Disclaimer: I own nothing... all the characters are the property of JK Rowling. Also, a big thanks to Dumbledoresgirl1 for the idea of the Girl Scout badges!
In which Draco sees something frightening
After much persuasion, Snape and Bella had finally managed to convince Lord Voldemort that wandering from door to door in capes with badges that said things like "Killed Albus Dumbledore" and "Tortured 20 Muggles" would not be the best idea, practically speaking. As Dolohov had put so eloquently (before Voldemort had the chance to hex him silent again) "We'd all look like nincompoops." Draco had been happy then, because it meant that he would not have to abandon his Sims for however many hours selling cookies would have taken.
Now, however, Draco was depressed. In spite of all his hard work, a Sim of his (incidentally the one labeled 'Draco') had died. He wondered if this was some sort of omen and scowled angrily. The Dark Lord already thought of him as useless. He did not even have a false name. And he was now second on the Dark Lord's To Be Killed list. The future wasn't looking too great at the moment for poor Draco Malfoy.
As he wallowed in self-pity, his mind wandered back to the conversation of the previous day. A lightbulb clicked in his head. He could prove himself to the Dark Lord and win his Master's affection! All he would have to do would be to hack into the Hogwarts Staff chat room, which Snape had so conveniently mentioned the previous day. The Hogwarts staff were sure to talk about ideas relevant to the cause, since it was common knowledge that the castle had won the Most Coveted By Voldemort of any Place in Britain award the other day. Draco chortled at his own brilliance and went to work.
It took Draco half an hour of searching to find the proper site and ten more minutes to close the surrounding pop-ups. Finally, he was in. Feeling elated, Draco typed in the first name that came into his head. With any luck, he wouldn't have to reveal his presence at all, so the name didn't matter.
The words "Welcome to the HogStaffChat, the room whose occupants have the most alliterative names of any chat in Britain" flashed across the screen. Draco snickered.
Moderator MinervaMcGonagall: Who's there? Who just signed in?
Draco remained silent.
Moderator MinervaMcGonagall shrugs.
Moderator MinervaMcGonagall: Probably just some student hacker. You were saying, Poppy?
PoppyPomfrey: With Professor Sprout's assistance, I've developed a new burn cream that should be of some help during the war.
Useful information! Yes! Draco cheered inwardly. He would have to tell the Dark Lord not to try to set fire to anyone's house anytime soon.
FiliusFlitwick rolls his eyes.
FiliusFlitwick: You have creams for everything, Poppy.
PoppyPomfrey: Well, at least I can see over the edge of my desk, thank you very much.
Moderator MinervaMcGonagall: Ahem. So, ah, Flitwick, how have your classes been going?
FiliusFlitwick: Quite well, thank you, Minerva. As a matter of fact, Vincent Crabbe has finally mastered the Levitation charm! Unfortunately, he seems to have a penchant for using it on other students instead of feathers.
SuperSeer has entered the chat.
Moderator MinervaMcGonagall: Hmm. I shall make a note to put him in detention at the earliest opportunity.
SuperSeer: My dear Minerva, how have your classes been lately?
SuperSeer: I must warn you, Minerva... as I was gazing into the orb just now, I beheld a dire tragedy befalling you. I hastened to the chat immediately, feeling it incumbent upon myself to warn you... My dear Minerva... on the seventeenth of September, you will be accosted by... Death!
Moderator MinervaMcGonagall: Really, Sybil... Am I to suppose a couple of mad-axe men will corner me in the hallway as well?
SuperSeer: You mock me!
Moderator MinervaMcGonagall: That was the idea.
SuperSeer has left the chat.
MadEye has entered the chat.
Moderator MinervaMcGonagall: Mad-Eye? What are you doing here?
MadEye: I used to be a teacher here, and I thought I'd drop in, for old time's sake. You haven't been very good about changing the passwords over these last two years. Constant vigilance!
StarSeeker, WeaselsRCool, and BushyHairedWitch have entered the room.
StarSeeker: My God. I think I'm going to faint. Ron has finally created a name that doesn't totally advertise my identity to the world. Bravo!
BushyHairedWitch: Ron! How could you? My hair's not that bad!
WeaselsRCool: Oh yeah?
WeaselsRCool: OW! Hermione! That was my foot!
MadEye: Constant vigilance!
BushyHairedWitch: Serves you right.
Moderator MinervaMcGonagall: Mr. Potter, Miss Granger, and Mr. Weasley. This is a staff-only chat.
StarSeeker: Blame Ron, Professor. It was his idea.
WeaselsRCool: Oh, so first you congratulate me for giving you a nice name, and now you blame me for everything. I see how it is!
BushyHairedWitch: Don't look at me. I'm not going to back you up.
WeaselsRCool glares at everyone and stomps off in a huff.
StarSeeker: Honestly, Professor, we only wanted to see whether the rumors that this room existed were true.
Moderator MinervaMcGonagall: Well, they are. Now you'd better go; we've had one student hacker get into the chat already, and we don't need any more.
StarSeeker: All right, all right... we're going, we're going. I'd better check on Ron, anyway. Nice talking to you, Professor.
StarSeeker, WeaselsRCool, and BushyHairedWitch have left the room.
MadEye: A hacker, you say, Minerva?
Moderator MinervaMcGonagall: Yes, I'm afraid so. Probably just some precocious student doing stupid things again. He hasn't said anything since he entered the room, so he's probably forgotten all about it.
A sigh of relief escaped Draco's lips.
Moderator MinervaMcGonagall: Whoops! I must fly. Class starts in five minutes.
FiliusFlitwick: Me too.
Moderator MinervaMcGonagall and FiliusFlitwick have left the chat.
PoppyPomfrey: Ah, we're finally alone.
PoppyPomfrey: I've missed you, you know.
MadEye: So have I, Poppy dearest. I wish I was at Hogwarts at this very moment.
PoppyPomfrey: I'd like nothing better than for you to get up here right now and snog me senseless.
MadEye: Well I'd like to
Draco covered his eyes. No. God, no. He fought vainly to get the disgusting mental images out of his head.
His curiosity wouldn't let him cower for long, however, and he soon peeked out through his fingers at the screen again. The two were still at it.
MadEye: Oh, my sweet poppyseed!
PoppyPomfrey: My honeymuffin!
Draco couldn't take it any more.
MadEye: Who's there, eh? Speak up! Constant vigilance!
Quickly, Draco X-ed the chat window before the paranoid ex-Auror had a chance to block him, conveniently forgetting that McGonagall was the only one with blocking rights on this network. Only one thought permeated his brain as Draco logged off, and it reiterated repetitively as he stumbled off to the refrigerator to get a calming drink.
I didn't need to see that. I REALLY didn't need to see that...
Back at Headquarters, Mad-Eye was chuckling and applauding his own brilliance.
MadEye: Knew that would get rid of the pesky Death Eater in no time flat!
PoppyPomfrey: Your wisdom never fails to amaze me, Alastor.
PoppyPomfrey wiggles her eyebrows suggestively.
PoppyPomfrey: So what do you say about coming to Hogwarts for a visit in, say, ten minutes?
MadEye: I'll be right over...
Pince x Filch would probably have been more frightening, but Filch doesn't say "Constant Vigilance!"
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