NOTE: This is an intro. It's not side-splitting hilarious, it's a bit perverted kicks Aria and not the funniest chapter. If it bores you, PLEASE go on to the next chapter, which I am uploading as we speak. IF THIS BORES YOU, PLEASE GO TO THE SUPER SHORT SUMMARY AT THE END.

Squee- Intro time!

Ah-hem, as you know, this is Mako Streak. This chapter was originally written for Either Way, but I decided to honor it with its own title, partially because it's a whole plot on its own.

Basically, the title- Black and Blue, means beat-up, or being beat-up. And pink is silly and feminine...

Ech, go figure please!


She closed her eyes as the steam rolled over the exposed parts of her body. After particularly painful fights, she would lock herself in her bathroom for hours at a time, just soaking and relaxing in a warm bath. Somehow, it had the effects that nothing else had upon her… For the duration of the bath, she could forget everything just for then, and just allow the tensions of the day to loosen and float away…

Samus Aran closed her eyes, and for a moment, she wasn't the tough-as-nails, stoic bounty hunter, she was just here… And the week so far didn't seem as dreadful as it had been… The hot water soaked through her skin, sending her off to a state of absolute bliss… She kept her eyes closed and slipped away, lost in the warmth.

"Hey, check it out, there's an underwear model in the tub!"


"Aw, Falcon, you wish- whoa! You're right! Wow, look at those-"

Samus stirred. There was the cold breath of outside air in the bathroom now. The door was ajar…

"I've seen some great ones, but this is by far-"

"Better than what Zelda has, definitely a lot better."

"Wow, I might actually be interested in humans now-"

Samus sat bolt upright. "Wha-"

She froze.

Before her, three male creatures stood in the door-

Captain Falcon, Fox McCloud, and hmm, Link, the Hero of Time.

Falcon grinned. "Hello baby, who are you and what are you doing here?" he asked in a suave voice.

Samus yanked a towel off the rack so hard that the metal bar collapsed with a loud clatter against the bathroom tile. Wrapping it around herself, she stepped out of the once-relaxing tub and proceeded to give each intruder a curt, hard slap across the face.

"Hey, no need to be so bitchy about that," Falcon exclaimed in mock-innocence. "Well, just wondering, but who are you and how did you get it? It's not everyday you see a nude underwear model in your own home-"

"I'm Samus," she snapped back scathingly, and in her rage, picked up Link and threw him clear out the door. She put a hand on her hip and glared at the two remaining survivors.

They were shocked. "Holy shit, a hot babe's been with us the whole time, and we thought you were a man-"

She grabbed Falcon by his collar and kicked him 'where it hurts' as hard as she could. He crumpled, and Fox looked severely intimidated.

"What are you waiting for?" she demanded, her face turning red. Anger boiled beneath the surface of her skin, and right now, it was about to blow-

Falcon got up, grabbed the back of Fox's shirt, and ran away as fast as he could.

Samus snapped. She picked up one of the decorative vases that lined the sink and hurled it as hard as she could. There was a crash, and then a resounding cry of pain.

She didn't stop there. She grabbed another vase and threw it after them, hitting its mark. Fox attempted a run for it, but tripped over Falcon, who was lying on the ground, moaning and rubbing his head where the vase had shattered.

Samus threw another vase.

Master Hand hovered back and forth. It was evening now, and the bodies of the three perverts had been discovered.

The blows to the head had addled their wits quite a bit, and the only one talking was Link, who gabbled about being ambushed by an army of supermodels.

That was when Samus came down in her trademark Chozo armor, the emerald lens glinting. She stood, motionless, in the corner as she always did on gatherings.

"Ah, Samus Aran," boomed the hand from no apparent mouth. "Maybe you know something about these three gentlemen that we don't?"

Samus remained silent.

The giant glove took that as a yes. "What?" the manically loud voice boomed.

Samus remained stoic and emotionless.

Zelda sighed. "Samus, would you please tell me anything you know about why this trio was found unconscious in the hallway outside the bathroom-"

"I was taking a bath," Samus's voice echoed mechanically and genderlessly from within the helmet.

"Aran, that's nice, but how is this relevant-"

"They busted in on me while I was napping in the bath."

"How horrid!" Princess Peach exclaimed, her eyes widening. "Oh, the indignity- wait!"

"You're all boys," a child version of Link chirruped smartly.

There was a silence.

"I'm…" Samus walked over to Young Link. "A…." Young Link's eyes widened as he realized something was out of whack. Samus's hand closed on his collar. "WOMAN!" she screamed it into his face, the force of her anger penetrating through the visor.

The trio suddenly snapped back to reality.

"Yeah, she's a girl, we can assure you that, a very-"

Samus glared through the visor.

"A female humanoid? But you defeated me in a death match, and you prowess as a warrior marks you not as the feminine gender-" Ganandorf was cut dumb and silent as Zelda and Peach rose up and prepared their respective attacks. "-Er, and not as this humble, inferior male sex," he finished meekly as the phazer cannon was aimed at his head.

"I for one do not believe that Link would lower himself," Zelda declared imperiously, "to peer at a woman, no matter how lovely she may be-"

Link nodded vigorously but guiltily as Fox repeated Link's phrases.

Everyone was silent. Nana and Popo began screaming, "Pervert! Pervert!"

Zelda flushed angrily. "Better than what I have?" she demanded.

"Uh, sorry, but it's true-" Falcon began to say.

Samus grappled Falcon and held him up face-to-face.

"Listen you chauvinistic dolt…" she hissed softly and menacingly. "If-"

Falcon smirked. "Congratulations to me, I've just been pulled close by the sexiest woman ever-"

Samus threw him out of sheer disgust. There was a crash in the dining room. "Now if you don't mind, I think I'll go to bed."

"Oo! Can I come too?" Link asked before Zelda pummeled him over the head.

She turned on her heel and returned to her room.

Short Summary:

Samus is happily taking a nice warm relaxing bath. She falls asleep, leaving the door unlocked.

Captain Falcon, Fox McCloud, and Link stumble in. They don't realize that it's Samus and begin acting all horny and stuff. Link says, "Wow, that's good stuff, even better than the one Zelda has." Samus wakes up and throws vases at them.

They are found unconscious by Master Hand, who calls a meeting.

Samus tells them that they barged in while she was taking a bath, and Peach and Young Link ask why she's so indignant, because they're all boys. Samus explodes and yells that she's a woman, not a man, and throws a temper tantrum. Fox repeats to Zelda what Link said about Samus's "stuff," and Zelda gets angry. Everyone is stunned to realize that Samus is a girl. Link accidently says that she's sexy, and Samus throws another mad tantrum. Falcon backs him up, and Samus grapples him and throws him into the dining room. Then she says, "Good evening, I'm going to bed now." Link says, "Oo, can I come too?"

And Zelda gets mad at him.

End of Summary. Thanks for reading!