Disclaimer: I don't own FF7, Square-Enix does, this is simply a parody.
Basically the reason I'm writing this is that there are so many crack fics with the AeriSeph pairing its getting silly.
It's almost as popular as CloTi, and I cant for the life of me figure out why.
He despises her and killed her in cold blood by running a sword through her back with a smirk on his face, and I'm pretty certain she may be a little unhappy with him too.
She foils every single one of his plans with Cloud's help, something I'm guessing he wont be too happy with, and he keeps trying to ruin the planet which I'm also pretty sure annoys her a bit.
Hell, CloSeph is more likely, yet it is still popular for a reason I can't even fathom.
Ah well, who am I to complain, it gave me an idea for a quick story.
"Aeeeeerith." The man with long silver hair entered the 7th Heaven bar as he called out the name with the air of someone who knows they sound sexy.
His enhanced hearing heard a slight squeak of fear from someone in the room; but his delusional mind heard it as excitement.
"So you want me to play hide and seek with you?" With a manic grin, slit pupils were dilated as glowing green eyes scanned the room. And after a few seconds he caught sight of a pink ribbon sticking up from behind the bar.
Quiet as a cat he snuck over with a smirk, before peaking over and yelling "Gotcha!"
The ancient let out a shriek before scrambling from behind the bar and up the stairs.
'How can someone lose their mind twice!' Aerith wondered as she hastily climbed the stairway. 'And why are we alive, we were dead!'
As she turned into the hallway towards Cloud's office she struck something hard and immovable, but as she fell backwards something caught her.
"A… Aerith?" stood with his arm around her waist and wide eyes stood Cloud Strife, sword on his back and a package under his other arm. "H-how?"
"It doesn't matter!" Aerith was on the verge of a full out panic attack "Please Cloud; hide me!"
Cloud opened his mouth for another question; just as Sephiroth appeared at the top of the stairs.
Before anyone had time to blink Cloud and Sephiroth had their swords out, but Cloud smirked; in the narrow hall were Cloud could only just use his sword Sephiroth had gotten his long stuck in the wall.
"Cloud…" Aerith looked pleadingly at him "Make him go away; he wants to stick his… sword… in me."
Cloud, naïve as ever, looked at Sephiroth in mounting rage "You want to kill her a second time? Once not enough for you?"
Aerith sighed, with a slight long suffering smile; calm now that Sephiroth was playing tug of war with the wall over his sword and making little progress.
"No, Cloud, I mean for some reason he's got it into his mind that we love each other!" She let out with a grossed out shudder, watching as Cloud raised an eyebrow.
"And I thought he didn't have any marbles left to loose." Cloud looked at the man still pulling his sword in wonder, and a little distaste.
"We are made for each other." Sephiroth snarled, breathing heavily as he held onto his sword.
"Were would you get the crazy idea what the girl you killed in cold blood, by a sword through the gut, would love you?" Aerith had calmed down fully and was scowling at the white haired maniac.
"There are prophecies about us on the inter of the net." Sephiroth's eyes glowed sinisterly "They tell of us joining forces to ruin this world."
Both Cloud and Aerith were hanging off of each other, trying to catch their breath as they laughed hysterically.
"There are so many things wrong with that I don't even know were to start." Aerith said almost passing out through lack of oxygen.
"Not least of which being she isn't insane and both your fondest wishes being as opposite as you can get." Cloud muttered to himself.
"And you're hot." Sephiroth leered at her, now using both hands on his sword and breathing heavily.
Cloud watched with awe as Aerith stepped forward and went on to beat Sephiroth repeatedly over the head with her staff, which had mysterious appeared from nowhere while repeatedly calling him a pervert.
"I wont… become… a-" He was cut off in mid speech as Aerith's staff struck him right between the legs, his eyes widening and his mouth opening in a girly shriek of agony.
As a black wing wrapped around him and he disappeared, Cloud was still wincing.
No man should ever have to be hit there. Even planet destroying, girlfriend killing, psychopaths.
It just wasn't right.
"Sooo…" Cloud said scratching his head, unsure of what to say, "What do you want to do?"
It was Aerith's turn to leer at him; the naïve blonde blushing at her look.
Cloud grinned stupidly as re was dragged back into his office, and the door being locked after them.
The poor package he had been supposed to deliver was left laying on the floor…
Please R & R Xan