I really don't own anything. Kind of a shame because I'd love to see this story animated.

Lycanthrope 3: Meet the Parents or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb

-Chapter One: They're Back

Asuka Fenrir sipped her coffee and smirked as her sire stumbled into the kitchen. "Did that mean old sun wake you up again?"

"I know you're the one opening the curtains in my room," Shinji Fenrir growled. He sat down heavily in the chair next to hers and twisted the cap off the bottle of whiskey in his hand.

"Fucking lush."

"Bite me." Shinji brought the bottle to his lips and put back at least half the bottle in one go. He looked around the condo and grinned drowsily.

"I'm definitely going to buy this one." Asuka scowled and set her coffee down on the kitchen table.

"You already have fifty other condos all around the world," she stated angrily. "We're going to go broke!" Shinji picked up the financial section of the paper and smirked.

"We're not going broke any time soon." He laid the paper down and pointed to one of the stocks. Asuka stared.

"Ten thousand dollars a share?" she asked in disbelief. "How many shares do you have in that company?"

"About seventy-five percent," Shinji answered. "I gave them all the money for start up, research, and development. In return I got three fourths of the company."

"There was only a twenty-five percent chance that they would even get off the ground!" Asuka screamed. "You could have lost millions!"

"But I didn't," Shinji stated. "I love it when a plan comes together. Hand me the humidor please." Asuka scowled at him and grabbed the wooden box from the counter behind her.

"Here."

"Thanks." Shinji opened the case and tugged a long green cigar out. He cut the tip off and lit it. "You have to admit, Hawaii is a great place." Asuka glanced out the sliding glass door at the Hawaiian beachfront just beyond their balcony.

"Yeah." The door leading to the master bedroom opened and Asuka glanced over to see a young woman wearing a large Hawaiian shirt walk out, nearly tripping over a dozen things on her trip to the kitchen. "Afternoon."

"Afternoon?" Pandora echoed. "It's the afternoon already? Time really does fly."

"It does when you hunt the first part of the night away, fuck the second, and sleep for ten hours!" Asuka snapped.

"She's being bitchy," Pandora grumbled as she sat on Shinji's lap. "Did we make too much noise again?"

"She hasn't had a problem since we started gagging Jen," Shinji replied.

"I never thought a ball gag was sexy before that," Pandora commented as she nuzzled Shinji's neck.

"Told you," Shinji replied. Asuka was seeing red.

"Perverts!"

"Duh."

(:ii:)

"I love the sun," Shinji mumbled contently as he stretched his arms over his head.

"Yeah," Yuki Fenrir agreed. Shinji glanced at the woman lying on the towel next to him.

"Did you put on suntan lotion?"

"Yes Shinji."

"Good," Shinji replied. She got bitchy when she burned. "So what's the plan for tonight?"

"I was thinking the same thing as last night," Yuki replied.

"Sounds good," Jen Fenrir commented. Shinji lay back on his towel and stretched again. If anyone tried to move him then the beautiful white sand beach was going to be stained red.

"Shinji!"

"Huh?" Shinji craned his head back and saw Asuka running towards him. She looked happy. That meant bad news for him. Shinji quickly rolled into the fetal position. "Go away!"

"What are you doing?" Asuka asked.

"Leave me alone!"

"Damn it Shinji," Asuka growled. She grabbed the hair on the back of his head and pulled with enough force to make him look up. "Look at this." Shinji stared at the piece of paper that had been forced under his nose.

"It's in gibberish." The hand holding his hair released and then slammed into the side of his skull.

"It's in German!" Asuka exclaimed angrily.

"Same difference." That earned Shinji another smack. He took the paper and sat up warily. He stared at it for a minute and frowned.

"Well?" Asuka asked excitedly.

"I never learned to read German beyond the alcohol menu," Shinji stated. Asuka stared at him for a moment and snatched the paper out of his hand.

"It's a fax."

"I gathered that much," Shinji replied. Asuka glared at him. "I'm going to be quiet now."

"Good luck," Jen commented.

"It's from my parents!" Shinji froze.

"You're parents?" he repeated.

"Yeah!" Asuka exclaimed excitedly. "They want me to visit!"

"They do?" Shinji squeaked, images of a pissed off Mister Sohryu running through his head. This was much like when he turned Jen and had to face her father.

"Isn't this great?"

"Yeah," Shinji managed through the lump in his throat.

"And they want to meet you guys!"

"Lovely."

"I'm going to go call them and then I'm going to start packing!" Asuka exclaimed as she bounded away. Slowly, Shinji curled back up into the fetal position.

"Thinking about Asuka's dad when he finds out what happened?" Yuki asked. Shinji nodded. "Poor baby. It just doesn't pay to sire people, does it?"

"You don't complain much about him siring me when I have you on your back writhing," Jen commented.

"Well that's true," Yuki replied. "Let's go find some more cute talented girls Shinji!" Shinji's eyes rolled back in his skull and everything went mercifully dark.

(:ii:)

Gerald Sohryu cursed as the phone continued to bleat tirelessly. This was the eighth phone call he had received and it wasn't even noon! He snatched up the phone. "Hello?"

"Daddy?" Gerald froze.

"Asuka?"

"Hi Daddy!" Gerald winced at the high-pitched squeal coming across the phone, definitely his daughter.

"Where are you?" Gerald demanded. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine Daddy," Asuka gushed. "I'm so sorry I haven't called in twelve years. You must have been worried sick. I can't believe it's been that long. I got so caught up in traveling around with Shinji that I completely lost track of time!"

"Shinji?" Gerald repeated, trying to make heads of tails of his daughter's excited jabbering. "Who's Shinji?"

"He's this guy I'm traveling with," Asuka answered.

"A guy you're traveling with?"

"It's not like that!" Asuka protested. "He's married! His wife is with us too."

"Okay," Gerald replied. "Is that Gendo Ikari's son?"

"Uh yeah. I got your fax," Asuka explained. "It kept getting forwarded and it was always a couple of days behind us. We decided to stay in Hawaii a little longer then normal and it finally reached me!"

"You're in Hawaii?"

"Yeah," Asuka answered. "I was wondering if we could come visit."

"What?" Gerald demanded. "Asuka, as long as I live there will always be a place for you here. You're my daughter for God's sake! As for your friends, well I really don't see a problem. We have plenty of rooms."

"Thank you Daddy! Everyone will be so excited. I'm going to go tell them now. We'll see you really soon!" The phone went dead and Gerald stared at it.

"Who was it dear?"

"It was Asuka."

"What?" Carol Sohryu demanded. "That was Asuka? Where is she? Is she okay?"

"She's fine and she's in Hawaii," Gerald explained.

"That's great," Carol replied.

"My little girl is coming home!" Gerald wailed as he began sobbing.

"Not this again," Carol groaned.

(:ii:)

Shinji jerked awake and looked around the bedroom. "It was all a dream." He laid back and sighed in relief.

"Wouldn't that be nice?" Shinji glanced down at the woman lying on top of him.

"It wasn't a dream?"

"Nope," Pandora replied as she nuzzled his chest. "So we get to go meet Asuka's folks?"

"I don't think I have a choice," Shinji replied. "Imagine if Asuka's parents are like her."

"There's going to be so much screaming and blood and. . .hey, that doesn't sound too bad."

"Not when you put it that way," Shinji agreed as he stroked the cat girl's back and listened to her purr. "You think this is funny."

"We all do Shinji."

"You know, if we meet her parents and stay at their house Asuka isn't going to let us all sleep together, right?" Shinji felt Pandora stiffen.

"I hadn't thought of that." She jumped off him in a flash and tripped over something on the floor. "I'm going to go have a talk with Asuka." She stood up and was out the door before Shinji could suggest putting clothes on. Shinji swung himself out of bed and stood up.

"You know this means a lot to her." Shinji glanced to his left and saw Yuki leaning against the wall. "She wants us to meet her family."

"I guess," Shinji replied. "She's going to be screaming about proper behavior pretty soon."

"She has really low expectations of us," Yuki agreed.

"Eh."

"What are you thinking about?" Yuki asked.

"I'm wondering how a clutz like that spent God knows how many years trapped in a cat's body," Shinji stated. Yuki glanced at the door that Pandora had exited from.

"That's a good question. Oh well, its kind of cute."

"When she doesn't destroy something that costs a quarter of a million," Shinji grumbled.

(:ii:)

"Relax Asuka." Yuki watched as the redheaded lycan continued to stuff clothes into one of the suitcases lying on her bed. "We have twenty-four hours before the flight even leaves."

"So?" Asuka demanded. Yuki sighed in annoyance and walked out of the room. She could not understand why the girl always had to be so damned high strung.

"Whoa." Yuki turned and saw her mate sitting on the couch in front of the television with Pandora.

"Hey you two. What are you watching?"

"I'm not sure," Pandora replied. Yuki frowned and moved to where she could see the television screen.

"Monty Python and the Holy Grail?" She moved to stand behind the couch and frowned as a familiar scent assaulted her sense. "Is that a joint?"

"Yeah," Shinji replied, taking a long drag. "It's been a while since we did this. You want a hit?" Yuki stared at the offered joint and frowned. At that moment she could not remember why she had sworn that stuff off.

"Why the hell not?" She took the joint and took a drag. The most immediate affect was that she began coughing.

"Good stuff eh?" Shinji asked. Yuki managed to nod and hand the joint back to him while coughing. "This movie makes perfect sense! Why didn't I ever notice before?"

"I don't know," Yuki answered. She tried to climb over the couch, but her foot got caught and she ended up tumbling over onto Shinji and Pandora.

"Hey," the cat girl whined plaintively. "You're squishing me!"

"Yeah," Yuki replied. She turned her head and stared at the television. "I guess this is better then those Phish albums you had."

"God I miss those albums," Shinji murmured. "Are you sure you don't know what happened to them?"

"Yeah."

"Okay." Shinji pouted. "I know the answer!" Yuki nearly tumbled off the couch when she jumped in surprise in response to Shinji's yell.

"The answer?" she asked. "The answer to what?"

"Life, the universe, and everything!" Shinji declared. Yuki waited with baited breath and then she waited a little while longer and then more still until she got annoyed.

"Well?"

"Well what?" Shinji asked.

"What's the answer?" Yuki screamed.

"Oh," Shinji replied. "It's forty-two."

"What was the question?" Pandora asked.

"I don't know," Shinji answered.

"Hell of a lot of good that does us," Yuki grumbled.

"Hey Shinji?" Pandora asked from somewhere in the tangle of bodies.

"Yeah?"

"I'm bored."

(:ii:)

"There." Asuka stared at her bulging luggage and sighed in relief. Now she was hungry. "Hey guys! I'm going hunting, okay?" She didn't get an answer. That was unusual. Normally everyone would have immediately agreed.

'Weird,' Asuka thought as she pushed her bedroom door open. The sight that greeted her was not something she wanted to see. "Sex fiends!" She slammed the door as hard as she could and cursed as it flew off its hinges and out the open balcony window. "Argh!" She flew past the threesome on the couch and knocked the front door open.

"Asuka?" Asuka froze and stared at Jen. "What's wrong?"

"They. . .they're. . .they're!"

"They're what?" Jen asked. Unable to speak Asuka jerked a finger over her shoulder. Jen leaned to the side. "Orgy!" Asuka stared at the door across the hall from her own condo as the door to her shared apartment slammed shut behind her. For a moment Asuka could only see red.

"You perverts!"

"Hey! Keep it down little girl." Asuka spun to stare at the man who had dared speak to her in such a manner.

"Death!" Thus was the tale of how Asuka released her pent up rage without killing any of her roommates.

(:ii:)

"Whoa." Shinji sat up and looked around the condo. "What the fuck did I do last night?" Someone was pounding on the door. Shinji managed to extract himself from the tangle of warm bodies on the floor and straightened up. The person outside continued to pound on the door. "Hold on!" Shinji yawned and opened the door.

"Hello sir. I am Detective Felix and. . .oh my God, you naked!" Shinji frowned and glanced down. When had he lost his clothes?

"Well you did wake me up," Shinji stated.

"This is a bad time, isn't it?" Felix asked. "Er. . .is that your blood sir?" Shinji glanced down at his chest.

"Some of it. . .yeah. Now what the hell do you want?"

"We're investigating an attack that happened outside your door." Shinji leaned out into the hall and stared at the walls.

"Hey, who repainted?"

"That's blood sir," Felix replied.

"Oh."

"Did you hear anything at all sir?"

"No," Shinji answered. "There was too much screaming."

"Screaming?" Shinji jerked him thumb over his shoulder. Felix leaned to the side and then turned around quickly, blood rushing to his cheeks. "I see."

"You pervert!" Shinji leaned into the hall again and saw Asuka storming towards him. Some poor cop was foolish enough to try and stop her from coming into the crime scene. He ended up embedded in the wall, still alive. . .probably. "Where the hell are your pants?"

"Somewhere around here." Shinji glanced back into the apartment. A torn mass of denim caught his eye and he frowned. He had liked those pants.

"Well if you can think of anything then please call me." Shinji stared at the card that Felix was offering over his shoulder.

"Okay."

"Get in the apartment you. . .you exhibitionist!" A pair of sharp claws seized Shinji's ear and he managed a pained yelp before being dragged into the condo.

(:ii:)

"I can't believe you!" Asuka glared at Shinji. He was sitting on the couch pouting and holding his bloodied ear.

"You're one to talk," he shot back. "You did the guy in the hallway, right? All the blood everywhere, it looks like you."

"I. . .was. . .very angry," Asuka managed between gritted teeth. She whirled around and glared at him. His hair was matted and down to the middle of his back and he had grown another beard. This one was braided and went almost to his navel.

"What?" Shinji asked. "Don't stare at me like that." He started to edge along the couch, ignoring the women still sleeping on the floor.

"We are going to meet my parents."

"Yeah."

"You will not look like a hobo!"

"Help me!"

(:ii:)

Felix listened to the blood curdling screams from inside the condo. He glanced at the patrolman in the wall and shuddered. "I'm not hearing this. I'm not hearing this. I'm not hearing this." Finally Felix broke down and sat down, drawing his knees to his chest and beginning to rock back and forth.

(:ii:)

Yuki blinked blearily and stared at the ceiling. "Morning."

"Morning," Yuki muttered. She turned her head and stared at the blurry figure sitting on my couch. "Shinji?"

"Yep."

"You loose another bet?"

"Nope." Shinji ran a hand over his clean-shaven chin.

"Alright then."

-End

(:ii:)

-Author's notes. St. Patty's day calls for a special update! Lycanthrope 3 calls for a special day! It all works out! Its back! I just love writing this story! I couldn't help it! Just for your information this story takes place about two years after Lycanthrope 2.

Heh. Asuka's father is acting somewhat like Mister Tendo and Pandora is a clumsy cat girl. Yeah. Its going to be that kind of story.

P.S. I just needed to get this story out for this day. I won't be updating it much because I still want to finish the stories that are already running.