Itachi Must Die!... A series of short stories involving swift, nonsensical demises for Uchiha Itachi under completely ridiculous and even retarded circumstances. Occasional Sasuke+Sakura.

Author's Note: I know that I will probably be flamed for this story, and that these flames will probably come from those rabid Itachi fans out there -- but, you know what? I don't care! And that's the beauty of it. I actually intend to print the first flame I receive, put it in a frame, and hang it on my wall -- if I make Itachi fans angry at me because they can't stand a little humor, then that's too bad.

Just keep in mind when reviewing that flames will not bother me, and I will continue with the creation of these stories anyway. Why? Let's see...

Because I've been overly frustrated with the character Uchiha Itachi as of late, partially because he's the one who ruined my favorite character's life and he's the reason that my favorite character isn't in the manga at all right now(after all, Sasuke would never have left Konoha had it not been to gain power for his sole purpose of killing Itachi). Itachi's also the reason that Sasuke believes his entire life revolves around being an avenger. Hence, Itachi is the one obstacle that makes any and all signs of life for Sasuke impossible(including my favorite couple: Sasuke+Sakura) until the bastard is out of Sasuke's life permanently -- which basically boils down to the fact that Sasuke will always be miserable until Itachi kicks the proverbial bucket.

And, lastly, the most important reason of all: because I was in the mood for a little comedy. Therefore, I have come to the following conclusion: Itachi Must Die!

---------- Omake 01: Itachi's One Weakness ----------

Sasuke, Naruto, Sakura, Kakashi, Neji, Rock Lee, Tenten, Gai, Shikamaru, Chouji, Ino, Asuma, Shino, Kiba, Hinata, and Kurenai were all gathered, facing off against the one and only Uchiha Itachi. Silence permeated the air, and it seemed that our team of heroes had already failed to succeed.

A crack of lightning in the distance seemed to spring Itachi into action as he prepared to attack the first of his victims. However, a sudden burst of inspiration brought Naruto back to his feet. He had caught Itachi's attention, causing him to turn his head in the flamboyant blond's direction. He chose to, instead of attack, wait and see what the boy had planned...

Unfortunately, this ended up being the greatest mistake of his entire life(well, other than the slaughter of the Uchiha Clan)...

Because, as Naruto raised his hands and performed the appropriate seals for his Jutsu, time seemed to slow down to fit the overdramatized circumstances. The others all watched in awe as in one great puff of smoke, Naruto's jutsu was activated...

"Sexy no Jutsu!" he yelled just before the poof, in which he was replaced with a naked woman covered only by clouds of smoke that floated around her essential areas. This woman was a female variation of the Naruto that she had replaced, and as soon as the pigtailed fox winked at our unbeatable villain, his nose could be seen visibly bleeding.

The nosebleed was followed immediately by hysteric yelling and screaming as Itachi ran around in frantic circles, waving and flailing his arms about like a crazed madman, "No! My one weakness -- I cannot stand the sight of sexy female bodies! Kisame, HELP!" he shouted into the night. "KISAME!"

An idea had been spawned. Seeing his opportunity, Sasuke began shaping seals with his hands, ending with the charging of his ultimate Jutsu -- the Chidori. In a flash, the chakra-embued attack was thrust easily through Itachi's chest.

Dead silence settled over what seemed like the entire Hi no Kuni next as Sasuke jerked his arm back out of his brother's chest, causing Itachi to fall backwards. However, before he could hit the ground, a sobbing Kisame caught him, cradling his defeated comrade in his arms.

"Nooo! Itachi-chan, nooo!" the shark-faced man cried in agony, "I couldn't make it in time, I have failed yoooouuuu!"

Glances of confusion were exchanged between those gathered around. It was then that a cough was heard coming from Itachi's once thought dead body. He smiled up at his companion, his eyes sad and crying now.

"Kisame, it is... fine... my... dear friend..." he coughed, blood coming from his lips. Kisame shook his head.

"No, I can't accept that, Itachi-chan, you can't die!" he cried, clutching one of Itachi's hands between his. Before he could say anything else, Itachi's head lolled to one side. He was dead. Kisame burst into uncontrollable tears as he screamed into the night, while still clutching Itachi's body. "NOOOOO!"

While this was occurring, Lee and Gai sobbed in one another's arms nearby. "Oh! Gai-sensei, such beauty!" Lee sobbed.

Gai cried in response, "Yes, Lee! This is the true beauty of comrades!"





While Kisame, Gai, and Lee were all sobbing, it was then that another idea was begotten. Kisame continued to cry, until the unexpected shout came from behind him...

"Hakke Rokujuyon Sho!"

---------- Owari: The End ----------

Note: Itachi's weakness to sexy bodies was partially inspired by a scene in the Playstation 2 Strategy RPG Disgaea: Hour of Darkness.

Disclaimer & Copyright Information: I do not own Naruto (© Kishimoto Masashi); however, I am the author of this story. If you have comments or suggestions, leave a review or send me an e-mail. Doumo arigatou, for reading my writing!