Pairing: Sara/Catherine (slash – you have been warned)
Summary: AU/ Sara is the bar tender in a club; she's also the woman coming between a blond and her husband. Catherine is a dancer who finds someone who makes her life worth living.
I moved my hand slowly to Catherine's cheek; looking at the blond who had her eyes closed shut made my heart beat harder in my chest. Slowly, softly moving my other hand on the lower of the older woman's back I lent forward and whispered – "open your eyes baby…" Catherine refused at first, but it only took me to place my lips softly against the beating pulse on her neck to encourage her to respond. I then placed my forehead against Catherine's and was met by the eyes, those blue eyes – sadness instantly filled me when I saw that they no longer held the fearless, confidence – it was fear, longing to be loved, and shame. Holding Catherine, I just looked into her eyes – my hands moving softly over her lower back. "What happened tonight?" I ask slowly. I need to know what forced her to stumble to my apartment and collapse onto my doorstep to await my return.
Catherine broke eye contact, pulling her hand back from where they were placed on my waist – she was straddled over my lap facing me – I was lay back looking up at her. I was much faster than Catherine so I managed to take her hand and hold the blond in place on my lap before she was able to pull away fully. "Don't" I told her, "We don't have to talk, we can just – I… just need to hold you" It was true; I needed her here with me, on me. When I was sure she was okay with this, and she nodded her head – I moved my hands to her waist – possessively taking hold letting her know she was mine. She lent forward resting her head on my shoulder - she seemed much like a child who wanted as much physical connection with a protector as was possible. I don't know what he did to her, but to break her down like this, to make her so small and vulnerable – I hated him for it… really hate him.
It was when I felt her body wreck with sobs that my heart broke, her body shook in my arms. I knew exactly what needed to be done- I moved my hand up her back and ran it soothingly in circular motions then pushed it further up her neck and into her hair. "Shush…its fine…I'm here baby" I tell her. I need her to know she'll never be alone, I'll always be here and that what ever hurt her today wouldn't hurt her anymore – not if I could help it.
"I don't want to leave you Sar…I need you" She cried into my neck.
"You have me baby" I tell her, she doesn't know how much of me she holds – everything I am it is hers, has been from the moment that I met her. "Let's go lay down" I tell her.
She doesn't really respond, but she allows me to guide her up. Still lent on me as we walk through my apartment she's in my arms and I don't want her in any other place. "I'm sorry, so sorry" She tells me. What the hell has caused her to act like this?
As she rests onto me fully, I move my hand to her waist, "what for?" I ask her.
"I let him do it again, I let him do it. It's my fault"
"Do what baby?" I ask, fearing the response, "What did he do to you?"
It was then that she put full weight on me and I put all my strength into lifting the woman into my arms cradling her head to my chest. Silently thanking the fact I work out – that I jog, and play more sport than most people. Sure it's my escape, not really a chore but in times like this it really helps.
I lay the exhausted woman onto the bed, and then I pushed the hair back from her face. She looked up at me, her eyes heavy and it was only now for the first time I noticed the darkened patch under her left eye which she'd attempted to cover up with makeup – I ran my finger across it without thinking now understanding what he'd done. "Fuck" I mumbled, my heart feeling ten times heavier.
"I'm sorry" She tells me.
There must have been anger in my eyes because I could feel it burning through me; it wasn't that I was angry at her though. It was him, it was always him. "Don't" I tell her, "There is nothing at all - to be sorry about?" I push her hair back from her face lovingly, my tone become more sympathetic, "What did he do?" She closes her eyes, and turns her head to the side and I see a hand mark that was blackening around her neck – that bastard. He'd gone too far this time. "What can I do?" I ask. I need to be able to do something. "Let me end this Cat?" I plead.
I'm her bit on the side, the other woman; I can't end her marriage not unless she says so. Not unless she tells me it's exactly what she wants from me. That was something that we'd agreed upon many months earlier – that's how long this, relationship – this affair had been going on. To be honest I really wasn't sure why she wouldn't leave him. Why she lets him do this to her. When ever I bring it up we usually just erupt into an argument – to be honest I'm sick of the arguments.
Leaning forward I lay at her side, it's then that I smell him on her, his cheap cologne, his presence is all over her. It reminds me that she's his, legally, and physically she's his. This hurts, like a blunt blade pushing deeper into my side – it hurts so much. "I need to end this" I growl, anger taking over. She's not mine, and as long as he has her she never will be. "You can't go back to him. I can't let you Cath…this kills me, seeing this…you like this"
She just shakes her head, and turns to me – burying her head into my chest I pull her close and hold her body into mine. I needed to end this; I can not let her keep doing this. Not when all I think about when she's not with me is what he's doing to her. "Just hold me please" she begged taking my shirt in her clenched fists making sure that I didn't get up. She didn't understand what it did to me seeing her like this – it felt like she was punching me in the face. I swear to god one day I will make that bastard pay. One day.
"I've got you…you're okay baby" I soothe into her strawberry blond hair – kissing the top of her head. She's exhausted, she needed to rest. When she woke I'd figure this out but right now – she needed sleep. "No one will hurt you, I'm here" I tell her softly.
"Thank you" She mumbles, I can still smell him on her. She's slept with him, he's all over her …and it makes me sick. No matter how much I try to block it out as I lay holding her it's the only god damn thing I can think of. I wonder just how much longer I can carry this on for- shearing my woman with that monster, that mother fucker who beats her around the place like shit. I saw this to much as a kid growing up – I'm not going to take it for much longer. Things have to change.
I feel her begin to shift under me; it's been a few hours now and the night is drawing in on us. She's beginning to stir, moving her hand from where it is on my waist she runs it up my body. It takes her a while but when she opens her eyes she relaxes a little knowing that she's lay with me. "You okay baby?" I ask her.
"Mm…sorry" She manages again, "I kind of lost it huh?" her voice is cracked with the emotion she had shown hours earlier. She looks up at me, our eyes have locked. She knows what I'm going to say, she always knows when I'm about to blow up at her.
"Don't start…please…I can't do it now"
I don't respond, just sigh and look away over into the darkness of my room.
She always did this, after she loses it with me – she sleeps it off. Then wakes up and acts like nothing happened – I can't do this anymore – it all has to change. "You slept with him today" I blurt out. "I can smell him on you…all over you"
"You know I still sleep with him" She responds back shifting slightly.
I nod my head, "Yeah, I know you sleep with him…but I don't have to be reminded of it when you're with me." My voice cracks, I'm hurting doesn't she see that, "He's all over you" my voice is low now, laced with pain. "Why won't you let me end it – I can make sure he never does this to you again."
She closed her eyes and sighed, "I'll lose my job" she responds.
"Your job? Hun this isn't some top, high flying job – you're a stripper for fucks sake. What's there to hold onto?" Here it begins, my brain is telling me not to do this now – she needs your comfort but I know that there is more to this, more that she isn't telling me.
"It's what I was when we got together" She retorts with anger, "You didn't have a problem with it then"
"I don't have a problem with you stripping because I see the guys you dance for – in their eyes you are unattainable. I have a problem with HIM, with your fucking husband who you go off to every day after leaving me. Why you let him treat you like shit – I don't understand." It's the truth, I don't get this. Catherine moves her head off my chest and sits up. She doesn't want to do this. She never wants to do this. She struggles from the bed and I'm quick to also stand. "You can't leave" I tell her.
"I can't deal with this right now" She explains back.
"You want me to just shut up again, huh? Just watch as he puts his fist in your face" I couldn't help but be angry, "For god Sake Cat open you fucking eyes – he doesn't love you, not like I do. I can give you more than he ever has."
"You don't understand" She turns; we are facing each other the bed parting us.
"Your damn right I don't understand"
"Just leave it"
"No – I can't. Trust me, it'll get worse. He will take it further and further and in the end one of you will end it. And it wont be pretty – trust me I know" I have never felt this anger in me before. I think it's because in the moon light streaming in from my window I can see the bruising patch on her face. I've seen this too many times. Difference is now, this time I can do something about it – if only she'd let me.
"You don't know anything…you have no idea" Catherine was a dancer, and you could usually tell – tonight however she didn't stand like a dancer – she was hunched over herself and I notice her hand held around her ribs.
I know there's more to this – much more.
"He really went for you tonight huh?" I'm surprised myself at how my tone dropped from anger to sympathy, to loving and comforting. "He really lost it"
"He was high" She explains, "He drank too much"
"Aren't you sick of the excuses?" I question softly. She doesn't respond, I sigh, and turn to walk over to the window – looking out onto the city street below – I can't look at her when I ask this because it is already impossible "If you want to end it, just say now and…yo-u…can…walk. I'll let you g…o back and h..e'll never kno…w. No one will"
"If that's what you are building up to" I growl now from anger – "If you want to finish it just do it now, don't draw it out. Just grab your shit and leave. I'm just the bar maid Cat, you never have to even see me – not at work, not after. You can stop us"
"IS that what you want" She's found anger now.
I swing around, "want? WANT!" I shook my head, "NO, I want you, I want you to be safe, not to end up been killed when he goes into a drunken rage. I want you to be mine. I want a lot of things but to lose you is not one of them. But if you want to finish it fine. Do it." Tears are falling down my cheeks, fuck. Don't break, not now. You have to be strong for her.
She sees the tears, and she does her 'I love you, you know that' bit. Walking over to me she takes my shirt and pulls me into her. Arms wrap around my waist, and pull me in "I can't lose you – I'm not going anywhere" She says defiantly.
I shake my head and lean back against the wall, "What is happening to me?" I ask.
"I'm hurting you" She answers, "and I'm sorry"
"Are you?" I ask her.
"I love you" it's but a whisper now.
"Do you?" I ask.
She leans forward capturing my lips in her own, she wants to show me, she needs to show me but as I use my hand to push her hair back behind her ear I smell it. The scent of the only woman I have ever truly love, the only person who's ever made me feel wanted mixed with the smell of the one thing keeping us apart. I can't do this – not with him all over her. I grip my hand onto her shoulder and push her back. She looks hurt, confused – she is looking into my eyes with fear of what I'm going to do next. "No" I tell her, "not like this"
"What?" She asks
"He's on you Cath…I can taste him" I tell her regretfully, it hurts me.
She backs off a little, she looks like she's about to leave. Before she has a chance to however I take her hand in my own and lead her out of my room. There is only one way I can be with her – that's if he is gone. I pull her into the room ahead, the bathroom shutting the door behind up and then pushing her slowly into the door. I lock eyes, and I see so much in them – love for me been one of them. That's why I don't get why she stays with him. "I want you with me" I tell her, "Just tell me that you need me" I whisper as I lean against her and speak into her ear. My body is pressed against hers and my lips softly brushing her neck as I speak.
"I need you" She manages back, her voice husky and weighed down by the need. She moved her hand from my waist and slowly pushes then into the back pocket of my jeans. And in hearing this I sigh a little, the relief floods over me. She did need me, and I will ask the question what for at a later date, as right now I'm just happy to be needed for something, for anything.
Backing up to the shower with her body flush against mine I turn and walk her into the shower I turn the water on and let it fall over our fully clothed bodies. The water seemed to make her bruised faces worsen, and that alone made my heart tighten. With a whisper into her ear promising I'll always be hers I begin to unbutton her shirt. And begin to claim my woman as my own –
In this moment in time - the fact she'll be gone before I wake up tomorrow and back with him meaning nothing.
I just need her now
Need her to be mine for the time I can get.
She seems happy to oblige, as she begins to undo the button on my jeans that the water has caused to cling to my legs. The heat not only of the water but her smoldering lips pressed on the nape of my neck all I needed to convince me that sharing my woman was worth it.
Not yet sure if this will go any further or iff it's a one off. But thankyou all for reading and hope you liked. It's my first ever attempt at writting AU where they are not CSI's hope i still kept to thir charecters. THANKS again