Okashira: ((Looks warily at the fic.)) Be warned dear readers. What you find here is the product of insanity...
ChibiSecchan: ((Playing Pokemon Ranger at the background)) Come back here you stupid ground roller!
Okashira: ((Points.)) See, this is the kind of Pokemon related randomness that brought forth this fic. Pokemon are slowly taking over everything, including Negima. ((Watches the ground roller squish Negi.))
ChibiSecchan: ((Finally managed to capture the Donphan as it squishes Negi)) This gag had been going on for a long, long time already. So we thought "what the heck" and write it out
Okashira: ((Nods.)) So you'll find something of an explosion of Pokemon-ness here. That's a good thing, of course...
ChibiSecchan: And we're NOT responsible for the last random GracefulShippy bit. Not at all.
Okashira: Certainly not! That was keeping Kono-chan and Secchan perfectly in character. They really are like that.

Closet Pokemon Fan Club

Part 01

By OkashiraShinomori and ChibiSecchan

Sitting against the back wall of the fountain, Kotarou's face flashed through various emotions. Fear, worry, happiness, sudden regret, finally settling on a wide grin. "Alright! Finally beat 'er!"

Somewhere not far away, roommates Kagurazaka Asuna and Konoe Konoka were chatting merrily. They spotted Kotarou on said fountain, holding something black in his hands, and decided to approach him: It's not good to offend a Naba Chiduru, after all.

"What's that?" Asuna began and peeked at the little black thing--a GameBoy Advance.

He held it out to her with a wide, wolfish grin, pointing at the screen. "See?" He looked proudly from the GBA to Asuna, his grin widening. "I beat you! Not only did I beat you, I totally whooped you!"

"Me?" Asuna repeated. "Since WHEN you can beat me?"

Kotarou sat back down against the fountain, a self-satisfied grin on his face, and looked confidently out at the courtyard. "I've ALWAYS been able to beat you, but mainly since I started playin' this," he held the GBA out to her after clicking through a few menus to display his Trainer's Card.

Peering into the green card, Asuna finally understood what Kotarou meant by beating her as she spotted the Heat Badge. She raised an eyebrow at it and secretly reached for something in her bag. "Big deal."

The dark-haired young man's jaw dropped a fraction of an inch and he sat up straighter, first looking at his GBA screen to be sure she saw the right thing, then back at her. "Big deal? What?"

Almost dramatically, the twin-ponytail girl whipped out a familiar console, albeit navy blue in color, from her bag. She switched it on and loaded the same game quickly, flipping to her own Trainer Card, showing the fact that she was actually quite ahead of him. "Come again if you can actually beat Senri, the next Gym Leader."

He pulled at her arm, dragging the unit closer so he could be sure it wasn't an odd trick of the sun, and stared, slightly dumbfounded. "Since when've you been playin' this?"

"Since always," Asuna answered simply. "Well, I've renamed one of my old Pokemon after the Herrmann thing. But that's not a big deal."

Grinning, she quickly made her character headed to the nearest Pokemon Center and switched on the virtual PC. She quickly found what she was looking for, and showed him the status page of a particular Poochyena, waiting for the violent reaction that was bound to follow.

His stare was blank, perhaps unseeing, as the name and the species of Pokemon both slowly registered, then clicked together. Next to the species name, "Kotarou" was entered in plain white characters. "A...P-Poochyena?" He stood up, brandishing his GBA like a weapon. "You named a little pup like that after ME?"

"You two are alike, after all! Doggish and noisy...Dark Type suits you perfectly too!" Asuna said without even bother to suppress her grin.

Kotarou stumbled over wordless expletives for a moment, seeing that she had a point in both of her reasons but deciding not to agree. "Y-yeah? Well you're...you're...you're like a Snorlax, you big oaf!"

Being offended by that metaphor (like the majority would), Asuna's fiery temper flared again. "What did you just say, brat! You should be grateful that I didn't name a Wurmple after you!"

He crossed his arms over his chest and turned away from her, looking at the sky with a stormy expression. "Even if you did, it'd be a Wurmple that'd kick butt; that's for sure."

"I'll be looking forward to see you tripping over your own String Shot," Asuna shot back with a similar expression.

With a glare, he started to reply, then found himself at a loss for a good comeback. He looked to Konoka, hoping for something he could use to insult the other girl that he knew so little about.

"Asuna-san! I got challenged by a trainer with a Cascoon!" Negi, tears in his eyes from fear and worry, appeared from one of the school buildings at a dead run clutching a now familiar looking device. "What do I do?"

Putting the were-dog boy and his comments at the back of her mind, Asuna turned to the kiddy teacher. "Oh puh-leeaaassee! Just use ANYTHING that can deal damage! Cascoon doesn't do anything except Harden and you know it!"

"But but but it's all pointy...what if its father was some weird mutated Pokemon and had Tough Skin and passed it along to it? My Pokemon could hurt itself!" He shoved the GBA up to her view, waving it about in an attempt to get her to understand the urgency. "And I don't' have any kind of distance attacks!"

Behind them, Kotarou grinned again, his previous anger not as prominent. "Y'mean lil' Negi here's gettin' lessons from you?" He strode up closer, grinning between the two of them.

"Well, Konoka got him a GBA for his birthday and..." Her attempt at answering Kotarou's question was cut off by Negi's whining that stretched Asuna's patience to its limits. Turning to him, she quickly pointed at the "Pound" attack of Negi's Treecko. "That's why they have Pokemon Centers. Just attack it!"

Negi cast a worried look at the taller girl, shrinking somewhat under her harsh response, and hit the A button. Everyone was silent for a moment. "Oh my god!" He screamed in a rather girly manner, staring in shock at the screen. "It worked!"

Kotarou, also looking at the screen, was about to roll his eyes but instead widened them in shock. "What the heck? A Poochyena's next?" He turned around, throwing his hands into the air and casting a warning glare at Asuna.

"Ooooh, 'Kotarou' up next." Asuna whistled. "I trust you can handle this yourself, RIGHT?"

Negi looked up at her with a blank, confused expression on his face, then at Kotarou who stood behind him, reaching up as if to strangle the red-head. "Kotarou's up next?" Still looking fairly lost, he handed the GBA to the other boy.

"I'm not up next you idiot!" He thrust the game console back at the smaller boy. "Just ignore her! She doesn't know what she's talking about."

"C'mon Negi! It's a good chance for you to defeat 'Kotarou' in a real battle!" Asuna added gleefully.

Kotarou cast a truly hateful glare at Asuna and reached over Negi's shoulder, flipping the power button to off. "Never mind, dummy."

Negi stared at the screen in shock. "A-A-Asuna-san...Asuna-san never showed me how to save..."

Asuna looked at the young mage in shock. "You never saved! Well, at least it's only at the beginning and you battled nothing more than a Torchic, a couple of Wurmples and 'Kotarous'..."

"Alright, that's the last straw, girly!" With dramatic flair, Kotarou pulled a link cord from his pocket, cursing as one end flipped up to hit him in the face. "You've got me mad now! We'll see who's stronger!"

"Challenge accepted!" Asuna almost hissed as she picked up the other end of the cord and shoved it to the connection port of her GBA. "You! Pokemon Center, right now!"

Grumbling to himself about her stupidity, Kotarou directed himself to the nearest Center and waited impatiently as it went through the proper starting procedures. "There, you ready?"

"Ready as ever! Go Solrock!" The redhead yelled as if she were the one who was fighting the actual battle.

With something of a sweat drop and a self-conscious glance around campus, Kotarou watched as Solrock popped up opposite his Mudkip. "Mudkip, Water Gun!" he ordered, hitting the buttons harder than he'd intended in his excitement.

"Not so fast, Confusion! Make it One-Hit KO!"

Kotarou cursed under his breath as the higher leveled Pokemon managed to get the attack in first and Mudkip's HP gauge moved from green, to yellow, to red, then suddenly the GBA made that depressing little noise of defeat and Mudkip dropped off the screen. "Crap..." With slightly nervous fingers, he called Wingull out.

Just as Asuna gleefully ordered a Rock Tomb from the Meteorite Pokemon, hoping for another OHKO by STAB, Shinmeiryuu Swordswoman Sakurazaki Setsuna approached the group. "Eh, Ojousama? What are Asuna-san and Kotarou-san..."

"NO!" Kotarou screamed, completely unaware of the presence of the other girl. "What the hell is wrong with this thing?" He directed a glare at the link cable, then at Asuna. "You did something to this! You're cheating somehow!"

"Stop blaming the cable. Or me. Just train your Pokemon better," Asuna said shortly as she finally noticed the presence of her mentor. "Oh, hello Setsuna-san. You're back from Kendo practice?"

Sweat dropping at the scenario in front of her, Setsuna answered. "Yes...and may I ask what you two have been doing up 'till now?"

Konoka giggled and tugged Setsuna up closer to the scene of action so to speak, pointing at the two GBAs. "Well, Kotarou-kun finally beat Asuna and got the Heatbadge, but OU Asuna showed him the Poochyena she named after him and he got mad 'cause he doesn't like having one named after him." She took a breath and continued. "So now they're fighting and Asuna's team is totally killing Kotarou-kun's."

Setsuna had to shake her head a little, as if to clear her brain after hearing a speech with so many "Asunas" being used. "Eh, the 'Asuna' that Kotarou-san had gotten the Heat Badge from is the one who's using Fire Types in Fuen, right? And the one who just...swept his team is Asuna-san?"

Kotarou made a strangled cry and glared at the entire group. "Meowth, that's right," Konoka giggled at getting to use the trademark slogan. "Apparently Kotarou-kun is just as blustery with video games as real life."

"Wait a second." Asuna stopped the flow of conversation and turned to Setsuna. "Setsuna-san...since WHEN does Setsuna-san know about Pokemon!"

Gulping nervously, Setsuna raised her hand in defense. "Tatsumiya got me a CD with all the movies and several episodes as a joke Christmas present..."

"And the next step is the manga," Konoka squealed joyously, tugging on Setsuna's arm. "I can't wait to show you Nagi and Mikuri..."

Blinking almost blankly, Setsuna looked over, "There is someone called 'Mikuri' in the story line...? I'm more interested in the coordinators though, Haruka, Harley and Wakana..." Setsuna scratched her chin sheepishly.

"You don't know him? Oh, Setsuna-san probably hasn't tried the game...I guess that's pretty easily explained..." Asuna thought out loud.

"Damn it Asuna-neesan!" Kotarou all-but roared as his final Pokemon was taken down in a single shot. She hadn't been paying the GBA much attention while talking with the newcomers, something that made the dog-boy all the angrier. "Rematch! Right now! C'mon!"

With an apologetic wink at Konoka and Setsuna, Asuna turned back to her portable game console with a weary sigh. "I'll let you explain it to her, Konoka," she said with a wave over her shoulder, "Seems I'm gonna be busy beatin' some sense into Kota-kun here." She paused for a second, grinning maliciously at him. "Again."

A strangled cry of frustration and anger rang through the courtyard and their battle started anew. Not new results, but new battle.

Japanese to English Translations

Asuna Flannery
Senri Norman
Nagi Winona
Mikuri Wallace
Fuen Lavaridge