*pussyfooting in*

Apparently, you shouldn't take my word for it when I say "I'll update soon". Hm. Thing is, I didn't really know what to do with the story, so I decided to put it aside for a while and see if I could come up with some new ideas later. Then I sort, of, eh, forgot about it. Yeah. Please don't kill me?

Also, a quick note; I regularly get reviews pointing out to me that Raphael is the older brother of Donatello, and not the other way around. Well, I have always known that there are different opinions on this matter. Most people think that Raph is the elder one, others that Donnie is. (I've even heard that one of the creators – can't remember whether it was Kevin Eastman or Peter Laird – has said that Don is older, but it might just be a rumour.) Nowadays, I imagine Raphael as the older, but as I began writing this story, I thought Don was. That's why he's being portrayed as such in the fic. So yeah, I've heard your opinions, and I accept what you say, but shell if I have the energy to go back and change things now. Thank you.

Disclaimer: Is this part even necessary anymore?

Chapter 20: Fun and games at Djurgården, part 4

"A-HA! Victory is mine!" Leonardo shouted, having finally beaten Karai at Thumb War. ("Ha! I won!" "Best out of three!" "Shell, no." "What, you don't dare? Are you chickening out?" "Of course not. Best out of three it is… Ha! I won again! Bow down to my superiority!" "Best out of five!"… and so on.)

Karai glared and her fingers twitched, dangerously close to the hilt of her sword. She decided however, in an uncharacteristic moment of altruism, not to traumatize the present children by drawing her blade and chopping off the head of what, to said children, obviously was a mascot. "Just you wait, Leonardo," she hissed through clenched teeth, not sounding very threatening at all. "Just you wait."

The turtle was jumping around in a victory dance, getting his bandana tails in his eyes and generally being a nuisance. "Victory! Victory!"

"Yeah, yeah," Karai grumbled, "rub it in, why don't you?" Then she stormed off, muttering words under her breath that, had she been fifteen years younger, would've made the Shredder wash her mouth with soap. (Nowadays, Shredder didn't really care whether or not Karai swore or not, reckoning that there were worse things she could spend her time with, like for example white-water rafting or telemarketing. Little did he know that she was doing those things anyway.)

Leonardo didn't even notice her disappearance – he was busy bowing, shaking people's hands and writing autographs. Darn narcissist.


Where was Shredder during all of this? Well, he, Prince Albert, and Foot Elite 1, 2 and 3 had decided to pull a TMNT and climbed down a manhole. Well, actually, the guinea pig had started sniffing the manhole lid and Saki had come to the brilliant conclusion that the mutants must've gone down there. The Elite very much doubted that, but followed anyway. Now they were wading through the dirty water, cringing every time it splashed up in their faces. The Shredder had picked up his beloved pet so he wouldn't drown and was cradling him in his arms.

"Boss, are you sure the mutants are down here?" number 3 asked with a grimace, after a particularly big group of drops made acquaintance with his skin. "I mean, we haven't seen a trace of them and we haven't heard anything either."

"Yeah, exactly," number 1 spoke up. "We're in the sewers. If there was somebody else down here, we'd hear the echo."

"Can't we go back up and try to pick up the trace again?" number 2 asked. Usually, they wouldn't stand up to the Shredder like this, but after what they had been going through the past few days, can you blame them?

The alien huffed. "If Prince Albert says they're here, then they are here," he insisted, and turned to the guinea pig. "Am I right, Prince Albert?"

Prince Albert squeaked.

"See? He's with me. And Prince Albert is always right."

The three Elites looked at each other with identical grimaces, which couldn't be seen beneath the red cloth they'd wrapped over their faces but in any case meant: 'Remember that day we declined joining the Workers' Union? Yeah? Well, I guess we can all agree that wasn't one of our best moments.'

They simultaneously closed their eyes in resigned despair as the evil overlord they had the misfortune to call their boss lifted the guinea pig and nuzzled it with his nose.


After number 4's successful rescue of Julia, they decided on a tour in the love tunnel. They sat down in a pink, swan-shaped boat and took off into the rose-scented, pinkish darkness.

Mistake. (Or even "big, huge mistake," as I would've put it if I were Julia Roberts and this was the Pretty Woman movie.)

You see, for the sake of the romantic atmosphere, the manager had filled the love tunnel with rose perfume. And as it turned out, number 4 was allergic to roses. Not three minutes after the happy couple had entered the tunnel of love, the people outside saw a young woman splashing her way out again carrying a shape over her shoulders in an unfittingly masculine fireman's carry; a shape wrapped in black and red cloth, making wheezing noises, and wearing a silly hat.

Julia put number 4 down on a bench and began doing CPR – or, more accurately for the occasion, the "kiss of life" (mind the word kiss). Most usually, this would be a good thing. But since number 4, as a matter of fact, already was breathing (if so in a very gasping and annoying way) her actions did more hinder than help. The Elite Ninja helplessly tried to shove away his fiancée and get some air. "Ju-hu–" (gasp) "hu-lih-a-" (wheeze) "-would you ple-hease–" (gasp gasp) "-stop it!"

As soon as Julia realized what number 4 had said, she abruptly stopped breathing down his throat and sat back. "What?" Her forehead was marred by a frown, which started to deepen. "What? You don't want me to kiss you?"

The red eyes of number 4 widened, and if he wasn't halfway suffocated, he undoubtedly would've come up with some sappy comment to save the situation. But since he was, he remained silent (if you define "silent" as not giving away any actual words), and Julia's eyes filled up with tears.

"You don't want me to kiss you. You don't want to be with me anymore," she said in a quivering voice. Then the rage entered the picture, and she hastily rose from the bench, her face wrinkled like a bloodhound and the eyes those of a rabid hamster. "I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME!"

Number 4 tried to get up, but still felt all wobbly and fell on his face as the love of his life stormed off.


Eager to let his master know about the presence of (and, the defeat of) Karai, Leonardo met up with his family just outside a ride called "the blue train". Finding them hadn't been difficult; the mutant family, whether pretending to be mascots or not, had a tendency to draw attention to themselves. (Which only further proves the fact that the Shredder is a complete idiot - how could he possibly fail to notice three giant turtles and one giant rat making a huge scene by doing the Macarena in tandem whilst whistling Mendelssohn's wedding march with french fries up their nostrils?)

"Sensei, sensei!" the oldest turtle called out as he approached. "We're not alone!"

"No, really?" Raphael stopped in the middle of the part with "a boy named Nicorino". He glared at Leo and continued: "We're at a friggin' amusement park in the weekend with people surroundin' us from all sides, an' ya say we're not alone? Sheesh, ya could take over Donnie's role as the brainiac of the family…" He threw a quick look at Donatello, who was trying to balance a french fry on his nose – or whatever worked as his nose, since the turtles didn't really have noses, noses. "Then again, I guess most people could fill in fer 'im nowadays."

"Be silent, Raphael," snapped Master Splinter. "Leonardo, what is the matter? Speak quickly!"

Leonardo, being the teacher's pet he was, spoke quickly. "I-was-scouting-the-perimeters-and-then-I-ran-into-Karai-and-we-fought-a-battle-to-the-death-and-I-thanks-to-your-profound-teachings-which-I-will-always-be-grateful-for-was-victorious!"

Silence.

Mikey spoke first. "Huh?" (If Don had been his old, English-understanding self, he would've muttered: "Yeah, that's eloquent." But since he wasn't, he didn't. And anyway, if he had been, none of them would be in this situation in the first place, so there's no use blabbing away about it. Eh… I'll shut up now.)

"My son, I fail to see the point of your previous utterance," Splinter said. Leo took a deep breath and responded: "I was scouting the perimeters and then I ran into Karai and we fought a battle to the death and I, thanks to your profound teachings which I will always be grateful for, was victorious!"

The rat beamed. "Well done, Leonardo! Though I am not surprised – you are, after all, my best and most favourite son. I am certain that none of your brothers would have been able to achieve such a spectacular victory as yours."

Raphael and Michelangelo were, behind the rat's back, giving each other identical looks of exhaustion, drabness, despair and resignation. They were just about to interrupt their father's praising their big brother, when someone else beat them to the interruption part.

"Mäster Splinter! Mäster Splinter! Kolla vad jag kan göra!" (1) This caught the attention of the purple-clad turtle's family (which had been his intention from the start) and they turned to look at him. He was now balancing ten french fries on top of one another on his nose.

For a few moments, no one knew what to say. Donatello took this as approval and admiration. "Ja, jag vet. Är det inte otroligt? Jag är faktiskt imponerad själv." (2)

Michelangelo spoke up first. "Sensei?"

"Yes, my son?"

"Why don't we just leave him here and go home?"


Meanwhile, Karai had searched for, and found, Hun. Not her favourite of the Shredder's minions, but he had to do. (She would've preferred the Elite Ninjas, but as we know they were with the Shredder.) "Hun!"

The idiot size XXXXXXXXXL looked up from the game of noughts and crosses he'd been playing with his friend Oscar Frankenschnizzel. "Mistress Karai!"

"The one and only. Come with me, we have work to do."

If Hun wasn't losing spectacularly, he would've protested, but as Oscar was kicking his ass he really didn't mind. "Sure… but only if my friend Oscar can join us. Mistress, this is Oscar Frankenschnizzel. Oscar, this is Mistress Oroku Karai."

"A pleasure to make your acquaintance, my lady," said Oscar with a dazzling smile and as Karai offered her right hand – for a handshake, not in marriage – he bent down and kissed it. Hun mentally slapped himself in the face with a groan. 'Darn it, he's dead. And I just found him again!'

But he was mistaken. As Oscar's lips made long contact with Karai's hand, she didn't slap him, scream at him, or, even more likely, chop his head off. Instead, she started blushing behind her other hand, which she had lifted up to hide the lower half of her face. "Oh, likewise," she giggled.

Hun's eyes boggled out, and he was just about to say something – anything – to break the sudden tension in the air, when he was saved the trouble by a metallic sound and Karai quickly falling down a just recently appeared hole in the ground with a shriek. "EEEIIIK!"

Hun and Oscar called out to her at the same time: "Mistress!" and "My lovely lady!" respectively. They were answered by several pronouncements from below: "The heck?", "Mistress Karai? Where did you come from?", "From above, asshole", "Prince Albert! Are you okay?", "Squeak", and "Ouch" being some of the more ones.

I guess I do not need to inform you whom Karai had literally bumped into.


1. Master Splinter! Master Splinter! Look what I can do!

2. Yes, I know. Isn't it amazing? I'm actually impressed myself.

I hope you enjoyed the chapter! :)