Disclaimer: I own nothing though I wish I would own Sawyer. ;)
Summary: Happens after The Long Con. Kate wonders why… Skate!
This is my very first fan fiction. And English is not my mother tongue. So, please, be patient.
Kate was sitting on the beach looking into the ocean. She was sitting alone and she was thinking - why.
Why did he con her? What had she done to deserve something like this? Ok, she had done a lot of things. For example, she had murdered her own father. And Tom died because of her. Her mother hated her. But she was paying for her sins. She was always on the run. She had no friends. She had no life. But then the plane crashed. And everything changed.
At first she was afraid. She just wanted to run again. She could not stay at the same place for long. At first she wanted to just take off.. Not anymore. To her this island now represents a new beginning. She could still be herself but no one was chasing her. The Marshall died. She felt sorry for him but his death made it easier.
She connected with some people. First she met Jack.. Then Charlie. And Sayid. And the rest. They kind of became friends. There was also him. When she first saw him she thought he was an annoying jackass full of himself. He did not make friends with anyone. He was always alone. An outcast.
But then she read that letter. And she began to understand him. He was so much more. On the outside he was tough but inside he was just hurt. A little boy whose father killed his mother and then himself. And left an 8 year old alone. Alone in the world. She still did not know how he grew up. Who he was living with. Who raised him? Had he some relatives or did he spend his childhood in foster homes?
And then the kiss. She had never been kissed like that before. It was slow but it was intense and filled with passion. She would never forget that kiss. Never. And although he just used her she did not feel sorry it happened. She was angry but not sorry.
And from then they just connected. He was funny, sarcastic as hell. He always made her laugh. But their relationship was a complex one. He betrayed her, she betrayed him. She was angry at him, he was angry at her. And then he told her there was nothing worth staying for on this island. His words hurt, hurt her and broke her heart. She should have said something, she knew that but she just could not. All she could think about was how hurt she was. And she did not see how her silence had hurt him.
The next day he was gone. And she did not say goodbye. She was looking for him but did not find him. And she did not know how much he wanted her to say goodbye. Days passed and Sun told her they have found the bottle. Sun thought Jin was dead. And that meant Sawyer was too. She couldn't live with that.
But he came back. Shot but alive. Jack fixed him. And then he woke up. He was still sarcastic and sometimes annoying but the connection was there. They have spent a lot of time together. She trusted him and it seemed he trusted her too. She felt save and protected with him. For the first time in a long time she felt really good.
And then he conned her. Her and everyone else on this island. He betrayed her trust. And that hurt – much more then anything has ever hurt before. It was like somebody would stab her with a knife and then twist it.
She stood up and made her way to the hatch. She was on the "button" duty. She was walking really slowly and it took her some time to get to the hatch. Well, she was still thinking about the con.
"Hey Kate. Where have you been?" John asked.
"Sorry, I forgot how late it already is. But I am here now, so you can go. See you in about 6 hours then?" Kate answered. She should have walked faster.
"Yeah, I am off. I am going to check on Claire and Aaron. See you." And with that he walked out of the hatch.
He spent a lot of time with Claire and Aaron the last couple of days. Now that Charlie was not there anymore. But she felt kind of sorry for Charlie. He tried so hard and now he is alone. He moved his tent to the edge of their little community. She had seen him there talking to Sawyer the previous day… Sawyer.
"Here we go again. A minute does not pass and here I am again, thinking about him! Damn!" Kate said, frustrated.
"But why did he have to do it? We were all getting along well and then he goes and cons me. Bastard!" Kate stood up and started walking up and down the room. "Jackass. He just has to prove everyone how "bad" he is. Bullshit! He could be good if he wanted but no, he must be this arrogant pig. He just makes wanna drown him!"
"Who do you want to drown?" Jack asked.
He startled her. He came out of nowhere.
"Aa! What are you doing here? Kate asked. She just stood still and was looking at him.
"I just came for some medicine. I have to give some painkillers to Sun." he answered and went to take the medicine.
"Oh, ok." She went back to the computer and typed the numbers.
"Who do you want to drown, Kate?" he asked her again.
Damn. She was hoping he would forget he had heard that. What was she suppose to do now? Tell him or lie to him? Think, Kate, think!
Well, here goes nothing.
"Sawyer," she said and looked straight into his eyes.
"Oh, go ahead then. I am sure nobody would miss him." He smiled.
"You know it just makes me crazy. How could he do something like that? How?" Kate stood up again.
"Because that is how he is, Kate. Nobody can rely on him because no one can ever know when he will stab you in the back."
"But…" She wanted to say that he would not stab her in the back. But she could not because that was what he just did, did he not? He betrayed her, once again.
"No buts, Kate. That is in his nature."
"He just seemed so different since he has come back. He was … nice." Kate tried to explain what she didn't even understand herself.
"That is what he does, Kate. He cons people. He conned us all. He took the guns away and now we are at his mercy. If he gives us the guns we can defend ourselves, if he does not, we can't. It is as easy as that." Jack said. How can she defend him? He is an ass. Doesn't she see what he has done?
"I know. I always trust the wrong people. But I just thought he deserved a chance." I just thought we deserved a chance. Wow, where did this come from? We? We? We who? Oh my God. I did it. I felt for him. And that is why it hurts so much. Not because he conned us but because he conned me. And not because I was conned. But because I was conned by him. Because he conned me.
Kate sat down again.
She knew that she had fun with him. And she has always found him attractive. He was sexy. And hot. And his dimples. And his smile – omg. And the way he looked at her. Everything looked good on him – when he was lying in the mud, when he was cutting wood, when he was reading, when he was swimming – yeah, that one is good – when he was walking around with his shirt off…hmmm.
"What are you smiling about?" Jack asker bewildered. "Kate?"
"Hmm? Uhh, nothing, I just remember something. Nothing important." Yeah right. You just figured you are in love with a guy that betrayed you and you say nothing? But you cannot tell Jack because he might fell something for you. And you sure cannot hurt him even more. We already kissed and my reaction was not at all lady-like. I ran like a chicken. Just because I regretted the kiss. I have already hurt him and I cannot do it again.
"Right. Well, you just take care, Kate. He can be dangerous. He does not care."
Yeah, he does not. But I do. I just realized that I love him. A day after he conned me. And I don't even know when it happened. When he was gone? When I thought he died? Or earlier – by the fire maybe? I guess it doesn't really matter. But…. What am I suppose to do now? Can I forgive him? Does he even want me to forgive him? Because he does not care. I think I am just supposed to be alone. I will see him every day. My heart will go out to him but I won't do a thing. Because he does not care. That will not be easy.
"Yeah, Jack. I know." I know better then you think.
"I will be right back. I will take the pills to Sun and then come back." Jack said and left with the pills.
"Yeah." Kate answered. How will I do that now? Irony, isn't it? I could probably have Jack, a doctor, a guy who a girl can rely on, a guy who is loyal and nice. He has such a great smile and his hands are so strong. He is almost perfect. But I just can't. I just feel this connection with Sawyer. I see myself with him. And although he has many flaws and is a badass I just love him. I love his sarcasm and his smirking. I love his eyes and his hands; I love his body and his hair. Damn, I just love him.
And then she started to cry.
But she allowed herself only to cry for 5 minutes. Then sadness grew into anger. She started smashing things and throwing them around and into the walls.
"Hey, hey, hey! Calm down." Jack grabbed her hands and made her sit. "Clam down, Kate."
"I am ok, let go of me!"
"Kate!" Jack started.
"I said I am fine. Let me go." Kate stood up and walked into the bathroom. She had to wash her face.
Jack just stood there. He thought about the two. Or more about her. Why did she care that much? Why was this bothering her that much? The guy was a null. He was an ass. He was a con man. His job was to betray people and stole their money. And he was always bold and shameless. So why was she so drawn to him? Wasn't he the better man? He was a doctor and her friend. She could lead a normal, honest life with him. Well, if they ever get off the damn island. He was the right one, not that redneck. Sawyer always thinks if himself first. Or only.
"And he thinks he loves her" Jack said aloud without knowing.
"What?" said Kate, who had just come out of the bathroom. Who loves whom? Who was Jack talking about? "What are you talking about?"
Damn. "Uff, umm, nothing. That was nothing." Great one Jack..
"Tell me what you were talking about, Jack. Who thinks who loves who?" I need to know. I don't know why, but I just need to know.
"Ok, Kate, I will tell you but you have to promise me you won't do anything irrational. Ok?" Jack said. It was his own fault she heard him, so the best thing he could do was tell her.
"Ok. Remember when Sawyer was unconscious?" Jack started.
Of course, I remember. How could I forget? She just nodded.
"Well, the morning you went out to get some fruit… he asked about you."
He asked about me? He did?
"And then he told me something. Or better to say he whispered something."
"Yeah?" she was getting nervous.
"He said he loved you." Ok, done. It wasn't so hard.
"He said what?" Oh my God. Did Jack just say that Sawyer said he loved me. But….but...how?
"He said he loved you. Twice." Jack was looking at her intensely.
"But…" Kate started thinking. He loves her? Her? For real? But he has never been in love before. How did this happen? When? For how long. Oh, Kate stop with that. It doesn't matter how long or when. What should I do now? I hope it is true.
Jack was staring at her. He saw she was dealing with the news. She was thinking about it. But he didn't see any other reaction.
So, why did he con her then? Kate didn't understand. But suddenly it dawned on her. Because he loved her. He really did. She smiled. He just wanted to push her away. He was afraid. Afraid of the feelings he was feeling. They were new to him and he didn't feel relaxed because of them. And, as always, he wanted to punish himself. But what he didn't realize was that he was hurting them both. He probably thought he deserved it and that she would get over it. But he was wrong. And now she will have to show him that. She smiled again.
Jack was still looking at her. She was smiling. She was happy about it. And he was sad. He realized he will never be with her. Well, better to realized it now then later.
"Jack, can you stay here and take care of the button?" she asked.
"Sure, Kate. Go."
"Thanks, Jack." She said and left the hatch.
She started running. Funny, she was walking to the hatch so slowly but now she was running from it. She felt happy. So happy! He loves her. Sawyer loves her. She started laughing.
Meanwhile, Locke came back earlier then planned and took over the shift from Jack. So Jack went back to the beach.
Kate arrived on the beach. She scanned the surrounding and saw him on the other site of the beach. He was reading a book. Typical Sawyer. She drank some water and started running again. She ran past Sayid and Charlie, who were talking about something, past Claire, who was playing with Aaron, past Sun and Jin, who were sitting in front of their tent. They all stood up, when they saw her running past. First they thought something was wrong but then the realized she was smiling. But they were still curious.
Kate reached Sawyer. He looked up.
"Hey Freckles. In a hurry?" he smirked at her.
"Yeah," she said and sat down in hip lap. He was surprised (everyone else, too). He didn't know what had happened. Wasn't she supposed to be annoyed with him and not sitting in his lap?
"I was in a hurry. To get to you." She said and then she kissed him. She kissed him, slowly at first but with every second the kiss grew more passionate.
He broke the kiss. "What..?"
"Shhh… I know why you did what you did. I know how you feel. I just…I know why. Oh, and I feel the same." For the first time Sawyer was speechless. He didn't know what to say. So he moved closer. She did too. And they kissed again.
There would be time for talking later. Now, they just wanted to feel happy and safe. And they did.
Maybe everything would be ok. Maybe things will get easier. Maybe it is not so bad to trust someone, to open up to someone. Maybe the island really means a new chance. Maybe they could begin anew. Together.
Everyone went back to what they were doing before. Some were a bit confused, the others were just smiling. But there was one who was still looking at them. They were still kissing. They looked so happy but their happiness meant pain for him.
Jack turned around and walked into the other direction.