Disclaimer: I don't own Kushiel's Legacy. Just wanted to make that clear. So from here on you all know that so I'm not repeating it at the beginning of every chapter! Also this was originally on one of my other account but I got lazy and now just use one.
Flawed to Perfection
laugh, and my laughter is not within me;
I burn, and the burning is not seen outside.
Rain fell, toilsome and heavy on the statues of her grandfather and the other fallen angels. It was here her strength had given out; she'd begged to be left by her guard. He would not leave her completely; he simply leaned against the side of Cassiel, the protector of Elua. He was out of sight, and it didn't matter if anyone saw him or her for that matter, it would end soon enough.
He could watch her and protect her, accomplish his roll. She didn't see the pain marring his face when she begged forgiveness to Kushiel, punisher of god. She had never asked a thing of him, he had been assigned to her. He did his job; it was what he was trained to do. He obeyed the rules. Elua, part of him, a part the training could never touch, loved her.
It was a pain stitched into his heart day by day as he came to realize it, he was near her and he was cut by his vows and his emotions. Always he thought of Elua and Cassiel, and his choice to stay with him, to protect the son of tears and blood. Was that not love? The droplets falling steady plastered his wheat blond hair to his brow as he looked up into the effigy of his master. He spared a glance at her, the scion. It worried him how very frail she was, her delicate movements and how she weighed so little in his arms.
She is of Jasmine house decent.
He reminded himself again, but her blue-black hair and eyes of sapphire told otherwise. She was also the child of Kushiel. His eyes softened as her head moved to the side and her long hair shifted and exposed one milk white shoulder. He would give her his cape but he knew she would not take it.
Rain, Grandfather give me strength, for I am about to fail. He asks for my hand and I do not have the choosing to tell him no, nay, nor beg more time. Master Kushiel, he is not my beloved. My beloved hearkens near me now, but it is forbidden. I could not bear to cause him pain, for him to break his vows and become anathema. Love as thou wilt...That belief, but what of me? Elua, you of all, to love. I love a servant of Cassiel. Mother, how she begs to give me to a Comte. Father...dead and gone to the Terra 'D Ange that lies beyond, why must you ask this of me? why did you leave us with debt and the scandal of treason in your wake? She prayed and weeped to the notice of none, as the rain washed the stain of tears away from her pained face.
"If it were of my choosing...Cassiel I beg repentance for this, I do this for love's sake. Elua, you believed, love as thou wilt, rest in peace. And..Grandfather, Master Kushiel I will take your punishment great fully." Her words mouthed in a breathless whisper, matched by the mummer of her heart and impossible to hear above the rain. She gave no sign for help but managed to get up off the wet ground.
"What shall I do?" Her rich voice was pegged down with emotion.
"My Lady?" He answered, plainly avoiding an answer.
He came forward and she caught his jerkin and a side of his cape in her grasp as she clasped the miniature sapphire that he wore around his neck. He gasped as she tugged at it weakly her breathing catching in sobs. The star shape cut into her flesh, the tingle of pain as the blood droplets leaked through her palm and fell with the rain.
"Alexander, he didn't answer my prayers...nor my question, that, he left unanswered. I hate him! I hate her..." She stared at the blood droplets mingling on the ground certain of nothing.
He thought to take her hand away, he feared her nearness, but rather he made to place his hand on hers and found the inability to do so. "Your mother doesn't deserve your hatred. What ever has she done that is so wrong?" He questioned and felt another angry yank at the jewel around his neck.
"You--don't...You don't know?" She breathed finally looking up at him a commingling of humor and contempt. "A marriage to Comte Resoinay De' Chouis." His mind reverberated at the trapped images that washed up at the name she managed. And he wanted to laugh with the irony. The man was pitiful, he wasn't old enough to die quickly, he was hale and well as ever there was but he was a fool and a lecher.
"You cannot be serious! Your mother, she isn't that cruel nor does she have such poor taste!" Shocked he gripped her hand tighter; already he was in dangerous ground for a servant. His eyes met hers and she held his with her austere and sapphire gaze.
"I don't wish it. I won't go back home, there is no home there any longer. I cannot bear it." She whispered her lips coming nearer to his.
He spoke with the coldest tone he could manage though his wont was to do more he whispered and did not pull away. He could feel the stares of the fallen angels-all of them, even Cassiel-were begging him to Love as thou wilt. "You are being a fool, my lady. He might not live long; you wouldn't be a prisoner all your life." He consoled.
Her eyes filled and he couldn't tell if it were tears that fell as the rain covered her face. "He isn't who I love!" She cried insistent.
"Then who? Perhaps your mother would let you marry him." Alexander did pull away from the warmth of her but the hold she had on his sapphire pendant kept them close. Her eyes closed and he knew she was enjoying the pain of the jewel's sharp points going deeper into the wounds.
"No!" She cried pulling him back and this time embracing him as she let go of the trinket. He didn't fight it he simply let his hands stay at his sides but she could feel them twitch with wanting.
He didn't speak but looked up at her with a shocked expression.
"No." She repeated quieter, coming as close to his lips with her own as she dared.
"Who?" He asked barley audible as he looked at her lips then back into her eyes.
"She wouldn't. It is forbidden." Her hands gripped his neck tighter and she closered her eyes fighting back a sob.
"Who?" He cried out suddenly his heart screaming in it's well locked cell.
"You, my love, you!" She answered shakily as her lips met his. Shock flooded him. He went ridged but gave in, instincts, desire and above all love racing through him as he returned her kiss with ardor.
A/N: Minor edits to story.