Disclaimer: I don't own anything Supernatural related, but I wish I owned Dean and the Impala! A girl can dream can't she!
Warning: This story mentions physical abuse, but nothing too graphic.
AN: Thanks for the reviews ToriTheReviewer, The-NightWalking-DayDreamer, tvbatina, ash-rox, friendly, SpookyClaire, dustori, Zenamydog, Brenny, Winchester494, Wolf Maid, TeacherTam, Ghostwriter, Dybdahl, and cHoCoLaTe-cHiHuAhUa. I'm sorry that I haven't updated, I've had severe writers block when it comes to this story. I hope you enjoy the chapter.
Chapter 4: Let Go
"Dean I understand that you don't want to talk about this, and especially not with me, but you need to. It's eating you up inside and I'm sorry but, I'm all you got, so we're going to talk about this.", Sam said, resolutely.
"I said no Sam!", Dean yelled, stubbornly. He got up from the bed and walked over to his duffle bag. He grabbed a pair of jeans, roughly shoving his legs into the pant legs, and then he pulled on another shirt. Then he walked over to the little table in their motel room and grabbed his jacket from the chair. "We're done with this conversation, I'm going to go grab a cup of coffee."
Sam quickly moved to stand in front of the door, blocking Dean's exit. "You're not going anywhere Dean and we're going to talk about this.", he spoke, firmly.
"Yes I am and no we're not. Now get out of the way Sam.", Dean insisted, breathing heavily, his normally hazel-green eyes shining vibrant green with anger. He made a move toward Sam, but Sam grabbed him before he could do anything. Not that Sam thought Dean was going to hurt him because Dean wouldn't, but he would try to pull him away from the door.
"No Dean, you're not leaving this room until we've talked about this.", Sam said, standing firm.
Dean struggled in Sam's grip, but Sam held on tightly. "Let go of me!", Dean huffed.
"No, not unless you're ready to talk about this. 'Cause I can do this all day Dean, you're the one making this harder than it has to be.", Sam said, calmly.
"FUCK YOU, LET GO OF ME!", Dean screamed, his voice cracking with emotion, as he continued to struggle.
Sam could feel Dean's energy waning, and honestly Sam was getting tired himself. This was killing him, seeing Dean trying so desperately to burry the pain away. Just as Sam was about to speak Dean's voice shocked him into silence. "Why are you doing this to me?", Dean whispered, brokenly. "Please… just stop."
Sam sighed heavily, he hated this but he couldn't let it go, Dean needed to deal with this. "I'm sorry Dean, but I can't do that, as much as I want to I can't stop. You need to deal with this."
After Sam's statement Dean just deflated, sagging against his brother. Sam slowly lowered Dean to the floor before sitting down next to him. Sam made sure to stay in front of the door in case Dean made a run for it. It didn't look like Dean was about to do any running though. He was sitting with his back to Sam, but Sam could see his muscles trembling, straining as he tried to keep his emotions in check. Sam slowly reached out, gripping Dean's shoulders and twisting him around so he could see his face.
What he saw made his heart constrict painfully, Dean's jaw was clenched, his chin and lower lip trembling, and his agonized eyes filled to the brim with unshed tears. Sam could see that Dean was barely holding them back, he was fighting so hard, but he just couldn't keep it under control. Sam slowly reached forward and firmly, but gently gripped Dean's chin. "Dean tell me why you said daddy please don't do this.", he demanded, softly.
He watched Dean choke on a sob, and shakily take a deep breath, "I can't do this Sammy, I can't."
"Yes, you can. It's okay to tell me Dean, you don't always have to be the strong one. Let someone take care of you for a change, let me take care of you. Dean as long as I can remember you've always been there for me, always taken care of me, protected me. I've always felt safe, protected, loved, and cherished by you. Now it my turn to be there for you, my turn to take care of you, my turn to protect you. And now it's your turn to feel safe, protected, loved, and cherished. You've always taken care me, but I don't think that there is really anyone who has taken care of you.", Sam spoke, softly, honestly.
A few tear drops leaked out of Dean's eyes as he choked back a sob at Sam's statement. "I don't know… I don't know how to do this Sammy.", Dean whispered shakily, running a tired hand through his soft dark blonde hair.
"I know Dean, I know. How 'bout I just ask you questions and you do your best to answer them. We'll figure out the rest later, okay?", Sam asked.
Dean nodded and Sam asked the first question. "Why did you say daddy please don't do this, was dad hurting you?"
Dean nodded and another tear drop made its way down his cheek. Sam sighed before asking, "Do you know why?"
"Yeah, it was… it was your 7th birthday and you were pretty damn excited. Actually the morning started off good, we played for a little while before going downstairs. When we got downstairs you went running into the kitchen… that's when I… that's when I saw all the beer bottles on the coffee table. I didn't know when he'd started drinkin' so I couldn't trust him to be alone with you. I got to the kitchen and he started yelling at you about… something and you got upset. After I calmed you down I sent you upstairs. I… uh I offered to get him some aspirin and he told me… he told me to get lost. Then I said that he had to at least try that day because it was your birthday. He was still drunk… and he got angry.", he answered, shakily, staring down at his worn jeans.
"Dean what did he do to you?", Sam asked, gently.
"He punched me in the gut… real hard and then… then he beat me with his belt.", Dean answered, more tears falling from his eyes, some clumping in his gorgeously long lashes.
"Okay.", Sam whispered, shakily. "Uh, was that the first time?"
Dean shook his head, more tears falling, and his body straining again, with the effort it was taking to keep the sobs at bay.
"That fuckin' bastard!", Sam hissed, angrily.
"Sam don't hate him, he… he was always so sorry. Most of the time he would cry after. I think he would get angry at me pretty fast because I look like mom. Sometimes when he was drunk he'd say… he'd say that it hurt to much to look at me. But he was always sorry Sammy, so it's okay.", Dean whispered.
"Dean just because he was sorry doesn't make it okay for him to hit you.", Sam said, exasperated.
"I Know but, what do you think I should've done. I love dad and he needed… needed me to take care of him. Just like you needed me to take care of you. I could handle it 'cause I knew that dad loves me and that he'd always be sorry. I knew that because he was… was hitting me he wouldn't be hitting you. And Sammy it would've been so much worse if CPS… CPS had gotten involved because we'd probably never have seen dad again, and we probably would… would have been separated. If that had happened I… I wouldn't have been able to handle it.", Dean said, brokenly.
"Dean I'm so sorry you had to go through that.", Sam said, pulling Dean closer and encircling him in his arms. He pulled Dean's head down to rest on his shoulder and whispered in his ear, "Let go Dean, I've gotcha now, just let go."
Dean was shuddering with every breath and he felt the tears in his eyes brimming over. He took one last shuddering breath and when he exhaled his broke down into sobs.
AN: So I've finally updated I hope you enjoyed. There is one more chapter left. Please Review it's very much appreciated. Constructive criticism is always welcome.