disclaimer: Audrey's the only one I hold exclusive important corporate copyright rights to. everyone else is…sigh...Dickie's. maybe if I someday manage to seduce him he'll leave the copyrights to me in his will and I will no longer have to bother with this function.
"Dad, where do babies come from?"
Elliot Stabler choked on the sandwich he had just begun to swallow. A pair of large brown eyes stared patiently up at him, narrowing at their father's plight.
"Uh…" He reached for the sink, downing a large glass of water before turning back to the four-year-old before him. "What was that again?"
"Where do babies come from?" Audrey blinked expectantly at him, not noticing the sweat suddenly appearing across her father's brow.
Oh god. Not now.
None of the other kids have ever wanted to know. None of the other kids had ever put him into the pressing situation he now faced. None of the other kids had…
Well, Audrey wasn't exactly like the other kids.
She blinked with eyes identical to her mother's, eyes that were enlarging and growing moister with each passing second.
God, who taught her the bambi eyes?
Her mother was going to pay for that particular lesson.
"Well, Aud…there's this thing…and this other thing…"
"What?" Audrey cocked her head, frowning.
"There's these things like fish…and there's this thing like an easter egg…"
"Is it painted?"
He blinked. "Uh, what?"
"Is the egg painted like an easter egg?"
"Is it purple and green?"
"Can I have a fish?"
"One of the daddy's fish though. The one that lives with the egg."
"Well, they don't live together…they, uh…they come form separate places…"
"How big are they?"
"Tiny. Really tiny."
"Can I still have a fish?"
"Can I keep it in a jar?"
"Can I name it Mr. Smiley?"
"No." He shook his head, blinking again. "We'll get you a goldfish, 'kay?"
"Oh." Audrey's frown increased, her eyes dimming for a moment. Elliot smiled down at her, giving her a pat on the head.
"You can name it Mr. Smiley if you want."
"Oh!" Audrey grinned at her father, letting out a giggle. "So what do the egg and the fish do?"
"The fish…they…they swim to the egg."
"Is it a colored egg?"
"No, I think it's white."
"You don't make any sense, daddy."
Elliot swallowed. "I don't?"
"No. So where do the babies come from, anyway?"
Elliot let out a sigh. "Go ask your mother."
"When the angels see that we have learned to love one another, they give us children." His wife's eyes shone identically to her daughter's as Audrey sat attentively on her mother's lap, smiling peacefully.
"Oh. You make more sense than daddy." Audrey gave her mother a tight embrace and then jumped down, scampering off in the opposite direction.
Her mother let out a short laugh, watching her daughter go, knowing her husband was still staring at her in awe.
"How did you do that?" Elliot blinked at her, his mouth hanging open.
"None of the other kids ever asked you that before?"
He shook his head. "No, not really."
"Well, cheers to me for producing the curious offspring." She let out another laugh, brushing pack a stray hair that had fallen before her lovely chocolate eyes.
"Did you teach her the bambi eyes?"
She hit him on the arm. "I did not! And how dare you accuse me of such!" They both grinned.
"You did, didn't you?"
"And you're going to use them on me so we can go away for Audrey's birthday, right?"
"Good guess, Sherlock." She batted long eyelashes, giving him her best puppy-dog frown. "Can we go to Cape Cod for her birthday?"
"It's her birthday, not yours, Liv." He rolled his eyes, though the smile remained.
"I'm sorry, did you go through 13 hours of labor ensuring this holiday?" She frowned. "I didn't think so. And just for my hard work and pains, I ought to pick the party location at least once."
"You can drive yourself to Cape Cod, then. I recall having a large quantity of ice cubes chucked at my face on that specific date."
She shrugged. "What else were they good for?"
"I don't think the doctor gave them to you so you could throw them at my forehead."
"I never did figure out what the hell I was supposed to do with them. Eat them, maybe?"
"Or just hold them in your hand for a few hours until you were heavily sedated."
"I never did reach that point, did I?"
"Nope." He smiled. "I think you asked me at least thirty times whether or not we could see the baby's head before it actually emerged. And then you chattered incessantly about how excited you were."
"Until my legs cramped and my head pounded and my uterus was ripped around a bit by Audrey's teeth."
"She didn't have teeth, Liv."
"Sharp nails, then. Whatever it was, it hurt like hell."
"But it turned out alright, didn't it?" He said softly, giving her a quick kiss on the forehead. She took his hand, embracing his side with a warm arm.
"Yes, it did." She whispered, kissing his cheek.
"Mommy!" Audrey appeared in the doorway, grinning proudly. She ran over to where her parents sat, producing a sheet of paper with one phrase scribbled rather illegibly across it. "Mommy, I finished my birthday list."
"That's great, sweetheart!" Olivia said, taking the list and placing it in her pocket. "What do you think of Cape Cod, Aud?"
Audrey frowned. "What color is it?"
"How does the beach sound?"
"I love the beach! I'll get my towel!" Audrey squealed.
"Cape Cod it is, then." Olivia gave her husband a playful smile. "Hey Aud?"
"Why did you want to know where babies came from?"
"For my birthday." Audrey said simply, shrugging. "But now I know I'll get one!"
"One what?" Olivia asked, but Audrey had already runoff in search of her towel.
Olivia pulled the list from her pocket, only to find there was one item on it.
"Uh-oh." She whispered, handing it to Elliot. He blinked at it, frowning.
Written in the center in orange crayon was one item:
a baby brother.