John and Elizabeth had been sitting in the Jumper for a half an hour in complete silence. Ordinarily the sound of the wind and rain calmed Elizabeth. As a child she had loved to sit on the third floor balcony of her house and just watch the storms move through. Now the storm was just a harsh reminder of her destroyed relationship with John.
They were currently occupying the two front seats of the Jumper. John was playing with the controls even though they couldn't go anywhere. He hadn't even acknowledged her presence since they had landed. She had had enough.
He ignored her and continued playing this the controls.
"John." She repeated a little louder.
He just cleared his throat. She reached over and placed her hand on his arm. He snatched it away quickly. "Don't touch me!"
"John we have to talk."
"Yes! Don't you see this needs addressing!"
"You already made your view perfectly clear."
"John I-" She stopped. He clearly was not going to listen.
"I'm sorry." She whispered after a moment.
"I said I'm sorry."
He laughed bitterly. "Ever the diplomat. Well sometimes sorry is not enough!" He said andgot up.
"Where are you going?"
"It's too crowded in here." He replied pulling the hood to his jacket over his head.
"You are not going out in that!" She cried looking out the window.
He just gave her a look. She jumped up and pushed past him, blocking the door out of the Jumper. "No John. You are going to stay and talk to me!"
He clenched his fists and looked down.
"What do I have to say John?"
"You said enough."
He let out a laugh.
"I'm telling the truth! I lied! I had to!"
"Why?" He asked looking at her and crossing his arms in the classic John Sheppard defense posture. He was clearly just humoring her.
She bit her lip. How was she supposed to tell him everything? He would never understand. She's not even sure she understood completely.
Taking a deep breath she began. "I am the leader John."
He sighed and looked at the ceiling. "And?"
"I am the leader. I have to stay objective and focused on the needs of the city and not on my own."
He laughed bitterly again. "Well you were certainly focused on your own needs that night."
She ignored him. "I-I can't…I can't send you through that gate into God knows what kind of danger when I am in love with you. And I can't let your feelings for me be a distraction to you. It could get you killed."
"Oh that's rich! What, do you think that the whole time I'm off world I'm preoccupied with my love for you?"
She winced. "No."
"Good. Especially since I hate you."
She looked at him in utter shock. Sure she had seen hate in his eyes when he looked at her, but for him to state it so bluntly. "You hate me?"
"Yes Elizabeth I hate you. I hate that you think you're so better than everybody else! I hate that you walk around like you're the goddamn Queen of the Pegasus Galaxy and we're all your subjects that you can do with as you please!" he yelled moving closer to her with every word. Now he was so close she could feel the heat of his breath. She had backed up so far her back was against the door. He lowered his voice."And I hate the fact that I still love you. That you treated me like shit and I still want to be with you. I hate that every night you haunt my dreams. I hate that I try to move on and I can't."
"I still love you too."
"Don't lie anymore Elizabeth. I won't let you fool me again."
"I'm telling the truth! I do love you!"
He just gave her a look and turned around. She grabbed his arm. "No John. You spoke now it's my turn! I do love you! I have since the day I ran into that damn room in Antarctica! I love your total devotion to everyone! I love your blatant disregard for authority! Damn it I even love your childish flyboy attitude! And yes, I hate you also! I hate that I love you! I hate that you haunt my dreams! I hate that I can't get our night together out of my memories! I hate how every damn time you're even ten minutes late from a mission I panic! I hate how when you're captured I don't sleep or eat unless Carson threatens me! I hate how you make me unsettled! I hate that every time I see you I want to do this!" She cried and kissed him. He didn't push her away; instead he plunged his hand into her hair and pulled her closer, shoving his tongue into her mouth. He roughly grabbed her jacket and pushed it off of her, her shirt and the rest of her clothing soon following.
She quickly removed his clothes andshoved him down onto the floor, straddling his waist. He gripped her hips and she roughly moved against him while they viciously attacked each others mouths. There was none of the tenderness and beauty like before. Instead it was wild, fierce, both of going on emotion and instinct.
She finally collapsed against him, both of them breathing heavy. Neither spoke for a moment, both of them in shock.
Elizabeth got up and went about gathering up her clothing, utterly humiliated. Never had she done anything so…savage. Sure, she had just plain had sex before. She was a normal woman in her thirties. But this was different.
"Elizabeth." John said.
"Don't. Just…don't." She whispered. A second later she felt him grab her and turn her towards him. She didn't struggle but would not look him in the eyes.
"No Elizabeth! I'm not going to let you do this again! We should have talked last time but we didn't and look what happened!"
"This isn't like last time! John look at what just happened! That wasn't love! It was…I don't know!"
"It was just lust. We both were caught up in the moment. But I can't…There is something between us that neither of us can deny. God knows I have tried to get over you, but I can't!" He lowered his voice. "And I don't want to."
"Look at me." He ordered gently but firmly.
She shivered, feeling not just physically naked but emotionally as well. She couldn't look him in the eyes. Not after what they had said and done. She had lost control, something she had never done before. She was Elizabeth Weir, diplomat, negotiator, and head of Atlantis. She didn't lost control!
Except when it came to one John Sheppard.
She couldn't let this happen again. She had to-
John's hand under her chin interrupted her thoughts. He forced her head up and she found herself looking into his deep green eyes.
"Damn you!" She whispered. He merely continued to look at her, not breaking eye contact. "I can't get over you either. And I don't want to."
He lowered his head and gently kissed her. She reached up and cupped his head in her hands, slightly deepening the kiss.
He pulled back and looked at her. "We can do this. We can make it work."
She nodded. "I know."
They silently got dressed. After returning to the front of the Jumper John looked outside."I think the storm is over enough to fly back."
She looked at him. "Let's go home John."
He nodded and briefly kissed her again.