AN: I will be giving ages in human years as I don't want to go through the hassle of trying to figure out how
old everyone is in demon years. Plus I think it would be confusing to switch back and forth. The chapters
are purposely short, as they are only meant to be short entries into a diary. There are also spoilers for the
anime in most chapters, depending on how far you've watched into the show. Please enjoy
I do not own Inuyasha, Rumiko Takahashi does. So sad for me
Chapter 1: First Entry - The First
I write this journal as I have no one to tell my tales to and I hope that whoever finds this will know what these four beings mean to me. I write of them and some of myself. My children. How odd it is to think of that. I, who have needed no one, now cannot function without them. Strange the changes they brought in me.
I will start at the beginning with the first, my lovely Rin.
I actually did not find her, she found me, wounded in body and pride. I had just fought with my damnable brother and lost. My own fault really, who would know such a miscalculation would cause such damage.
Let me just take a moment to go back a little further in time. The Tetsusaiga, the sword of my father, was what I was seeking and at that time I did not believe my brother capable of wielding it. So I found where his tomb was and entered, intended to take it for myself. Like two children squabbling over the same toy my brother and I fought for it.
When that strange girl pulled it out when both of us could not and when it protected her from being buried alive, I realized then that the sword was not ever going to work for me. But if my brother was to have it he needed to learn to use it, so I goaded him into transforming it and he learned to use it alright, cutting off my left arm in his anger and desire to protect the miko girl.
I need you, dear reader to understand that the loss of my arm was a fairly grievous injury to me and my own fault as well. I could have killed my brother but I chose not too, the hesitation cost me my sword arm, it was such a bother to learn to wield my sword with my right hand but I think I have done fairly well.
I think that was some of the reason I could not get out of the way of the wind scar when my brother used it against me the day that I met Rin. I was still trying to work out being slightly off balance and at that time I was using a different arm, larger and heavier than I was used to. We of course were engaged in another battle, which I will get into at another time, but needless to say I was seriously wounded.
I needed to just go and rest, allow my demon metabolism to heal the wounds. I thought I had found a hidden spot but there she was, behind a tree looking at me. I hissed at the child to frighten her off, she was frightened but she did not leave.
The first day I was there I had passed out from the pain and the loss of blood, when I awoke my arm and other wounds were cleaned and crudely bandaged, she must have done it. I cannot figure out how she did not wake me, she must have been most gentle.
Everyday I was there she brought me food even when I told her I would not eat it. Even when she was beaten for the food she gave to me, she still came, and she smiled at me when I did nothing more than look at her and speak to her.
I did not understand her motives then and I am not sure I understand them now of why she stayed and aided me and why she stays with me still. Perhaps she was just tired of being alone. Perhaps it was her kind nature that did not want to see another suffer. But none the less, in my heart, I was glad she was there. I have never really had another care for me and it was a pleasant feeling.
I eventually healed, my retainer again joining me. I had not seen the girl in a couple of days and figured she had grown tired of playing nurse maid. I was hugely surprised to find her this time, dead, mauled by wolves by the look of the wounds and the scent that permeated the air around her. To my toads surprise and mine, I took Tenseiga and brought her back. This was the first time I ever used the sword in this manner. I held her in my arms and watched her breathe and open her eyes. When I released my own breath it was then that I realized I had been holding it. That smile was there again, she had captured me with it.
Of course Jaken thought it to be nothing more than a test of the swords power and I did not deign to tell him differently. I did not want her to die that way. It was unbefitting of someone so kind and I did owe her more than to walk away as if her aid meant nothing to me. So I brought her back and she has been with me ever since.
At first she would not speak, but now she does and I am glad for it. I did not enjoy her haunted looks and withdrawn quietness. She is happy, mischievous and can be quite the chatterbox at times. She is always kind and caring. Even when she torments Jaken it is with a kind heart so I allow it. She will, I am sure, grow into quite a beauty with her brown hair and eyes, her pretty features and her cheerful, loving personality. How I will miss her when she grows and leaves me for a husband. But I do not have to worry about that for awhile, she is only eight years old, I have time left to be with her.
I try to teach her the important things a girl should know, how to behave properly, how to walk and talk with grace and dignity. I have even taught her some calligraphy and I read poems to her, when Jaken is not around. I do not wish him to see this softer side of myself. It would not do to have the servant see such a weakness in his lord, a weakness that this small child has given me. Perhaps it is a weakness I have always had.
My name means Killing Perfection but nothing could really be further from the truth. I abhor killing and do it only to protect myself or my children. Does that surprise you dear reader? That I, an unfeeling demon lord, do not like to take the life of another? I am good at it but I do not like it, it pains me to destroy another for pitiful reasons such as land or money or power. I cannot kill my brother, who thoroughly maddens me with his cockiness and uncouthness. His group thinks that I will and I allow that but in reality I do not wish him dead. But I must keep up the façade of the cruel assassin, for my lands and the lives of those I care for would be in danger if others thought me weak.
We had travelled together for a year; she was seven when I brought her back from the dead. I cannot believe how lonely I was before her entrance into my life. It feels good to have someone to protect and care for and she cares for me in return. I do not feel I have done anything to deserve that caring though, but still she does.
Rin is my anchor in kindness. She has opened my heart to it and I think of others more than I did in the past.
I had, over the years, become bitter and closed off. I never had friends as a child. I was a prince and someday I was to be lord so one of my rank did not play with the servant children. My tutors continually were at me to show no emotion, to feel no compassion. For that would be a hindrance in battle. There were no others my age and my status so I spent all my time alone studying or with the adults, who I must admit, were boring. In regard to my social education I am lacking, I feel uncomfortable around others, I never know what to say so I say nothing, which I imagine furthers my reputation as being uncaring, aloof and pompous.
I was very excited to find out that I would have a brother, someone to play with and teach, someone to look up to me, but sadly that was not to be. He hates me and I must let him continue to do so even if it saddens me.
Having Rin lets me have what I missed as a younger man, a family. Perhaps that is another reason I revived her, to have a family that I cannot have any other way. I have not been with a female and have no interest to do so. I actually prefer the company of men, even though I have not lain with one either.
We, my brother and I, are the last of our kind. Eventually the inu line will die out or be bred out. Do not get me wrong, I have no bias against mating with humans or another demon of a different species, but really, what is the point. In the end the line will die, continued mating will not change that and is only delaying the inevitable. So in Rin I have a daughter without the complication of a mate that I cannot please.
Inuyasha closed the book he had found after the last battle with his brother. He could not believe what he had just read. He supposed he shouldn't have read even this first page, but curiosity had overcome his better judgement when he had seen that flowing script, and now, he sat in the tree with a stunned look on his face. He quickly tucked the book into his haori when he heard Kagome's footsteps under the tree.
"Inuyasha, what are you doing up there? Supper is ready, "she called up to him.
"I'm coming, I'm coming," he replied, jumping out of the tree and landing lightly before her, putting his grumpy face on. He followed her back to the village, his thoughts muddled, hoping that everyone would go to bed quickly so he could read further.
Sesshoumaru sighed deeply. He had gone back to the area that he and his brother had fought in and still could not find it. He supposed he could begin again but didn't really have the heart to. He glared ruefully at his ripped haori; he was so sure that when Inuyasha had slashed out at him with his claws and ripped the cloth that that was when the book had fallen out.
He couldn't remember when the last time he had taken the diary out so he could have lost it somewhere else. He had done that before and had spent days searching for it only to find it where he had laid it after writing in it. He had forgotten to put it back in his pocket as he normally did and had left it behind at one of their camps.
He walked back into the forest planning on checking out their previous camp to see if that is indeed what he had done.