How Swear Toads came to be

By: Polka-dotted-penguin-one

A/N: I don't own Artemis Fowl or Harry Potter. Anyway this doesn't have the character meeting just how the toads came to be. Fred and George were doing some experiments on toads and something goes astray.

Ex-Caption Holly Short was walking down the streets of downtown Haven, going to visit her friend Foaly at the Police Plaza. The city was as usual a cornucopia of yelling, honking and just all around rudeness. Some people thought Holly.

While walking Holly came across a swear toad. It hopped up to Holly and did what swear toads did best. Spit out a profanity. Of course. Holly walked past the little amphibian and continued her way down the streets of Haven, but the little thing wouldn't stop following her. And it was getting annoying.

"Damn you! ASSHOLE! SON OF A BITCH!" the little toad sang. Holly whipped you head around. The little toad was sitting contently looking at her. If Holly didn't know better she'd swear the small animal was smiling. Its slimy skin looked slimier than most.

"Go home," Holly told it.

The frog simply answered: "DAMN YOU!"

"ARGH!" Holly answered turning around and stamping to the Police Plaza. But the little toad that could still pursued. Holly was really getting annoyed. She started running. People on the streets were starting to stare. Did they think she was with this toad? Holly ran all the way to the Police Plaza. Only to find the toad still behind her.

"Don't you have a home?" Holly sighed.

"FUCK YOU!" Holly groaned. She didn't much care for that kind of language, and she didn't want people thinking she did.

"LEAVE ME ALONE!" She yelled.


"ARGH! Fine! You can come with me. Just keep the langue to a minimal." Holly said opening the door.

"BITCH!" The frog yelled before hopping in.

In the Plaza people were giving her some of the weirdest looks. Most of them weren't very nice. Do they think I chose to have this little bugger follow me? Holly was fuming by the time Trouble walked up to her. He was trying to contain laughter. It wasn't really working.

"Holly," Trouble managed. "Who's your little friend?" Then Trouble burst out laughing. Holly's eyebrow twitched as she gave Trouble the evil eye. A bit of auburn hair fell in front of her eye. She looked as if she wouldn't mind killing Trouble.

"Stuff it Kelp," She muttered before moving on to Foaly's office.

On her way Holly's favorite Commander of the LEP walked up to her. His eyes screamed death to Short. The commander walked up to her.

"Ms. Short, I'm afraid we don't appreciate your little friend here. This is a work environment," Sool said rather snottily. Holly was so not in the mood for Stool minus a "t". So she walked right past him with the little toad screaming to Sool "FUCK YOU!" Holly smiled as she walked by. The little guy kind of grew on you.

Holly walked into Foaly's office and shut the door. The little animal following close behind. Holly's little friend hopped up to Foaly and said very proudly "DAMN YOU!" This shook Foaly out of his little trace on his computer.

"Pleasant Holly, you ever heard of knocking?" Foaly told Holly with sarcasm thick in his voice.

"Yeah I heard of it, but I don't think very highly of it,"

"What's with the toad?" Foaly questioned. Holly walked to Foaly's computer and stole a carrot from his desk. Then took a bit and started chewing.

"HEY!" Foaly complained.

"Oh don't be a baby," Holly said through a mouth full of carrot. "And he followed me from the street. I can't get rid of him,"

"Hmm," Foaly answered getting back to work but the profanity and chewing of his carrot kind of distracted him.

"Hey Foaly," Holly asked when she was done. "Do have any idea who had the bright idea of swear toads?" Foaly's face perked up a bit. He turned to Holly.

"Actually Holly I've been trying to figure that out for a long time. And I the unappreciated genius have taken a video of who I think might have done it," Foaly started his lighting fast typing on the computer and pulled up a screen. "What you're about to see may disturb you," Foaly said before turning on the video.

On the screen there were two boys sitting on the floor. They looked about 17. They both had bright orange hair and the same strong British accents. They were sitting around a room with about 6 toads. There were cauldrons, and little bottles everywhere. They seemed to be doing some sort of experiments.

"So do think it will work?" One of the boys asked the other. They were obviously twins.

"Couldn't say George, but I think if it does work our trick shop will be world famous." The other boy answered pouring some bright green liquid into the cauldron.

The boys were actually trying to make a tasteless potion that made the drinker say some of their deepest secretes at random and inappropriate times. Or make the drinker start screaming uncontrollably at inappropriate times. So far they had made 3 cauldrons explode, two toads explode turn their hair purple, and make their skin bright green with their freckles turning pink. Needless to say, things were not going as planned.

"Maybe we need to add more lizard tail?" The other boy answered. The one called George shrugged.

"I'll try anything," The boy put some actual lizard's tail in the potion and started stirring. The potion bubbled. It then exploded all over the boys and the frogs. The boys slowly got up. Blue muck all over them.


"YOU TOLD ME TO!" Fred yelled back.



"BLOOD HELL!" The boys turned around. They were the only ones in the room. Except the toads. There were two toads sitting behind them. They looked rather content with them selves. Then said it again.


"FUCK!" Fred and George looked from each toad to each other.

"SWEET!" they said in unison. They walked over to the toads and started saying off every swear word they could think of. (Which I will not type because the swearing now it making me feel really dirty) It was then that a round older looking woman burst into the room. Her hair was orange just as her son's but it was streaked with gray.


"FUCKING BITCH!" One of the toads said at a VERY inappropriate time. The woman looked down. She was Fred and George's little creation. Her face went from a pale kind of color to flush with deep red.

"YOU TWO HAVE BEEN EXPERMENTING HAVEN'T YOU!" She yelled. The boys were cowering in the corner.

"No mum,"


"GOD DAMN IT!" the other little toad blurt out. The woman went over the edge.

"AHH" She screamed before picking up two wands from the ground. First she broke them with her knee, shattering them into wood chips. After that she threw the frogs into the fireplace. She then picked up some dust from a flower vase next to the fire place and threw it in the fire. The flames instantly turned into a lime green color.


"They were going to make things Haven on Earth!" George pleaded.

"Don't you mean Heaven on Earth?" She corrected.

"Whatever." The fireplace engulfed the toads. Never to be seen again.

Holly was staring at the screen. NO way! No way did mud men make these fowl creatures then stick them down in Haven. No way. Foaly interrupted her thoughts.

"So what do you think?"

"How did you get this?" Holly stammered. Foaly shrugged.

"I was bored. Sent up a few cameras to random places. Got this. So what are you going to do with the toad?"

"Keep him," Holly answered. Picking up the small amphibian.

"What are you gonna name him?" Foaly asked. Holly thought about it for a moment.


A/N: If you were offeneded by the cursing, I'm sorry. BUt it had to be done. Reviews make me happy.