Hello

Hello. It is I, the great and masterful Daisuke. Full of endless laughter and giggles, everyone's best bud, the leader of the Digidestined.

Yeah... I know, what a load of BS. That's the mask that every one sees. Why? Because I'm too afraid to let them see the real me. Because I know they wouldn't be my friends if they knew. Knew what? Knew that I was an emotionally distorted child that would have been suicidal if not for the fact that he had a partner. Albeit I think he's being forced to be that. But I can't deny him the guilt that he might feel because I killed my self. Even though I know he's not alone in the humoring part. Every one does it.

Aren't I happy?

Yes, I know. Your thinking 'but he's always throwing himself at Kari? And he seems so happy!' key word sees. And yes I do know that TK and Kari belong together and love each other. The reason I go after her is just that.

We'll never be together.

It's all an act. I don't want her like that. I want her as a friend, some one that can understand me. I think she realizes this. Because if I'm trying to really hide something, say my disgust at being alone, and my act is taking a toll on everyone else; she'll say something. But not something that would give up my charade, something like me too. At which point I'll remember about every one else and stop for a bit.

I'm a wonderful friend. A true wonder...

Not only that, but I've fallen for one of my friends. It's Ken.  And I think I'm doing him a great disservice. I don't even know if he likes me. True we hang out all the time. And that people think all sorts of things about us because of that.

But it hurts.

Once in a while we'll get into these conversations about what people think of us and how they think we're a couple. We get a good laugh from that. But then it turns weird. He says that he can't believe how they could think that and that he's not attracted to me like that. Then he'll ask me what I think. I mean, what the hell am I supposed to say. 'Oh I don't know Ken, I think we would be cute together?' or 'well... I actually do like you like that.'? That's usually the point I agree with him and try to change the topic as fast as possible.

I am such a looser.

I don't know, but sometimes I think he doesn't want to hear me say that. Hell... some times I think he's flirting with me. But I don't know. I know it should be a simple thing to know when some one if flirting their ass off with you, but... when he's talking about likeing Myako it's kinda hard to believe the former.

Yes, Ken likes Myako.

And it hurts to hear him talk about her. I like to sit and listen to him talk about her just to prove him wrong, that he does care and have feelings for others and that he does deserve to feel love and be loved.

I just wish it was about me.

I'm so pathetic for thinking that. Especially when I don't know what I'd do if he did like me like that. Maybe I'll know what to think when I get back. You see I traveled to the US for the summer. And I think it might be me, but whenever I mentioned it ken gets this sad look on his face. I think I'm seeing things that aren't there.

I'm hopeless.

Yesterday I heard this song by some band called the Goo Goo Dolls and it's called something Friday. I wish I knew what the name was. It's really sad. It's about this guy who lives on the east coast. You see the girl he likes is leaving, going to the west coast. And he's sad. I think there's more to it than just that, but I still like it.

I wish it had been Ken singing it about me.

There I go again hoping for the impossible. Good thing it's TK's crest, he deserves it. Where as I have courage and friendship. Both of which don't fit me at all. I don't have the courage to tell my friend that I like him. Uhg... imagine that. I can't express myself.

Ok, I think I'm depressing you all now, so I'm going.

One that wished he knew what to do, think, feel...

~Daisuke

~!~!~ End ~!~!~

Note: please R&R.

Disclaimer: owner? Not I.