Title: Degrees of Sanity

Author: Orilon

Rating: R for Punk's potty mouth tendencies and themes of stalking

Pairing: CM Punk/Jimmy Rave

Disclaimer: Everything from Ring of Honor belongs to Gabe Sapolsky and Cary Silkin and the wrestlers belong to themselves. Title comes from Savatage's Edge of Thorns CD

Distribution: If you want it, take it, but let me know where.

Summary: Punk's being stalked.

Feedback: Please.

As I'm changing for my match, my hair stands up on the back of my neck and I get the disturbing feeling I'm being watched.

This is the third or fourth time this has happened in general but the first time it's happened in the locker room. At first I thought that I was just being paranoid and getting flash backs, but it feels more real than a flashback. I've had enough of those, which Colt has had to get me out of, to know the difference.

It's pissing me off that it's happening here now, but really pisses me off that the first few times happened at the hotel. I was almost to the point of reestablishing my sense of safety but this has set me back. If I believed in luck I would say just my fucking luck just as I'm building a new relationship and was about back on my feet mentally, this happens.

I have suspicions but no proof as to what is going on, and if I'm right, I can't believe some people would go that low. Plus if I'm right, it's more than just sick, it's dangerous. In the past, people have attacked my "girlfriends" to get at me mentally, and I am afraid to know what they would do if they realize that in real life I have a boyfriend, Jimmy Rave.

They have created angles with me dating whatever girl they place with the Saints to cover the fact that I'm actually dating a guy, and if what I think is going on is actually happening…I have a feeling that if they're sick enough to watch me in the locker room and hotel room, they're sick enough to let the info out of who I'm actually dating and use him against me.

He isn't involved any of my angles, and I don't want him to be caught up in my shit. He has enough problems of his own. I don't want him to be used in any way. I've been there and it sucks.

I jump when I feel someone's hand on my shoulder. I was so lost in my thoughts that I didn't realize that someone had come in. I look up and I'm relieved to see Colt but the look in his eyes lets me know that he suspects something, and like before, he expects me to tell him after the match. We have a tag match soon and I need to concentrate on that now and can deal with this later.

I close my eyes and slip into ring character, letting the false confidence and sense of being better than everyone slide over me. It's harder than usual, but I find my core of concentration, and as we head for the ring curtain, I feel ready and my mind is on my match.

After the match as soon as we get back to the locker room, I can see in Colt's eyes that he wants to know what was going on, but before I can say anything, I see a tape on the bench. There's no label, but I do see a post it with Jimmy's writing saying I had to see this.

When we get back to the hotel I immediately put in the tape in and step back in shock and sink onto one of the beds when I see whoever is holding the camera is walking towards the hotel we were staying at several weeks ago and then up to a window of one of the rooms. There is a space in between the blinds, and I see myself curled around Jimmy Rave with my head on his shoulder and the blankets are pulled up to our waists, so if you took it wrong, it looked like we were naked. In reality, we both had sweats on but you can't tell that.

The first time that I felt like was being watched was right then, so now I have an explanation for that feeling. Whoever it was didn't tape all of what happened that night, but what he did tape was bad enough. It's enough proof to anyone that has a brain that I don't have a girlfriend in real life. The screen goes blank and I know what was coming next. Or so I thought.

I'm surprised to see a different hotel then I expected and this time he goes from window to window but doesn't stop at one. I guess he didn't know, or couldn't find which one we were in that time.

The scene shifts again to another unexpected hotel but he does find our window and I'm shocked to see us literally sleeping together. There were more times than I knew about apparently. After an half and hour of footage of just us sleeping he apparently gets bored and the screen goes blank.

Next is the hotel I was expecting and the second time I actually was aware of being watched. This time it was me and Colt, not sleeping together but having one of our "disagreements," the topic of this one being that I better not leave Jimmy.

The next thing I see is me changing tonight from behind. So when I had the feeling of being watched, I was actually being taped. The screen goes blank and stays blank just before I get the idea to look out the door.

I put my face in my hands, and I have no idea of what I should say or do. I nod with my face still in my hands when Colt asks if this had something to do with earlier.

Since the post it said I should see this, I know that Jimmy saw it. I don't know how he got it, however I'm worried about what it means if the person who taped it gave it to him. Do they want to blackmail us for some reason? The footage of us together could be used against us, and since whoever it is sick enough to tape through hotel windows, black mail is a possible next step.

There's a knock on the door and when Colt answers, its Jimmy. Before I can say anything Colt shoots me a "if you say anything stupid, I will hurt you" look.

When I ask him where he got the tape, he said that Alex Shelley gave it to him, with the comment that he would be interested in seeing it. When he watched it he said that he got sick and had to stop it during the first scene and was glad he didn't watch the rest when we told him what was on it.

From his comment, we think that it was Alex Shelley taping us with his new camera, but we have no idea why he taped us in the first place or why he gave it to Jimmy.

I guess it's just a matter of wait and see what he does next.