie-jar look on his face.
INT. MARITA'S LIVING ROOM
Dana and Marita are sitting on the comfy couch in front of the TV watching a horror movie. When suddenly the movie is interrupted.
We interrupt this movie for a news flash!
An undercover FBI Agent saves his
two fellow undercover Agents from
certain doom tonight, as a
strip club's dark secret is revealed.
The camera pans around to Mulder who is standing next to the reporter.
Agent Mulder. Please tell us what happened.
Well my fellow Agents and I were assigned
to solve the recent murders which
all had connections back
to this very popular club.
Agents Doggett and Krycek were about to
become the clubs next victims when
I came in and stopped the murderers.
Hey Mulder get away from the reporter!
No one wants to see you on their TV screens!
Krycek shoves Mulder out of the way and takes his place in front of the camera.
This is Agent Krycek who the
heroic Agent Mulder saved
from certain doom.
(pushing his way in front of the camera)
Hey hey! No one saved me! I really saved
the day! That's right all you foxy ladies
watching! I'm the hero and so should be
rewarded! I am all man and mucho! Any
single women ... Scratch the single part out.
Any sexy ladies looking for a good time,
call me on 555-Sexy-God. And I will
show all you lucky callers my Love Gun
and may let you experience the pleasure of it.
Cookie dough flies onto the TV, hitting Krycek right in the nose.
Nice shot, Marita.
I hate when he gets like this.
Tune in at ten for the latest.
starts to check out the female reporter up and down.
Dana and Marita look at each other in shock. Not quite believing what they just witnessed.
The phone rings and Dana reaches for it and answers.
(filtered through phone)
You need to do an autopsy.
Body parts from Mulder, Krycek and
Doggett's assignment are on there way.
She hangs up the phone with a sigh.
Off her annoyed look we...