Summary- Sango Tacchi has always had a tough life. It's normal for her. When the normal pressure starts to get harder, will she handle herself any differently than before? The next problem is keeping her best friend from realizing her methods of coping... Warning, I used song lyrics!
I own all the poems at the beginning of the chapters. Those are my mind's rotten creations.
Song- Lies (Evanescence)
Alright. Another story. I'm in the process of working on another story (just the ideas) right now. Amazing how much inspiration comes when I'm supposed to be doing HOMEWORK.
About to Break
Chapter One- Normal
You can be dumb
If you become numb
The types of pain vary
And the effects can get scary
Sango Tacchi's life was rarely good. She knew that, and so did her father and little brother. They all knew that she was the one who suffered the most from her mother's death. Her little brother, Kohaku, wasn't old enough to realize the loss of his mother. Sango struggled, but no one knew how badly.
Their mother died at the hands of a demon. The demon was out to get revenge on Sango's family, even though they weren't the ones who wronged him. Sango's mother died to satisfy his blood lust. Sango remembered it, and she had never forgiven herself. Everyone else, even her remaining family, assumed that she'd gotten over it.
No one was aware of the storm she was carrying in her heart. No one knew how much she blamed herself and how much she hurt herself over it. Not just the type of hurt that comes from scolding yourself, either. Sango had found a way of coping with all her pain from that. It was a way of coping with all the problems she was secretly dealing with.
Sango had read a report about how many teenagers cut themselves. While reading it, a girl quoted on how seeing the blood helped her feel better. That was the moment that Sango decided that this was the only way to live. The first time she put the knife to her skin, she told herself one thing over and over again.
In order to live life the way you want, sacrifices must be made. There was nothing wrong with harming yourself in order to feel relaxed. If you had to bleed a little in order to smile the next day. It was just a way to pull through the pain and get on with life. Soon, she described it as something no one else would understand.
This was normal. There was nothing wrong to sacrifice your skin to live. Sango understood that. None of her friends would be able to, but she did. There were prices for happiness, and they had to be paid. Sango paid them, rather than fight them.
Rest in me and I'll comfort you
I have lived and I died for you
Abide in me and I vow to you
I will never forsake you
Sango's friends were great people, though. They were the only reason she wouldn't cut her veins open. If she didn't have those friends, she knew that she'd be upset enough to cut a vein open. But her friends were there. They were there for her if she needed to tell something to. Of course, she would never tell them all her problems, but she told them the lighter side of her problems. They didn't even know.
Her best friend was Kagome. Sango had met Kagome shortly after she met Inuyasha. Inuyasha went out with Kikyou, broke up with her, and then befriended Kagome. Sango loved her because Kagome always seemed to understand Sango's problems. Even the weirdest of them.
Miroku was another one of her friends. He was perverted and always grabbed her ass. Sango didn't mind it anymore. She had gotten so used to it, that she could predict when he'd do it. He was really kind, but only under the right conditions. If Sango brought her depression to school, Miroku was always willing to keep his hands to himself and lend an ear.
Her other friend, Inuyasha, would always be willing to lend his dog ear as well. He acted like he didn't care, but he really did. He knew the way Sango felt when her mother died. Inuyasha's mother and father had died when he was young, and he had raised himself. Then, at sixteen, he inherited his father's business. That helped him pay his rent and eat decently.
Sango always envied Inuyasha. Even though he was a full orphan, he was able to stand on his own. She had a father and a loving brother, more than him, and she wasn't able to find any form of stability. Inuyasha had his own apartment, car, everything. He even had extra money, but he was frugal with it. He would buy lunch for himself, Sango, and Kagome. That was the only money he ever spent that wasn't on groceries.
Sango lived in a two-bedroom apartment. She shared a room with her little brother. They were very close, and it was obvious. Sango's father worked all the time. When he was home, he slept. Sango loved him, but there was no deep bond between them. So, she relied on Souta and her cat, Kilala to get by. Kilala was a two-tailed, demon fire cat that Sango had gotten.
The kitten was a gift her mother had given her. Her mother had given it to Sango just days before dying. Now, Sango told all her secrets to the cat. She was fully aware that the demon understood. But, she knew that Kilala would never tell, even if she could.
So, even with these things in her life, she can't cope. She cannot get rid of the thought that she was responsible for her mother's death. She wasn't able to recover from the pain it caused. And it slowly became natural for her to be in pain.
Often times, Sango would question herself. What if life were to be better for her? What if things started to go better for her and her guilt went away? What would she do? She was so well accustomed to living in pain, that she was intimidated by it. The thought of not having to deal with the pain scared Sango.
The idea of being happy scared Sango so much, she refused help. She told herself that the depression was not a big deal. That she could handle it and needed no help. That was the way she had started living after she started cutting.
This was normal. Other people wouldn't understand, but she did. Just as long as she was aware of why she was doing this, she was fine. She wouldn't have to explain it to others, since they'd never know. She made a point in not telling them. If they started to question scars, she would easily lie.
They'll never see
I'll never be
I'll struggle on and on to feed this hunger
Burning deep inside of me
Her excuse was that she gave Kilala a bath. Being a fire cat, Kilala was especially hateful of water. Everyone would nod, and tell her that she was brave for attempting to do that to a cat. Let alone a fire cat.
Sango would smile, and go along with it. They were still unaware of her coping methods, and that was all she desired. She would lie in any way to keep them from knowing. If they knew, they would force her to seek help. She didn't want help, because she didn't want to come to grips with the fact that this wasn't the right thing. She wanted to stay ignorant and think otherwise.
Also, if they were to find out, they would be devastated. Sango had thought about their reactions before. They would be so shocked to learn that their friend did this. They might reject her, or other things. They could gossip, be over-protective of her, and disown her as a friend. She didn't want to know what would happen between them. So, she kept them from knowing.
Ignorance is bliss, as they say. Their ignorance will be their bliss. They just didn't know that her keeping the secret from them was a gift. They didn't even know there was a secret. Wasn't it better that way? Sango was just helping them out by not telling them, right? That's what she liked to believe. That is what she decided to believe.
So, what's not normal about pain and cutting? You give a little to get a little. Sango would give up her skin and blood and she got happiness. She accepted the physical pain as her friend. The emotional pain was so normal; she didn't question it, until things got really bad.
Next time on About to Break...
Things go wrong all the time, right? Well, what if you found out that your friend was suddenly single? He's taking it very hard, and wants to spill his guts to you. Sango doesn't want to help him, since he's always pissing her off, but she has to. That's her obligation as a friend...
Chapter Name: Complications
Reviews Required: 10
So, how was this chapter? Good, I hope. Do you think that I revealed too much by giving the preview to the next chapter? I think the idea is cool, but I'm afraid that I give too much away and ruin it...
Please give me reviews. I love them, and I want them so badly. I will stop posting chapters if I don't get them. Ha. I have threatened all of you!
My romantic life just took a shitty dump. My best friend (who knows the guy I like) was flirting with him and exchanging numbers with him. Gee. So much for trying to keep it a secret, Anne! I can't believe she did this. Now my penname really suites me.
- Bipolar Tangerine