Jhon 117- Crazy Hand, eh? Funny kind of guy, don't you think? Well, don't worry, he'll be back soon and causing mayhem and general panic.

Sir Join of Beef- Oo... I didn't think of getting them kicked out of the bathroom. Another good idea!

PtPeach- Yes, Master Hand reserves the right to remain calm at all times. You love reading thoughts? I'm glad to hear.

Kyr the D00b- Ah, Falcon, Falcon, whatever shall I do with you? (snickers) Yeah, great idea! Sounds like something he would do- mind if I use that one bit, I'll cite you!

Mungo Jerry- Gentle reader, please read my PM to you, and as much as I enjoy your advice, this is NOT a serious story. I do love to see people giving great advice, but unfortunately, only the bit about characterization applies. Everything else belongs in a story with an actual plot. SEE MY PM FOR DETAILS, PLEAE.

Soelle- It's Japanese! Sorry. "Eto… Fuarukun-kun wa totemo suyoi des yo, demo… Fuarukun no atama wa…Shoto…" Er... Falcon is very strong, but... His head is... Shoto..."And there is no direct translation for Shoto in this case of usage. I'll put in translations this time, sorry about that!

Well, anyways, thanks for coming and reading! And I'd appreciate it VERY much if you didn't come here looking for angst, seriousness, and all that other good stuff. This is lame, dirty humor, naughty jokes, sissies, and tomboys. Go read Either Way! if you don't like it.


SCSC (Smash City Shopping Center) was roughlythe size of a small country. The shops were lined up in rows radiating from a center circular square, and the pathways between the rows were neatly manicured lawns and pretty little flowerbeds. The sky was sunny and clear, the clouds were as wispy as fire-flower-caused deep-fried Zelda-hair (whoops, bad analogy), and SCSC was packed.

Oh yeah. Captain Falcon, Marth, Roy, DK, and Yoshi were clueless.

"Aiee! TOTEMO KON DE IMAS!" (Aieee! It's very crowded!) Marth and Roy yelled at the top of their lungs before getting mobbed by a pack of Japanese fangirls.

"Oo, watch out," Falcon commented. Yoshi pointed and laughed as Marth's head appeared above one girl and his neck appeared next to another. The rest of the group started laughing their heads off, until-

"Ook kaa koo! Me sees!"

"That's great DK, you're not blind- Hey!" Falcon started gibbering too… "Me sees…. ME SEES!"

"Yoshi?" Yoshi asked.

"RUN!" Captain Falcon grabbed Marth and Roy in separate hands and raced away, and Yoshi turned into an egg and rolled after him, just in time- skimpily-dressed pubescent fangirls nearly rammed into the captain head on.

"Where to?"

Captain Falcon looked around. Somehow, in the time of extreme crisis, he had been elected honorary leader! "To… Follow me!" With that, he raced (no pun intended) to the nearest Klein and Calvin store, where no girl dared to go.


"Hmm… Hey, we are in charge of…" Zelda pulled out the oversized list. "Yay! Jewelry, shiny things, and curtains."

Link mumbled something incomprehensible, and Ganondorf was clutching Link's arm with one beefy hand and sucking the thumb of the other.

Despite their past evils and hatred of each other, Zelda felt sorry for the villain. "Aww, Ganondorf, what's wrong?"

He gibbered a bit and shook his head.

"You don't want to tell us?"

"No."

"Okay, it's all set then! Come on, to the jeweler's!"Zelda proudly led the way to the nearest gem store.

Ganondorf suddenly regained his speech. "I hate diamonds. I'm scared stiff of them."


In J-C Toys, all the little children plus Mr. Game and Watch (G.W) stared down in wonder and amazement of the never-ending rows and rows of toys.

"I want one!" Nana announced.

"Beep, beep, eeeeeep!" Mr. G.W said.

"Okay, we'll get Ms. Aran's first, and then I can get one?"

"Me too!"

"I want one too!"

"Iiiieee!" Ness cheered.

The search began. Popo, Ness, Mr. G.W, and Young Link paraded huge bears with huge bows and eyes the size of bowling balls, "Bee Mine, Valentine!" bees with hearts and eyes the size of bowling balls, lovely giant ladybugs that sang when you squeezed their hands and had eyes the size of bowling balls, fluffy things that looked like the offspring of Bowser and a cottonball with eyes the size of bowling balls, and every other plushie that was huge, fluffy, and had eyes the size of bowling balls.

"Well?" Young Link asked, his face red from the extortion of carrying giant plushies eyes the size of bowling balls that were three times his size. The boys were all covered in fluff and shed polyester hair.

Nana, on the other hand, was neat and prim and clean. "Hmmm… All of them! We're done!"

The boys cheered and proceeded to run amok the toy store to pick out fighter jets and various boyish toys.

Now, back to Captain Falcon and the other unsupervised boys.

"We lost them in the cologne department!" Falcon cheered.

"Hiaku!" Roy was being carried by Marth and looked deathly-dead. "Roy-san… Roy-san! Boku wa hikari oh mimas…." (Hurry! Roy! Oh Roy, I see the Light!"

"Oh no! He sees the light!" Marth wept. "Oh, Roy, dear Roy, please don't die…."

But Roy turned his head. "Iee-eh, boku wa den hikari oh mimas. Shita no kudasai! Me ga itain des yo!" (…No, I see the electric light. Put me down, it's hurting my eyes.)

"Oh."

"How gay," Falcon said. "Okay, now what's our list… I hope we get the underwear and swimsuit list."

Yoshi snorted. "Yoshi, aruuuuu Yoshi yosh!" (What's the chance of that, horny boy?)

Roy dug in his pocket, showed Marth, and grinned. "Yeah!" They both proceeded to do the victory dance and yelling victory cries. "Can't you see I am the victor?" "That was a good fight!" They both looked at each other. "What fight?" Then they continued doing the victory dance in circles.

"That was weird… Anyways, the list! What?"

Roy cheered. The list was a piece of paper saying in neat, meticulous, and giant handwriting, "Girls like lingerie and swimsuits, see Zelda's magazine for reference."

Falcon grabbed Zelda's magazine out of an imaginary pocket and flipped through it. He grinned. "We're gonna have some fun."