Disclaimer: Phantom of the Opera belongs to Leroux.
Note: So many people said they wanted me to continue with my fillers, so here is a second one. This takes place between Faust and the torture chamber.
There is a major difference between the Erik in this chapter from the Erik in the first one. This is deliberate. I always believed that through the months of this story, Erik slowly lost his sanity. Well, the little that he ever had, at least.
"Holy angel in Heaven blessed...my spirit longs to be with thee to rest!"
I was singing as I had never sung before. I wasn't singing for Erik or Raoul. I was singing for myself. I was singing out my despair for my situation. My soul was withering with pain from the wretched decision I had to make, though I would be miserable with any outcome.
To go with the man I love, or stay with the Angel depend on?
But before I could even finish the aria, something went horribly wrong. The whole Opera House was sent into darkness. Before I could even realize what this inevitably meant, I felt the trap door beneath me give way, and I fell into the unknown below me.
Christine had thought that she would leave tonight with her precious little fiance. Oh Christine! You should know by now that no one gets away from Erik if he does not want them to!
I pulled the rope that connected to the contraption that opened the trap door and smiled. My angel was coming to me, strait from above! Angels do come from above, after all. Even demons know that.
I caught her small frame and held her to me. She screamed and tried to get away from me. Poor thing, she can't see in the dark as I can. She probably thought I was someone here to hurt her.
"Don't fret, Christine. It is only me, I will not hurt you."
"Let me go Erik!"
I ignored her pleas. If I let her down, she might have gotten hurt. She can't see in the dark as I can...she might have fallen in the lake or tripped and fell. I would never ever forgive myself if she was hurt due to me.
So I instead carried her to my house. Once we were inside, I sat her on my velvet divan.
"Oh Christine," I sighed, "Je vous aime..."
Why do my fears follow me so diligently? It caused me enough guilt for me to leave Erik without him coming to me with his proclamations of love again!
I fought back tears and tried to control myself as I looked into the masked face of the man who I had completely destroyed with my fickle and superficial heart. I had wanted to love him. I tried desperately to love him. But I could never bring myself to do so.
I could not love his insanity, nor his obsessive ways. I couldn't love how possessive he was over me...like a spoiled child...never letting me do anything without permission. I couldn't love his countless murders, no matter how awful the people may have been. And, as ashamed as I am to say it, I could not love his face. That wretched dead face, that caused him to become the tormented man that he was.
I was his one chance at salvation, but I denied him.
"Erik," my voice shook as I spoke, "you can't do this. Please don't do this."'
He tilted his head in a show of confusion, but didn't speak.
"Erik...people will notice that I vanished. I was in the middle of a performance! If they find you..."
"Oh no, don't worry about that, little Christine! Erik can't be found if he wishes to remain invisible! They won't find you either. Everything is as it should be. I love you, and now...you will love me too!"
"You said you loved me before...but I know you were lying. Erik can always tell when someone is lying! But never mind. I forgive you," I could tell by his eyes that he smiled with the last statement.
"Don't do this Erik! By your love for me, let me leave!"
I felt my heart sink as I saw the anger in his eyes rise.
"No Christine! You will stay here!" His eyes became sad, and I could even see tears, "I couldn't bear it if you left me Christine...I would die. People say that your heart breaks when you lose the one you love. That cannot be true for me though, Christine, for my heart is already ruined beyond repair. It broke a little more every time you screamed at the sight of me, every time you pulled away from my touch, every disgusted look you gave me. And when I saw you on the rooftop in the arms of that boy, betraying me without any sign of shame...I knew that my heart would never be mended.
"No Christine, if you leave, it wont be my heart that breaks. You have already succeeded in that! It will be my very soul that will be shattered. I can live without my heart...monsters like me hardly need one. But without my soul, I will die! I will die from my love of you!"
By the end of his speech, I had begun to weep uncontrollably. What had I done? I had tried so hard to avoid this, but everything was worse than I imagined. How could I leave this man, when he needed me so completely, and my soul needed him as well? But how could I stay, when my heart ached to be with Raoul?
Oh, if only I could stop warring with myself!
It should be a simple solution. What more can the orphaned chorus girl, daughter of a peasant violinist ever want that to be married to a man like Raoul? He offered safety, wealth, happiness, and light. He was kind and handsome...and I knew he loved me! Why would I even consider staying with a hideously deformed madman who had killed more men than I even care to know?
Yet, Erik shares a bond with me that Raoul can never touch. My soul is pulled to Erik with a force I can't even comprehend. In some twisted way, my happiness and sanity was connected to this broken man before me. The music we share isn't only our voices. Our music isn't any kind that you can write onto paper. Our music is something deeper that holds us both in a warm state of ecstasy...and that is what frightens me the most.
But I couldn't stay as his prisoner! Wether I stayed or left... I wanted it to be from my own decision, not Erik's or Raoul's.
I looked up at Erik, whose eyes were full of overwhelming sadness.
"Erik...you can not keep me here. If you truly loved me, you would not keep me as your prisoner."
"Oh Christine, if only you knew! I am not keeping you here to hurt you. I am keeping you here because it is for the best! You would die without me! Your very soul would waste away without your Erik there to nurture it."
My heart constricted as I realized the truth of this statement. I opened my mouth to respond, but he leapt to his feet in such a hurry that I was silenced.
"I will be back, my dear Christine," he told me before leaving me alone in the room. Alone to contemplate over and over my horrible predicament.
'Oh this will surely drive me mad!' I thought. But then I realized...there weren't only two options.
It was a wicked thought...all of the Christian teachings tell me that suicide is the same as murder. Murder is a sin that will guarantee me eternal damnation. But I couldn't bare living with the choice I was forced to make.
I glance around the room for a sharp object or possibly a coil of rope. I didn't have the time to look, but in my desperation I noticed the roughness of the stone wall.
"Forgive me," I didn't know who I spoke to...Erik, Raoul, my earthly or heavenly father...
I took a deep breath and closed my eyes.
And I ran to embrace my fate.
I had thought that I heard an alarm go off, but I was mistaken.
'Oh Erik, you really mustn't start hearing things!' I told myself. But that no longer mattered, for I could now go back to my beloved Christine. It was then that I heard it...the worst sound I ever heard! The sickening crack of something hitting the wall, followed by the sound of something hitting the ground.
I ran quickly into the room where Christine was...and cried out at the sight that greeted me.
Her heavenly face was marred with blood and bruises, and her body was shaking from where she was crying. It seemed that fate was determined to present me with a dead bride. I, however, was not a man that bent to fate's wishes.
I would have a happy, living bride...just as every other man! I was denied a face, dignity, and acceptance...I wouldn't be denied this last chance at being loved as well!
I lifted Christine from her place on the floor before she could further harm herself and sat her in a chair.
She looked up at me through her tears, and I felt a rush of sadness. What could have driven her to turn to this permanent means of escaping me?
"Erik...I'm sorry...so very sorry..."
"Why Christine? Why? Is the idea of living with me so terrible?"
She did not answer, and my fears were confirmed. My sadness gave way to rage. I had always helped her, guided her in every way. I had never hurt her, shown her anything but love and devotion! Yet she would rather die than stay with me.
I turned from her and went to my room to find something to tie her with. I came back, expecting her to have moved, but she was still sitting in the same spot with a look of resignation on her face.
"Are you going to tie me up Erik?" she asked sadly.
"I can't risk you trying to hurt your lovely face any more than you already have, my dear Christine."
She stared at me with a look I didn't understand, but made no move to prevent me. I looked away from her face. I couldn't stand to look at her any longer.
For all I could see was my dead wife, staring at me as she accepted her fate.
A/N: One usually hears "Je t'aime" for "I love you". However, "vous" shows more respect. I always imagined Erik using "vous" over "te", just as another way to show that he thought of her as an Angel where he was only an animal or demon.
Please review, reviews make me happy. Let me know which part I should do a filler for next...