Disclaimer: If I owned Naruto I wouldn't have to go to my other job or go to school and updates would come out a lot faster. Since updates come out with glacial speed and my job and school are a part of my daily life, I therefore do not own Naruto. Damn.
A.N.: Where did this fic come from? Not a frickin' clue in hell. I just wanted an angsty fic and this is that.
WARNING: Rape, psychological torture, sex between minors, YAOI and other adult stuff will be present. This fic is not for young people. You'll probably read it anyway, but at least I've warned you. If your parents' pitch a fit don't blame me, I just wrote this for people my age, not for you. Flames will be laughed at and used to roast marshmallows. Gay themes run rampant 'cause I'm a little yaoi fanatic. I'm writing this for my pleasure and the pleasure of others who like this angsty-type shit as well. If you no like, too damned bad. Last time I'm warnin' ya'.
Pain defined his world. The only differences in it were the kinds of pain he suffered. There was the physical pain of his training, the mental agony of the punishment he received if he performed poorly, the emotional pain of the betrayal he himself had performed.
But right now the pain he suffered was the mental, emotional, physical but mostly spiritually degrading agony of brutal rape. And there was absolutely nothing Sasuke could do to stop Orochimaru.
It wasn't an issue of strength anymore, it had long ago been made brutally clear to the dark-haired youth that the Snake was now, as always, way out of his league. Still, Sasuke would have fought if only to put in that token resistance. No, the reason that Sasuke didn't fight or resist or even just try and run away was because of the Coercions that bound him, preventing him from disobeying his Master's will.
The Coercions… those were the other things that defined his world, aside from the various forms of pain. They dictated what he could and could not do, where he could and could not go; and a few even dictated what precisely he could think. They craved out the boundaries of his world and steadily eroded away at his very self.
He hated it of course, as he hated the man that was pressing the young shinobi's head down into a more subservient position while he was taken from behind.
He must be pleased about something, this isn't hurting as bad as it usually does; Sasuke noticed idly. He grit his teeth as his ribs, broken in training earlier, grated painfully at each thrust. The youth kept silent, he had long since learned that noise only encouraged the Snake.
Finally, Orochimaru was sated but, as Sasuke tried to move away without drawing attention, not satisfied. He grabbed the youth's length as the teen raised himself cautiously to hands and knees.
"Master?" Sasuke asked softly, warily, in a whisper. He sensed Orochimaru's leer in the darkness of the closet-sized room that was reserved for this- activity. A quick jab up the youth's ass was all that Sasuke needed to be able to tell what the Snake was leering about. Oh Gods, not this again!
Orochimaru must have really been pleased about something; he rarely ever 'shared' pleasure like this. The purpose of the jab was to insert a quick-acting, potent aphrodisiac into Sasuke's body. He was almost never permitted something so dignified as an orally ingested pill. He shuddered as he felt the pill's affects set in, forcing him to harden in Orochimaru's unwanted grasp.
Of all the things that the Snake did to him, Sasuke hated this part the most. He didn't want to feel pleasure when Orochimaru did this to him. He didn't want to enjoy any aspect of this psychological torture, no matter how warped the 'enjoyment'.
He bit back a groan as the Snake teased him, toying with the youth's body but never giving Sasuke the satisfaction of release. Not now, not yet, not until Sasuke begged for it.
It didn't take long until he was reduced to that, the pill was too potent and Orochimaru too skilled for the youth to resist for long. That fact that Sasuke's spirit was broken didn't help either.
"Please…" he whimpered s his need became a very real, physical pain, "Please…" He had dropped to his elbows, biting the thin blankets to suppress his moans.
"What was that, my dear boy?" a dark voice hissed softly.
"Please… Master… Please…" Sasuke begged again, fighting to hold back tears of shame.
"What is it you want me to do, my precious toy?" The youth shuddered as the unnaturally long tongue traced his spine.
"I… beg you… please…" Sasuke bit his lip as he was squeezed, but not granted release. "I want- please-"
"'You want' what from me?" Gods, no more. Please, no more!
"Please… I want… please-" Gods, oh Gods, how he hated this, this 'game' that Orochimaru insisted on. "I- I want you- you to- to do- me… please…" the last was uttered as a barely heard whimper of pure shame and self-hate. He hated this. He hated this This 'play', this 'game', this series of loops that the youth was forced to leap through, all for Orochimaru's enjoyment. And there wasn't a Bloody. Gods. Damned. Thing. He. Could. Do. About. It.
"There's a good toy." The dark voice crooned. A few quick, rough jerks was all that Sasuke needed to climax, and that was all that he was ever granted. Truthfully though, he'd rather have less than that.
Sasuke collapsed, spent and trembling, while Orochimaru ran possessive hands and that tongue over the pale body he was yearning to posses. That was the 'excuse' that he gave, the one time that he was asked why he raped the boy that he'd spent so much effort into obtaining. The Snake was 'familiarizing himself' with the form he would one day wear. Or so he told the shocked crowd that was splattered with the blood of the fool who had questioned him.
Eight months. I have eight months before he consumes what little of my self that I can still claim is really me. Sasuke dreaded and yearned for that date. He really, truly didn't want to cease to exist, but also he just wanted the pain to stop!
"I have work to do now. You will stay here until Kabuto comes." Orochimaru said, jerking Sasuke's mind back to the present. The youth turned carefully to ease the pressure on his broken ribs, but warily so as not to attract too much attention.
"Yes Master." He intoned emotionlessly.
"But first, what is it you need to say?" Orochimaru truly enjoyed this part. Sasuke truly detested it.
"Thank you… Master." Sasuke recited with even less emotion than before, "Thank you… for your time… your attention…"
"And?" the youth sensed the vicious grin, and the tightening of the Coercions.
"Th-th-thank you… f-f-for… fuck-k-king me…" the young shinobi choked out, tears of pure humiliation burning his eyes again. Why? Why, every time, did the Snake have to do this? To prove his control over him, the young fool who had thought to gain strength here? Why?
Another passionately unwanted caress passed over his skin. The automatic shudder was suppressed with a huge effort of will. "And what is it you will do now?" This part, at least, was necessary.
"I will stay here." Sasuke recited robotically, reinforcing the Coercions on him, "I will stay… until Kabuto comes… or you release me… Master."
"Such a good little boy." The Snake smirked, rising and gliding out the door, shutting it with a soft click as it latched, but didn't lock. It didn't need to be locked. Sasuke was as bound to the room as if he had been chained and bolted to the center of the floor. Sometimes, when Sasuke could feel the Coercions clamp around him, he imagined that that's how they felt, like chains wrapped around his very soul.
He lay there, patiently waiting for Orochimaru's distinctive aura to fade, then sat up, wincing at his multiple injuries. None of the injuries marred his skin however. Orochimaru was always so careful to insure that his future body was not scarred in any way.
Still, the very act of Sasuke sitting up was a genuine triumph. Before when he had been told to 'stay here', he hadn't been able to move until ordered to. Now, after much effort, he was able to sit up, stand and even walk around a little. He turned his attention to the door.
Can I do it this time? He rose and felt his way over to the door and grabbed the knob. Carefully, he extended his senses beyond it. No one near-by, good. Kabuto wouldn't be coming for a while, he could count on that. The fucker enjoyed leaving Sasuke in pain.
He shivered slightly, it was cold and he was naked, but he didn't care. If he could do this- No, not 'if'. I can do this. I Can I know it! He had his brain send the order down to his hand 'Turn the knob!' The message was sent, racing down the nerves of his arm. He gripped tightly, feeling his muscle knot and tense with strain. I can Do It!
He grabbed the knob with his other hand, sweat beading his brow from his effort, temples throbbing. But aside from that, nothing happened, the knob never moved. Once again the Coercion won the fight.
Sasuke gave up, leaning his head against the cool wood of the still-closed door. Defeat traveled down well-worn paths in his mind, making his body slump in the depression that was by now a close, well-known companion. He started shivering again so he stumbled over to the bed and felt around for his clothes, pulling on the rough, heavy garments.
He sat on the edge of the bed that he hated, feeling apathy join depression and defeat. Suicide once again looked incredibly attractive, and once again the Coercions closed in around him, preventing him from even starting to look for a sharp object with which to slit his wrists. That was the second Coercion to be set on him, right after his first rape session. Kabuto had come in to patch him up only to find him sitting in a pool of his own blood with two parallel gash marks decorating each wrist.
The first Coercion of course was basic obedience. Sasuke had figured out how to weasel around that one early on, but did his best to hide that fact, least Orochimaru place a stronger one on him.
A strange noise snapped Sasuke out of his depression. He knew that he knew this sound, but it had been so long since he'd last heard it that for a moment he just tried to puzzle it out. Was it- birdsong? Yes, it was. Outside the only small window the room had, a bird was singing. Sasuke couldn't help but bask in the happy sound. It had been such a long time since he'd experienced anything this nice that didn't have strings attached.
But that reminded him, there was the window. It was far too small for someone Orochimaru's size to fit through, but Sasuke was still small and slim. Never being fed enough to satisfy a young person's growing appetite would do that to you. He wondered briefly if Nar-
Don't think that way, you know better by now; he scolded himself harshly. Thinking about Konoha and the people it held only sent him into a terrible deep depression. The lethargy that followed such depression usually got him beat three times as bad as usual, and that was really saying something. The only way to avoid that depression was to deliberately sink himself into reliving one of the happier moments.
Sasuke staggered over to the window, leaving thoughts of the past behind him. There was no glass in it, only a curtain that was easily brushed aside. He stretched his senses again, soaking in the song, but also scanning for people. There were two, far off at the edge of his chakra-sensing range. Too far for them to sense him then. Okay, this time! This time for certain. I can do it. I have to. I Must
He braced his hands on the bottom corners of the window; leaping through would be a tight squeeze and he'd probably loose a little skin on his shoulders, which were just starting to broaden, but he could sacrifice that. The Coercions, however, uttered a different idea and clamped around him. Oh no you don't, not this time! Angrily, with the hope the birdsong had given him, he traced the inner edge of the Coercion, looking for the small hole that just had to be in the invisible chains.
There! Yes, there was a hole in the smooth, seamless cage. A tiny one, just large enough for him to claw at, but enough. With his mind, he clawed, scratched and dug at the tiny nick, widening it.
One link fell; he was able to brace his weight on his hands. Another link; he leapt and stuck his head and shoulders through, getting caught at his shoulders like he thought he would. A third link; he wriggled, losing skin but gaining ground. A forth and final link; he tossed the whole of that particular bind off and vaulted out the window and into the outside world.
He crouched just under the window, the bird uttering an indignant squawk before warbling even more enthusiastically. Sasuke yearned to do the same, after two years and four months, he'd finally gained a real victory. Now, to take it with both hands and run with it.
First though, the fallen Coercion had left a real whole in the cage of chains around him. He now had an avenue from which he could tear off more binds. And he did just that. But not all the Coercion fell from him, oh by no means, all.
But enough fell, just enough. He could run now; he could escape. But he'd need a little help. Fortunately for him, he could get it.
Sasuke had never learned to Summon Snakes. More truthfully, he couldn't. He was one of the exceedingly rare few who were physically unable to transfer the necessary amount of power needed to accomplish a Summoning. All that trying to do a traditional Summoning did was burn Sasuke's chakra coils with the back-lashed power. Orochimaru had not been pleased. Sasuke shuddered at the memory.
Fortunately, there were a number of passive rebels, no few of whom pitied Sasuke, knowing from the dead look in his eyes that he wasn't Orochimaru's puppet willingly. One of those people had taught Sasuke an untraditional Summoning technique, that of Calling the Eagles. Winged things could not be bound; they had to come to you willingly, of their own volition. The dark-haired youth had been careful to build up his credit with the Eagle clan, and because of that, they had never failed to come when he asked for help.
Which he did now, biting both thumbs and smearing his blood on the seals that adorned the back of both hands. The seals came with the Blood pact, and would remain unless he violated his vows of consideration. Seeing as he hadn't done that, and never wished too, a friend came as he spun out his chakra and his plea: This is where I am, this is what I wish to do. Send me someone who can help me, but not betray my presence. Please!
He never failed to add that 'please' to his thoughts. He didn't know if it was heard, or even noticed, but it couldn't hurt. A normal-sized peregrine falcon appeared under his hands, which he had layered, right over left.
"Sasuke?" she asked, familiar with the teen, then dropped her voice as he gestured for quiet. "What's going on?"
"I'm getting the hell out of here, and I need your help." He whispered back.
"You still can't see, can you?" she asked gently. Sasuke allowed his embittered expression to answer that. The first thing that had been done to him was the Coercion; the second was having his eyesight sealed away by Kabuto.
Gods, how he hated that fuck-head! Orochimaru had had the proud, young Uchiha begging and pleading within the first week, but the youth had consoled himself that the Snake was the only one who could make him beg. Then Kabuto had sealed away his eyes, stating that Sasuke didn't need them, it was Orochimaru who was going use the famous Sharingan.
Less than a week after losing his sight, Sasuke had begged, on hands and knees, head to the floor begged, to have his sight returned. And Kabuto had laughed, laughed at the young teen that had tears of desperation streaming down his face, and refused. Sasuke had fantasized about using Kabuto's guts as fish bait ever since.
But after well over two years of blindness, Sasuke was used to it by now. Being blind had actually been something of a boon actually; he had had to learn how to compensate after all. He had learned how to channel chakra into his ears and nose to heighten his hearing and smell. He could tell how close someone was simply by the air pressure on his skin.
But most of all, his ability to sense chakra wave patterns was unmatched by any in Sound. He could detect emotions from that alone, and a forest, thick with life, was as clear to him as if he was seeing it. But in the desert area around Sound, that was of no help.
Dead and inanimate things gave off no chakra patterns for him to follow. Trying to head off into the desert without someone to be his eyes was simply an invitation for him to fall down a gorge somewhere. And he needed to make some distance from Hidden Sound and Orochimaru before he could move onto the second phase of his sketchy plan.
Most fortunate for him, Kintchy was well practiced in that capacity. She flitted up to his shoulder and stroked Sasuke's cheek with hers. The raptors he Called were his only friends at the moment and he cherished the care they gave him. He scanned the area around him one last time, and then set off.
"There's a large stone three paces in front of you, make sure to lift your right foot higher"
"Veer to the left slightly, there's a shallow gully that you may trip in"
"Fallen tree dead ahead, you want to jump right- now!" More small instructions like that came regularly, Sasuke adjusting his movements accordingly. He was used to it now, whenever he was outside the base proper and outside of Orochimaru's presence he Called this little falcon, or the grey owl Genskii at night, to be his eyes. Orochimaru and Kabuto liked to see him stumble however, and he didn't want them to know he had his feathered allies. It gave him just one more edge, an edge that was finally paying off.
He could barely sense Sound now, but-
"You! What are you doing out here?" Shit! Kabuto was the only other one save Orochimaru that Sasuke couldn't sense readily!
"Sasuke! He's coming!" The teen could sense the medic ninja traitor; there was enough distance, enough time-
"Renko no Jutsu!" He poured chakra out, silently screaming his desperation. He couldn't go back, not now, not after this. Everything he had endured until now would seem like paradise when the Snake was through punishing him for trying to escape. Kabuto could as easily seal his other senses as he had the youth's eyes.
Not again! I can't- CAN'T- live through that again! He was lifted as a giant Goshawk materialized beneath him.
"Wha-?" it, he started to ask.
"Get me out of here!" Sasuke begged. Giant wings spread and the bird launched himself up, screeching in fury as Kabuto flung shuriken at him, but missed. Too little, too late. The bird rose higher then chuckled contentedly as he rose far out of range. Not even Kabuto, or even Orochimaru could touch him now.
"We're safe now." The great bird rumbled kindly as he leveled out at cruising height.
"Thank Gods, oh thank Gods…" the teen mumbled into the thick feathers he was clinging to. Once upon a time he had sworn never to cry again, right after his family was massacred. Orochimaru's brutality had made him abandon that oath along with many others. Those tears had been bitter; tears of pain, humiliation, horror and other dark emotions.
The tears that Sasuke cried now were sweet though, joy, relief and that one emotion that he had forsworn as too expensive to hold to, to maintain. Hope.
Below somewhere, there were birds singing.
Renko no Jutsu: Art of Calling, renko: calling repeatedly (appropriate for this art, no?)
This-fic-would-not-leave-me-ALONE! I have enough on my plate without another active fic, but dammit! What else are you supposed to do if an idea won't stop bugging you for over a week? I have five other active fics, updates are slow enough on them, well over a month between updates. Expect the same for this.
Yes, Sasuke's going back to Konoha and no, things are not going to be peachy 'tween his buddies and him. No, Tsunade's not going to be able to fix his eyes right away. I don't know yet if his eyes Will be fixed, haven't gotten there yet. You'll just have to wait and see, same as the dumb author here. Weelp, Ja ne.