"Last time, on The Smashy Amazing Race," said Master Hand, "Five teams set off on the eighth leg of a race around the world!"

"Teams travelled to Donkey Kong Island, where tensions rose between Samus and Falcon and Ness and Yoshi!"

"Hi, team buddies!" said Ness innocently. "Ready to beat everyone else as a team?"

"Uh…" said Falcon, "We just forgot to go the toilet… so we're going to the toilet now… together…"

Samus and Falcon flagged down a taxi, sprinted to it and drove off to the airport.

"Kirby and Jigglypuff surged ahead on the eating-themed Fast Forward, much to the disliking of the locals!"

"A METAL DEEP-FRIED VASE!" shrieked the chef running out from the kitchen, violently unveiling the meal, "POSSIBLY ONE OF THE HARDEST TO CHE-"

"What's next?" said Kirby, swallowing the last bit.

"And they arrived first!"

Kirby and Jigglypuff," said Master Hand, "You are team number one!"

"Fed up of being tricked all of the time, Ness and Yoshi managed to trick Samus and Falcon into going to the already-completed Fast Forward!"

"Hey, we can trick Samus and Falcon!" said Yoshi excitedly, "Us and Bowser and Ganondorf have done Road Blocks, so all we have to do is convince them that the other two teams are behind them!"

"What a great idea!" cheered Ness, "Let's trick them now!"

"However the lead tightened, as Yoshi was tempted on the berry-collecting detour!" said Master Hand.

"Two more!" said Yoshi, sealing the third punnet.

Yoshi glanced away momentarily and ate the three punnets of berries.

"A close call in the end saw Ness and Yoshi fourth, and Samus and Falcon last, which made Ness and Yoshi ecstatic!"

"SUCK! SUCK!" screamed Ness ecstatically, "WE BEAT YOU! WE BEAT YOU!"

"But it was revealed to be a non-elimination leg to Samus and Falcon's delight!" said Master Hand.

"Yay!" cheered Samus and Falcon.

"Without any money or baggage, can Samus and Falcon cope and dig themselves out of last place? Will Ness and Yoshi's actions against Samus and Falcon affect their performance in the race?"

"Five teams remain," said Master Hand, "Who will be eliminated, next?"

The Teams: (with Jigglypuff's thumbs-up-o-meter)

Zelda and Donkey Kong (They're kind of silly. Two thumbs up.)
Kirby and Jigglypuff (Bestest team ever! Infinity thumbs up.)
Bowser and Ganondorf (They're kind of silly. Two thumbs up.)
Ness and Yoshi (Ew. Scary. Ten thumbs down.)
Samus and Falcon (Wait, who?)

"Kirby and Jigglypuff, who arrived first at 11:32 AM, will depart at 11:32 PM!" said Master Hand.

Kirby and Jigglypuff
1
st to depart: 11:32 PM

"I wanna open the clue!" said Jigglypuff brattishly.

"You have," laughed Kirby.

Jigglypuff blushed, and read, "You must now fly to Mute City, and find the Mute City Racing Hall of Fame!"

"Teams must now make their way to Mute City, a city planet with one of the highest number of F-Zero race courses! Once there, they must find this famous racing museum, where they will find their next clue," said Master Hand.

"Oh boy, we're going to Mute City!" cheered Jigglypuff.

"And then when we're there, we can buy some streamers and party because we're in Mute City!" cheered Kirby.

"And then we can dance around in Mute City park, then go to the Mute City farm, the Mute City shopping mall and then go to the Mute City Disneyland!" cheered Jigglypuff.

"There's no Disneyland in Mute City," said Kirby, confused.

"Actually, I've never heard of Mute City before in my life, it's just that if I don't keep on talking, the drugs that I should've slipped into Yoshi's food but accidentally slipped into mine will make me pass out!" said Jigglypuff.

Jigglypuff passed out.

Zelda and Donkey Kong
2
nd to depart: 1:12 AM

"You must now fly to Mute City, and find the Mute City Racing Hall of Fame!" read Donkey Kong, "Four teams have been given one hundred and eight dollars for this leg of the race, and one team has no money and no belongings!"

"Okay, let's go!" said Zelda, getting out her purse.

Zelda and Donkey Kong
Interview after leg

"We decided to give Samus and Falcon some money because they were, you know, our old team mates," said Zelda, "And we're also just very nice people."

"And there were no threats involved," said Donkey Kong, trying to ignore the bomb that was planted in his bloodstream and would detonate if Samus pushed a button.

Bowser and Ganondorf
3
rd to depart: 2:52 AM

"You must now fly to Mute City, and find the Mute City Racing Hall of Fame!" read Ganondorf, "Four teams have been given one hundred and eight dollars for this leg of the race, and one team has no money and no belongings!"

"Drop some money off by Samus's car," said Bowser, getting several notes from his wallet.

Bowser and Ganondorf
Interview after leg

"We decided to give small amounts of cash to Samus and Falcon because we are nice people and the locals wouldn't help out at all," said Ganondorf.

"And there were no threats involved," said Bowser trembling, ripping up the Christmas Party photos.

Ness and Yoshi
4
th to depart: 3:36 AM

"You must now fly to Mute City, and find the Mute City Racing Hall of Fame!" read Ness.

"Come on, we're only a minute in front!" said Yoshi.

Ness and Yoshi
Interview before leg

"We wouldn't have changed our race plan even if we knew nobody would have been eliminated," said Ness.

"Even though we planned to get them eliminated, we know they'll get eliminated this leg as they have no money," said Yoshi, "So we know it will pay off."

Samus and Falcon
Last to depart: 3:37 AM

"You must now fly to Mute City, and find the Mute City Racing Hall of Fame!" read Samus, "Four teams have been given one hundred and eight dollars for this leg of the race, and one team has no money and no belongings!"

"Great, we have no money," said Falcon angrily.

"Hey guys," taunted Ness from inside his car, "How does it feel to have no money?"

Samus grabbed Ness and removed his intestines with her bare hands. The blood and excess organs gushed onto the ground as Ness felt a sharp pain in his stomach. Onlookers looked in disgust and avoided the thought of the gruesome, scarring sight they had just seen.

"What do you say?" said Samus angrily.

"Sorry," wept Ness, losing blood.

Samus and Falcon
Currently in Last Place

"Okay, let's see what they left us!" said Samus.

"Fifteen dollars with a Waddle Dee paper clip attached to it," said Falcon, holding up several bills.

"That's from Kirby," said Falcon.

"A box of medicine that has the words 'sleeping pills' crossed out and replaced with 'awake mixture' in horrible handwriting?" said Falcon.

"Jigglypuff," chuckled Samus.

"Twenty dollars, attached to a note saying, 'don't hurt any more animals'?" said Falcon.

"Donkey Kong," said Samus.

"And thirty dollars attached to a note saying, 'please don't publish them online as it will ruin my reputation and my deodorant contract'?" said Falcon.

"Bowser," said Samus, smiling.

"Well, that's a good get from everyone," said Falcon, yawning.

"Does Jigglypuff honestly think she can make us fall asleep with those 'awake pills'?" laughed Samus, "That's pathetic, who would fall for that?"

"But the awake pills keep you awake!" said Falcon, "I took twelve of them, I'll be awake for days!"

"Falcon, you are an idiot," said a depressed Samus, slouching.

"But they're awake pills? Why wouldn't I take them?" said Falcon.

"…" said Samus angrily.

"Oh right, it was a trap," said Falcon, becoming drowsy.

Falcon passed out.

Donkey Kong Island Airport

Kirby and Jigglypuff
Currently in 1
st Place

"Can we have the earliest flight to Mute City?" said Kirby.

"Well," replied an airline worker, "We have a 10:00 AM direct flight to Mute City that lands at 2:00 PM local time!"

"There's nothing earlier?" said Kirby.

"Nope, it's the first flight out," said the worker.

Kirby and Jigglypuff
1
st on Tropical Air Flight

Zelda and Donkey Kong
2
nd on Tropical Air Flight

"I'm really going to miss home," said Donkey Kong, sniffing.

Donkey Kong noticed his head was on a bounty poster.

"Then again, maybe a break could be good," said a sweating Donkey Kong, tugging on his collar.

Bowser and Ganondorf
3
rd on Tropical Air Flight

"Thanks," said Ganondorf, taking the tickets.

"Don't let anyone else find out about this flight," said Bowser.

The airline worker stared at Bowser.

Ness and Yoshi
4
th on Tropical Air Flight

"Thanks!" said Ness, taking the tickets.

"WHAT DID YOU JUST DO?" said Bowser angrily, storming up to the airline worker.

"I… I sold them the tickets?" said the airline worker, puzzled.

"But you promised me that you wouldn't tell anyone about it!" said Bowser angrily.

"I didn't promise you anything," said the confused airline worker, "And I wouldn't anyway! My job's kind of to… sell tickets, not to not sell tickets."

"I WILL SEEK REVENGE ON YOU!" screamed Bowser, running off.

"Heh," laughed the airline worker at Bowser's pathetic appearance.

The electricity in the airport turned off.

"NUUE!" screamed the airport worker, "My only fear: the dark!"

"Mwahahaha," cackled Bowser.

Several planes crashed.

"Sorry?" said Bowser.

Samus and Falcon
Last on Tropical Air Flight

"Mute City?" teased Samus, "What kind of whackjob place name is that?"

Falcon whimpered.

"You are pathetic," said Samus.

"All teams are now on the 10:00 AM Tropical Air flight, which lands at 2:00 PM local time!" said Master Hand.

Mute City

Tropical Air Flight
Landed at 1:56 AM

Samus and Falcon
Currently in 1
st Place

"Let's go," said Falcon, lugging along his backpack.

"This place looks slightly er… overcrowded," said Samus.

"No it isn't!" said Falcon defensively, "What makes you say that?"

"Oh, nothing," said Samus, noticing several aeroplanes landing between narrow spaces in apartment buildings.

Ness and Yoshi
Currently in 2
nd Place

"Hey guys!" said Ness, running up to Samus and Falcon. "You left your wallets back in the aeroplane!"

"Do you really think we'll fall for that?" said Falcon angrily.

Ness and Yoshi nodded hopefully in unison.

"Well we're not going to," said Samus angrily. "Oh, by the way, you left your wallets in the plane."

"Run!" said Ness, charging towards where he came from.

Ness stopped. "Wait…"

Kirby and Jigglypuff
Currently in 3
rd Place

"Jigs, you really need to eat the food that they give you on the plane," said Kirby.

"I can manage!" said Jigglypuff independently, wheeling along a trolley full of pancakes.

"Where did you get those from?" said Kirby.

"Maybe," said Jigglypuff.

"What?" said Kirby.

"Maybe not," said Jigglypuff.

"You're not making any sense," sighed Kirby. "Come on, let's go!"

Pancake House
Mushroom Kingdom

"Where did the pancakes go!?" cried a chef.

"More importantly, how did Jigglypuff get here from an airport in Mute City!?" cried a waiter.

Bowser and Ganondorf
Currently in 4
th Place

"That's the last time you're going to eat a steak in first class," said Ganondorf angrily.

"How was I supposed to know they actually had the animal there?" said a hysterical Bowser defensively.

Zelda and Donkey Kong
Currently in Last Place

"Next time we're definitely going to book two seats for you," said an anxious Zelda.

"Sure, just make fun of my size, will you?" sulked Donkey Kong, the chair and tray table marks still indenting in his stomach.

Kirby and Jigglypuff
Currently in 1
st Place

"Wow? A flying taxi?" said Jigglypuff excitedly, hopping into the taxi.

"What do you think we had?" replied the taxi driver, smirking, "Petrol-fuelled cars that chug along the ground at fifty kilometres an hour?"

"Well… yeah…" said Jigglypuff, trying to figure out if there was a point to what the man had just said.

"Well our technology has advanced that stage where cars just crash into each other," laughed the driver.

"Right…" said Kirby. "So people just… crash into each other… on purpose?"

"Of course," said the driver seriously.

Jigglypuff gaped.

Kirby slowly dragged Jigglypuff back. "You know what? We'll take another taxi."

"Your loss," cried the driver. "But my honour is now forever ruined!"

"What?" said Kirby.

"Suicide run!" cried the driver, speeding off with his doors open.

Kirby and Jigglypuff stared at his receding figure.

Ness and Yoshi
Currently in 2
nd Place

"Oh my gosh!" screamed Yoshi, "Did somebody just crash into our hovercraft?"

Ness looked at the wreckage at the back of their taxi.

"I believe so," said Ness.

Samus and Falcon
Currently in 3
rd Place

"Wow, these taxis have advanced so much in just a year!" said Falcon, amazed. "The chairs have a built in back massager!"

"Uh…" said Samus, "My seat doesn't have a back massager…"

"But then what's massaging my back?" said Falcon. "Oh, it's just a pair of plastic hands."

A finger fell off.

"Actually… I don't think that's a plastic hand… it's actually… a disembodied hand…"

"AAAH!" screamed Falcon.

Cue the 80's Horror music.

Bowser and Ganondorf
Currently in 4
th Place

"The locals here are so rude," said Bowser angrily.

The taxi driver held a rifle aimed at Bowser.

"Except for you, of course," chuckled Bowser nervously.

The taxi driver gave Bowser a stern look.

"Okay, the locals are alright," said Bowser.

The taxi driver held the gun up to Bowser's neck.

"Okay, this is a great city," said a cheery Bowser.

"You guys are the tenth celebrity today that claimed they loved our city!" said the taxi driver, cheerfully, "Now I'll just post it on my blog here, okay?"

"No," said Ganondorf angrily.

"Well, you can't stop me," said the taxi driver.

Ganondorf snapped his laptop in half.

"You're really going to regret this," said the taxi driver angrily, pointing his rifle at Ganondorf.

Ganondorf snapped the gun in half with his bare hands.

"Perhaps not," said the taxi driver.

He pulled out a second rifle.

Ganondorf snapped it in half, too.

"Hmm," said the taxi driver. "I can still kill you with my martial arts prowess!"

He raised his hands offensively.

Ganondorf snapped his arms.

"Ow," said the taxi driver. "Well… I can still kill you… with my neck… and spinal cord…"

Zelda and Donkey Kong
Currently in Last Place

"Electronics are so cheap here!" said Donkey Kong amazed, "I got this laptop for twenty dollars!"

Donkey Kong proudly held up a colourful rocket-themed coaster.

"Donkey Kong, that's not a laptop, that's a coaster!" said Zelda, confused, "How did you mistake that coaster for a laptop?"

"Uh, huh! Huh! Huh, huh, huh, huh!" cried Donkey Kong heavily.

"I'm sorry," said Zelda.

"Uh, huh! Huh! Huh, huh, huh, huh!" cried Donkey Kong heavily.

"I'm really sorry," said Zelda, "You can stop now!"

"Uh, huh! Huh! Huh, huh, huh, huh!" cried Donkey Kong.

"Uh… Donkey Kong?" said Zelda.

"I'm just so stupid!" cried Donkey Kong. "All this wasted time! And money! I've let the team down! I've let me down!"

Pause.

"And I've let you down!" cried Donkey Kong.

"There, there," said Zelda. "It's all right."

They kissed.

The taxi driver stared at them.

"Um…" said Donkey Kong, "it's not what it looks like."

"Yes," said Zelda, "definitely not what it looks like."

"Are you two… in love?" said the taxi driver incredulously.

"Well… um… no, of course not, don't be stupid," said DK, trying to laugh.

"No, we don't… wait, you don't?" said Zelda, shocked. "My love for you is unrequited?... um, my nonexistent love for you?"

"So you don't really love me?" said DK. "No!"

"What on earth…" began the driver.

"Wait, let me try again," said DK. "Zelda, I love you, but just not in front of him."

"Right," said Zelda, smiling again. "I see… in that case, I love you too, but not in front of the driver."

The driver stared.

They both kissed again.

"So you love each other?" said the driver cautiously.

"Ye- no," said Zelda.

"We don't?" said DK. "Oh… right… we don't."

The driver stared.

They crashed into another taxi at several hundred thousand kilometres per hour, flying through the windshield of the taxi. They flew through the air several storeys above the ground, weightless for a moment before gravity's inexorable pull began to drag them back down–

They crashed through the windshield of another taxi and landed in the back seat, crushing several hundred Pikmin.

"Woah," said Zelda, because that had been a bit weird.

"Yeah, woah," said DK.

"Don't worry," said the driver, "it happens all the time."

Zelda and DK kissed again.

The driver stared.

Mute City Racing Museum

Ness and Yoshi
Currently in 1
st Place

"Wow, this is a pretty cool place!" said Ness, running along, admiring the model cars, life-sized statues and real car parts.

"There's the clue box!" said Yoshi, pointing to a box.

"Road Block!" read Ness, "Who can quickly qualify?"

"Road Block!" said Master Hand, "A Road Block is a task that only one team member may perform! In this Road Block, that team member must get into a real F-Zero racer, and complete three laps of a small racing circuit!
"This up front may seem easy, but for a lap to be valid, they must complete the circuit in a respectable competitive time!"

"I'll do it," said Ness.

Kirby and Jigglypuff
Currently in 2
nd Place

"Who can quickly qualify?" read Kirby.

"I'll do it," said Jigglypuff.

"Are you sure you can reach the pedals?" said Kirby.

"What are you talking about?" said Jigglypuff, confused, "I can raise the best soufflé!"

Jigglypuff proudly held up frying cooking pan.

"Uh, Jigs," said Kirby, confused, "I really don't think you're doing cooking in this task… being in a racing museum and all…"

"Well then why did I bring my frying pan?" said Jigglypuff angrily.

"Jigs, it's not about cooking!" said Kirby.

"Yes it is!" said Jigglypuff angrily, stepping into the racing car.

"Then why are you in a racing car?" said Kirby, slightly annoyed.

"There must be a stove here or something!" said Jigglypuff.

Jigglypuff lit a match.

The engine caught on fire.

"Okay," shouted Jigglypuff, the entire car up in fumes, "Maybe you were right, Kirby!"

Samus and Falcon
Currently in 3
rd Place

"Who can quickly qualify?" read Samus.

"Oh, come on," said Falcon, "This is like my task, I have to do it."

"Last time I remember, a magazine said the entire thing was staged," said Samus.

"Pssh, yeah right!" laughed Falcon proudly, "I'll blitz them all!"

Falcon smugly climbed into the vehicle.

"Now how do you turn this thing on?" said Falcon to himself.

"I heard that," shouted Samus.

"Um… no you didn't!" said Falcon, sweating.

Bowser and Ganondorf
Currently in 4
th Place

"You do it," said Ganondorf, "You clearly have expertise in this subject."

"I bought this magazine at the airport for four dollars!" said Bowser, holding up a racing magazine, "How is that expertise?"

"Well, you've read it, so you probably know more than me," said Ganondorf.

"It's still sealed!" said Bowser.

"Well you've seen the cover, you do it," said Ganondorf.

"If you just want me to do it because you're scared, just tell me!" said Bowser angrily.

"Scared? I'm not scared!" said Ganondorf, shaking at the knees.

Zelda and Donkey Kong
Currently in Last Place

"Okay, do you want to do the Road Block?" said Zelda.

"Uh, huh! Huh! Huh, huh, huh, huh!" cried Donkey Kong.

"Okay, I'll do it," said Zelda.

Mute City Racing Circuit

Ness
Laps Completed: 0

"Come on, Ness!" cheered Ness through the speaker system.

"It's really hard to get it started!" said Ness, frustrated, turning the key.

The engine started.

"Hurrah!" said Ness.

Falcon's ship shot several bullets at Ness's ship, stalling the engine.

"Is that even legal?" complained Ness. "You're not supposed to have guns on your ship!"

"Well," said a man through the speaker system, "He does bring in a quarter of the city's revenue, so I guess it's legal for him!"

"That's unfair!" said Ness. "Can I have guns, at least?"

"Well you can't even get the engine started, little boy!" laughed the man.

"That's because he shot my ship down!" said Ness angrily.

The man chuckled.

"SUIWFHUIEW!" said Ness.

Jigglypuff
Laps completed: 0

"Jigs, I don't think you're doing it right," said Kirby.

"Am too!" said Jigglypuff, doing the entire course in reverse.

Zelda
Laps completed: 0

"You're doing great, Zelda!" said Donkey Kong, watching Zelda back the ship into a lamppost.

Bowser
Laps completed: 0

Bowser flew past the chequered flags.

"Two seconds off an acceptable time," said the man.

"Use the shortcut," said Ganondorf, reading a page online. "It'll shave three seconds off your time!"

"Are you reading from a game manual?" asked Bowser.

"Um… no…" said Ganondorf, discarding the game manual.

Falcon
Laps completed: 1

"You're doing really crap," complained Samus, "Go faster!"

"I'm going as fast as I can!" said Falcon, wrestling the steering wheel along the sharp bend.

"It's really boring," yawned Samus.

Captain Falcon zoomed past the chequered flags.

"That's not only an acceptable time," said a man from course maintenance, "That's a new course record!"

Falcon
Laps completed: 2

"Happy with that now?" said Falcon, raising his eyebrows.

"Well actually," said Samus, impressed, "I'm quite amazed with your-"

Falcon, not looking at anything in front of him, crashed into a lamppost.

"…lack of co-ordination," said Samus, quickly changing to an unimpressed look, "Ness is doing better than you!"

Ness
Laps completed: 0

"My car is stuffed!" said an exasperated Ness, assessing the pile of debris that was his car, "Can you give me a new one?"

"No," replied the man.

Jigglypuff
Laps completed: 0

"Jigs, use the acceleration pedal more!" said Kirby, watching a feed of Jigglypuff through a screen.

"So that's not the sustain pedal?" said Jigglypuff.

"Jigs, that's not a piano!" laughed Kirby.

"That explains a lot," said Jigglypuff angrily, taking away the tuning fork.

Zelda
Laps completed: 0

"Zelda, your foot's on the wrong pedal!" said Donkey Kong.

"That explains a lot," said Zelda, suddenly noticing that her foot had been on the brake pedal for the entire fifteen minutes.

"I hate this," moaned Zelda.

Falcon
Laps completed: 2

"One more corner to go," said Samus, watching slightly anxiously through the screen.

Falcon wrestled the steering wheel to the far left, and then sped through the chequered flags, a long trail of fire behind the ship.

"And that is sixteen seconds under the needed time!" said the man, handing Samus the clue.

Falcon
Completed Road Block

"Woohoo!" shouted Samus, "That was wild! Wow! Falcon is such an amazing driver!"

Samus let out a girly scream.

"Falcon is number one!" shouted Samus.

Falcon ran back into the main museum room.

"Wow, is that the first time you've actually said something good about me?" said Falcon ecstatically, "I feel like I have such higher self-esteem now!"

"What are you talking about, jerk?" said Samus angrily.

"You were just cheering me on," said Falcon angrily.

"Um… that wasn't me," said Samus, "Why would I say anything good about you?"

"Yes you were!" said Falcon angrily, "I heard all of those screams of support!"

"Well it wasn't me!" said Samus, trying to sound genuine.

"Then who was it?" said Falcon.

"Yoshi!" said Samus cheerfully, picking up Yoshi.

"You were the one supporting him!" said Yoshi angrily.

Samus held a gun up to Yoshi's head. "Really?"

"Ararararara," said Yoshi, "Okay! It was me!"

"But you just held a gun up to-"

"Clue!" said Samus, opening the clue.

"You must now make your way to the 'City Square'!" read Samus. "Warning! Yield ahead!"

"Teams must now make their way to the City Square, the longest surviving piece of architecture in the city!" said Master Hand.

"But you just-"

"Quickly!" said Samus, "We don't want to be Yielded!"

Ness
Laps completed: 0

"Ness, I get the feeling nobody likes us here," said Yoshi.

"Nonsense, what makes you think that?" said Ness.

Bowser
Laps completed: 2

"Good job, Bowser!" said Ganondorf, "One more good lap!"

"Thanks," said Bowser, turning the steering wheel a sharp right.

"Look, Ness is getting his car started! Kill him!" shouted Ganondorf.

Ganondorf swooped the car down to ground level and rammed into the side of Ness's car, stalling the engine.

"Okay, they're the meanies! They don't like us!" said Ness.

Zelda
Laps completed: 0

"Good job, Zelda!" cheered Donkey Kong, watching Zelda zoom past the chequered flags.

"Half a second under qualifying time!" said the man.

Zelda
Laps completed: 1

"Woo!" said Zelda.

"Awesome job, Zelda!" cheered Donkey Kong.

Zelda lowered the height of the ship and rammed Ness's ship on the side.

"Okay," said Ness angrily, "That was probably just an accident."

Zelda reversed the ship, and rammed into the front of Ness's ship several times.

"Okay, maybe that was just a gear malfunction of some sort," said Ness.

Jigglypuff
Laps completed: 0

Jigglypuff jumped out of her stationary ship, and walked over to Ness's car.

"Oh well, at least somebody like us!" cheered Ness.

Jigglypuff took out Ness's engine and threw it off a cliff.

"Remind me to kill everyone," said Ness angrily.

City Square

Samus and Falcon
Currently in 1
st Place

"There it is!" said Falcon, pointing.

"Yield!" said Samus.

"Yield!" said Master Hand, "This is the last of three Yields in the race! A yield is where a team can force another team to stop racing for a predetermined amount of time! Teams that are Yielded must flip over this hourglass and wait until the hourglass has finished before they can continue racing! Teams can only use their power once, so teams will have to decide when it is best to use their Yield power!"

"We can't Yield anyone," said Samus, "We've already Yielded Bowser and Ganondorf, so just take the clue."

"Detour!" said Falcon, taking the clue. "Slow or Fast?"

"Detour!" said Master Hand, "A detour is a choice between two tasks! In this detour, 'Slow' or 'Fast'!
"In 'Slow', teams must navigate their way through the crowded streets to this recreational centre, where they must participate in the traditional sport of mud wrestling! Teams must work together to defeat a local mud wrestling champion! Once the champion has been taken to the ground or has drowned, teams may receive their next clue! This is physically demanding, but teams that realise that there was no rule that prevented them from using blunt objects in the ring can finish quickly!
"In Fast, teams must make their way to this 'Crash Test Dummy Research Centre' and get run over by ten cars. This may seem easy, but teams that feel pain may struggle!"

"Let's mud wrestle," said Samus.

Mute City Racing Museum

Bowser and Ganondorf
Currently in 2
nd Place

"Good job, Bowser!" cheered Ganondorf, opening the clue.

"You must now make your way to the 'City Square'!" read Bowser, "Warning! Yield ahead!"

"Let's go!" said Ganondorf, running out.

"Good luck, DK!" said Bowser.

"Thanks!" replied Donkey Kong.

"Good luck, Kirby!" said Bowser.

"Thanks!" said Kirby.

Bowser and Ganondorf ran out.

Ness
Laps completed: 0

"Well?" said Ness angrily, sitting stationary in his ship.

"Uh Ness… seeing that they don't like us I don't think he'll wish us luck, somehow," said Yoshi, slightly frustrated.

"That would be rude then, wouldn't it?" said Ness.

"Just start driving!" said Yoshi angrily.

Jigglypuff
Laps completed: 0

"Jigs, we're running a race here," said a slightly annoyed Kirby, watching Jigglypuff trying to balance a circus ball on her head as she drove along.

Zelda
Laps completed: 2

Zelda zoomed past the chequered flags, hands shaking nervously on the steering wheel.

"One second under qualifying time!" said the man.

"Good job, Zelda!" said Donkey Kong. "You did it! You did it!"

Zelda and Donkey Kong
Currently in 3
rd Place

"You must now make your way to the 'City Square'!" read Donkey Kong. "Warning! Yield ahead!"

"Let's go!" said Zelda.

Zelda and Donkey Kong
Interview after leg

"I'm so proud of Zelda," said Donkey Kong emotionally, "Working with this modern day technology is our biggest challenge on the race, and for her to beat two people in a monster of a machine is a great effort! I mean, I probably couldn't have done it, and Zelda is just so good with this new technology and it-"

Zelda stared at the camera.

"DK, what's that?" said Zelda.

"A camera, they've been following us the entire trip!" said Donkey Kong.

"Oh," said Zelda. "Did they see us kiss?"

"Yes," said Donkey Kong.

"Oh," said Zelda, looking at the camera strangely.

Static.

Mute City Recreation Centre

Samus and Falcon
On Slow

"So basically, you have to wrestle me to the ground or make me fall over," said the club pro, "Pretty simple, huh?"

"Okay," said Samus.

Samus sucker punched the wrestler in the jaw.

"Ow!" said the wrestler, "That won't do anything!"

Samus pushed the wrestler to the ground.

"Woo," said Samus.

The wrestler hit his head on the pavement, passing out.

Samus took the clue from his body.

"You must now make your way to the pit stop," read Samus, "located in the 'Racing Car Fun Motel'."

"Teams must now make their way to the pit stop of the race," said Master Hand, "This dodgy Racing Car-themed motel! It has no historical value in it, and we're using it simply because the owner wants to get on TV, and we blew all of the money on hiring the race car track!
"Oh, and the last team to arrive may be eliminated."

"Let's go!" said Falcon.

City Square

Bowser and Ganondorf
Currently in 2
nd Place

"We're completely lost!" said Bowser, panicking.

Ganondorf picked a helpless young child from the ground and held him up to his face.

"Where is the City Square, young boy?" said Ganondorf, cackling evilly, "If you do not tell me, you will be subject to certain devious, cruel angstful torture! I will squeeze and suck your soul from out of you and-"

"You're standing in it!" said the boy, scared.

"Oh, thank you," said Ganondorf sweetly, putting the boy down.

The boy ran off crying, but was muted due to some sort of vehicle collision that would be too graphic to describe.

"Yield!" said Bowser.

"We Yielded Samus and Falcon a while back," said Ganondorf, "So take the clue."

"We will not yield anyone," said Bowser, taking the clue.

"Detour!" read Ganondorf, "Slow or Fast?"

"Do you feel like getting hit by a car?" said Bowser, confused.

"No," said Ganondorf, "No actually, I don't."

"Okay, let's do the wrestling then."

Zelda and Donkey Kong
Currently in 3
rd Place

"What do you want to do?" said Zelda after reading the contents of the clue.

"I dunno," said Donkey Kong, standing in the middle of the street, several cars speeding into his leg and stopping at impact, "I mean, I'm not sure if I could get hit by a car or something."

"Let's mud wrestle then," said Zelda.

"Okay," said Donkey Kong, oblivious to the many cars crashing at his legs.

Mute City Racing Museum

Jigglypuff
Laps completed: 0

"Jigs," said Kirby angrily, "Stop trying to sabotage them! Concentrate on what you're doing!"

"So-rry!" said an angry Jigglypuff, pouring pink paint on the entirety of Ness's windshield.

Ness
Laps completed: 0

"Ness, maybe you should use a different car," said Yoshi, looking at the ignited scattered pile of mauled, shredded flotsam and jetsam that was Ness's ship.

Racing Car Fun Motel

Samus and Falcon
Currently in 1
st Place

"Here's the hotel!" said Falcon.

"Hotel?" said Samus, looking at the tiny unsanitary rooms with stink lines above them as she ran past.

"Okay, well there's the pit stop!" said Falcon, spotting a mat in the carpark.

"Samus and Falcon," said Master Hand, "You are team number one!"

"Woo," cheered Falcon.

"And I have some good news for you guys," said Master Hand.

"You guys?" said Samus angrily, tugging Master Hand by the collar.

"I have some good news for you, Samus," said Master Hand nervously, "You have won a trip for eight days to Donut Plains!"

"Yay, I guess?" said Samus.

Mute City Recreation Centre

Bowser and Ganondorf
On Slow

"Okay," said Bowser, stepping into the ring with Ganondorf. "This guy is a mud-wrestling professional."

"Yep," said Ganondorf. "We can take him on, though."

"Yeah," said Bowser.

The professional mud-wrestling person bared his teeth.

"Hey, what does mud-wrestling have to do with Mute City?" said Ganondorf.

The mud wrestler charged at them and started pummelling Ganondorf with lethal punches.

"I'm not sure," said Bowser. "That's a good question."

"Yeah," said Ganondorf, wincing as the professional mud-wrestler threw a bookshelf at his face. "Maybe it's because it's always muddy in Mute City?"

"That's just stupid," said Bowser, raising an eyebrow as the mud-wrestler turned to him angrily. "It's all concrete and tar on the ground. And have you seen any rain here? Can't be mud."

"I guess you're right," said Ganondorf, frowning in concentration.

The mudwrestler ran into Bowser holding a giant spear. It hit Bowser in the stomach and bounced off.

"Maybe it's a metaphor for all the greenhouse emissions from all the cars," said Bowser.

"Yeah," said Ganondorf. "That would make sense. It's like toxic sludge or something."

They both laughed. The mud-wrestler delivered a powerful midair kick to both of their jaws at once.

"Yep," said Bowser. "More like carbon emission wrestling."

"Yeah," said Ganondorf.

They both chuckled.

"Hey, is this guy even from Mute City?" said Bowser. "I don't think they have wrestling in Mute City."

"Yeah," said Ganondorf. "Good question. Hey, are you from Mute City?"

The mud-wrestler did not respond, as he was busy shooting them with machine guns.

"Well, that's kind of rude," said Bowser.

"Yeah," said Ganondorf.

The mud-wrestler dropped dead from exhaustion.

"Oh, that's why he didn't answer," said Bowser. "He was too dead."

They both chuckled.

The medic came in and gave them the clue.

"To the pit stop!" said Bowser.

Zelda and Donkey Kong
On Slow

"Here's the place!" said Zelda, sprinting in.

"So," said Donkey Kong, zipping up to the professional, who was now on crutches, "What do we have to do?"

"You have to face my brother and knock him out," said the professional, nodding at the ring, where an even bigger, scarier-looking professional stood.

"Eek," said Zelda.

"Don't worry," said DK, "this'll be fine."

He pounded his fists together.

They walked into the ring.

"You reality TV people hurt my little brother!" cried the mud-wrestler angrily. "Time to die!"

He raised his arms.

DK swung at him. The mud-wrestler dived nimbly out of the way.

"I'll start with the girl," he said, sneering.

Zelda pulled out a rapier and stabbed him in the chest.

"Gah!" said the man, dying.

"You have a sword?" said DK.

"Well, of course," said Zelda.

"So many things I didn't know about you," said DK.

"Gah!" said the man again, more loudly this time, dying.

"Shut up!" said Donkey Kong angrily, stomping on the wrestling professional's chest.

A mixture of blood and Amazing Race clues came out from his mouth, making a fountain-like stream.

"Yay!" cheered Zelda and Donkey Kong, wading in the blood and Amazing Race clues.

The other wrestling professional stared in disbelief.

Mute City Racing Museum

Ness
Laps completed: 1

"Two seconds under qualifying time!" said Ness.

"Good job, Ness," said a lethargic Yoshi, yawning. "How did you manage to do that? You were forty-three seconds over last lap!"

"I just found a revelation!" said Ness excitedly, "This rotatable wheel steers the direction of the ship!"

"You mean you didn't use the steering wheel before this?" said Yoshi, hysterical.

"Well, yeah," said Ness, confused, "I mean, I had to use my intellect to work it out."

"…" said Yoshi angrily.

"What?" said Ness, "I'm sure you couldn't have worked it out!"

Ness did a raspberry.

"Yoshi, why are you hitting your head against the wall like that?" said Ness, confused.

Racing Car Fun Motel

Bowser and Ganondorf
Currently in 2
nd Place

"Zelda and Donkey Kong are in a taxi behind us," said Bowser, "So it might be a sprint to the finish."

"We don't think we'll be eliminated, but we want to beat them just to be sure," said Ganondorf.

"Get ready to sprint," said Bowser.

Zelda and Donkey Kong
Currently in 3
rd Place

"Hey, is that Bowser and Ganondorf in front of us!" said Zelda, pointing to Ganondorf and Bowser, who were sprinting into the motel.

"Maybe," said Donkey Kong, sipping his thickshake.

"Well, we should probably finish soon!" said Zelda.

"Yes," said Donkey Kong, calmly sipping his thickshake.

Bowser and Ganondorf
Currently in 2
nd Place

"Quickly! Run! Run!" screamed Ganondorf, sprinting.

"AAAHAAGHGAHGAHGHAGHGGG!" screamed Bowser, falling into the pool that contained suspiciously colourful chlorine.

Zelda and Donkey Kong
Currently in 3
rd Place

"There's the pit stop!" said Zelda, walking from the taxi.

"Yeah, I think so," said Donkey Kong.

"Do you see a bin?" said Donkey Kong, "I need to dispose of my thickshake. Because littering is bad."

Bowser and Ganondorf
Currently in 2
nd Place

"The pit stop is five metres away!" screamed Ganondorf with urgency, "Get out! I can't support your weight!"

Zelda and Donkey Kong
Currently in 3
rd Place

"Ah, there's a bin!" said Zelda, pointing.

Bowser and Ganondorf
Currently in 2
nd Place

"Ugggh!" screamed Bowser, climbing out of the pool.

"Quickly! Get to the pit stop!" shouted Ganondorf, dragging Bowser along.

Zelda and Donkey Kong
Currently in 3
rd Place

Donkey Kong dropped his thickshake into Bowser's open mouth, walked past Ganondorf and then walked onto the pit stop.

"Zelda and Donkey Kong, you are team number two!" said Master Hand.

"That's alright, I suppose," said Zelda.

"Yes," said Donkey Kong.

Zelda and Donkey Kong walked off robotically, Ganondorf gritting his teeth angrily.

"Bowser and Ganondorf, you are team number three!" said Master Hand.

"How can we be beaten in a foot race when they're not even trying?" said Ganondorf angrily. "It's all your fault, Bowser!"

Bowser was too busy choking on a thickshake to respond.

"Yep," said Ganondorf.

Mute City Racing Museum

Jigglypuff
Laps completed: 0

"I can't do this!" cried Jigglypuff, stopping the ship, "I've tried for hours and hours but I just can't get it! If only a kind worker guy of the name of 'Neil' could help me get started on the course!"

"I'm coming, you cute soul!" said the man, running onto the course.

Ness
Laps completed: 2

"Stop him, Yoshi!" said Ness angrily. "We have to outcute them!"

"My head's too severely bleeding from hitting my head against the wall to be cute," said Yoshi angrily, red blood smeared over his head.

Jigglypuff
Laps completed: 0

"Okay, so do you want a boost?" said a man.

"Can you show me an example lap?" said Jigglypuff.

"Okay," said the man, smiling.

The man closed the door, and drove a lap.

"Three seconds under competitive time!" said a man in the main room.

Jigglypuff
Laps completed: 1

"Can you give me another example lap?" said Jigglypuff.

"Sure," said the man, smiling.

The man did another lap.

Jigglypuff
Laps completed: 2

"Okay, can you do another example lap? I think I've got it!" said Jigglypuff hopefully.

The man all of the course except for a ten metre stretch, where he suddenly put his foot on the brakes and looked at Jigglypuff angrily.

"You have to do some of the course!" said the man angrily.

"Jigs, press the accelerate button!" said Kirby desperately, "You have an entire minute to do that ten metres!"

Ness
Laps Completed: 2

"Come on, Ness, you're half a second under the needed time," said Yoshi, looking at the split time that appeared on the screen.

Jigglypuff
Laps completed: 2

"Jigs, thirty seconds left!" said a nervous Kirby. "Press the gas pedal!"

Jigglypuff put her foot on the brake.

"No, the other pedal!" said Kirby, alarmed.

Jigglypuff hopped on a bicycle inside the ship and started to pedal.

Kirby smacked his head.

Ness
Laps Completed: 2

"Ness, you need to accelerate!" said a tense Yoshi.

"Okay!" said Ness, putting his foot on the pedal.

"You need to get there in ten seconds" shouted Yoshi.

Jigglypuff
Laps Completed: 2

"Jigs, you have ten seconds left!" said Kirby, waving his arms so wildly they knocked several bystanders to the ground.

Ness
Laps Completed: 2

"Don't crash into Jigglypuff!" screamed Yoshi, alarmed, "You'll help her over the line because she's not moving!"

"What did you say? I can't hear you!" said Ness, ceasing looking at the road and looking at Yoshi through the screen.

"Look at the road, Ness!" screamed Yoshi.

"What?" shouted Ness, "It's a bit fuzzy! I can't hear you!"

Jigglypuff
Laps Completed: 2

Jigglypuff put her foot on the acceleration pedal.

"Yay!" shouted Kirby, panting, "And we had five seconds left!"

The ship did not move.

"Jigs, why isn't the ship moving?" said Kirby, alarmed.

"Oh," chuckled Jigglypuff, "That's because I have the handbrake on!"

"Jigglypuff, we have only three seconds left!" screamed Kirby, running in circles so fast he covered the distance of several marathons.

Ness
Laps Completed: 2

"Don't crash into Jigglypuff!" screamed Yoshi.

"What?" said Ness.

Ness's ship crashed into the back of Jigglypuff's ship, pushing both of the ships over the line.

"What did you say?" shouted Ness, the transmission becoming clearer.

"I told you not to crash into Jigglypuff!" said Yoshi angrily.

"Heh, heh," laughed Ness, "I'll keep note of that for next time."

Kirby and Jigglypuff
Currently in 4
th Place

"Jigglypuff, ten hundredths of a second under required time!" said the maintenance worker, handing Kirby a clue.

"Hooray!" said Jigglypuff, opening the clue. "You must now make your way to the 'City Square'! Warning! Yield ahead!"

"Jigs, let's hurry!" said Kirby, dragging Jigglypuff out.

Ness and Yoshi
Currently in Last Place

"Ness, exactly the required qualifying time!" said the man, handing Ness the clue.

"You must now make your way to the 'City Square'! Warning! Yield ahead!" said Ness.

"Hurry!" said Ness.

Kirby and Jigglypuff

"To the City Square!" said Kirby, hopping into a taxi, "And quick!"

"Is there a bathroom nearby?" said Jigglypuff.

"Jigs, this is not the time to go!" said Kirby, slightly annoyed.

Kirby looked at the bag full of bathroom sinks Jigglypuff was lugging around.

"Jigglypuff, you need a better hobby," chuckled Kirby.

"Okay," sighed Jigglypuff, discarding her bag of sinks out of the window, causing several ships to crash.

"Jigs, when did you start collecting these sinks? I never noticed!" said Kirby.

"Oh," said Jigglypuff, "I just grabbed them all from that driving place."

"Did you turn off the water mains before you did?" said Kirby.

"Um…" said Jigglypuff.

Ness and Yoshi

"Oh, wait," said Yoshi, as they stepped out of the driving building.

"Wait for what?" said Ness.

"I left behind my laptop!" said Yoshi.

"You brought a laptop?" said Ness.

They turned around and Yoshi took one step towards the building.

The building exploded in a gigantic mass of water, dozens of storeys high, enveloping all nearby traffic in a huge shockwave of pure aqueous death.

Yoshi's bleeding laptop floated up to his feet.

"MY BABY!" cried Yoshi. "My precious laptop! My life's work!"

"Are you okay?" said Ness.

Yoshi was crying.

"Okay, I guess you are," said Ness. "Let's go."

Yoshi kept crying.

"Hey, look," said Ness, trying to be consoling, "it's still on."

"What?" said Yoshi, looking up. "But-"

They were electrocuted.

Kirby and Jigglypuff

"Okay, thanks!" said Kirby, getting out of the taxi. "We're here, Jigs!"

The taxi zoomed away, the driver snickering.

"Well… this doesn't look much like the City Square," said Kirby puzzled.

An army of contract ninjas glared angrily at Kirby from the distance.

"I think he purposely led us the wrong way!" said Kirby angrily. "Why would he do that?"

"Geez, just blind him in one of his eyes and this is our reward?" said Jigglypuff angrily.

Ness and Yoshi

"Five minutes from City Square," said the taxi driver.

"Do you think they'll Yield us?" said Ness, "I mean, we haven't done anything to them!"

"Maybe you should read their thoughts," said Yoshi.

"Huh," said Ness, concentrating hard, "That's funny, Kirby's thinking about several Yoshis strangling me! Maybe it isn't him that's thinking those thoughts!"

"Then I just wonder who it could be?" said Yoshi angrily.

Kirby and Jigglypuff

"Oh, I see!" said Kirby, looking at a map. "He dumped us in a warehouse one kilometre away from the square! Let's go!"

Kirby looked at Jigglypuff.

"Jigs, where's the top of your left ear? It looks as if a few millimetres are missing!" said Kirby.

"Oh, those ninjas just cut it off," laughed Jigglypuff.

Kirby and Jigglypuff realised there were many ninjas surrounding them.

"Run!" screamed Kirby, dashing off.

Ness and Yoshi

"Here's the city square!" said Ness, hopping out.

"Ness, can you please just hand them the money and not arrange them in numerical order?" said Yoshi angrily, "We have a race to run here!"

Kirby and Jigglypuff

"Look, there's the Yield!" said Kirby, swords thrown from a distance narrowly missing his feet.

Ness and Yoshi

"There's the Yield!" screamed Yoshi, dragging Ness along, "Hurry!"

Yield

Lots of dramatic zooming camera angles occurred.

Kirby and Jigglypuff and Ness and Yoshi stopped right on the edge of the Yield map.

Silence.

"You," said Yoshi angrily.

"Come on," laughed Jigglypuff, "We won't Yield you!"

"Step on the mat Ness, they're going to Yield us!" said Yoshi desperately, jumping onto the mat.

"Don't worry, we trust them," said Ness, attempting to psyche Kirby and Jigglypuff out, "Let them on the map first. They won't yield us, or else."

"Okay," said Kirby, stepping on the mat.

"Yoshi, I think the mind games worked," whispered Ness.

"I'm not Yoshi," said Jigglypuff.

"Oh," said Ness.

"We choose to Yield Ness and Yoshi!" said Jigglypuff, sticking Ness and Yoshi's photo onto the board.

"How dare you!" said Ness angrily.

"Courtesy of Kirby and Jigglypuff!" said Jigglypuff, pasting her picture on the bottom right of the sign.

"Hmm… maybe I should have stepped on the mat," said Ness.

"You should have! And now we're yielded!" said Yoshi angrily.

Kirby and Jigglypuff
Currently in 4
th Place

"Detour!" said Kirby. "Slow or Fast?"

"Wanna get hit by a car?" said Jigglypuff excitedly.

"Not particularly," said Kirby.

"Yeah! Come on!" said Jigglypuff, dragging Kirby along.

Ness and Yoshi
Currently in Last Place

"I can't believe you didn't step on the mat!" said Yoshi angrily, watching the hourglass slowly run out.

"I'm sorry," said Ness angrily, "I was just trying to psyche them out!"

"You think mind tricks will work on them?" said Yoshi, "Their minds can't even comprehend reverse psychology, for cripes sake!"

"They're not as stupid as they look," sulked Ness.

Crash Test Dummy Research Centre

Kirby and Jigglypuff
Currently in 4
th Place

"Here's the crash test dummy place!" said Jigglypuff, pointing to a sign, hopping out of the taxi.

"Hey Kids," said a shady-looking marketer, handing them some merchandise, "Whatever you do, don't wear these sunglasses and certainly don't buy any more of them, they're really bad."

"Okay," said Kirby, throwing the merchandise in the bin.

"RKUFHBEWKF!1" said the marketer angrily.

"So," said Kirby, walking into the centre, "What do we have to do?"

"We run you over with cars," said a man.

"Okay," said Kirby, hopping onto the road. "Jigs, stay back!"

The driver put his foot on the acceleration pedal, making the car zoom at an alarmingly fast rate. Knowing he had no defence, Kirby looked in a state of confusion with one eye open, and one eye jittering nervously while it was closed. The car came closer and closer, Kirby's perception of time slowing at an increasing rate. The car was just several metres away. The manager, who could not bear the site of such a cute pink object looked away in disgust.

"Ow!" screamed Kirby, who was covered in blood that looked like smeared jam. "All of this blood!"

"Kirby!" screamed Jigglypuff, crying.

Kirby winked.

"Ohh," chuckled Jigglypuff.

"Did you get run over by a car," said the manager, in tears, "You cute little thing?"

"Yeah…" said Kirby, trying to hide the car-like form that his body was in. "I really got hit by the car."

Kirby subconsciously licked the jam off his arms.

"Okay," sobbed the manager, "Nine more to go!"

Kirby and Jigglypuff
Current Hits: 1/10

City Square

Ness and Yoshi
Currently in Last Place

"Ness, use your telekinesis to make the hourglass go faster," said Yoshi impatiently.

"I'll try," said Ness, putting his hands on his temple to display concentration.

The hourglass ran out.

"It worked!" boasted Ness, "Maybe you shouldn't doubt my abilities!"

"Ness, it was going at the same pace as before, you just wasted some time," said Yoshi.

"I know," sulked Ness, taking the clue, "Detour! Slow or Fast?"

"Fast," said Ness. "It can't possibly end bad!"

"I don't want to be run over by ten cars" objected Yoshi.

"But it's fast," said Ness. "We might lose otherwise."

"I don't want to be run over by ten cars" objected Yoshi.

Crash Test Dummy Research Centre

Kirby and Jigglypuff
Current Hits: 3/10

"Jigs!" cried Kirby as the monstrous car sped towards her.

As the manager looked away in disgust, Jigglypuff sidestepped and poured a yellow, honey-like paste all over herself.

"The blood!" cried the manager, "You've been hurt so much your blood is yellow and suspiciously honey-like!"

"Yeah…" said Jigglypuff slowly, trying to sound convincing.

Current Hits: 4/10

Mute City Recreation Centre

Ness and Yoshi
On Slow

"Fight harder!" said Ness, who was watching Yoshi take a pummelling from the wrestler.

"Ness, this is kind of a team task" said Yoshi, pinned to the ground.

"Oh, right!" chuckled Ness, running into the ring.

The wrestler knocked Ness to the ground.

"Ow!" said Ness angrily.

"Now you know how it feels," said an exhausted Yoshi.

"I know, it hurts!" said Ness angrily.

Crash Test Dummy Research Centre

Kirby and Jigglypuff
Current Hits: 6/10

The car zoomed past Jigglypuff, missing her by about six metres.

"Ow! The pain!" screamed Jigglypuff, covering herself in soda water.

"That doesn't look like blood," said the manager suspiciously.

"DO YOU HAVE NO EMPATHY FOR MY PAIN?" cried Jigglypuff.

"Okay! I believe you!" cried the manager.

Kirby and Jigglypuff
Current Hits: 7/10

Mute City Recreation Centre

Ness and Yoshi
On Slow

"Looking at Master Hand's video feed," said Ness, typing on a computer as Yoshi was punched in the face in the mud several times, "Apparently there is no rule stopping us from hitting him with a blunt object!"

"Well then do something about it!" said Yoshi angrily, his skull slowly being crushed by the wrestler's weight.

"Okay!" said Ness, throwing a crowbar at the wrestler.

The crowbar missed, and hit Yoshi in the head.

"Ow!" screamed Yoshi in pain.

"Sorry!" said Ness, throwing a lead pipe at the wrestler.

The pipe missed, and hit Yoshi in the head.

"Ow!" screamed Yoshi in pain.

"Sorry!" said Ness, throwing a steel rod at the wrestler.

The rod missed, and hit Yoshi in the head.

"Ow!" screamed Yoshi in pain. "Stop aiming for me!"

"Sorry! I have bad aim!" said Ness.

"I'm standing twelve metres away from him!" said Yoshi angrily. "Why don't you just hit him?"

Ness hit the wrestler in the shins with a crowbar.

"Ow!" screamed the wrestler, falling to the ground.

Ness took the clue.

Ness and Yoshi
Currently in 4
th Place

"You must now make your way to the pit stop," read Ness, "located in the 'Racing Car Fun Motel'."

"Quick!" screamed Yoshi.

Crash Test Dummy Research Centre

Kirby and Jigglypuff
Currently in Last Place

"Thanks guys!" said Kirby, taking the clue. "You must now make your way to the pit stop, located in the 'Racing Car Fun Motel'."

"Hurry!" said Jigglypuff, running out.

"I feel so sorry for those poor puffballs," cried the manager. "Being hit by the cars like that."

"Actually sir," said another man, "According to these sensors there was actually no contact."

"But there was blood!" said the manager, pointing to the soda water on the ground.

"Sir…" said the man, "That's soda water. How could you be so stupid to mistake soda water for blood?"

"You're fired!" said the manager.

"I'm the inspector here to check 'that the tests conducted here are of proper safety standards and show some sign of intelligence.'"

"Well," said the manager angrily, "I don't like you. You meanie."

Ness and Yoshi
Currently in 4
th Place

"We have to beat Kirby and Jigglypuff to the pit stop," said Ness nervously, "I think this is going to be an elimination."

"And if they pull up behind us," said Yoshi, "We have to prepare ourselves for a sprint!"

Kirby and Jigglypuff's car pulled up behind Ness and Yoshi.

"Oh no! They pulled up behind us!" said Yoshi.

Kirby and Jigglypuff
Currently in Last Place

"500 metres to the motel!" said Kirby, panicking, "And that's Ness and Yoshi in front of us! Get ready to sprint."

Jigglypuff was wearing a sweat band and running shoes.

"You're prepared this time," said Kirby.

Jigglypuff beamed proudly.

Ness and Yoshi
Currently in 4
th Place

"I can't believe they Yielded us," said Ness angrily.

The taxi pulled to a stop.

"Run!" screamed Ness, dragging Yoshi out.

Kirby and Jigglypuff
Currently in Last Place

"Keep on driving!" said Kirby desperately, "We have to beat them!"

They ran over a pedestrian who was inside the motel.

"That might be a bit excessive."

They ran over Ness.

"Run!" screamed Kirby, dragging Jigglypuff out.

Pit Stop

"Hurry!" screamed Master Hand, exasperated, "You are ten times more popular in comparison to Ness and Yoshi according to these user polls! Run quickly!"

Ness and Yoshi

"Run!" said Ness, dragging Yoshi out from under the taxi, "We're popular! They love us!"

"He was referring to them," said Yoshi, running along. "We can't exactly be more popular than Ness and Yoshi."

Kirby and Jigglypuff

"We have to overtake them!" screamed Kirby, "We have twenty metres left, and they're four metres in front of us!"

Ness and Yoshi

"Run Yoshi! Run!" screamed Ness.

Kirby and Jigglypuff

"Hurry!" screamed Jigglypuff, "We might not be able to catch up!"

Pit Stop

Ness stepped onto the pit stop.

"Hurry!" screamed Ness.

Yoshi was too busy being duct-taped to the gate of the swimming pool by Jigglypuff.

Kirby waddled onto the map.

"Okay! You've tied him up!" screamed Kirby, "Come here, now!"

Jigglypuff, disorientated, stumbled into the swimming pool.

"Hurry Jigs!" screamed Kirby.

"Unngh!" screamed Yoshi, trying to break the duct tape.

"Get out of the pool!" screamed Kirby.

"Get out of the pool!" screamed Master Hand, "We need you for ratings!"

Jigglypuff climbed out of the pool.

Yoshi broke out of his duct tape.

Jigglypuff and Yoshi, neck-and-neck, glared at each other fiercely.

"Okay, Yoshi," said Ness slowly and as calmly as he could, "when I say 'go', run over here onto the map, okay?"

"They yielded us," said Yoshi, not removing his eyes from Jigglypuff.

"Don't do anything stupid," said Ness.

At the same time, Kirby called, "Jigs! Don't try anything stupid! Just run over here, now!"

Jigglypuff made a throat-slitting motion at Yoshi, which looked really weird because she didn't have a neck.

"Just don't do anything stupid, Jigs," said Kirby. "Come over here."

Jigglypuff and Yoshi charged each other.

"No!" cried Ness and Kirby at the same time.

Screaming madly, Yoshi and Jigglypuff started slapping each other furiously.

"Feel pain!" cried Yoshi, slapping her.

"I don't like you very much after all!" yelled Jigglypuff, slapping him.

"Hey, actually, this makes for pretty good television," said Master Hand after a moment's thought. "Are we filming this?"

Jigglypuff poked Yoshi in the eye, hard. He staggered back in pain.

"HURRY UP, YOSHI!" shouted Ness.

"Yeah, hurry up, Yoshi… not!" shouted Kirby.

Suddenly, Yoshi had an idea…

In a burst of speed and pure loathing, the dinosaur lashed out with his tongue and ate Jigglypuff. She yelped slightly, and a moment later she was stuck in an egg, sitting on the gravel.

"GO!" shouted Ness, and Yoshi started limping towards the map.

Jigglypuff was clearly struggling to get out of the egg; it was rocking back and forth violently.

"Come on, Jigs!" cried Kirby. "Get out of there!"

She broke out, and landed on the ground face first. "I did it!" she cried.

"Quick! Over here!" shouted Kirby.

Jigglypuff broke into an all-out sprint, running towards the map–

Yoshi glanced around and saw her, and made one last desperate dive for the map himself–

"Hey, look over there," said Kirby angrily, "it's a quantum hypersupersomethingillator."

"What?" said Ness excitedly, "I love technology with complicated names! In fact-"

Kirby stood up and punched Ness as hard as he could (which was very hard) and as high as he could (which wasn't very high).

Ness fell off the map, moaning.

Jigglypuff and Yoshi landed on the map at the same time.

"Yes!" cried Master Hand. "Thank you! They're out!"

"We're out?" said Ness, whose voice sounded slightly high.

"Ahem," said Master Hand. "Kirby, Jigglypuff, you're team number four."

"Woo!" said Kirby, turning around to high-five Jigglypuff.

"Just a moment," said Jigglypuff, who was poking Yoshi's unconscious body with a fork.

She stuck the fork in Yoshi's eye.

"Woo!" said Kirby, giving Jigglypuff a high five.

They hopped off the map.

Ness crawled back onto the map.

"Ness and Yoshi," said Master Hand, "you're the last team to arrive. I'm sorry to tell you that you have been eliminated from the race."

Master Hand tried to hide his gigantic grin.

"Oh, well," said Ness, "I won't pretend that I'm not disappointed, but at least we had fun, and we'll – Yoshi? Yoshi? What happened to him?"

Yoshi was covered in his own blood.

"Don't worry," laughed Master Hand, "he's just unconscious."

Yoshi moaned and rolled over.

Ness and Yoshi
Interview after leg

"I think I'm going to sue them," said Yoshi.

"We lost," said Ness, "and that sucks, but at least we had a good time.

"Despite all of the arguing we had this leg," said Yoshi emotionally, "I think we've become even better friends through this race!"

"Yeah," said Ness, sniffing, "And I'm going to use this last opportunity to tell the world about poverty–"

"Uh, nobody cares, Ness," said Master Hand. "Nobody cares. Cut!"

Finish Times:

Samus and Falcon: 2:52 PM

Zelda and Donkey Kong: 3:40 PM

Bowser and Ganondorf: 3:43 PM

Kirby and Jigglypuff: 5:21 PM

Ness and Yoshi: 5:23 PM- Eliminated

Please leave review, feedback is appreciated very much (even if you don't have an account)! Review who you'd like to win and what not!

Tikitikirevenge made the bad bits for the chapter. Yay!