Oh, life is a glorious cycle of song,

A medley of extemporanea;

And love is a thing that can never go wrong;

And I am Marie of Romania.

Dorothy Parker


I do not own Naruto

The very first thing I remember for my short life is the smile the smile I wanted, it was one that a mother gave to her child, a father gave to a son. No one ever smiled at me like that and at times I wondered if they ever would.

Then instead of the sorrow I always felt it grew to anger and bitterness, and why not. All that I remembered is the hate filled and glares and spiteful words. Every time I was at the receiving end of these things another piece of my soul broke. So in the end instead being happy at simply living, I grew bitter towards humanity. These are terrible thoughts for anyone to have especially for a child under the age of five.

It's said that one thinks about your life while dying you begin to regret things more than when you actually live it. Ah…. how true when at the edge of death all I could feel was regret and sorrow for what had happened. Thoughts of only if I had been stronger if only I hadn't done this or if only I hadn't done that. I am by no means considered a genius but more of an idiot, I find it ironic that no one was able to see past my idiotic smiling front of a person who never gave up and see the broken soul behind it all. None had been able to see past that mask I wore, and see the true me. Not a single soul thought twice about all those subtle hints and warnings I gave.

Hell, did most even look twice at me or did they even look at me for who I am? Tsunade-baachan said I reminded her of her lover and little brother, Ero-sennin saw as a replacement for his former student. Now that I think about it only Iruka-sensei saw me for being me. But its all gone now the smile he gave me the one that made me think that just maybe there's hope for me yet. When he died it felt as though what ever was left of my soul died with him. I wanted so badly to just stay there at his grave, lay down for one last time and close my eyes to never open them again.

Yet of course they wouldn't let me. Tsunade, and Jiraiya claimed it was for my own good. Claimed it is natural when someone loses something to go through a depression. I knew they cared for me and that it was all for my best interest they were so…vigilant. So I forced myself to keep moving to bury my feelings and put up my broken mask again, for them. They suspected at first but in the end they truly believed I had moved on. I became a true shinobi for them I killed my emotions for the good of the many. Even though I smiled and laughed I truly didn't feel anything besides pain. I became an elite among the elites of konoha.

I didn't even consider myself living anymore simply existing, I had no reason to exist and it was one of the most painful feelings, no, the most painful thing there was. Then he came along I didn't understand at first but he was the sole reason I began to feel again. He showed me there was something still left in me besides this empty shell. I didn't know why he wanted to help me he was respected I was not. Spending so much time around me was damaging his reputation, hurting his influence. I tried to make him leave so I would not hurt what he had so carefully and painfully tried to build. I told him to leave that I never wanted to see him again. As usual I had my mask up and it was heart wrenching to say these word and in the moment I said it I knew why…….unknown to me and against my wishes I had fallen in love. Though none of this showed in my facial expression he saw through it, with the ease he always seemed to. He told me straight out that I was lying and that he could always see when I was hiding something. In the end he had the story out of me and I will always remember what he said.

"Naru you truly are an idiot at times, and you have a naivety on some things that it is simply outstanding. Do you truly believe I care what those people believe, those who are too narrow minded to see you for who you truly are."

I can count the times I was to shocked for words on one hand, and this was one of them. It was then the mask I had worked so hard to create and maintain shattered as broken glass. It was then I truly realized that this someone cared for me and loved me, it was then he told me what he felt. I couldn't stand it I was struggling to keep my face straight but I couldn't, I broke down in tears. Not because he wouldn't leave, or of happiness I cried because that small statement caused me to feel again. He held me tight in his embrace soothing my tears. That was the night I realized my love for him and his for me, Gaara the Kazekage of Suna.

I was so happy, so content, so in love. No one knew of our relationship they thought we were only friends. I was planning on telling Tsunade and Jiraiya that evening but then the unthinkable happened. Tsunade in all her wisdom and glory announced me as her successor and the next hokage the rokudaime. Now you might think I was overjoyed that I had finally achieved my childhood dream, but I wasn't I was horrified. She had already made a public announcement though it was the first I had heard of it she didn't even consult me. I pleaded with her to take back that statement told her I did not want to be hokage, but the damage had already been done. She could not take back her statement could not choose someone else, I had no choice but to become the sixth hokage. Many agreed with her choice I had gained the respect of so many shinobi gained so much in that sense but lost even more. When the rookie nine had heard of the kyuubi they all left. Perhaps it was fate even though I claimed to never believe in that, after a few hours only a single person returned, Shikamaru. I had never been so grateful for that lazy shadow user's friendship, but now this, this was too much. I told Tsunade and Jiraiya what I had planned on telling them anyways. I told them about I and Gaara's relationship, never had I seen Tsunade look so horrified and quilt ridden nor Jiraiya so grim. I could not leave the leaf I would have hunter-nins after me from every shinobi nation. A kage that left their village would be the highest-ranking criminal in the world, I could not join another village it would start a war. I had to become the hokage, bit they understood as well as I they knew the law as well as me a kage neither past nor present could marry another kage from a different village.

Gaara was furious of course when he heard but we had no choice I became the rokudaime and he remained the kazekage. It took all that I had not to break under this period; we decided to not see each other anymore than what was for business. For the third time in my life I recreated my happy go lucky mask, to become the hokage was an honor I could not refuse it even if I wanted, to which I did. Tsunade and Jiraiya were they only ones who knew what was going on and they tried to help they really did but more often than anything I wished they would mind their own business. I remember Jiraiya's attempt to help himself cope with his quilt he wrote a book based off of us in his icha icha series. He changed it of course so that it was still a porno novel but it was masterly told story of two people that were complete opposites yet still the same how they fell in love and how life forced them apart. I believe that he called The Sun and The Moon. I do believe that is his only book I've ever read. In it though he had phrase that made me fall on the floor in my office when I read it. Two lovers who by the cruelty in life where forced to part yet still remain by the others side. Passing the other within reach yet beyond it, their fingertips barely grazing yet never touching forever out of reach. This is the cycle of the sun and the moon. I had found it so ironic that he could describe what has happened seemingly so easily. Yet another irony was that this book was his best seller ever, it was different from his others that it attracted different people but still similar enough that it satisfied his other readers.

The months passed and it turned into a year, and the mask was becoming harder and harder to keep up. I despised it but at the same time I could not survive without it, it was my lifeline I seemed like, and clung to it with all my might. Then we found it and with the help of the sand we were going to wipe out one of the greatest threats there was, with the very best from Suna and Konoha the kazekage and the hokage along with the two of the sennin went to wipe out the akatsuki. The battle had been terrible nothing can describe it but in the end there they lay so many of akatsuki dead on the ground along with ninjas from the leaf and the sand. Uchiha Itachi slayer of the Uchiha clan was among the fallen slain by my own hand. My dear friend Shikamaru laid by his side he was the very last to fall at the hands of the traitor leaf nin. Our numbers had dwindled as theirs, in the end it became a battle of wills of who refused to give up and went beyond their limits. Till finally only one akatsuki member remained it was him, Jiraiya, Tsunade, Gaara, and I, still standing, it was then disaster struck. His sand unable to shield him his body unable to move in time was burnt to ash by a simple fire jutsu that a low level chunnin could easily use, Gaara the strongest kazekage ever was burned to death. To see the person you love die in front of you is horrible I wanted to die, and I would be damned if I would not take that man that had dared kill him with me to my grave.

I called upon the Kyuubi's chakra something I had vowed to never do again even if it killed me, but I no longer cared. The Kyuubi as always longed for death, destruction for once our thoughts and desires were the same. I don't know what happened but at my feet lay the last of the akatsuki, dead, I was gravely wounded in this last fight and had already lost too much blood and chakra, in short I was dying.

This brings us to where I am now laying in a pool of my own blood on the cold ground of rock inside a cave. I can't see anything clearly anymore, I can't feel the pain in my body anymore, and all I know is that I wanted to see him again while if dying was the only means to do so, so be it. Tsunade and Jiraiya I remember seeing them above me not too long ago and I could hear their voices but was unable to distinguish the words spoken. I could feel their chakra spike probably trying to save me, not gonna happen.

So here I am waiting for deaths' hand to take me away from this life I no longer wanted. As I began to finally feel it, death, hovering ever so close, a searing pain shot through my system. I had no idea what it was but it hurt beyond anything I could even imagine.

Finally when it stopped I actually thanked god for everything it was worth for a moment. Relishing the fact that I felt no pain what so ever my eyes opened, and I was staring at a familiar sight. I was in my old apartment that I moved out of when I became hokage, I was in my old rickety bed. Slowly standing up from this pathetic thing that was an excuse for a mattress, I walked around and found so many tings were similar yet so different. Where was the photo of team 7? Why were there actual cobwebs in my room? After having used the bathroom to relieve my bladder I saw a glimpse of my reflection in the mirror. Instead of a 25-year-old blond female there was a 6 year old blond child. I tried every counter I could think of if this was a genjutsu, until finally there was nothing left. It was not an illusion, ever so slowly I brought my hand up to my cheek and pinched myself, it hurt. As the realization settled in I collapsed to the ground and wept tears of joy. Somehow, someway Tsunade and Jiraiya had sent me back and there was no way I was going to waste this chance.


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