Prologue

There they were, sat ram-rod straight on plush pink chairs, white smiles gleaming, long hair shining, bright eyes twinkling, certain magical powers bubbling helpfully under smooth flawless skin. Their clothes were immaculate, their makeup perfection and their brain cells non-existent. Slender hands were clapped together as their leader and mentor stepped on to the stage...

Krystal was the Queen of the Mary-Sues. She had been placed on Arda by VĂ¡na to bring beauty, grace and girl power to Middle Earth. She had flowing blonde hair, killer curves, violet eyes, enviable dress sense and most of Rivendell's most eligible bachelors on her track record. She started the academy to spread little clones of herself around Middle Earth. She reeled the girls in through their computers, sucking them through the screen and watching them blossom in classes of Saving the Fellowship, Magic, Makeup in Moria, Elf Seduction, Single-handedly Defeating Evil While Curling Eyelashes and Sword Fighting That Is Far Better Than Aragorn's. Krystal beamed at the girls and picked up the first glittery, pink diploma...

'Willow Tarrington'

A slender red-head in a leaf-green velvet gown sidled on to the stage. Krystal laughed to herself as she remembered how Willow had been when she arrived...