What They Would Say

By: Fae Elric, the Steel Alchemist

A/N: Oh. My. God. I just watched the last episode of Fullmetal... I feel like crying, but I can't. Curse my inhuman inability to cry!

Disclaimer: I will own FMA when I take over the world and rule as its Otaku Dictator Queen with penguins for my minions. It'll be great, I'll make them wear little fez hats and everything. And when I take over, FMA will never have to end! Bwa ha ha ha ha ha!

Fae Elric sat at her computer, happily typing away on her keyboard. Though all her previous stories were RoyEd, her newest creation was an EdRussell, because there's just not enough of these out there, she thought as she sang along to "Malchik Gey".

About an hour after she started writing she heard three rather harsh-sounding knocks on her bedroom door. "It's open," she called, not looking away from the monitor.

The door opened, letting the hallway light spill into the room. "Are you… Fae Elric?" This voice sounded different from her any of her family members'… but so familiar that she could pinpoint it immediately.

She quickly tore her gaze away from the monitor with a frightened squeal. "Edward! What are you doing here!"

Edward Elric glared at her with all of his 165-centimeter body. His eyes flickered up to her hair. "…You look like a boy with that hair."

"So?" Fae asked defensively. "I'm the cutest boy you ever saw," she drawled in her soft, seductive Texas accent.

"No, you're not," Ed deadpanned.

Fae pouted. "All right, then, what are you here for?"

"I'm here because you keep pairing me with that bastard Colonel!"

The Texan girl shrugged. "So? It's cute."

"No, it's not!"

"Yes, it is."

"No, it's not!"

"Yes, it is!"

"Whatever!" Ed yelled. "Just stop writing things about Mustang and me together!"


Ed flushed red. "Because I'm not like that!"

Fae quirked an eyebrow, thoroughly amused by this whole situation. Sure, she was an Ed fangirl, but that didn't mean she couldn't tease him a bit. "Not like what? Straight as a circle?"

"No! No, I'm not… Just, no!" Ed looked like he was about ready to pull out his hair, then strangle the girl.

They both heard a voice call from the hallway, "Edward Elric, you and I both know that is a downright lie."

Fae's eyebrow rose even higher. "Was that…?"

"No! That was nobody!" Ed turned his head to the doorway. "Nobody, you hear me?"

The mysterious voice heaved a sigh and said, "Oh, Ed, you might as well stop." Fae about fell out of her chair when none other than Russell Tringham stepped into the room. "Hello, Fae. Took you long enough to start writing an EdRussell."

Fae scratched the back of her neck. "Yeah, sorry about that."

"Oh, it's no problem." He gestured to the keyboard. "May I?"

She pushed her computer chair away from said machine. "Knock yourself out, kid."

As Russell began to type, Ed screeched, "Russell! You're encouraging her!"

"It'll be fine, Ed. Just let me finish up this sentence…" Russell hit the period key with a flourish and turned to Fae. "There. I thought you might like some insight from someone who was there."

Fae rubbed her chin thoughtfully as she read what Russell written. "This is…good. Have you ever thought of becoming an author?"

Before he could respond, Ed let out an animalistic scream and stormed out of the room. Russell only rolled his eyes a little. "Sorry. He gets like that sometimes when he's trying too hard not kill someone."

"Oh, it's quite all right. Just as long as I get to live. Thanks for the help."

"No problem. See you later."

"See you."

She smirked as she heard the distinct sounds of a tall person smacking a shorter person upside the head and saying, "Ed, you've got to be nicer to these people!"

"Just because you're my boyfriend doesn't mean you get to boss me around, Russell!"

"Yes, it does."

"Shut up!"


As Fae saved her progress later that night, she again heard knocks upon her bedroom door, softer this time. "Yeah?" The door swung open to reveal Colonel Roy Mustang, Flame Alchemist.

Fae gulped. Oh, no! No, no, no! Roy's gonna be a hundred times worse than Ed was! "C-Colonel Mustang! What can I do for you?"

Instead of answering, Roy crossed the threshold and walked right up to the girl. Said girl was trying hard not to cower in fear. As she squeezed her eyes shut in anticipation of the torture to come, she felt Roy give her a bone-crushing hug. "Thank you, thank you, thank you! I love you!" He planted quick kiss on her cheek and ran out of the room, closing the door behind him.

Fae sat in a daze. "What the hell…?" She shrugged. "Meh."

A/N: Bwa ha ha! I love being in control of these things…