Itachi Must Die!... A series of short stories involving swift, nonsensical demises for Uchiha Itachi under completely ridiculous and even retarded circumstances. Occasional Sasuke+Sakura.

---------- Omake 24: Christmas Edition III ----------
---------- And A Happy New Year! (AKA: The Lamest Omake) ----------

There was snow falling in the Hinokuni, pretty lights strung all over the quaint little ninja village of Konohagakure. It was enough to make a person wonder why a village full of ninja would celebrate such a joyous holiday, but it wasn't that important.

That's right --it was Christmas.

And, being Christmas, a big holiday bash was being held in whatever the biggest building in town was. But that wasn't the kicker --no, there was something even crazier about it.

Everyone was invited.

-----

Sasuke, Sakura, Neji, Tenten, Naruto, Hinata, Shikamaru, Ino, Lee, Chouji, Kiba, Shino, Gaara, Temari, Kankurou, Iruka, Kakashi, Kurenai, Anko, Asuma, Yamato, Sai, Shizune, Tsunade, Jiraiya, Orochimaru, Kabuto, Juugo, Suigetsu, Karin, Itachi, Kisame, Pein one through six, Konan, Tobi, Zetsu, Hidan, Kakuzu, Deidara, Sasori, Kimimaro, Tayuya, Kidoumaru, Jiroubo, Sakon, Ukon, Zabuza, Haku, Minato, Kushina, Shodai, Nidaime, Sandaime, Obito, Rin, and many, many more... were all gathered in the large room that was filled with Christmas decor, food, and music.

And they were all having a great time.

Though Itachi felt a little bit wary.

Amongst the throngs of ninja, six less familiar people weeved through the thick crowd --Shugou, Toramaru, Hanako, Saiko, and two newcomers unknown to readers of this omake series. The male, who had a very long silver ponytail, rolled his deep red eyes while continuing to walk.

"Fourth wall," he muttered, directed toward the above paragraph. The girl beside him --who had short, unevenly cut light pink hair and soft blue eyes-- looked up at him in confusion.

"Huh? Nobody said anything..." she murmured slowly with a cute blink of her eyes.

Karudo frowned. "It was the narration. Damn, I hate those," he replied, casting a glance at his cutesy companion: Sakuna. She touched her bottom lip with her right index finger.

Yes, Karudo and Sakuna were two more of the author's creations --as in, not characters from this universe.

"Ah, Karudo-san!" Sakuna stated, drawing a confused glance from her friend. The female original character smiled triumphantly. "I heard it that time, too!"

Anyway, Shugou and Toramaru had been assigned by someone(because I said so) to familiarize Karudo with the unfamiliar faces gathered around. Sakuna was there because Hanako and Saiko had invited her, and she didn't want Karudo to go without her.

"I--I would have been... too worried..." Sakuna said innocently, a small blush tickling her cheeks. Karudo used his hands to shield his ears, as if trying to block out all sound. Stupid narrator, stupid author! he chanted mentally, ready to put a fist through something --he wasn't very particular as to what, so long as it wasn't Sakuna.

"There. That's Uchiha Itachi," mumbled Shugou in mild disinterest as he indicated the dark haired male standing apart from most of the crowd, the weasel following his shark faced companion with his Sharingan embued eyes. Karudo looked over at the indicated ninja, a slow smirk easing onto his face.

Finally.

"However you kill him is fine. Just don't screw up, or we won't get paid either," added Shugou, watching as Karudo departed from the small group to find an adequate method of eliminating the weasel man. Sakuna reached out after him, but Hanako patted her on the shoulder.

"It's okay. Trust me: he'll be back in a sec," she reassured the other girl with a small wink. Sakuna pouted slightly as she poked her index fingers together slowly.

Meanwhile, a pair of elves (complete with pointy ears) just wandered in. The female of the two tilted her head a bit and blinked her eyes once, a graceful smile on her face as she noticed three idiots dressed up in goofy green Christmas elf costumes.

"Ooh, Firus, look at that," whispered Reina with a tiny smile. Firus narrowed his eyes as his hands found their way to the hilts of his two double edged swords. Reina blinked and placed one of her hands on one of his to calm him down. "Now now, don't be reckless," she added, smilingly.

"If you say so," muttered the male elf as he turned his head to find a suitable distraction.

"As long as you understand. You can't go around killing people meaninglessly," she murmured, before noticing that Firus was staring off at something. She turned her own head in that direction, her eyes meeting absolutely nothing. She kept her gaze in the direction for a minute, trying to discern what had caught her companion's attention.

Meanwhile, Firus snuck over and brutally murdered Suigetsu, Karin, and Juugo before slipping back over behind Reina right as she turned her head back around to look at him. She blinked a few times, curious about that satisfied look on his face.

"Firus?"

She was about to look back over in the direction of the three people in costumes, when Firus took one of her hands to lead her onto the dance floor. She smiled contently and followed...

(Insert lame copyright here, as Firus and Reina are two more Original characters created by me, the author. Woohoo!)

And meanwhile, Karudo wasn't having much luck with Itachi. He had tried several different means with which to kill him without being noticed, but some blue guy kept screwing everything up. He was about to lose his temper when Toramaru stepped up behind him and 'hmfed' to get his attention. Karudo glanced back at the ninja with a black ponytail, quirking an eyebrow.

"What?"

"When all else fails... use the direct approach," his monotone voice stated, before turning to slowly walk back the way he had come since Saiko had asked him to dance. It was quite different for Toramaru --the guy always spoke in riddles and philosophical gibberish. Karudo shrugged his shoulders, sparing only a minute, before making his way straight toward Itachi.

He liked this way much better.

Approaching Itachi straight forward, he didn't slow down and quickly whipped out one of his ninjato before bringing it up and shoving it into Itachi's chest as he made it to him. Itachi coughed a couple of times, appalled that someone had used such a means to try and kill him.

"You meddlesome..." he started as Karudo pulled the weapon back out of his target's chest and swiped the air with it once (mysteriously not accidentally slashing anyone) before sheathing it neatly. As he headed back over to where the others gathered, Itachi slipped to his knees, but didn't give up yet.

"Kisame! Now!" he called. Kisame jumped up into the air and threw a flare grenade into the floor, sending out a spray of rainbow colored smoke. Most of the gathered ninja used their hands to shield their mouths and noses, while others were too stupid (i.e. Naruto). Karudo rolled his eyes and jerked out a shuriken to toss back at Itachi. Itachi dodged to one side, just out of its reach before bracing himself against one of the tables and aiming one of his own shuriken at Karudo, who dodged also.

As the smoke finished clearing, Kisame nor Toramaru and Saiko were anywhere to be seen. Shugou was sitting leisurely in a chair eating a jelly doughnut, and Sakuna had ran up behind Karudo. Many eyes in the room bulged when Itachi went flying face first into the floor, a happy Hanako standing behind him with her right hand extended as though she had just palm striked someone. She curled her lips into a proud smile before hopping over Itachi and prancing back over to where Shugou was.

There were many blinks, and a certain other Uchiha who'd been plotting to kill Itachi since the party's beginning stood in a corner, completely dumbfounded. Sakura was trying to get Sasuke's attention, but he was just spaced out. So much for his revenge...

-----

Outside, a certain shark man was quickly sent flying into a trashcan as Toramaru breathed a sigh, his bored expression hidden behind his mask. Saiko lifted her lips into another smile.

"Vacation again?"

"Yep."

-----

Meanwhile, Neji and Tenten sat at one of the tables, the former propping his chin up in his right palm. Tenten blinked her brown eyes at him in confusion.

"Neji? What's wrong, anyway?" she asked curiously.

Neji looked at her for just a second.

"Because I had hardly any role in this omake," he muttered in annoyance. Tenten seemed beyond puzzled by his willingness to say that. She sighed in defeat as she raised a white flag and waved it a bit.

"Fourth wall."

---------- Owari: The End ----------

Notes: I know. It sucked and was anticlimactic. Kinda boring too. Oh well... Anyway, stay tuned next time for the Itachi Must Die! Omake series finale!

More Notes:
Karudo, Sakuna, Firus, and Reina are all original characters that I created and will all be appearing in my upcoming Original Fiction on FictionPress.

Disclaimer & Copyright Information: I do not own Naruto (© Kishimoto Masashi); however, I am the author of this story. If you have comments or suggestions, leave a review or send me an e-mail. Doumo arigatou, for reading my writing!