Author's Note: Woe is me. A short story by Shirozora. The chapters vary from short to long, as is typical of moi, but this is a five-part fanfiction and nothing more. This is an AU written in a very bizarre fashion but I hope you'll like it. Curse those high school seniors for the inspiration.

Copyrights: All characters belong to Square-Enix and Disney. Incidents and certain settings are based off of my world of SoCal and the plot is mine.

By the way, is it meterosexual or metrosexual?

Eyes On Me

1 – My Stupid Dilemma

Once upon a time, some people – whoever the hell they were – got together and wrote a book. Well, they didn't exactly write it because if they did, I would have read it from cover to cover and wrote notes in the tiny margins around each page. Because I really need that book. I know I do. You don't believe me? Well, here's my dilemma:

My best friend is a girl. Yes, it's a she. What, I'm not allowed to have a best friend who's…well, not a guy? You people are so lame. But yes, my best friend is a girl, the most awesome girl I've ever met, ever known, ever been in the presence of, and a billion other ways of saying that she's the most amazing person I've ever met.

Yes, she's amazing. She's so smart, so clever, so just damn cheerful. She's the world's best optimist I've ever laid eyes upon. She's sarcastic and mean, a nice way, of course. You should see her lay it on Riku whenever he comes over with my cousin Orette. Always wondering if wind can talk whenever he tries to say something to her.

In short, she's the most amazing person ever. How many times have I said that anyways?

So, you see the dilemma? I hope you do. Because…well…I don't like talking about this. It's just weird…like…I don't know. How could I…oh what am I saying?

Okay, fine. I'll say it.

I…I like her. Well, no, I don't like her. I love her.

See what I mean? I love her. I mean, I just…love her. It's not that she's pretty, although she is beautiful. It's just…her, something about her that makes me so…so happy. And I'm not really the happy sort. No, I left all that up to my twin brother. Yeah, I have a twin brother. A really happy, charismatic, happy-go-lucky twin brother.

He's her boyfriend.

There, there's my dilemma. See why I need that book that was never written? What, you still don't know what the book is? Well, it's more of an oral thing, handed down generation by generation. It's about love.

You don't fall in love with your best friend.

And you definitely don't have the hots for you brother's girlfriend.

And why's that?

If something goes wrong, there goes your best friend. If you steal your brother's girlfriend, he'll hate you forever. And since you live under the same roof…well you'll end up losing the girl anyways.

But what am I saying? Hell, my brother's already broken a rule!

See, I was going out with this one awesome girl. Name's Naminé. She's like the most amazing artist, painting the craziest things and stuff like that. She's a sweet girl, quiet and calm and kind. I was so in love with her and I thought I was in heaven every single day.

And then one day I was at the mall looking for something to give to her for Christmas. Yeah, totally cliché, isn't it? You go looking for a Christmas gift to give to your girlfriend and then you see her hanging around your brother in a way you can't exactly explain without getting all flushed and pissed off. I mean, what the hell was Sora doing! He's been going out with Kairi for like ages and there he was at the mall wandering around with Naminé, his arm around her shoulder. They seemed to think they were the ones going out.

Naturally I followed them. Brilliant, aren't I? Well, I did manage to not get caught for the next three or so hours since it was near Christmas and the mall was jam-packed full of every type of person imaginable, from the little annoying toddlers screaming in the toy stores to the old great-great-great-great-great grandfather-looking old man who's taking ten minutes to decide whether to go up the escalator or not. And then there were those really, really, really annoying pre-teen, teen, and older-than-teen-but-not-quite-too-old girls who just really, really, really get on my nerves.

How so? Well I know so, especially since like half the school thinks I'm…er…hot. I give my brother the credit for making us the hottest twins at school but I don't quite appreciate it, especially when all the 'little' high school people – especially those damn freshmen girls - goggle at me like I'm the rediscovered eighth wonder of the world. That is just so damn annoying!

So there I was, tagging along several feet behind Sora and Naminé, ducking around people and getting smacked in the face with their shopping bags, while every other foot some gaggle of middle school, high school, or college girls point at me and giggle amongst themselves. That got me thinking that I must be looking like an idiot, trying to act all stealthy and not get smacked in the balls by some old lady's handbag while stalking my brother and my girlfriend.

Well here's how to look like an idiot: You run into the Mercedes-Benz sitting in the middle of the friggin' mall, waiting for some random dolt to go write his name on a piece of paper and hope he wins the lottery and take the damn car home. I mean, who the friggin' hell parks a friggin' car in the middle of the mall?

Yeah, I ran into the silver car. It hurt really bad. And it was really embarrassing. I was amazed Sora didn't notice the commotion. Naminé did, I think, but I don't think she knew who the idiot was who ran into the car sitting in the middle of the mall. I mean, who could miss that?

Besides me, of course.

But anyways, I got myself together and stood up behind the car only to see, all the way across the mall from me, Sora giving Naminé a quick kiss on the lips. The lips! What? Since when was my girlfriend having an affair with my brother? I just stood there, gaping, a huge bruise spreading on my forehead, while the two went their separate ways. And then there were people bustling around me, asking me if I was alright.

And then there were those girls giggling amongst themselves and pointing at me. And those little middle school jerks who are now attempting to imitate my spectacular Walk into the Benz move on store windows. And people around me in general snorting into their sleeves and hands and each other's shoulders.

Do they really think that's funny? I mean, they're laughing over my walking into a parked car and I'm getting all mad over some affair Naminé's having behind my back.

And then it got worse. How so? She broke up with me on Christmas Eve. Oh yeah. And in the worst way possible, too. See I was out that day helping Kairi with her last-minute shopping and I come home on my speed bike and I see this little package sitting on the doorstep of my house. Yes, Curious Me wanted to peek inside while the Paranoid Me kept nagging me about anthrax and ricin and all the great poisonous stuff random psychos keep sending to people in envelopes. Well anyways I opened the package at the doorstep and it was, of all things, the little black ring I gave to Naminé.

I think that says enough.

I know Naminé probably broke up with me because of Sora but I still don't know what Sora thinks because well, he is going out with Kairi and he did split me and Naminé up. Yeah, that asshole. He's been wondering why I've been acting like a jackass around him but I don't need to say anything. I know enough.

But still…what is he going to do to Kairi? Why doesn't he just break up with her? I mean…is a kiss worth breaking up over? Is a quick kiss signifying love? Ah hell, let's throw this question into the pot.

What is true love?

I think I'm confusing myself.

"Hey Roxas, what do you think of this?"

I looked up and there was auburn-haired Kairi, standing right in front of me wearing a black spaghetti-strap tank top with a big shiny silver star shimmering in the middle of her…er…chest. She was also wearing a pair of low-riding jeans and a black belt with a star buckle to finish it all off. Oh yeah, and her sandals. And everything except her sandals had tags hanging off of them. And those damn little security button things. Ever worn something where the little security button rides up were you really don't want it to?

Yeah, we're shopping. What, you've never heard of a guy shopping? Oh get lost.

"I think it looks great," I tell her with a smile. She knows I can never say "No Kairi, it doesn't look good on you" but she also knows when I really mean it. And really, I meant it.

"You think so?"

"Kairi, since when did you not trust me?" I asked patiently. I leaned back against the wall I was sitting against and folded my arms. "That really hurt."

Kairi only laughed. Her laughter was…okay, I won't wax poetic but it was, to me, on par with one of my favorite songs, Simple and Clean-or the original Japanese version, Hikari. I don't think I could ever get tired of her or the songs. And that makes me pathetic.

"Oh come on, Roxas," she said. "You know I don't mean it."

"Oh? And how would I know that?" I perfectly executed a raised eyebrow at her. She said I looked like the Rock when I did that. I thought I looked like…well…a skeptical, cynical guy.

"Because we've gone through the same thing every time we go shopping for the past…oh, I don't know, thirteen years?"

My eyebrow really shot up. "I went shopping with you when we were in kindergarten? That's hard to believe."

She only scoffed and shoved me playfully on the shoulder. "You literal you. No wonder half the class hates you whenever we have debates."

Kairi may look like the most delicate person on the face of the Earth – although I cannot say the same because of Naminé – but when she wants to, she can be really strong. And yeah, my shoulder hurts. Just to let you know.

Why am I explaining everything? I feel like I'm talking to myself. Great, am I going crazy or something?

"…hello, earth to Roxas, wakey wakey," Kairi called out, waving her hands in front of me. Whoa, since when did her hands start waving around in front of my face?

"Hey, I'm awake, I'm awake," I assured her. "No go away and show me the next set you've got waiting."

She backed off. "This is my last set. But since you don't want me around you, I might as well just go-"

"Hey, I was just kidding!"

Kairi turned to go back to the dressing room. "I know."

I just hate it when I space out like that. Man, what's wrong with me? Wait, let me rephrase that: Man, what's been wrong with me?

While Sora's been gifted with the uncanny ability to pull off the stupidest pranks and stunts off and not kill himself – he actually jumped off the rooftop of our middle school hallway and he would not have broken his foot nor gotten suspended if he didn't time it so he could jump on our principal in the process – I have this really weird ability to just space out. You know, like this: You talk to me and I won't even know you're there. Hence, the saying "Was that the wind talking?"

I actually said that once to Kairi. I only found out a slap and five minutes afterwards that she was the one talking to me. It took me a bouquet of her favorite flowers – I only know they look like little white stars, never mind their real name – and a night out at her favorite restaurant to make up to her.

Yeah, I'm actually quite willing to spend my money for her happiness. Isn't that what best friends do for each other? She was the one who helped me pay for my speed bike in the first place. And she got me the helmet, too. Ah hell we paid half of what the other owned, practically. That's how close we are.

But you know, it's just not the same anymore. That's the problem. I don't know, it's just that…I feel weird. I feel so weird…around her. Around Kairi. Like an oaf. Like I'm high on LSD, although I swear I never tried the real thing. Like I just had some laughing gas. Like someone set me on fire. Like I want to run a billion miles. Like I already ran a billion miles. Like ten other different ways of describing how awkward I suddenly feel around her.

I have no idea what's wrong with me. And that is scaring the shit out of me.

Author's Note: Yay. Part one of five. Thoughts? Opinions? Suggestions? Questions? Praise, maybe? Oh yes, I take compliments, like duh! Clicky clicky the review button, please.