Tonight I Wanna Cry
By:
Pink-Green-White-4ever
Last Revised: March 22, 2006

Summary: Set some time after Endings Pt. 2, Sky does some reflecting on the loss of something very important in his life.
Ship: S/S
Rating: T

Disclaimer: Don't own Power Rangers, am not associated with them. If I was, lots of things would have been different on the show, and I'd be cuddled up next to my man --winks-- I don't own the song either, it's by Keith Urban….very sad song.

Dedication: To Chrissy, who had an incident that, coupled with me listening to the song, sorta inspired this fic. Thanks girl! I'm glad you and M-man are back on good terms winks A BIG THANK YOU TO JAMIE! Thanks, girl, for editing this for me! You rock!

--

Alone in this house again tonight
I got the TV on, the sound turned down and a bottle of wine
There's pictures of you and I on the walls around me
The way that it was and could have been surrounds me
I'll never get over you walkin' away

I've never been the kind to ever let my feelings show
And I thought that bein' strong meant never losin' your self-control
But I'm just drunk enough to let got of my pain
To hell with my pride, let it fall like rain
From my eyes
Tonight I wanna cry

--

The house was quiet, quieter than it had been in a long time. Bridge and Z were on a training excursion up in the mountains with a group of cadets, and wouldn't be returning for a few days yet. His other roommate…well, she wasn't staying in the house anymore. He wasn't surprised that she was staying at the academy after their fight a month ago. He hadn't seen her since the night they had argued bitterly about their future. She had begged to know if he had one ounce of feeling for her.

The memories of her standing in front of him, raging, while he stared at her, his face devoid of anything he was feeling on the inside brought back feelings he desperately wanted to go away.

Of course he loved her. Of course he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her. How could she think otherwise? Hadn't he shown he loved her? Hadn't he let her in where no one else had dared since his father had died? The answer was no. She hadn't known. She hadn't known, because, he had discovered after a month long look at himself, he had never told her, never shown her, what she meant to him.

Even after she screamed and yelled at him, he had simply stood there and stared at her, never once letting go of the tight reign on his emotions and thoughts. He'd always prided himself on being in control of himself, unlike most other people. With Sydney, that was the only time he'd ever been able to let go. Apparently, it hadn't been enough.

His chest heaved with every breath he took even as he sat at the piano, her piano. The four of them had moved into the town house not far from the academy almost a year to the day they'd defeated Gruumm. At that point, Bridge and Z had just started dating, and he and Syd had been starting whatever it was that they had. Christmas had been right around the corner, and because he'd been saving his money since his promotion to Red Ranger, Sky had spoiled her rotten by purchasing the baby grand piano. Granted, he was still paying on it, but it was something he knew she'd wanted.

The majority of her original songs from her latest album had been written while she'd sat at the piano. Night after night, she had let fingers flow over the ivory keys, just like his were starting to. Surprisingly, she had a better voice than any of them had ever given her credit for, and it had come out for the world to see, while she'd been sitting on this very bench.

The song she'd written for him had been written here, played here. Even while he'd barely acknowledged her outside the house, she'd displayed her feelings for all to see. The night she'd played it for him, he'd acknowledged it with a nod, a smile, and a soft kiss. The reserved Sky Tate should have taken a back seat to the passionate one who'd wanted nothing more than to make love to her on the piano, just like that scene from her favorite movie.

If he had, she might still be here with him instead of miles away hating him with every fiber of her being. Just the thought of him never getting to hold her, touch her, feel her heart beat against his again brought a fresh round of tears to his eyes. Blindly, Sky let his fingers stroke the keys of the instrument in front of him.

Earlier, when he'd gotten home from work and had found himself alone once again, he'd done something he hadn't since his and Dru's early days at the academy; he'd gotten drunk. The six pack of beer in the fridge – gone; the entire bottle of wine that he'd been saving for their anniversary – gone; the bottle of Skyy vodka – which had been a gag gift from Jack on his last birthday, and despite the ironic thought of the name – gone. A small glass filled with an amber liquid – a whiskey he couldn't remember the name of – sat on the top of the piano before him, teasing him, beckoning him to down it and burn the pain away even as the liquid burned his throat. Sky took one look at the glass, let out an inhuman cry as he jumped up from his seat, knocking over the piano bench in the process, and proceeded to hurl the glass as far and as fast as he could at a picture of him and Sydney on the wall to his left before he collapsed on the floor, sobbing.

--

His first thought was that someone had broken into the house. His second thought was that that wasn't likely to be the answer, considering he was laying in his and Sydney's bedroom, face down on the bed, when he knew he'd been in the living room, on the floor, in front of the piano. His next thought was that he had a major hangover and that blotted everything else out, except the slow burn in his heart when he noticed she wasn't with him. His head felt like it was going to explode, the room spun like a top every time he blinked his eyes, and his throat was parched. Water. Water was a good thing. It was with that thought that he took two deep breaths and tried to get his muscles to cooperate with him so he could get up and get something to drink.

"Swallow these and drink this," a soft voice spoke in exasperation. Groaning and wincing at the light and her voice, Sky finally managed to roll over and found himself staring up at a blurry vision in white and pink.

Sydney stood over the bed, a glass of water in one hand and two pills in the other, her hands stretched out to him. She was wearing a white hoodie sweatshirt and a pair of her infamous pink sweats. Her hair was pulled back in a ponytail, her face was devoid of makeup, but it was her expression that made him ache in ways he didn't want to think about. She looked sad, and haunted. Something he'd never wanted her to ever feel. She looked like he had whenever he'd thought about his father.

"Sydney?" he managed to gasp out, even as she thrust the glass of water and the medicine into his hands. The resonance of his own voice made him wince in pain, as if a jack hammer was being used inside his skull.

"Take it, it'll make you feel better," she told him, her voice icy cold in tone. Sky dutifully swallowed the pills and downed the water before handing her the empty glass. He watched her move about their room, straightening up as she went, before he had to shut his eyes again. The light and her constant movement were too much for his stomach to handle. He felt like throwing up.

"Sydney?" he asked, her name slurred ever so slightly.

She shook her head at him. Sky didn't know whether it meant for him to stop talking or that she was just disappointed in him. "You are a real piece of work, Sky," Syd told him, moving back to sit on the bed next to him. "Were you trying to give yourself alcohol poisoning last night or what?"

"Huh?" he asked, his head throbbing at the muttered word.

"I got a call, from a frantic Bridge and Z last night at two thirty. They'd come home early and found you passed out on the floor in front of the piano, smelling like a bar, and barely breathing!" she hissed at him, her body going rigid with anger and her eyes filling with hurt. "You're lucky you threw most of it up on your own, or you'd be at New Tech General with the foul taste of charcoal in your mouth and a bunch of tubes hooked up to you!"

Closing his eyes, Sky tried to block the images she spoke of out of his mind. She was right, of course. He hadn't had a binge like that since before Dru had been reassigned. His tolerance level wasn't what it used to be, as the pounding at this temples and the rolling of his stomach seemed to confirm. "Syd…"

"Don't you Syd me! We almost lost you last night!" she started in again, her voice rising in pitch with each word, making Sky wince as it echoed through him. "Do you have a flipping death wish?"

"YES!" he finally yelled, startling her so much she could only look at him. "I've had one since the moment you walked out of the damn house!" he told her, opening his eyes, watching the hurt seep into hers right along with the tears. "Just go the fuck away and leave me alone, would you? You made it abundantly clear to me a month ago that I obviously didn't love you enough to have you, so just go away!" It was the first set of coherent sentences that he'd managed since he had woken up, and he was only slightly surprised he'd been able to yell at her. However, physically, it was a mistake, because all it did was make him feel worse.

"Fine. Forget that I was worried about you, forget that I missed you. If you want to drink your life away, go for it," Syd whispered, pushing up from the bed and grabbing one of the boxes on the floor near the bedroom door before she disappeared out of it.

He lay in bed, staring at the door she'd just left through, and felt his world shatter around him again. She had just walked out on him again. 'No, you told her to go' he thought bitterly. It took him all but five seconds to try to push his body off the bed, each muscle screaming in protest. He found himself crawling on hands and knees, swaying back and forth, out of their room and into the hallway, where he found Bridge standing at the top of the stairs, looking down at Sydney and Z, who were by the door.

Bridge's gaze, when it connected with his, said everything the Blue Ranger wasn't about to. He swallowed, hard, trying to keep whatever was left in his stomach down, as he finally got to the top of the stairs. Slowly, he managed to sit down on the top step and then gasped as he literally slid down the stairs on his ass.

Z glared at him from the door, but he ignored her. When she stepped between him and Sydney, he slowly pushed himself into a standing position, swaying like a palm tree in the breeze. "Z, if you don't get out of my way, I swear to God, little sister or not, I will kick your ass," he hissed at her, their eyes connecting.

He knew Z saw a storm of emotion on his face and in his eyes. He watched her decide just this once, she'd let it slide. Besides, he was so hung over right now, they both knew wouldn't be able to actually hit her if he tried; he'd never be able to stand on his feet long enough to take a swing. She backed up and let him face Sydney.

"I'm sorry," he gasped between the harsh breaths he was forcing in and out of his lungs. "Please, Sydney, don't go."

"Why shouldn't I, Sky? What reason do I have to stay?" she bitterly asked him, her eyes rising to his. She was shocked to see the tears starting to spill down his cheeks.

"Because!" he started, the end of the word coming out as a sob. "Because I love you!"

Sydney shook her head. "You love me? Because you love me, you go ahead and drink until you damn near kill yourself? Sky, that's the most asinine thing I've heard come out of your mouth in a long time," Sydney hissed at him.

His lips trembled as he tried to process what was going on. He watched her shake her head again before turning toward the door. "SYD!" he cried out, his voice cracking. She stopped moving, her back to him, her head bent. "Sydney, please, don't go!"

He knew Bridge and Z were staring on in surprise. Neither had ever seen him cry, not like he was now. He knew it looked like he was completely loosing it. "God, I'm sorry! I don't know what to do! I don't know how to fix this!"

He watched her take several deep breaths before she sat the box down and turned around to face him. Her eyes were filled with tears. "There are some things you can't fix, Sky," she told him, her body language speaking volumes of how tired she was; her shoulders were slumped, her head hung slightly, and her stance looked like she was shying away from him.

"I can't loose you!" he choked out. He slammed his eyes shut when the world began to spin and twirl in front of him. He didn't fully realize what was happening until he felt his body start to pitch backwards and the others called out to him in worry.

Bridge and Z were behind him, catching him as he fell. Sydney was crouching in front of him, her hands fisted in the front of his shirt, as if she could have kept him from falling over. "Why do I keep losing everything I love?" he shouted between heaving breaths and sobs. "First my dad, now you! WHY?"

He could see her heart breaking just from the look on her face and especially in her eyes. Swallowing, he closed his eyes again and attempted to regain his equilibrium. He wanted to be calm and clear headed enough to let her go without a fuss if his last attempt to get her to stay failed. He knew he'd have to accept whatever her decision was, no matter how much it would kill him to see her leave him.

"Schuyler," she whispered softly, his name sounding so right coming from her lips.

"Sydney, I love you. I know I screwed up, but I'm begging you, give me another chance, please!" he pleaded, leaning forward and taking her hand in his after groping for it. When he opened his eyes, she was staring at him intently, looking for all the world like she was debating her answer. "Syd."

Sighing, she pulled one of her hands from his and brought it to his face. "Let's get you upstairs and in bed before we talk about this more," she told him, her voice brooking no argument from any of them. She, Z and Bridge helped him get to his feet before Bridge dragged him back up the stairs to their room.

"Are you ok?" Z asked softly.

"Ask me that in a few hours," Syd muttered. Once Sky was settled on their bed, Bridge and Z left him and Sydney alone.

Sky groaned and drew a pillow over his head when Sydney slammed the door shut, the noise jarring him from the inside out. Because he had his head buried, he couldn't see Sydney standing by the door, her arms folded over her chest, her eyes trained on him. "Are you going to talk to me or are you going to hide under the covers."

"Have some sympathy," Sky grumbled, peeking his head out so he could look at her.

"For a man who tried to drown his sorrows in alcohol, let me think," Syd sarcastically snapped. "How does 'No' sound to you?"

"Syd…"

"Don't Syd me. Hangover or not, we're talking about this now, so you'd better sit up and look at me."

Sighing, Sky pooled all his energy into pushing himself into a sitting position, his back against the headboard. "Can I have some water?"

Nodding, Sydney snatched the glass off the bedside table and went into the bathroom, returning a few seconds later with half a glass of water. Sky accepted it without word, downing it in one gulp.

"Better?" He nodded, setting the glass back on the bedside table before turning his attention to her. "Good. Now, you wanna tell me what the hell's gotten into you?"

"I'm sorry."

Syd huffed a breath out and shifted her weight onto one foot. "Sky, I'm sorry are two very hollow words unless you actually know what you're sorry for."

He nodded again, and then scrunched his face up when his head started to hurt again. The medicine was just starting to kick in, so he tried to make a conscious effort not to do anything that would cause himself any pain until it did. "I've never shown you, really shown you, how much I love you. I've never been one to let go of my self control, Syd."

"Ok."

"When my dad died, I think I figured the fewer people who got inside my heart the less likely I was to get hurt." The tone of his voice and the way he spoke the words, in such a halting manner, had Sydney's face scrunching up in understanding. "I've never realized how bad it was, not until you. I pushed you away, not because I meant to, but because I don't know how to let anyone in anymore. I didn't know I was pushing you away."

"You never seemed to want to talk, and you always left me wondering if I'd…"

"I know. You know, the night you played my song for me, all I wanted to do was pick you up, set you on the top of the piano, and make love to you, just like in that movie you love so much. Instead, I let the Sky I thought everyone expected to see take over."

Sydney rolled her eyes at him before leisurely moving toward the bed, sitting on the edge by his feet. "Sky, life's not a fairy tale. You and I both know that. All I wanted was an honest reaction. I thought you hated it."

"NO!" he forcibly told her, shaking his head. "I loved it, Syd. LOVED IT. I just…"

"Didn't know how to express yourself and weren't sure if you should?"

"Exactly." Sky watched her shift her weight back and forth, trying to find something to say. "Sydney?"

"What?" she asked, looking up at him.

"Are we ever going to be able to fix this?" He was amazed he managed to ask it, despite the fact that his voice cracked on the last few words. He knew, without a doubt, that he wanted to try and fix what was between them.

"Like I said Sky, there are some things you can't fix," he heard her started, his face falling at her words. Her next words gave him hope. "This isn't one of those things, we can fix this, but you've got to be willing to work with me."

When his eyes widened and the tears dripped down his face, Syd looked like she wanted to comfort him and hit him all at the same time. Shaking her head, Sky watched her move toward him. Gently, she pushed him back down on the pillows and tucked the blankets around him.

"Sydney?"

"Get some rest, we'll talk about this more later," she whispered, leaning forward and kissing his forehead gently as he slid into sleep.

--

There was moonlight coming in through the window over their bed. She was sound asleep, her body curled close to his, her head resting comfortably on his shoulder, her face turned toward him. He carefully caressed her cheek with a finger, then let the finger follow the line of her body – down her neck, across her collar bone, down her shoulder and arm to her finger tips – before he brought it back up and sneakily ran the tip down the side of her breast and let his hand close over her hip, scooting her closer to him.

She shifted slightly, but didn't wake. For that, he was grateful. She'd been going non stop lately, trying to get ready for the important even coming up – the birth of their son.

That thought alone brought tears to his eyes, even as his gaze shifted from her face to her stomach, which was nestled against his side. Every so often he could feel his son kick, and wondered how she'd gotten use to sleeping with the baby inside of her, doing somersaults at all hours. He was completely amazed that they were getting ready to welcome their son into the world when it had been only a year before that there had been the real possibility that they'd never be together again.

Thank God Sydney was so forgiving and that he knew how to get his head out of his ass. After their conversation following him trying to drink his sorrows away, they had taken it slowly for a few months, relearning each other in almost everyway. Then he'd asked her to marry him. She'd accepted. And now, here they were, and ready to have their first child.

"Sky," she whispered softly, her voice filled with sleep.

"Yes Babe?"

"Why are you crying?"

"Because I finally have everything I've ever wanted," he whispered, leaning down to kiss her.

Sydney smiled sleepily up at him, bringing her hand up to touch his cheek. "Go back to sleep."

--

Would it help if I turned a sad song on
"All By Myself" would sure hit me hard now that you're gone
Or maybe unfold some old yellow lost love letters
It's gonna hurt bad before it gets better
But I'll never get over you by hidin' this way

I've never been the kind to ever let my feelings show
And I thought that bein' strong meant never losin' your self-control
But I'm just drunk enough to let got of my pain
To hell with my pride, let it fall like rain
From my eyes
Tonight I wanna cry

I've never been the kind to ever let my feelings show
And I thought that bein' strong meant never losin' your self-control
But I'm just drunk enough to let got of my pain
To hell with my pride, let it fall like rain
From my eyes
Tonight I wanna cry

--