This was written in response to Kenya Starflight's fanfiction challenge. Write something, under a thousand words, mention a Star Wars bad guy. Had a weird night at fencing and, voila…
Young adolescents crowded into the dim room, girls on one side, boys on the other, all in the back half of the classroom. The absurdly bright outfits of the girls, coupled with the braces and barrettes were misleading, and only seemed to emphasize the somber atmosphere. Whispers spread slowly, soon they were punctuated by nervous giggles. The boys started in on their louder games, lewd jokes were being told, all about the lesson at hand. They might not have entirely understood them, but they laughed anyway.
"I heard," one girl said, cautioning against the jokes, "that if you even smile during the movie, they'll give you a detention."
"Well, we'd better get it out of our systems now." One boy responded as he shoved his friend from his seat.
"They cannot." Scoffed an incredulous tomboy.
"Who's they?" asked a third girl.
"The teacher." The first girl responded. "And they can too!"
"Sez who?" snapped a second boy before shoving the first one to the floor and reclaiming the desk.
"Yo mama!" Retorted a random kid from behind them.
"Hey," asked the bright pink queen bee, "anybody know what happened to Christi and Matt?"
"Their parents wouldn't sign the paper." The classroom silenced a moment, torn between sympathy for poor Christi and Matt, and a desire to join them in the library, reading fantasy books.
"Guess they just ain't ready to play with the big kids!" quipped the first boy.
"You guys know what that means, don't you?" asked a girl in one of the middle rows.
"You obviously do Lee, why don't you enlighten us?" asked the second boy sarcastically.
"What it means, Marc," Lee snapped. "Is that they're gonna get the talk from their parents."
"Ugh," Voiced the class as one. They lapsed back into silence.
"That sucks." One kid finally said, just as the door opened. The students gasped as their teacher walked in, Marc fell from his desk. No one dared move.
Darth Vader surveyed the students and once again wondered what he had done to land himself here. With a wave of his hand the desks straightened out. Students scrambled to their proper places and sat up straight. He looked at the lesson plan firmly attached to the clipboard, and back to the class, he straightened his tie. Except for his steady breathing, and the whimpering of the 'yo mama' boy in back, the room was silent. Ah, the power of the dark side. "I am Mr. Lewis." He introduced, glad that his masked covered the twitch of his eye at the pseudonym.
"No you're not." Lee said, her voice returned.
"Yes, I am."
"No, you're not." She repeated. The other students were looking at each other, to Vader and back at Lee with a measure of both amazement and fear. They knew she was a know it all, but…arguing with Darth Vader? "You're Darth Vader."
"That resemblance," Lee's hands shot to her throat as she was temporarily rendered unable to speak, "is deceptive." Everyone watched with wide eyes as Lee's face turned first blue, then purple, she grabbed an open box of gobstoppers and threw it at the dark lord, he released her from the force choke as his respirator sucked in one of the candies. It stuck in the front. Marc stifled a laugh. Vader glared at Lee as best he could from behind black transparasteel, she glared back. "Fine," he admitted, realizing that the Force choke definitely could leave him susceptible to a lawsuit. "I look like Darth Vader. For your rudeness you will receive a week's detention. Are you finished?"
Lee nodded, breathing deeply as her color returned to normal. Vader removed the gobstopper from his mask and dropped it in the trash.
"I am your sex ed teacher."