Musings of a Woman in Turmoil

She was blissfully happy. Her beautiful blonde haired, blue eyed Valkyrie, her angel of justice had returned to her, had saved her, loved her. Lying in her arms was like heaven, no it was better. Without her she'd been incomplete. Without her the demons had run amuck, consuming her soul piece by piece. Now she was back where she belonged.

Yet...there had been a time when the pain hadn't been that sharp, it had been a half-healed wound, tended by a beautiful fiery redhead. They hadn't gotten along at first...but than something had shifted, something had changed. Friendly gestures had become something more...a siren's song, calling her to a new passionate love. She had come so close to following her heart's cry. There had been hope there, guiding her through the darkness she'd shrouded herself in. She had offered warmth instead of self-imposed icy loneliness. She had offered a hand to help, to hold, to love...she'd come close to giving in to the need, the want. Then she returned, come back for good. Like a phoenix rising from the ashes, her soul mate had come back to her.

Then they were both there, so beautiful, so true. She could see them both and knew that both were special, unique, beautiful in their own ways. Their strengths and weaknesses played together into a strong whole. Both women were passionate, smart and breathtaking. Both women had a chunk of her heart. Only one of them was her soul mate, though, and she could not fight the fate laid out before her. Her soul, her other half, her destiny was intertwined with only one of them. She had chosen.

One of them was made whole and one was shattered. She watched as one blossomed and the other wilted. It wasn't fair, she had lost one to find another only to lose again. She wasn't worth it, wasn't worth all the pain she caused. When the woman she'd forsaken came in, tired and bitchy, she felt a bitter guilt rise in her gullet, when she saw her beautiful lover smile, she felt a flood of compassion and love. She was a woman in turmoil and she didn't know when, if ever it was going to end.