Author's Note: Last chapter. I don't own Who I Am Hates Who I've Been by Relient K. I hope you enjoy.

Chapter 4: Who I Am Hates Who I've Been

Cody whimpered softly as his head throbbed in pain. He carefully opened one eye, and then the other. Where was he? What was he doing here?

Observing from the white surroundings, he realized he was in a hospital. Why? What happened? He glanced down at his arm which was covered in a white gauze and bandage.

Then it all came rushing back. The knife, the blood, Zack holding him…

Zack holding him? Where was he, where was his twin?

I watched the proverbial sunrise
coming up over the Pacific and
you might think I'm losing my mind,
but I will shy away from the specifics...

Zack had said he loved him. He said that he loved Cody.

Cody moaned and tried to glance over on his side to see if Zack was there. He wasn't.

Tears of disappointment filled Cody's eyes as he thought, I should have known better. I should have known that Zack wouldn't be here. Bitter regret seeped through his mind as thought, It was all a lie.

'Cause I don't want you to know where I am,
'cause then you'll see my heart
in the saddest state it's ever been.
This is no place to try and live my life.

A hand slipped into Cody's.

"Cody?" came a choked voice. Cody tried to look up, but his head was pounding, so he stopped his movements.

"Hey, buddy," Zack's voice was raw with pain and regret. "It's me, Zack."

Now Cody's heart was pounding too. Had his brother saved him just to destroy him in the end?

Stop right there, that's exactly where I lost it.
See that line, well I never should have crossed it.
Stop right there, well I never should have said
that it's the very moment that
I wish that I could take back.

"Cody," Zack took a deep breath. Cody couldn't see him, but he knew what Zack looked like right now, his blonde hair shuffled messily across his forehead, his eyelids reddened with tears, his face white and pale. "Code, you really scared me." Zack's voice cracked with pain. "You really scared me, buddy. I was really scared."

"I thought you'd be happy…" Cody managed to whisper. His brother's hand tensed in his.

"How could you possibly think that, Cody?"

I'm sorry for the person I became.
I'm sorry that it took so long for me to change.
I'm ready to try and never become that way again
'cause who I am hates who I've been.
Who I am hates who I've been.

"I hurt you," Cody managed to say, his voice trembling. "I hurt you and you didn't deserve it. I shouldn't have hurt you, Zack. I said something I shouldn't have, and you have every right to hate me."

"Code, I don't hate you. I'd never hate you. You scared me so bad, Cody. You scared me so bad when I opened that door and I saw all the blood and how you told me that you wanted me to be happy. That you did it for me. I was so scared, Cody. You scared me so bad."

I talk to absolutely no one,
couldn't keep to myself enough.
And the things bottled inside have finally begun
to create so much pressure that I'll soon blow up.

"But I hurt you," Cody protested, his voice still weak. "I hurt you. I'm so sorry, Zack." A tear slid down his face. "I'm so sorry."

"I had no right to hit you, Cody," Zack mumbled, stroking Cody's face softly.

Cody flinched, and then he wished he hadn't. He could sense Zack's pain. "I'm sorry."

I heard the reverberating footsteps
Syncing up to the beating of my heart,
and I was positive that unless I got myself together,
I would watch me fall apart.

"Cody, I can't live without you. If you had…" Zack's voice broke off, starting to think the unimaginable. "If you had… if I hadn't stopped you, Cody, I would've followed you. I would have ended up… like that. I can't go on without you, brother. I'm so sorry I hurt you. I just… acted before I thought, and I'm sorry. I'm sorry I hurt you. God, Cody—I love you…"

And I can't let that happen again
'cause then you'll see my heart
in the saddest state it's ever been.
This is no place to try and live my life.

Cody was silent. What could he say? He was so afraid to believe his brother, yet he wanted to, more than anything in the world.

"I can't live without you, buddy. You make me complete—I'm so sorry I did that to you, and I wish more than anything that I could take that back. Please, Cody, you have to believe me."

"I want to Zack. I want to, more than anything in the world, but…"

Stop right there. That's exactly where I lost it.
See that line. Well I never should have crossed it.
Stop right there. Well I never should have said
that it's the very moment that
I wish that I could take back.

Cody turned to face his brother, and Zack saw his twin's face was a mask of haunted fear. "I want to, but I'm afraid… I'm afraid to be hurt again. I don't think I can go through anything like that again, Zack."

Zack felt his heart break. He squeezed onto Cody's hand hard and whispered, "Please Cody. I promise I won't hurt you again. Just come back to me. I love my baby brother, and I miss him. I miss him Cody," he said, as his voice shook. "I miss him, and I need him. I miss my little brother, Cody. Can you come back to me?"

I'm sorry for the person I became.
I'm sorry that it took so long for me to change.
I'm ready to try and never become that way again
'cause who I am hates who I've been.
Who I am hates who I've been.

"I can try," whispered Cody, his voice trembling. "I want to. I'm just… afraid."

"I love you Cody. I love you. I'll always be here to protect you. I'm so sorry for what I did, and I promise I won't… I won't do it again. I'm here."


Who I am hates who I've been
and who I am will take the second chance you gave me.
Who I am hates who I've been
'cause who I've been only ever made me...

"I love you, Zack. I really do. I was so scared when I thought you hated me. I had that dream, a dream where I was falling, and you wouldn't save me."

"Of course I'd save you, Cody. I couldn't live without you, brother. Remember those times we cried together because we missed Dad? Remember all those nights where we trusted each other, and we loved each other? I want that person back, Cody. I want that person back. Trust me, please."

So sorry for the person I became.
So sorry that it took so long for me to change.
I'm ready to try and never become that way again
'cause who I am hates who I've been.
Who I am hates who I've been.

Cody looked at his brother, his eyes shining with tears. "You have that person back, Zack. You have that person back. I love you."

Author's Note: I rather hated this chapter. I thought it was sort of lame, but then I decided it's ok. What do you think? It's sort of repetitive I know, but still touching.

-Finn