Bryan's Diary

Well, I'm here again with another story! This takes its root in my day to day life, with added in randomness lol!

Disclaimer #1: I do not own beyblade

Disclaimer #2: The Gritch belongs to… The Gritch! (Ok, to Chu-Chi Face!)

Disclaimer #3: I do not own the Halifax adverts or the Sheila's Wheels adverts… Whoever wrote them should be shot!

Disclaimer #4: I do however, own Catman and Mofobugger. And join the Death to the Gritch club! Review me for more information lol!

I want to make it clear that I did not write all of this. This is a who's written what guide.

Bryan: Jezz/Jess/Palmeo/Me

Kai: Koren/Pervert/Thing in the Corner

Tala: Amz/Amzy/Sherwa's Hump Machine

Johnny: Sarah/Sherwa/The Locker Room Lurker

Ian: Charlie/Charlz/Hurley

Spencer: Katt/Kathryn/Katryna and Becky/GAP/Rybeka

Max: Zoe/Zozo/OI YOU

Bryan's Diary

18th and 19th April 2006

I don't want to be back at school.

I do! It's funny, there was this guy with really TIGHT trousers on the bus woohee…:P

For God's sake, Kai!

How was his package?

Juicy, man.

Not as juicy as mine man.

Why don't you get yours out so I can judge? Yeah…

Umm… Dick lick 'n' good!

…WTF is going on here?

Kk, I'm stripping. Aaah, breezy.

That's because I'm blowing on you…

Ok, dude I'm not gay but carry on. Mmmmmmm.

You lot are pervs…

Hell yeah

Yum yum!

That's gross.

You know what? I think I agree with Spencer.

Me like Marks and Spencer they sell gummy dicks


What's that about?

I have no idea. Max is just being… Max.

You guys are cool gimme food! And sugar:P

It's definitely Max.

For one scary minute, I thought it was Tyson.

Well, that's not good.

Why it not good? Tyson is my bezzy mate.

Well, getting you two mixed up is really bad.

Hey, I'm sixteen and I have a hangover. What do you expect?

What are you gay dickheads on? Hey, I got some marijuana…

1. You and Tala are the gays. 2. The immortal thing that describes exactly how I feel '…'

Shove it up my arse! Anything. Fingers, pencils, cocks…

Can I use my moose shaped dildo?

Aaah yeah

It's going in… ooh ooh aah.

Can I have a go Kai? Please!

No way, you can shag Tala, he's sooo gay…

Kk soz, I can't write straight with Tala humping me. Oh ah!

No I'm not you gay!

It's Ray!

No it's Bryan! 'N' Bryan you spell your name gaily…

No I do not! Still, at least I don't call myself the 'Gladiator of Glasgow!'

Hellooooo! Anyone here:P

I am here… anyone else? I realise Tala and Johnny are too busy shagging… is that the same for Kai and Ian?

Gotta be :P – lol :P

I'm here, and raring to go! (Not to pee)

I am not shagging Johnny!

W/m had any proper action then – hey look games! Yay!

What sort of games? Strip poker? Pin the dick on the Donkey (Bryan)?

… How about shoot the Scotsman?

Nah, that would suck – I meant footy duh! See on the TV! I'm not perverted!

Yes… how did you survive with Kai?

I'm Maxy! I don't shag people! Might mess with the image of the DUDE.

Or increase it… depends on your view. What say you, Tala?

I dunno! I like Dudes! But not Johnny. He's a gay!

So are you, Tala. You watch Ian in the shower, have erotic dreams about me and love the colour pink!

Actually, I am a bi! Well… ok, I'm gay; I just haven't come fully out of the closet! And that wasn't a dream!

… I'm dreading the day you come out of the closet.

I'm looking forward to the day you come out of the closet! But until then you can always share a closet with me!

…What's the betting I commit suicide by the age of seventeen?

I'll shag you to death if you want!

That would be homicide… anyone have any cyanide? Arsenic? A hammer?

I have a dick!

I'll pass. Kai wants it, don't you?

Oh yeah, over here, I'm OPEN!

That could be hard. Nothing would happen you need a girl as well as a guy.

Oooh but we do have a girl… Bryan!

Oh! Oh! Oh! Kai you are the best lover I've ever had! Oh! Oh! Oh!

You guys are mank and should be in a mental institute. Maybe even a psychic unit forever.

I am NOT a bloody girl! Just because I have long hair!

We know your not, they just can't tell the difference.

Oh Kai, oh Kaiiiii!

C'mon Bryan, join in you big tits woman!

Right, that's it! GET THE HELL OUT OF MY ROOM! And just to please you Kai: …

YAY! The dots turn us all on hehe…

They look like three little balls!

I'm not sure about that one! That looks more like it but upside down.

Johnny has the biggest dick! The biggest dick! The biggest dick!

Wow it's so big I'm getting pushed out of the window – aaah oooh yer.

I wonder what the teacher would say if they read this? And please stop singing; I want to have my ear drums intact by the end of the day.

Dry your eyes ate, I know it's hard to take but my mind has been made up, plenty more fish in the sea (but none with a bigger dick than me) Soz Bryan, but it's OVER! Kai's such a better lover.

Johnny, why don't you go screw Tala, you two are very similar; you're both gay, have red hair and have erotic dreams about me.

What do you prefer? Bryan?

Dot dot dot. A horn blower?

No, I said your dick is deformed Bryan!

I'm not answering your question Johnny. And Tala, have you been watching Garland or Claude in the shower or something and confused them with me?

No! The only person I watch in the shower is Ian and only you would have a dick that small!

There it is! I found it!

Kk, I don't care who has a dick, well, I do really, but just say which you prefer?

I'm gay! What do you think I'd choose twat!

Oo, look at me, I'm Tala and I love pink!

I know! Bryan has a deformed dick and eats deformed smarties!

Lalalalala… I am a ponce and I fancy Johnny!

Oh really Bryan! C'mon then, give us a shag! (I jump on Bryan) Uh uh uh! Oh my God! He does have a diddy dick! Not like my gigantic one!

Johnny… That's Kai.

Rna-rna! Oh yer… :P -:

I like big cats fur-balls!

… Kai, leave the immortal dots alone.


Umm… yeah, random. I kinda guess I'm going to get flamed for the rating. :D… Do you think I should change it? And I just wanted to say a few things: (1) The Immortal Dots ™ and all they stand for is © me, ok? (2) The Rna-rna? You heard the song Oh My Gosh by Basement Jaxx? According to Koren, it goes Oh my gosh, he's making eyes at me and I don't mind rna-rna so we just had to put it in.

Look out for the next chapter; Bryan's Diary: Road Trip!